The Look In Your Eyes
by septemberwaltz
Summary: AU. Set in New York City between the years of 2004 and 2015. After a divorce, Rose meets a young man named Jack Dawson and slowly falls in love with him but the memories of her past relationship with Caledon Hockley are haunting her. How much is she willing to sacrifice to find happiness again? Both pairing: Cal/Rose, Jack/Rose
1. prologue

**PROLOGUE.**

Mornings in New York were her favorite thing. It was the people and the way they walked, making their way to the closest subway station, hoping to get to work in time. Some were talking on the phone, briefcase in hand. Others were holding a cup of coffee, hailing a taxi. New York had been her home forever and if the night used to be the reason she liked New York, it changed over the years.

Central Park was prettier in the morning with its trees and flowers, the sound of the birds singing and the bees buzzing. Central Park was her favorite place in the city. It was where she went when she needed some change of air and Charles loved to go as well.

Charles Nathan Hockley was born on May 6th, 2006. He was his mother's pride and joy with his ginger hair and his piercing green eyes. He was smart, sometimes a bit too much for his own good, and the most charming little boy. She had married his father, Caledon, when she was barely 18 years old, almost eight years ago. They weren't in love anymore. At least, she wasn't. Sure, a part of her would always appreciate him because without him, Charles wouldn't be here but things were different now.

They had met the summer of her senior year in high school. He was about to start his second year of college at Columbia University and was to become an architect. As for her, she wanted to get into NYU when the time came and study Dramatic Literature.

Rose and Caledon met at a party on the beach in the Hamptons. Rose and a few friends had rented a house there and Caledon was spending the summer with his family at their beach house. Rose knew she was attracted to the man _a lot_ and cared about him and Caledon felt the same way about her. They fell in love almost instantly. He asked her out on a date that same day and she accepted. Two dates later, they kissed and that was the day they became 'a thing'. He was the sweetest guy Rose had ever met and they were soon doing everything together. The Hockleys were an important family in the state of New York and to be quite honest, Rose didn't know about it until she set foot in their home. They were loaded.

She instantly felt bad, out of place. She wasn't rich, far from it. Her father worked as a mechanic down in Brooklyn and her mother was a piano teacher. She grew up in Long Island City and went to public school her whole life. Her parents worked their asses off since she was about two years old so she could get into a good college. She didn't have any brothers or sisters, only a grey cat named Gatsby.

Caledon's father was a reputable architect with his own company, Hockley & Sons. His two sons were born and raised on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. They went into the best private schools so they could, one day, become architects themselves and take over the family company.

Caledon knew that though, and he didn't make Rose feel like she was less than she was because of her money position. He appreciated her for who she was and not for what she had. He made sure she knew that.

Soon after Rose's graduation, they were married and were living in a 2455-square-foot loft in Tribeca. Three months into her studies at NYU, Rose discovered she was pregnant. They decided to keep the baby and she had to drop out of school after her first semester was over. The pregnancy went without any problems and their son was born a week before due date. A perfectly healthy 8-pound baby boy who would surely grow up to be an architect "just like his old man" as grandfather Hockley had said.


	2. one

**ONE.**

It was 6:30 a.m. and Rose entered her 6-year-old son's room for the third time already. He was still asleep in his bed, or at least faking to.

"Charles, wake up, don't make me drag you out of bed. I mean it," she warned.

"Mom," he whined. "I don't want to."

"I don't care. You have to be in school in an hour. You already overslept you were supposed to be up thirty minutes ago."

He groaned and Rose pulled on the covers. If he was like this at six years old, how would he be like when he was going to be sixteen?

"Mommmmm!"

"Come on, breakfast time," she said before kissing his temple and patting him on the butt.

She went to the kitchen and saw her son appear in the room a few minutes later, fully clothed in his school uniform. He sat down at his regular place and she brought him his bowl of Fruit Loops.

Twenty minutes later, they were on the L train making their way to Avenues, Charles' school in Chelsea. Charles was playing Angry Birds on the iPad his father got him for Christmas and Rose was reading the Metro. Once Charles was safely in school, Rose made her way to work, about three blocks from there. She stopped at Starbucks to get her morning dose of much-needed caffeine. She wasn't even on the next street corner that a young man violently bumped into her, her latte now covering her white shirt.

"Hey!" she yelled after him, but he was already gone. "Shit," she whispered to herself as she looked down at the mess.

"Are you alright?" a man walking by asked her.

"I am but my shirt sure isn't," she said with a fake laugh.

"I don't think I can do much about that but I can buy you another coffee."

"Oh you don't have to do that, I assure you," she added, looking up at him for the first time.

He was tall, with ash blonde hair, and he had the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen. He smiled at her and she felt herself blush like a schoolgirl. He insisted and they both made their way back to the Starbucks she just walked out of.

"Here you go," he said proudly as he gave her a new latte.

"Thank you – ?" she stopped talking, realizing she didn't know his name.

"I'm Jack," he introduced himself. "Jack Dawson."

"Nice to meet you, Jack. I'm sorry but I'm afraid I have to go or I will be late for work." He nodded and she thanked him again for the coffee before turning away and walk to her destination.

"Wait! I didn't catch your name," he called out.

She turned around, the sun blasting in her eyes and brightening her red hair. "Think about the flower you'd give your girlfriend for a special occasion," she simply stated before carrying on walking. "Your answer is my name."

"Rose," he whispered as he watched her walk away.

Rose was her own boss, so to speak. A year or so after Charles' birth, knowing Rose wasn't ready to go back to college yet, Caledon bought a small bookshop down on 26th street. He made sure to hire a few competent employees and he knew her well-enough to know she would run things like a pro. Books were the air that she breathed. She lived for books. After the divorce, Caledon simply let her keep it, knowing that bookstore meant everything to her.

When Rose arrived in front of the store, the young employee scheduled that morning was waiting by the door. Cassie was twenty years old and a college dropout who was fascinated with literature, just as much as Rose was.

"Tough morning?" she asked her boss with her brow raised when she saw the brown mess covering her shirt.

"Tell me about it. I keep my fingers crossed that there's still a clean shirt up in my office."

She unlocked the door and they walked in. Cassie clocked in and went on with her usual morning work routine. Rose made her way upstairs and locked herself in her office. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and huffed when she saw what she looked like. She found a clean shirt and discarded the other into a plastic bag and then into her purse. She went back downstairs and saw Cassie browsing through some books.

"Mr. Rochester is supposed to bring in more books today," Rose announced. "His nephew apparently brought him a lot from his overstay in Paris and he needs to clean out some of his old books to make space."

"Cool," she said, trying, and failing, to hide her enthusiasm. "Is the little munchkin going to visit today?" she asked.

"I'm afraid not. His father is picking him up at school and they spend the weekend in Boston."

She made a 'yuck' face which made Rose snicker. Cassie wasn't exactly fond of said Caledon Hockley and everyone but him knew about it. His junior, however, was the king of her heart.

It was around 3 p.m. when Cassie knocked on Rose's office door to tell her that Mr. Rochester's nephew was here and wanted to talk to the manager about the books he was dropping off. Rose was about to go home and plunge herself into a bubble bath to forget about the world a little but she went downstairs anyway. Cassie was behind the counter, chatting with the young man, and as Rose caught a glimpse of him, she hid behind the wall. It was the same man that bought her a fresh latte this morning. Unfortunately for her, he caught a glimpse of her too.

"Well how small could this world be?" he said as she appeared from behind the wall, flustered.

"Wait, you two know each other?" Cassie asked, confused.

"Not really," Jack said with a slight shake of the head before explaining what happened earlier.

He turned to Rose and showed her the two boxes full of books he was delivering for his uncle. He pointed out that his uncle wanted no money for this and that he was happy to give them to "such a nice young woman like Mrs. Hockley". Rose saw Jack look at her left hand, clearly to see if she was wearing a ring. She wasn't. He offered to help them but Cassie said it was part of her job and that she was quite bored at the moment since she had finished what she had to do two hours ago. Jack nodded and asked if he could do anything else for them. Cassie said no but she soon realized that he didn't hear her and that even though his questions were meant for the two of them, he really only looked at Rose the entire time.

"I should go then," he stated.

"Weren't you just leaving?" Cassie asked Rose, sensing the chemistry between the two.

"Uh- ye- yeah, I was," she stammered.

"Maybe I could walk you home, if you'd like?"

"Home is too far for that but you can take me to the closest subway station," Rose offered.

"That'd be great!" Jack exclaimed, subtly wiping his hands on his pants.

"Let me grab my things, I'll be right there." Rose disappeared upstairs while Cassie stared at Jack. He looked around, trying to avoid looking into her eyes.

"She likes you," she declared.

"What?" Jack asked, uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"She _likes_ you," she repeated. "Did you not see the way she acted the whole time you were here?"

Jack shrugged and heard Rose walk down the stairs. Rose told Cassie that Michael was scheduled at 4 and that she was free to go as soon as he'd get here. Michael was the only other employee that possessed a key to the store since he'd been working there since day one and that Rose trusted him with her life. Cassie waved at the two as they walked through the door.

Jack and Rose walked to the closest station, which was on 23rd and 8th. They first walked in an awkward silence then Jack asked her if she had a long way to go before she got home.

"I live in Greenpoint, which is about 40 minutes from here," she answered.

"That's in Brooklyn, right?"

"Yes, it is. You know about it?"

"Not really. I'm not from around here, actually. I just moved here, got a new job," he explained.

"Where are you from, then?" she asked.

"Wisconsin," he announced proudly. "From a small town called Chippewa Falls."

She nodded and admitted she never went there. She asked how it was like and he described it as his favorite place on Earth. She understood what he meant, Wisconsin to him was New York to her. It was home.

"So," Jack began as he saw they were getting closer to the spot he'd have to leave her. "My uncle calls you Mrs. Hockley but I don't see any ring on that finger of yours. Stop me if I'm being too invasive."

"That's quite alright," she assured him. "Actually, we had a divorce 18 months ago."

"Isn't this Hockley guy the one owning Hockley & Sons?"

"I thought you weren't from New York," she laughed.

"A guy needs to know these things," he joked.

"My ex-father-in-law owns it, my ex-husband happens to be one of the sons."

Jack whistled, impressed by the declaration. Rose blushed and stared at the sidewalk. Jack said he was sorry and that he didn't want her to feel embarrassed by what he said. She shook her head slightly to let him know it was okay. They stopped by the subway station and looked at each other for a few seconds, not sure what to do next.

"You know where to find me," Rose said to make sure she would see him again without being too obvious about it.

"I'll be sure to stop by once in a while."

They smiled at each other and Rose walked down the stairs to catch the 3:45 train. She smiled like an idiot all the way home, earning a few looks from other passengers. When she got out the train, she saw she had a missed call on her cellphone, from Caledon. She rolled her eyes and sighed profoundly. She hit recall and put the phone to her ear. It rang four times and he finally picked up once she was in front of her building.

"You forgot to put his damn blanket in his suitcase," he ranted as soon as he answered.

"Hello to you too, Cal," she said, annoyed.

"Ugh, sorry. It's just… the kid won't stop crying and he won't go unless he has that blanket. Listen, I just want to know if you're home so I can pick it up and then we can hit the road. I wish to be in Boston before midnight if that's even possible," he explained without breathing in-between his sentences.

"I just got here," she confirmed as she unlocked the door to her apartment.

"I'll be there in 20, is that alright?"

"Yeah," she sighed.

Her bubble bath would have to wait another 30 minutes. She couldn't think of anything else as she opened Charles' bedroom door to see that his blanket was beside his pillow. She confirmed to her ex-husband that the blanket was here. Caledon muttered a thank you and hung up. Rose picked up her son's blanket and made his bed he didn't have time to make this morning.

Twenty-five minutes later, Caledon knocked on Rose's apartment door, holding his son in his arms. She opened the door and held out the blanket for Cal to take it but Charles immediately reached for it.

"I'm sorry, mommy, I should've put it in my bag but I forgot," Charles apologized.

"That's okay sweetheart," she said in a motherly tone. How she loved the fact that even though he started calling her "mom" like a big boy, he still called her "mommy" most of the time.

"Maybe next time you could second-check his bag," Caledon added with a hint of arrogance.

"Hey, I'm sorry, alright?" Rose replied carefully since she was in front of the boy.

"And why did you have to live so far away anyway?"

"What did you eat for breakfast to be so bad-tempered?" she snapped. He glared at her then looked away.

Rose had enough money to live any place in Manhattan, he knew that, and what she was doing in Brooklyn would remain a complete mystery to him. To Rose, money was a security, not something she liked to shove in people's faces the way Cal did. She had it, she had the seven, almost eight, digits in her bank account, but she liked to live the way she grew up. She mostly used the money to shower her parents with gifts because they deserved it. She was living on the money she made at the bookstore, not on her divorce money.

"Charles, why don't you call me when you get to Boston? I'm sure daddy will let you use his phone, uh?"

Rose side-eyed Caledon and he said there wouldn't be any problem but that they really ought to be going now. Charles pecked his mother's lips as his father simply gave her a small nod. The car disappeared at the end of the street and she was now free until Sunday night at 6.

Free was a figure of speech, of course, because there was a mountain of dirty clothes waiting to be cleaned and so many other chores that she kept for when Charles was away with his father. But first, she needed that well-deserved bubble bath.


	3. two

**TWO.**

It was their first date. Rose was a bit nervous and she wondered if he was nervous too. She was young and inexperienced and that scared her. Sure, she went on dates before but this one felt more special. He was handsome, very handsome, and the kindest man she ever crossed paths with. She didn't know anything about the date except that he was picking her up at 7:30. She was famished but also felt that she wouldn't keep anything down if she ate something.

She was wearing a floral summer dress because she didn't want to look too fancy nor too casual, just a perfect mix of both. She wore her curly hair down and put light makeup on her face, so light it was barely showing.

At 7:30 on the dot, the doorbell rang and it was one of Rose's friends that opened the door. Rose was close behind and once her friend was out the way, he took in the sight of her. She was magnificent. He told her she looked beautiful and she blushed a deep shade of red before thanking him.

He brought her to a fancy restaurant, not 200$ per plate fancy, but still. She never went to a restaurant that luxurious before and she wasn't sure she was dressed properly anymore. She felt bad that someone had to spend so much money on a first date. He didn't have to impress her, she was already under his spell.

The maitre'd guided them to their table and Caledon pulled the chair out so Rose could sit then he sat in his own chair across the table. They smiled at each other in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence but a comfortable one and Rose liked that a lot. Awkward silences were the worst, especially on a first date. The waiter arrived a few minutes later with menus for the both of them. He proceeded to address to Caledon by name and asked how his parents were. He answered they were both fine and introduced him to Rose, mentioning they were on a date. The waiter smiled and told them what the menu special was and if they wished to drink something. They both ordered alcohol-free drinks and the waiter left so they could check out the menu.

Rose had the horrid habit of looking at the prices first, just like her father always did. She must have grimaced or something because Caledon found out.

"Don't you worry about that side of the card, I'm taking care of this, you choose what you like," he said with a smile.

She smiled back and she hoped it didn't look too forced. She was uncomfortable with him having to pay that kind of amount. After all, they were still teenagers and there was no need to. She would've been perfectly happy with a hamburger at Wendy's.

Caledon didn't say but the restaurant was owned by his mother and they were actually eating for free tonight. He hoped Rose would walk with him around Southampton Village afterwards so he wouldn't feel so _dirt cheap_.

Rose ordered a plate of creamy chicken penne and Caledon chose a filet mignon with oven-baked potatoes. They chatted while waiting for their plates. Rose talked to him about her passion for art and books and he told her about his plans for college. He admitted he didn't know a lot about art but that he would surely enjoy it if she was the one telling him about it.

"There are a few museums around here, maybe we could go sometimes," he said.

"That would be nice," she replied with a smile and a twinkle in her eyes.

"Are you spending the summer here?" Caledon asked.

"I wish I were. Unfortunately, I'm leaving in ten days."

"What a shame," he said sadly.

Caledon was sophisticated for a 19-year-old, she noticed. She liked that. Nothing like most of the boys at school. And he was actually interested by what she said and she felt he wanted to know a lot about her. He cared and that was enough.

They ate and talked some more. Rose noticed that Caledon never took his eyes off of her while she was talking. It didn't even embarrass her like it usually did with other people. He made her feel at ease and she could be herself.

They finished eating around 9:30 and Caledon asked her if she wanted to walk around town. She said yes and excused herself to go to the restroom.

Once the door was closed, she looked at herself in the mirror and saw the ridiculous grin that wouldn't leave her face. She's never been that happy before. Not even when her dad let her keep the grey kitten she found on the street, now known as Gatsby. She stood there for a few minutes and met Caledon outside. He smiled at her and they walked down Main Street for a while. And then, their hands brushed against each other's. She looked up at him and saw how nervous he was. She said nothing and subtly reduced the gap between them to let him know it was okay. He took her hand in his and she heard him exhale loudly then a shaky laugh escaped his lips. He felt ridiculous. He never felt this way about a girl before. They were all at his feet but this one didn't know and that's what was making her so special. She didn't know his parents were rich and that he was heir to a huge architectural company worth millions of dollars. She wasn't a snob like every girl he had dates with before. She was witty, funny, smart and so naturally beautiful, it made him want to cry. They passed an ice cream shop and he stopped in his tracks.

"Are you up for ice cream?" he asked her, craving one himself.

"You know the way to a woman's heart," she said with a laugh.

He shrugged playfully with a smile and she nodded. They walked back to the ice cream parlor and waited in line.

"So, let me guess if you're more the chocolate or vanilla type," Caledon said. "You seem like the girl who trusts her intuition more than her logic, I'd say vanilla."

"Oh, I like that. But I'm more of a mint chocolate chip kind of gal," she admitted.

"Can I have two mint chocolate chip, please?" he ordered as they got to the counter.

"Well, well, well, who would've known," Rose giggled as Caledon paid the young woman.

He laughed and gave her the first cone. The parlor was busy with teenagers so they decided to resume walking instead of sitting in. After a lot of walking hand in hand, they went back to the restaurant to get Caledon's car so he could drive her home. In the car, they held hands over the console but stayed silent. He looked at her a couple of times, smiling.

When he stopped in front of the beach house where Rose was staying, he let go of her hand and quickly got out to open the passenger's door. He walked her to the door and they stood there, in silence, looking at each other. She knew he wouldn't make a move, he was too much of a gentleman for that.

"Thank you for tonight, Caledon, I had a beautiful time," Rose said softly.

"You can call me Cal, if you want. And you're welcome, I had a wonderful time too," he admitted. "May- Maybe you'd like to go out again sometimes?" he asked.

"I'd love to," she replied.

"How does Saturday sound?"

"Saturday sounds good to me," she replied quickly, smiling like an idiot.

"Saturday it is. I'll pick you up at 1 o'clock."

She nodded and they looked at each other for a while before she leaned in and pecked his cheek. She felt his hand on her arm and then she whispered a small thank you before walking in the house. Rose couldn't sleep that night so she wrote in her diary for a whole hour and then read her favorite book. Her copy of _The Great Gatsby_ was old and most of the page corners were torn or bended. Her parents offered her the book as a Christmas gift when she was ten years old and here she was, seven years later, reading it for the thousandth time.

She fell asleep around 5:30 a.m., the light still on, her face pillowed on F. Scott Fitzgerald's novel. She was knocked out until 2 p.m. and when she walked downstairs, everybody was gone. She assumed they were down at the beach but she didn't feel like going so she watched some crappy television.


	4. three

**THREE.**

It was around eight when her cellphone rang. She smiled when she saw her ex's name on the screen and paused the _Elementary_ episode she was watching.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Mom, it's me!" Charles' voice said. "I am in Boston with Daddy."

"Oh, you are!" she exclaimed. "How is it there?"

"It's fun!"

She knew by the excitement in his voice that they'd just arrived at the hotel and that Caledon let him watch some television and order room service even though it was past his bedtime already.

"Are you home? What are you doing?" Charles asked.

"I am. I'm here since you guys left. And I was catching up on a show," she replied.

"You're not watching _Phineas and Ferb_ without me, huh?"

"Of course not, honey, I was watching a grown-up show. I recorded today's episodes so we can watch them together when you get back," Rose explained.

Rose knew Cal didn't like to let Charles watch some "ridiculous" TV shows. She kept reminding him that Charles was a child and he needed to watch some cartoons once in a while, like any normal kid would.

Charles would've spent the night on the phone with his mother but Caledon said it was enough talking for tonight. Charles said goodnight to Rose and gave the phone to his father.

"Hey."

"Hey. I'm sorry, I didn't know he would be talking this much," Rose explained, even though she kind of already knew.

"That's alright. Well, just to let you know that the drive went great and that I should be dropping Charles off on Sunday night around 5."

"Oh- alright," she said, quite surprised that he would be dropping him off earlier than usual. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, yes, don't worry. He is the one who asked me."

"I'll be waiting for you, then. Are you going to stay with us for dinner?" she asked.

"I'll let you know tomorrow, I'll text you. Goodnight, b-," he stopped talking. "Goodnight."

She didn't have time to say it back before the line went dead. She knew why and she also knew that her ex-husband still had deep feelings for her.

Caledon dropped his phone on the bedside table and turned around just in time to catch his boy who was about to fall down from the bed. Charles was laughing and Caledon attacked his little neck with kisses, making him laugh even more. Charles tried to tell his father to stop but he was laughing too hard.

Charles was so much closer to his mother and sometimes, it broke Caledon's heart. His son was the light of his life. Rose repeated over and over that he was a good father and that he didn't have to worry, Charles would figure it out really soon. The boy loved him, more than anything, but his mother was easier to get along with.

Charles had the same rules to follow in each home and if he could watch cartoons at mom's, he could use dad's really cool computer every time he was staying there. It was the only difference they could come up with. His routine was the same in both households. They had set rules when they were living together and the rules remained even now that they weren't because it was easier this way.

* * *

The boys went sailing on Saturday afternoon. Sailing was Charles' favorite thing to do in Boston. It was also what he liked the most to do with his father. Caledon was always patient when it came to teach his son how to sail because sailing was also a legacy in the Hockley family. Afterwards, they had dinner at Mistral, a pricey French-Mediterranean bistro, which was their usual spot when they were in town. This was also the same restaurant where Caledon asked Rose to marry him.

They ended the day at Fenway Park to see the Red Sox play the Baltimore Orioles. Charles was a hardcore Yankees fan, of course, but he made an exception and rooted for the Sox tonight. He ended up really frustrated when they lost, saying the Yankees were much better and that he didn't want to watch baseball in Boston anymore.

"What if the Yankees play the Red Sox, what then?" Caledon asked Charles with a smirk.

The boy was lost for a second then said it would be okay. Caledon never really cared about baseball until he met Rose. Charles wasn't a Yankees fan for nothing, his mother taught him well. He was barely a year old when he started going to Yankee Stadium with his mother and grandfather to see a game. It was on July 16th, 2007, and the Yankees were playing the Toronto Blue Jays. They won that day and Rose's father considered his grandson a lucky charm starting then.

Going to see a Yankees game with his grandpa was now a weekly routine.

Once they arrived at the hotel, Charles bathed and went to bed. Caledon looked at his phone for the first time that day and actually smiled at his accomplishment. A year ago, he would have spent the weekend with his cellphone instead of with his son. Now, he turned off his phone all day to spend some quality time with Charles. He had received numerous calls from clients to which he would reply once he would get home on Sunday night. For now, he only wanted to text his ex-wife like he promised the day before.

'Had a great day with the kid. I'll drop him off tomorrow and be on my way.'

The answer came in about two minutes later.

'You sure? You know how he likes it when you stay over for dinner.'

'I think we both know it's better this way.'

She didn't reply quickly and he sighed loudly before gulping down the lump in his throat. He always put his mask on when he had to see her and was even arrogant and mean to her because he thought it would hide his pain. But she knew him, she knew him better than he knew himself and he knew that she was aware of his feelings. After a while, he had realized that she wasn't doing that to hurt him, only to let him know that it was important for her that Charles felt his parents could remain friends even though they weren't living together anymore, weren't in love with each other anymore.

'I wish it would never have happened, you know. I'm sorry for what I did,' he sent when he figured out she wouldn't reply to his previous text.

'I do not hold resentment for you, Cal. For all I know, I am grateful for all those years. And for Charles. For the rest of it, I'd rather not talk about it anymore. It's ancient history.'

'I wish I could go back. I wish I could treat you like you deserve to be treated.'

'Well it's too late now. Can't we just be friends?'

'You know I'm trying very hard to do that for you, but you're asking a lot.'

'I know and I really appreciate the effort you're putting into this. Are you sure you don't want to stay over?'

'I don't know, Rose. Let me think about it.'

'Alright, well I'll prepare an extra plate in case you decide to stay. G'night.'

He stared at the screen and decided not to reply. He wasn't in the mood to start an argument. They had been arguing for the past three years and he didn't want to argue with her anymore. He was tired of it.

After breakfast, the next day, Caledon and Charles went to the Museum of Science then hit the road around one o'clock. The car stopped in front of Rose's apartment at 5:15 p.m. and Charles ran inside. Caledon walked behind, holding his son's bags, cursing a bit that he didn't help. He was about to walk up the stairs when Rose appeared at the door, Charles by her side. She lectured her boy that he could've helped his father before taking a bag from Caledon's hands.

"We went sailing and _EVERYTHING_ ," Charles continued to tell his mother before he was interrupted.

"Really?" Rose asked, as if she didn't already know.

"And Daddy let me eat cotton candy at the game," he admitted.

Rose looked at Cal who shrugged. "Are you staying?" Rose asked for what seemed to be the twentieth time.

"Yes, Daddy, say yes," Charles pleaded.

"Why not," he chuckled, ruffling the boy's hair. He couldn't refuse anything to his son no matter how much it would end up hurting him.

He smiled to Rose and they walked inside. Charles brought his bags to his room after his mother asked him to then helped setting the table with his father. He wasn't exactly thrilled to have pork chops for dinner but ate without complaining, too excited to tell everything he had done with his father over the weekend.

Caledon gathered the empty dishes while Rose was bathing Charles and getting him ready for bed. He cleaned everything and put the dishes away in the dishwasher. He was wiping the counter clean when Rose came back from Charles bedroom.

"Wow," she exclaimed when she saw the clean kitchen and the empty table. "You didn't have to clean everything up."

"It's the least I could do," Caledon said with a shake of the head. "Well, I should be going, I have work to catch up on."

"It was nice of you to stay," she said as they walked to the door.

"Thanks for inviting me," he replied.

"You're always welcomed to stay for dinner with us, you know that," she stated, matter-of-factly.

"Goodnight."

Rose saw him lean down to kiss her cheek as he sometimes did when Charles wasn't around but she was caught by surprise when she felt his lips on hers. She closed her eyes for a second but slowly pushed him away. He darted out, muttering sorry, without even looking at her. He disappeared in the dark night and she stood there, looking at the car leaving.


	5. four

**FOUR.**

Their third date was about to end. It was two o'clock in the morning when Caledon dropped Rose off in front of the summer house. There was still people partying on the beach but it was slowly coming to an end.

"I wish I wouldn't have to go," Rose admitted to Cal.

"We still have two days," Cal assured, even though he wished the same thing.

"Yeah, but – "

She couldn't finish her sentence because Caledon's lips crashed on hers in a glorious kiss. She kissed him back, feeling the butterflies in her stomach and her head starting to spin. His hand went to the small of her back and pulled her closer. Her arms found their way around his neck and she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him better. He was so much taller than she was and she loved that. She pulled away a few seconds later and opened her eyes to look at him.

"I'm sorry if it was too soon, I assumed – "

It was his turn to be interrupted but he didn't complain. They could do this all night for all he cared. He felt Rose's hands in his hair, at the nape of his neck, and he went weak in the knees. She noticed and giggled softly against his lips. He laughed nervously and stroked her hair, smiling down at her, telling her how beautiful she looked. She blushed but looked up at him instead of down.

"I really like you, Rose," he whispered.

"I really like you too."

They kissed once more then said goodnight. Caledon waited until Rose was safely inside and stared at the closed door a couple of seconds before walking back to his car.

Inside, it took everything she had to keep down the excitement. She couldn't make any noise or she would wake up everybody. Not that she cared that much but still. She couldn't stop smiling. She's pretty sure she even fell asleep with that ridiculous grin on.

They spent the next day together, of course, even if Rose's friends complained that she didn't spend time with them the entire time they were in the Hamptons.

The separation that came the day after wasn't easy but they promised to call and catch up as soon as Caledon would be back in the city, before classes began. Rose had no idea what she would do during all this time away from him. Most of her friends had jobs back in the city but she didn't.

That didn't last long because as soon as she walked inside the house, her dad told her to find a job before even saying "hello I've missed you."

"You need to work to earn some money, you're old enough now," he complained.

He was right, and she also wanted to help her parents to pay for her college education because they've worked so hard for her to go. And she couldn't complain, she had everything she needed while growing up thanks to them. She wasn't spoiled rotten like some of her friends were but she was doing okay. She knew they often deprived themselves of things so she could have anything she needed.

So she went out and found a barista job in a small coffee shop not far from home. She wasn't thrilled to go every morning but the earning was enough to cover her expenses and put more money in her savings account.

The first week was the worst. There was so much to learn and so many customers to serve. She was running around, trying not to cry. Once she was home, she would take a shower and crash in her bed to take a nap, which would often end up with her waking up the next morning, Gatsby curled up beside her.

The second week wasn't as bad, except that she missed Caledon. She didn't have to comatose in bed as soon as she got home and even went out with her friends at night sometimes. On Wednesday night, as she was doing some summer reading for her English class, the phone rang. She barely heard it, absorbed in _Catcher in the Rye_.

"Rose, there's someone on the phone for you," her mother's voice said from the other side of her closed bedroom door.

"Hang on!" Rose replied, trying to finish her page quickly. She was on the edge of the chair, ready to get up, but not quite yet.

"Rose!"

"I said _wait_ , I'll be right there!" she said, thinking it was probably Regina or Jacqueline to ask her to go to Manhattan to shop or go to the movies.

"It's a young man," her mother added, knowing that would probably change things.

Ruth heard a loud noise and the door opened a second later. Her daughter snatched the phone from her hand and she stood there an instant to see the desk chair fallen on its side. Rose smiled faintly at her and closed the door to her face. She understood the message and went back to the living room.

"Hey," Rose said.

"Hi, how are you?" Caledon's voice replied.

"I'm good, I was just doing some summer reading," she answered, unable to stop smiling.

"I'm not disturbing you, am I?"

"No, no, of course not, you would never disturb me," she blurted out. "Wow, sorry, that sounded so thirsty just now."

He burst out laughing and thought to himself 'how could someone not like her when she's that plain a _dork_ able?'

"Oh my god, I am so sorry, you must think I'm an idiot."

"No, not at all, I think you're adorable," he admitted.

She felt herself blush and tried to calm down. She always messed up when she was nervous.

"I miss you, the Hamptons are sure no fun without you around."

Her heart was beating so fast, she thought it would explode. She missed him too and she was checking her calendar every night before going to bed. Only 24 days left now. They talked for almost two hours and she would've talked all night if her father wouldn't have asked her to hang up. Caledon promised he would call again soon and wished her goodnight.

She hung up and brought back the phone in the living room.

"Who was it?" her mother asked.

"A friend I met in the Hamptons," Rose replied, trying to sound innocent.

"You talked an awful long time," her father added.

"We had a lot to talk about, so what?"

"Is he your boyfriend?" he demanded.

"No, he's not," Rose answered, even though she didn't exactly know what they were. "Can I go, now? Or are you just going to make me stand here and answer your police investigation?"

He dismissed her with a wave of the hand, amused at how she blushed a deep shade of red when he mentioned the word 'boyfriend'. He liked to tease her, it annoyed her and it made him laugh.

Rose walked to her bedroom and crawled into bed with her book and her cat. She tried to read but she couldn't concentrate. She was in love, so foolishly in love.


	6. five

**FIVE.**

On Monday morning, after dropping off Charles at school, Rose walked to work, making her usual stop at Starbucks on 7th. It was a bit of a detour but was always worth it. She arrived in front of it and saw the regular long line at the counter. She sighed and as she was about to open the door, someone called her name. Or more specifically called out "Mrs. Hockley". She turned around, still used to be called by that name. She was called that name for six years.

She saw the young man from Friday, the one with the blue eyes. Jack. He nodded her way and held out a cup. She walked to him and saw he had another cup in his other hand. She cocked her head to the side and he smiled at her.

"Thought I could save you the line," he said with that cute grin. "A Grande latte for you." She took it and smiled.

"You remembered. Thank you, you didn't have to," she said, really grateful nonetheless.

"Pleasure. I'd do anything for a pretty lady," he admitted. "Ouch, sorry, was that too soon?"

"That's okay," she laughed. "Thank you."

"Is it okay if I walk you to work?"

"Yeah, sure. What kind of lady would I be if I said no? Can I tell you a secret?" she asked.

"Of course."

"Coffee is the best way to win me over."

She surprised herself with that declaration. She plainly admitted she was interested even though they barely knew each other. She felt like she knew him all her life, like they were a part of each other.

He laughed and they tapped their cups together before taking a sip of their drinks. They walked all the way to the bookstore, meeting Cassie at the door. Cassie made no remark about them but discretely winked at Rose who smiled. She unlocked the door and Cassie walked in. Rose turned to Jack and asked him if he wanted to come in. He accepted and followed her in as Cassie went on with her morning routine.

"I really like your shop, it's rustic and it smells nice. I think the smell of books is my favorite thing," Jack admitted.

"Mine too," Rose agreed.

Cassie looked at them, almost jealous of their chemistry. It was disgusting in its own way, a cute disgusting.

They spent an hour talking until Jack had to go to work. He didn't say what his job was and Rose didn't ask. Deep down, she already knew everything about him.

"I wasn't even here," Cassie pointed out after Jack left.

"What?" Rose said, snapping out of it.

"I was invisible, you two were drowning in each other's eyes, it was ugh, disgustingly romantic."

"We were not," she denied.

"Yeah, right," Cassie replied, her voice filled with sarcasm.

"I have some work to do upstairs, you call me if you need any help," Rose told her as she was walking up the stairs to her office.

Rose spent the day on accounts and book-keeping, the work she hated most. She was always doing it on Monday so she wouldn't have to worry about it for the rest of the week.

She left at her customary hour, 3 p.m., and picked up Charles from school before they both headed home. Charles fell asleep on the train, his head on Rose's lap. He went to bed later than usual the night before and had been cranky all day according to his teacher.

At home, he threw a tantrum because he didn't want to do his homework. He then proceeded to tell her, more like yell, that his father didn't insist on his doing his homework as soon as he got home, which she knew to be a lie. She was even pretty sure that Cal was stricter about homework than she was.

Charles was usually spending a week at Rose's and a week at Caledon's but since Caledon was in a really busy time at work, he was spending the whole month with his mother, spending the weekends with his father instead.

She let him cry and scream murder on the kitchen floor, knowing he would grow tired of not having her attention. Then, she would punish him.

He stopped, eventually, when he saw that Rose was ignoring him, getting dinner ready.

"You're done, now?" she asked him, turning around to see him still lying on the floor.

"I don't want to do my homework, it sucks!" he shouted.

"First of all, do not say that word ever again, am I making myself clear?" she said, angry.

Charles knew that voice. It was even kind of scary. His mother rarely used that tone with him unless she meant business. He was in trouble, big trouble.

He stopped shouting and nodded. She walked to him and picked him up by the arm.

"And don't you _ever_ shout at me like that! I am taking your iPad away for a week and you're going to bed at 7 instead of 7:30 _all week_. Now sit down and do your homework, I don't want to hear another word," she reprimanded, sitting him on a chair, his books in front of him. "I won't endure your spoiled child attitude any longer."

Oh no, she wouldn't. Charles had always had what he was asking for since the day he could express himself. Want that Marvel action figure? There you go, swipe mommy's card at Toys R' Us for four times the amount it was supposed to cost because he couldn't choose between Iron Man, Spider-Man or Captain America so she got him the three of them. What about tickets to the Yankees? Here, sweetheart, have a season-pass every year. He asked, he got. His father had a sweet spot and Charles knew it. Daddy would get him _anything_. They couldn't blame anybody but themselves. They had spoiled him and spoiled he would stay.

He wanted to protest his punishment but kept quiet. He didn't want to risk having more than he already had. He cried in silence and did his homework like a big boy while Rose prepared the mac n' cheese they would eat for dinner.

Charles finished his work just in time and put his books away in his backpack. He washed his hands and sat at the table. Rose put the bowl in front of him and poured some tomato juice in it, just like he liked it. Once she was done, the kid got up on his chair and threw his arms around his mother.

"I'm sorry, mommy, I shouldn't have yelled at you. I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too, honey," she replied. "But you are still grounded."

"I know, I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

Rose kissed his head and ran a hand in his hair. She told him to sit down and eat before it gets cold. They talked and laughed over dinner like nothing happened. Rose knew how lucky she was to have such a good kid. He may have been a spoiled kid but he wasn't a brat.


	7. six

**SIX.**

Caledon came back in the afternoon of August 15th. The very next day, he met Rose in front of MoMA. There was an exhibit on tall buildings that Caledon wanted to see, and share with her, and also a Damien Hirst exhibit that Rose was simply dying to explore.

When she saw him waiting for her in front of the building, she walked faster, restraining herself from running like a desperate girl even though that's what she was. He spotted her easily, the sun brightening her red hair like it was fire. Rose held herself back from jumping into his arms and went for his lips instead. He kissed her back, blinded of people's looks. He missed her, this, too much to care about other people right now.

"I missed you," Rose declared after pulling away from the kiss.

"I missed you too," Cal said, kissing her forehead.

He took her hand in his and they walked inside the museum. Cal insisted on paying her admission fare even though she said she could pay for it herself. It was a penny to him but it was almost three hours of work to her. He gave in, took her money, went to the counter and paid both tickets with his credit card. He walked back to her and gave her her ticket before kissing her quickly to distract her while he put the money back in the back pocket of her jeans. If she felt it, she didn't say.

They went through the building exhibit first. They walked around, Cal throwing trivia at Rose about everything he knew. She was impressed, he knew so much about structure and design, more than she ever imagined. No wonder he wanted to be an architect. They stopped in front of a small reproduction of the famous Empire State Building.

"I've always loved that building," Rose admitted. "Next to Lady Liberty, it's what makes me feel at home the most."

"Did you know it has been the tallest building in the world for almost 40 years? Up until 1970 when they built World Trade Center's North Tower," Cal explained.

"Does that mean it took its place back on the throne?" she asked.

"No. It is the tallest in New York but the world's tallest is Taipei Financial Center in Taiwan. They just completed it, it's not even opened yet."

"How tall is it?" Rose demanded curiously.

"About 1,600 feet, I believe," Cal answered.

Rose was fascinated, not only at his answer but also because he actually knew it. She wouldn't remember everything he told her, she was sure of it, but it was interesting to listen to him talk so passionately about it.

Once they started walking through the next exhibit, it was her turn to talk. He listened as closely as she had been earlier and realized he was captivated by the work he was looking at. Not to mention how he loved the stars it made appear in Rose's eyes when she told him everything she knew about it. He couldn't keep his eyes off of her. How could he be so lucky, he didn't know, but he sure wouldn't let her slip through his fingers.

They had dinner at Burger Heaven, a well-known diner on 53rd street. It was casual and not what Cal was used to. It was loud and packed with children. They had fun, though, and they even shared a chocolate milkshake as they went walking in Central Park afterwards.

They stopped by the lake and Cal put his arms around her from behind, her back against his chest, his head over her shoulder. They stayed in silence for a while, Rose enjoying the warmth of Cal's body around her.

"Can I ask you something?" Rose asked softly after a while.

"Yes, of course you can," he replied with a small laugh.

"A – Are we – I mean, what are we?" she stuttered.

"I – Hum… What do you want us to be?" he asked, not sure of the answer himself. He turned her around so he could see her face.

"I don't know. I think we're good together, I mean, I feel good when I'm with you and – " she stopped talking, took a big breath, and added: "When I'm not with you, I can't think of anything else but you."

"I feel the same way, I think we should be together," he admitted nervously. "What do you think?"

She looked up at him and nodded. He kissed her, his hand on her cheek to make sure he wasn't dreaming. They stood there for a long time, kissing and talking, until it was time for Rose to go home. Caledon drove her there and kissed her goodnight. He waited until she was inside the house then drove home.

"Hey," Rose said to her father who was doing crosswords in the kitchen. "Mom's asleep?"

"Yeah she went to bed an hour ago," he answered. He looked up and saw the smile on his daughter's face.

"What?" she asked when he looked at her strangely.

"I could ask you the same thing. I haven't seen you smile like that since Disney World, seven years ago."

"It's nothing."

"Tell that to someone else, I know you better than that."

"Fine," she said, now annoyed by her father and his bad habit of always teasing her. "Remember that guy I met in the Hamptons, the one I told you about? Well, we're together now. Like, officially together."

"You don't look too happy about it," he teased, knowing she lost her smile because of him.

"No thanks to you. I'm going to bed," she announced.

"Hey, where are your manners, what about your old man?"

She rolled her eyes and walked to him. He hugged her fiercely, almost choking her, and kissed her cheek.

"Goodnight, kiddo," he said, letting her go.

"Goodnight, dad," she replied before walking to her bedroom.

* * *

The next Monday, Caledon began his second year at Columbia. Rose still had two weeks of summer break before she started her senior year at L.I.C. High School. She couldn't wait to get out of there, to be honest, away from all those immature teenagers and ridiculous math and science classes. She was envious of Caledon for being able to study what he liked. She was so excited with the idea that next year would be her turn, that she would go to college and study literature full-time. She really hoped to get into NYU but she would also send applications to Harvard and Yale. She wanted NYU the most because it was where she dreamed of going since she was five years old and also because she secretly didn't want to leave New York.

* * *

The weekend before school started, Rose was to meet Caledon's parents. She was really nervous about it, she was scared she'd make a bad impression and it was the last thing she wanted. Caledon assured her that everything would be fine and that they would adore her. The only thing she needed to do was to be herself.

He picked her up around 2 p.m. She was wearing a white embroiled summer dress and her hair was side-braided. She was pretty and he told her so. The more Caledon drove towards his house, the more Rose figured what was happening.

"Oh God, why didn't you tell me?!" she exclaimed once they stopped in front of The Wimbledon on 82nd street. "I wouldn't have worn _that_."

"What's wrong with what you're wearing? I think it's beautiful."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked again, slapping his shoulder.

"I didn't want to freak you out, and I didn't want you to run away," Cal explained.

"I _am_ freaking out! You should've told me that your parents were rich, that _you_ were rich."

"Why? Why does it matter?"

"It changes everything."

"It does?" Cal asked, sadness filling his voice. "I wanted you to know me for who I am, Rose, and not for what I have. People who know my situation before they get to know me tend to grow tired of me real quick because they are only interested in my wallet."

"But I work at a coffee shop and I'm wearing clothes I bought three years ago."

He smiled and exhaled a laugh. "You know, that is what I like about you. You're simple, yet so special, and you don't even know it. Do you think I care that you bought this dress three years ago? You look beautiful in it and that's all that matters. If it makes you uncomfortable, I'll understand. It's just – I really care about you and I'd hate to lose you."

"You mean it?" she asked.

"Of course I do, every word of it," he assured her, taking her hand. "I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

Rose took in everything he said and pulled herself together, ready to meet Caledon's parents. Caledon's _rich_ parents. Caledon's rich parents living at The Wimbledon. It was a lot to take in in such a short amount of time.

He got out of the car and opened her door before taking her hand and walking into the building. His home. The more they were walking, the more nervous Rose was. What if his parents didn't approve of her only because she wasn't rich? What if she wasn't good enough for their son?

Caledon opened the door to 20DE, revealing a three-bedroom luxurious apartment designed with taste by people who, obviously, weren't short on money. This explained everything now. How Cal was always wearing fancy shirts and polos instead of bands t-shirts like other boys his age. Why he would always insist on paying everything when they went out. Why she found her money back in her pocket the other day. She even felt stupid for not figuring it out earlier.

Rose saw a framed floorplan on the wall, discovering it was 'Hockley & Sons'' first project back in 1946. She looked around in wonder. There were no pictures displayed anywhere in the house like there was at home.

At home, the walls were decorated with Rose's school portraits, her parents' wedding pictures, some pictures of their annual trip to Maine and of the spring break they spent in Orlando back in 1997. Here, there was none of that, only art and pricey artifacts. She was afraid to walk around and break something.

A beautiful woman with jet-black hair made her way to them and Rose hid behind her boyfriend, like a child would do with their mother.

"Mother, this is Rose," Cal introduced, squeezing Rose's hand to let her know it would be alright.

"It's okay, sweetie, I don't bite. You don't have to be shy with me, right?" his mother said, addressing her last question to her son.

"Of course not," Cal assured, pulling on Rose's hand.

Rose stepped out and looked up at the woman. She was beautiful, classy and dressed in Chanel, nothing like any mother she'd seen in her neighborhood ever. She saw those kinds of women when she walked down 5th Avenue with her friends on sunny days, or in the movies, but that was it.

"Hi, I'm Helen," she introduced herself, holding out her hand.

"It's nice to meet you," Rose said, shaking her hand. "I'm sorry about my dress, if I'd have known I would've worn something else, something more appropriate."

"Nonsense, you look very pretty. Doesn't she look pretty, Caledon?"

"Of course she does," he replied, looking down at Rose with an encouraging smile.

"Why don't you both join us for tea, your father is in the living room," Helen announced, already walking toward said room.

They followed her and Rose was introduced once again to a handsome man named Nathan Hockley, Cal's father. He looked exactly like his son except older. Rose wasn't sure what to do next so Mrs. Hockley invited her to sit down across from them, next to Caledon.

She noticed that she never referred to her son as Cal like he told her to do so on their first date. In fact, it seemed she loathed the nickname so Rose tried very hard not to call him that way in front of her, even though she only used this version of his name now. Caledon's father told them that William would be joining them as soon as his tennis practice would be over. Rose had never heard of a William so she assumed he was Cal's brother.

"So, Rose, why don't you tell us a bit about you?" Helen asked with a friendly tone.

"I – I wouldn't know what to say. I'm not really interesting to be quite honest," Rose admitted, trying her best to talk properly. "Hum – I was born on December 3rd, 1986 and have been living in New York my whole life. I'm an only child, my parents are still married. I'm starting my senior year at Long Island City High School on Monday and wish to go to NYU afterwards. I love to read, I love sports, I'm playing Varsity Lacrosse and I'm the captain of the team. My mother is a piano teacher and she started teaching me when I was three. I work as a barista in a coffee shop in Long Island City and I'd say that's pretty much it."

"Well my dear, I'd say it is far from boring," Mr. Hockley declared, impressed. "You're a hard-working girl."

"I try to be. I'm not the kind of girl that likes to sit around all day long, I need to do something or I'll go mad."

They talked about her for another twenty minutes until she heard the front door open. A few seconds later, a sweaty youngster of about 14 years old appeared in the room, a sports bag on his shoulder. William, no doubt, she thought.

"Who's that?" he asked impolitely, making Rose giggle.

"She's my girlfriend," Cal replied. "Can't you behave yourself in front of a lady?"

"'Course I can! Hi, I'm William, this guy's brother," he said, pointing Caledon.

He was so different from the rest of his family and she liked him already.

"Hi William, I'm Rose, it's nice to meet you," she said, shaking his hand.

"Pretty ladies can call me Will," he stated as Rose laughed.

"Alright, young man," Helen interrupted. "Why don't you go take a shower? How was your tennis lesson today?"

"Alright, mother. And it was good, I should be able to make the championships this year," he announced proudly. "Do you play tennis?" he asked Rose.

"I'm afraid I don't, maybe you could teach me someday."

He nodded then ran to the bathroom when he saw his mother's stare.

Rose spent the afternoon with the Hockleys and even stayed for dinner after Mrs. Hockley insisted. When Cal drove her home that night, she told him she was glad everything went well and that she really liked his family, especially William.

They kissed goodnight and Rose asked him if he wanted to meet her parents next weekend. He said he would be honored. She thanked him for the wonderful day and asked him not to hide things from her anymore, which he obliged to.

"Goodnight," he told her when she got out of the car.

"'Night," she replied before running inside the house.


	8. seven

**SEVEN.**

Every morning, Jack was waiting in front of Starbucks, holding Rose's latte and his own cappuccino. They would walk to the bookstore together and he sometimes spent a few hours helping her with anything she needed help for. He would carry heavy boxes or help her with the front window display. He would leave for work around 11 a.m. and they wouldn't see each other until the next morning.

Three weeks went by and it was Caledon's turn to have Charles that week.

As usual, she met Jack on the corner of 7th and 28th. November had brought chilly wind and coats, scarves and gloves were a must when going outside. That morning, when they arrived at the store, Jack told Rose he had something for her. She said that coffee every morning was enough but he insisted.

He opened his messenger bag and took a book out of it.

"This one's for you, I want you to keep it," he said.

She nodded and looked at the cover. It was a book about Monet and his rare work. How Jack knew Monet was one of her favorite artists she didn't know but she was grateful for it.

"Wow, Jack, thank you so much. I love it."

"Open it," he suggested.

She did as she was told and saw the handwritten note on the first page.

 _To the most amazingly, astounding, wonderful woman I've ever known whom, I wish, will accept to go on a date with me?_

She looked up at him with an amused smile and saw his uncertain face. She said she'd be honored and he exhaled loudly with a goofy grin. He suggested they could have dinner then go to the movies but really, it was up to her. She told him she wasn't the complicated type and that whatever he had in mind would be fine.

Deep down, she only wanted to spend time with him, the place and time didn't matter.

"Is tonight too soon?" he asked.

"I'd have to go home and change but – I could be ready by 7," she replied.

"That's totally fine, I have work until 5:30 anyway," he told her.

"It's a date then!"

He grinned and they decided where and when to meet. Jack left at his usual hour and they spent the next hour texting.

Just after she got out of the subway after her day of work, her cellphone chimed and she took it, thinking it was Jack. She was disappointed when she realized it was a text from Cal.

'I have an important meeting tonight and I can't get out of it. Do you think you could take Charles for the evening and I'll pick him up around 8 when my meeting is over?'

She stopped walking in the middle of the sidewalk and sighed.

'Of all the nights, you had to pick the one I was actually busy?'

'It's not like I planned it. Some client couldn't make it for his afternoon appointment and he's leaving tonight on the Red-Eye flight.'

'When are you gonna drop him off?' she wrote, knowing she would end up with the kid anyway.

'5'

"Great," she muttered sarcastically.

She dialed Jack's number, hoping he could answer the call. He did, and she suddenly got all nervous because Jack didn't know about Charles. She didn't tell him because she didn't want him to run away. Lots of men ran afraid when women told them about previous relationships' children, and vice-versa.

"Jack, listen, I know I said tonight was okay but I won't be able to make it after all, something came up," she explained.

"I understand, don't worry, we can do this another time," he said, trying to hide his disappointment. "Is there something I can do?"

She breathed deeply to calm her nerves, at least try to. "You know what? Why don't you come over later and I can explain everything," Rose said.

"Sounds good, text me your address and I'll be there as soon as possible," he agreed.

They hung up and thirty minutes later, Charles walked in the apartment looking as if someone just stole everything he held dear. Rose ran her fingers through his red hair and he ran away to his room without saying anything. She turned around to see Cal standing in the doorway, holding Charles' backpack. Rose snatched it from his hands, showing that she wasn't in a good mood.

"I swear I did anything to – "

"Save it," she interrupted. "There's nothing I haven't heard before anyway," she added, raising her eyebrows.

"I'm going to pick him up as soon as it's over, he shouldn't be bothering you for long," Cal clarified.

"He's never going to bother me, he's my son. You're the one that's bothering me all the time," Rose snapped at him. "You know what? Why don't you let him stay over? I'll drop him off at school tomorrow. That way he won't be losing any sleep."

"You don't mind?"

"At this point..." she sighed. "Do you have any idea how heartbroken he is when you do that?"

"It's not like I have a choice here."

"You always have a choice, Cal, but we both know you will always choose your work over your family. Wasn't my leaving you enough for you to understand that? Are you going to keep doing the same to your son?"

"Now you know that's not true! You know I'd give my life for him," he riposted, clearly offended.

"Do I? It seems to me like you dedicate your life to the wrong baby!" she almost shouted.

She pushed him out the door and slammed it shut. She stood there for a minute to calm down then she walked to her son's bedroom. She cracked the door open and saw him sobbing on his bed. His back was facing her but she could see his small shoulders shaking. She heard sniffles and hiccups. She made her way to him and sat beside him. She took the Kleenex box on his bedside table, put it on his lap and Charles immediately reached for one to wipe his nose. Rose put her arm around him and kissed the top of his head before he hugged her closer, his arms around her abdomen, and buried his face in her stomach, sobbing louder.

"It's alright, honey," she whispered to him, cradling his head. "You know sometimes Daddy has to work at night."

"He's always working," he cried, the sound muffled.

"He's busy, you know that," she said, trying to come to Cal's defense even though she didn't like what he was doing.

"You are busy with your work too but you're never busy to be with me when I'm spending the week with you."

That was true but, unlike Cal, she would never choose work over Charles. She knew Cal loved Charles, there was no denying it, but his priorities were different than hers. She hoped it would change over the years, sooner the better. She was tired of picking up the broken pieces every time he was too busy to be with Charles. She wanted him to be there for him, just like she once wanted him to be there for her. She wanted Charles to have his father in his life but not like this.

"Tell you what," she began after letting him cry a bit. "How about we take a bath, put on some pajamas and snuggle on the couch and watch TV?"

He nodded and wiped his eyes with the palm of his hand. She gave him a piggyback ride to the bathroom and he was suddenly laughing, like everything that happened in the past hour was forgotten. She let him play in the bath for a while, washed his hair, and made a burrito out of him when she wrapped him tightly in a towel.

They snuggled on the couch, watching this week's episodes of _Phineas and Ferb_ that Rose recorded for when he'd get back on Friday. There was a knock on the door around 6:30 and Rose left Charles by himself to open it. He was too absorbed in his favorite show to care. When she opened the door, Jack was on the other side, his messenger bag on his shoulder.

"Hi, come in," she invited, stepping to the side to let him in.

He walked in, removed his coat and his shoes and asked how she was. She said she was good, even though she was still kind of mad against Caledon for what he did. Jack heard the cartoons playing on TV but didn't think much of it.

"Who is it mommy?" Charles' voice called from the living room.

She didn't answer, she only looked at Jack as if waiting for a reaction. Any reaction. He was simply looking at her like he was waiting for the same thing.

"Aren't you going to answer him?" he asked after a few seconds.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about him before," Rose admitted. "I should've told you."

"Actually, Cassie might have mentioned him."

"Then why didn't you say anything?"

"Mommyyyyy?" Charles asked impatiently.

"It's a friend, honey, we'll be right there," she replied before turning to Jack again.

"I thought you'd tell me when you were ready," he told her.

She smiled then he followed her to the living room where Charles was laid down on the couch, watching his show. He turned around as soon as he realized the presence in the room and looked curiously at Jack. Rose introduced them and Jack waved as Charles said hi. Rose's heart melted when she saw Jack sit right next to the boy and engaged conversation with him. He treated him like a grown-up and Charles loved that. Her little man.

"What are you watching?" Jack asked.

" _Phineas and Ferb_ , don't you know it?"

"I don't."

"What's in your bag?" Charles demanded, pointing Jack's messenger bag.

"Charles!" Rose exclaimed. "I raised you better than that! I am so sorry, Jack," she continued.

"That's alright," Jack laughed.

He took his bag and opened it under Charles' curious eyes. It was filled with sheets of paper, some pencils and more art supplies. Rose became as curious as her son, after all where would he get it from? There were blank sheets but some were used, showing amazing drawings.

"Did you draw these?" Charles asked before Rose could.

"I did," he answered. "I draw for a living but these are my favorites so I keep them."

"I can draw too, wanna see it?" the boy asked without waiting for an answer.

He ran to his bedroom and picked up the sketching book his maternal grandparents got him last Christmas and ran back to the living room. He showed Jack his drawings proudly as Rose looked at them in silence. Phineas and Ferb were long forgotten. Charles was actually really good for his age, Jack noticed.

"I really like this one," Charles said, pointing a drawing of a little girl in the park playing with her dog.

"You can keep it if you want," Jack offered.

"Really?" Charles asked, his eyes full of stars.

"Sure, if you let me keep one of yours."

Rose smiled at how sweet the scene was. Charles gave Jack his drawing of a knight fighting a dragon and Jack put it safely in his bag with his own drawings. Charles insisted to show his room to Jack and also tell him about the science project he would have to do for school after the Christmas holidays. Rose could barely say a word in the conversation and she even felt like an intruder as she stood there with them.

At 7:30, Charles' bedtime, she had to interrupt them to announce that Charles had to go to bed. The boy whined a bit but Jack promised he would come back another day if Charles promised to be good with his mother. Charles nodded promptly, assuring him that he would be. Jack left the room and waited for Rose in the living room.

Charles slipped under the covers as Rose turned on his nightlight. She sat on his bed and made sure he was comfortable before kissing his forehead. He whispered that he really liked Jack and she whispered that she liked him too.

"Goodnight, mommy."

She said it back and walked out of the room, leaving the door ajar just in case he'd called for her later. In a matter of seconds, the kid was out cold.


	9. eight

**EIGHT.**

On Monday morning, Rose rode the bus to school, her face buried in the fifth Harry Potter book. She hadn't been able to start reading it before two days ago even though it had been standing on her bookshelf since last Christmas. It was huge compared to the previous ones but she was almost done with it and already excited for the next one.

She had Economics first period, then French. She sucked at both subjects and hated it more than anything else in the world. She hoped she would be with at least one of her friends so it would make it less of a pain.

Turned out she was with Jacqueline in French class and with both Tommy and Fabrizio, her childhood friends and neighbors, in Economics.

Jacqueline could speak three languages, French being one of them, and Rose always paired up with her so she could help her. Most of the time, it would end up with them laughing until they cried. How did people could speak that language fluently was a complete mystery to Rose. So many complicated grammar rules and verb tenses to memorize and it's not like she would need it or anything.

At lunch, she usually ate with her girlfriends since the boys were eating with the football team. The tryouts for Varsity teams were at the end of the week but seniors that had been on the team since their freshman year were almost promised their spot back. She had a great season last year anyway so she wasn't worried.

She had Creative Writing right after lunch, her favorite class, then free period where she would definitely finish reading her book, and she ended the day with Physics. Mondays would definitely suck, she concluded.

As the bell announced the end of the day, Rose slowly made her way to her locker. The bus wasn't for another twenty minutes anyway.

"You need a ride home?" Tommy asked as he walked by.

"No thanks, maybe tomorrow," she said.

"Alright, see ya!"

"Bye," she replied with a smile.

She walked out when the school was almost empty. She hated leaving the building with the packed crowd of students anxious to get home. In front of the school, she recognized Caledon's black Acura RSX and saw that he was leaning on it, obviously waiting for her to get out. He waved when he saw her and she ran to him, jumping in his arms once she was there. He "oof-ed", taken by surprise, then hugged her tight. He put her down and saw how happy she was that he was there.

"What are you doing here?" she asked with a huge grin on her face.

"I thought I'd pick you up, I missed you too much," he admitted.

"You drove all the way from Columbia just to get me?"

He nodded and she kissed him. Caledon's class finished early and he figured he could make the thirty-minute drive in time to get her after school. He knew she'd be happy to see him just as much as he was happy to see her.

"Let me take that," he said, taking her school bag from her and putting it on the back seat. He opened the passenger door for her to get in then took his seat behind the steering wheel. "Got you something," he announced, offering her a Caramel Frappuccino from Starbucks which he knew was her favorite.

"I feel like a queen," she said with a laugh, taking the cold drink in her hand. "Thank you," she added before kissing his jaw as he started the car.

They talked and laughed on the way to Rose's house. Caledon wasn't supposed to meet Rose's parents before Saturday but might as well get away with it right now since he was already there. He hesitated a bit when she invited him inside but finally gave in.

Rose's father was sitting in the living room, watching some TV like he usually did after a day of work, and her mother was about to start cooking dinner. Rose announced she was home then walked in the kitchen, Caledon following closely behind.

"Mom, I brought someone along, is that okay?" Rose asked as she entered the room.

Both parents turned around and saw the young man behind their daughter. Caledon saw the tall and large man that was Rose's father and grew a bit afraid. Then he saw the small-framed woman close by, her ginger hair tied in a bun. This was definitely Rose's mother, he thought. They both walked to them and it was her father who reached out first.

"Welcome, I'm Henry, this is my wife, Ruth," he said as he shook the young man's hand.

"Caledon," he introduced himself. "It's nice to meet you," he continued, switching to Ruth.

"So you're the boy my daughter won't stop talking about, are you?" Henry asked, teasing as usual.

"Oh my God, dad!" Rose exclaimed, embarrassed.

"I sure hope there isn't another one," Caledon said, playing her father's game.

"Do not side with him, please," Rose pleaded. "I swear I do not talk about you all the time, he's lying."

"She does but let's pretend she doesn't," Henry confirmed and Caledon laughed.

"Would you leave the poor girl alone," Ruth said to her husband, coming to her daughter's defense.

"She knows I'm just playing with her."

"Well you're not funny," Rose almost cried.

"Are you staying over for dinner with us, Caledon?" Ruth asked.

"I wouldn't want to impose on you ma'am," he replied.

"Any friend of my daughter is always welcomed here. And please, call me Ruth."

Caledon obliged and she went back behind the counter to resume what she was doing before they came in. Rose gave Cal a tour of the house and apologized for her father's behavior. He said it was okay and that he thought it was actually funny.

They walked in Rose's bedroom and he looked around. Her house was so different than his. It was homey, not cold and white like his home. He felt more at home here than in his own house.

The room was painted a bright blue and there were some framed pictures all around the room as well as books scattered everywhere. It was her safe haven.

"You still haven't met the most important member of this family," Rose said, taking him out of his reverie.

His eyes followed her as she made her way to her bed. She took a grey feline that was sleeping there casually. Caledon, as a boy, had wished to have a pet but his parents never allowed it. Rose walked back to him, hugging the cat like her life depended on it.

"Meet Gatsby," she introduced. "Gatsby, this is the man I neglected you for," she told the cat.

"How terribly nice of you," Cal said with humor. "You should've told me you already had a man in your life."

He took the cat from her arms to pet him. Gatsby meowed as soon as he left Rose's arms but quieted down when Cal scratched his belly. She told him a bit about Gatsby. How she found him in a dumpster around the curb when he was just a kitten, two years ago. The cat knew that, he felt it somehow, and was being grateful to Rose every day of his life in his own way. He would follow her around the house at all times and would never leave her side during the night.

They sat on Rose's bed, their back against the wall, and Gatsby went back to sleep on his usual spot.

"I like that your room is kind of messy," Cal admitted.

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" she asked with a laugh.

"It is, it is," he assured, putting his hand on her knee. "It feels like a home, you know, like someone actually lives here. My house is nothing like that."

"You should say that to my mother, she spends her time telling me to clean it up."

They both laughed and they just sat there doing small talk until Ruth called them for dinner. Cal sat across from Rose at the table and answered her parents' questions like she answered his parents'. They had a lot of fun and they helped cleaning the table afterwards. Henry said to Caledon that he would invite him over more often if it meant Rose would clean up the table. Rose rolled her eyes and told him to keep quiet.

"What kind of impression do you think you are making, saying all those lies?"

"Lies!" he exclaimed with a laugh. "What if he decides to marry you someday? He has to know what kind of wife you will be. Won't clean the table _OR_ her room. I'm telling you, Caledon, I would revisit my options if I were you."

"How nice of you," Rose shot back to him.

"I'm afraid I fell in love with all those bad habits already," Cal confessed.

* * *

Caledon left around 9, claiming he had school work to do. Henry and Ruth told him he was welcomed to visit anytime he wanted and he thanked them for the lovely time he had in their house tonight. Rose walked him to the door, sad that he had to leave already. She was glad that her parents liked him and strangely, it seemed to make her love him more than she already did.

They kissed in the darkness of the vestibule, away from her father's prying eyes.

Rose loved kissing Caledon. His lips were soft and he was a very good kisser if she dared say so. Not that she kissed a lot of guys before.

He pulled away and she almost said the words, the three words, but she didn't. She got scared he wouldn't say them back and that maybe it was too soon to say them even if she knew they were reflecting her feelings for him.

"Goodnight," he said.

"Goodnight."

He smiled then rushed back to her lips to kiss her once more. Her back was against the wall and she knocked her head faintly, making her giggle against his lips.

"I really have to go," he whispered after the kiss, his forehead on hers.

"Yeah," she whispered back, biting her lower lip.

She heard her father cough and she knew it was a warning that they were spending too much time kissing in the dark.

Caledon walked outside and she watched him get in his car.

* * *

They didn't see each other before the weekend because Caledon was too busy with school projects and Rose was in the process of choosing her extracurricular activities.

School took most of their time. They saw each other each Friday night when Rose had local games or the weekends, usually on Saturday since they kept Sundays to finish assignments.

They couldn't wait for the holidays so they could see each other every day and do _nothing_ together.

The Hockleys had invited Rose to spend Christmas with them to their cabin in Pennsylvania. They would be skiing there amongst other things. Rose really wanted to go, even if she didn't know how to ski, but she knew her parents wouldn't approve of her going.

Because she just turned eighteen. Because she should be with her family for Christmas. Because she was their only child. She said to Mrs. Hockley that she would have a talk with her parents and let her know if she could come or not.

She worked hard to convince her parents to go. They used every argument she already knew they would use and she understood their point, of course, who would want their only daughter to go away for Christmas? But she told them that they would have to get used to it one day or another because she wouldn't live there forever and that someday, she'd marry a man and maybe they wouldn't be spending every Christmas with them. She even told them that she hated them for not allowing her to do anything ever. Her mother ended up really frustrated and told her to go, as if she didn't care anymore. Rose saw that her words had hurt her and she said she was sorry, but it was too late already.

Her father looked at her like he didn't recognize who she was anymore.

Rose stormed off to her bedroom, angry. Angry at her parents for treating her like a child but most of all, angry at herself for being so selfish. She lay down on her bed and buried her face in her pillow before screaming her frustration, angry tears spilling on her cheeks.

She hated having arguments with her parents. It happened so rarely, she had forgotten how angry and sad it made her. Gatsby jumped on her bed and looked at her lying there. He meowed and she reached out for him, bringing him closer. Her cat would never let her down, that she knew.

Rose spent the rest of the day in her bedroom, thinking about all the mean things she shot her mother's way earlier that day. She hadn't been fair. She knew what Christmas meant to them and how important it was that she was there to celebrate it with them.

A soft knock was heard on her door in late afternoon. Her mother didn't even open the door to tell her dinner was ready, she told her through it and left. Rose got up from bed and walked to the kitchen, taking place at the table in silence. She looked down at her plate the entire time they were eating, not brave enough to face the disappointment in her parents' eyes.

She cleaned up the table without saying anything and filled the dishwasher with the plates and utensils as she heard Ruth getting soapy water ready to wash the pots and pans. Henry fixed himself a cup of coffee and went back to the table to read the paper. Rose stood there a long time, staring at her mother's backside, hoping she would say something so she wouldn't have to start talking first.

It never came so she simply walked to her and hugged her from behind, resting her head on her back. Ruth stopped moving and felt her daughter sob quietly.

"I'm sorry," Rose said with a teary voice. "I shouldn't have said those mean things to you. I wish I could take it back."

"Don't worry," Ruth replied even though she was still hurt by the afternoon events.

"No, don't let me go away with it, not again. I had no right to say what I said, it was selfish and disrespectful. I will tell Mrs. Hockley I can't go and it will be the end of it. I'll spend Christmas with you, like I always did, because it's the right thing to do."

"I'm glad you understand, sweetheart," Ruth said, turning around to hug her. "Now, there's no need to cry."

"I'm sorry," Rose repeated.

"I know, and I'm sorry too."

* * *

On December 21st, the last day of school before the holidays, Rose's classes were canceled for the afternoon. She had a Lacrosse practice during lunchtime but was free to go home afterwards.

She announced herself when she entered the house and was surprised to hear her father's voice answer her. Turned out he had the day off too. There was a gift set on the kitchen counter and Rose frowned when she saw it. Christmas wasn't for another four days and there were already gifts under the Christmas tree.

"Why is there a gift on the counter?" she asked, entering the living room where both her parents were.

"It's for you, came in today," Henry replied. "It says you can open it right away."

"Really?!" Rose exclaimed, feeling five years old all over again. "Who's it from?"

"Some guy named Santa."

Rose rolled her eyes and ran to the kitchen to get the gift and open it in the living room. She sat down on the floor and tear off the wrapping paper. She opened the box and saw a bright pink winter coat with black snow pants. She stopped what she was doing and stared at it, confused.

"You bought me a winter coat just last year," she pointed out, knowing perfectly well the gift was from them.

"The one you have isn't good for skiing, this one is," Ruth explained.

"Oh my God!" Rose yelled, standing up with the coat in her hands. "You mean I can go?" she asked, crying now.

"Your father and I had a long talk about it and we know how important this is for you. The Hockleys already know and they are going to pick you up tomorrow morning at 7 o'clock." Ruth said.

She hugged her mother so tightly she thought she would break her in half. The tears wouldn't stop falling from her eyes, she was so happy. Rose hugged her father who picked her up in his arms and kissed her cheek.

"It's hard to let you go," he whispered to her. "You better have fun."

"I will, I promise!"

She looked at him and saw the tears in his eyes. He sniffled and wiped his eyes before anyone could notice it. Rose couldn't restrain herself, she was so excited. She hugged them both again saying "thank you" a hundred times.

She picked up the phone, dialed Cal's number and ran to her room.

"Hello?" he answered sternly.

"Hey!" she almost yelled in the phone.

"I'd say you heard the good news," Cal said with a smile in his voice. "Are you happy?"

"If you mean ecstatic, yes I am. We're going to be together for a whole week, I couldn't be happier. Aren't you excited?"

"Of course I am, baby," he assured her. There was a silence and Caledon realized what he had just said. "I'm sorry, I – "

"It's okay, you took me by surprise, that's all," she said, grinning like an idiot at the term of endearment he just used.

There was a nervous laugh coming from Caledon and he asked her if she started to pack already. She hadn't but she was about to.

They talked for almost an hour, until Caledon had to hang up. Rose started packing right away, filling her suitcase with clothes and toiletries until it barely closed up. Her mother came to help and told her daughter that she didn't have to bring the three books she already packed.

"But what if I feel like reading?" Rose asked, thinking the suggestion was absolutely outrageous.

"Why don't you bring only one? I doubt that you will have time to read three whole books, you're gonna have too much fun for that."

"You're right," she agreed. "It's just – It's so hard to choose only one."

Ruth laughed, shaking her head. Rose had been enthralled by books since she was four years old. _Love You Forever_ being the first book her father ever bought her. It was on December 3rd, 1990, her fourth birthday. She had been as excited as she was right now. She had sat on her father's lap that night, wearing her pajamas, and she made him read it aloud to her about ten times before trying to read it by herself. Ruth would remember that day forever.

 _"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always…"_

Her small voice saying those words was probably her favorite memory of her upbringing.

Ruth looked at Rose who was smiling big as she added a dress in her suitcase. Her baby was growing up.

* * *

The next morning, Rose was up and ready at 5:30 a.m. Henry had never seen his daughter up that early with a smile on her face. She usually was grumpy and off-limits to talk unless you weren't scared of tigers or of having your head bitten off.

Ruth was fixing breakfast for her husband before he had to leave for work and asked Rose if she wanted anything. She said she'd have whatever her father was having. Henry was suspicious of something because Rose usually made a fuss about everything, especially this early in the morning. Not to mention that she _hated_ eggs, which were a part of his every day's breakfast.

"Since when do you eat eggs?" he asked.

"Come on, dad, I'm not ten anymore," Rose replied.

"Meaning?"

"My taste changed, I like it now, I have for the past four years," she said as if it was totally obvious and that he should already know.

"I'm sorry Miss Dewitt Bukater the First," he said, holding up his hands as if he'd just been caught red-handed.

Henry left at 6:30, hugging Rose for a good two minutes, telling her he loved her and to be careful. She promised she would be. She made sure to say "thank you" again and she looked at him leave. It hit her that same second that she wouldn't be with him on Christmas morning. That he wouldn't be sitting on his Lay-Z-Boy with his coffee when she'd walk in the room, still wearing her pajamas, ready to open her Christmas presents. That she wouldn't be able to sit at his feet, on the floor, as he would play with her hair while she read any book she decided to read that day. That she wouldn't feel his strong arms hugging her, wishing her a Merry Christmas.

She knocked on the window to get his attention but he didn't hear her and got in the car. Rose felt the hot tear slipping from the corner of her eye but she didn't bother to wipe it off.

She spent the next thirty minutes with her mother in the kitchen. They didn't say much, but it felt good to be in her presence knowing that she wouldn't be there for a whole week. It was different than her summer trip in the Hamptons, it seemed, probably because Christmas had so much more meaning. Rose knew she'd have fun down in Pennsylvania but it would be different from what she was used to.

At 7:10, Caledon's car stopped in front of the house and he walked to the door. Rose ran to open it and he walked in, bringing a cold breath of wind inside with him.

"I thought we were all riding the same car," Rose said with a frown, seeing his car out front.

"We were supposed to but turns out my mother has too much luggage," he replied. He towered over her and pecked her lips. She shivered when his freezing face touched hers. "Oh yeah, it's freezing out there so better dress up warmly. I think it's going to snow too, so we better hurry. Oh, hi Ruth," Caledon said with a wave when he saw Rose's mother walk in the room.

"Good morning, Caledon."

"We have to go," Rose said, embracing her mother. "Don't forget to feed Gatsby. I'm pretty sure he'll let you know he's hungry but – "

"I have everything under control, don't worry," Ruth assured her. "Drive carefully," she added as Caledon opened the door, holding Rose's suitcase.

"I will. Happy holidays."

"You too. Take care, sweetheart," she said to her daughter.

Rose nodded and walked out of the house after she threw her a big smile.

She heard the car leave. Rose was gone.

* * *

They stopped twice on the road, once to get coffee and fill the car with gasoline and the second time to get a snack (and restroom stop). It wasn't a long drive, about two hours if you didn't stop. They made it in two hours and thirty minutes.

The Hockleys' cabin was not far from the Alpine Mountain Resort where you could ski but also ice skate, which for the moment sounded more appealing to Rose. Caledon had promised that he would teach her to ski but she was nervous just to think about it.

When they arrived at the cabin, Caledon's parents and William were already there. They even had the fire started. Helen ran to Rose, kissing her cheeks, telling her how happy she was that she could join them for Christmas. Rose felt the same, and said so.

Caledon brought both their suitcases in his room at the end of the corridor, followed by Rose who was looking around in wonder. The cabin was made of logs and the interior smelled of freshly cut wood, a scent she always liked.

Once they were in the room, they unpacked and finally joined the rest of the family in the family room, holding gifts. They put them under the Christmas tree and Rose was impressed with the quantity of presents that were there. At home, there weren't more than ten gifts. Here, there were at least thirty. She asked if any other people were coming over and they told her that there weren't.

They had dinner at seven, ate in complete silence. Rose was careful not to clatter her utensils against her plate, trying not to draw the attention to her. She saw Cal throwing her a sympathetic look from time to time, knowing she wasn't used to this kind of thing. He went over to her house enough times to know that dinner time was when her family talked about their day and shared stories. Caledon had been raised with the notion that eating and talking weren't supposed to mix. Honestly, he liked Rose's family's way better.

After Rose finished helping Mrs. Hockley clean up the kitchen, she joined Caledon in the living room and they decided to go skate on the ice rink of the ski resort, about 3 miles from the cabin. William wanted to come with but Caledon insisted that he wanted to be alone with his girlfriend and that they would go the three of them another day. For once, William didn't argue.

When they arrived, they went to the counter and asked to rent two pair of skates. It was quite late and it was freezing outside, below zero, so there wasn't anyone left on the rink. Rose got on the ice first and skated around like a pro.

"You make it look like it's as easy as walking," Caledon said.

"That's because it is! Come on," she said, taking his hand to bring him on the rink with her. "Don't be so stiff, you're sure to fall down this way," she explained with a giggle.

She barely finished her sentence that Cal lost his balance and fell on the ice, bringing her down with him.

"Ow, Jesus Christ," Rose said, stroking the small of her back, a laugh escaping her lips.

"I am so sorry," Cal apologized. "Are you alright?" he said, rushing to her.

"Don't worry," she assured. "I'll be sore for a day or two but nothing is broken."

He helped her up and took turn to stroke the place where she was hurting. She took his hand and told him to relax his muscles.

"It's like walking, except easier because you glide, see?" she demonstrated, letting go of his hand.

"Easier said than done, miss smarty-pants," he said as Rose turned around, skating backwards, to look at him.

"Don't you ever play ice hockey in the winter?" Rose asked as if it was mandatory to play.

"Why would I play hockey?"

"Because it's fun, why else?"

"I wasn't aware that I was in love with a girl who plays every damn sport." Rose stopped skating around and looked at him as he was trying to stay up on his skates. "What?" he asked when he saw her face.

"You said you were in love with me," she replied.

"Of course I am. Do you think I would be ridiculing myself on this rink if I wasn't in love with you?"

She skated to him with a huge smile and kissed him. His face was cold but his lips weren't. His arms around her kept her warm and if she ever was this happy before, she didn't remember. They kissed for a long time and she wouldn't have stopped if she didn't have to breathe.

"I love you, too," she whispered, looking straight into his eyes. He kissed her again then pulled away.

"Now I must know, which sports are you going to beat my ass to?" he asked, a smirk on his lips.

"I think we don't share any sport at all but if you insist. Let's see, lacrosse, hockey, baseball, rugby, soccer and I've done some archery when I was a kid but I doubt I'd be any good now," Rose admitted.

"Why in the world would you do any archery?" Cal asked, confused but also amused.

"Because I _liked_ it I suppose," she said with a shrug. "Must you have a reason for everything? Now, what sport are _you_ going to beat me to?"

"Crew, definitely," he pointed out. "Tennis, skiing, sailing and probably running, too."

"You would _not_. I can run faster than you."

"Of course you can, sweetheart," he replied, amused.

"I'll race you to the car when we leave," Rose challenged.

He laughed at her being so challenging. He liked it in a way because it kept him on his toes all the time. There was no way he would ever get bored with this girl.

They skated, or at least Cal tried to, for almost 45 minutes but decided to head back to the cabin because it was getting really cold. They brought the skates back to the rental counter and Rose reminded Caledon of their challenge.

"First one to the car gets to kiss the loser," Caledon said.

"In what way is that a competition? You get to kiss me either way! If I win, and I will, you will help your mother with the dishes tomorrow night," Rose bargained.

"Fine," he concluded with a shrug. "On three. One, two, three."

Rose pushed Caledon to the side and he fell in the snow. She ran to the car as he shouted "cheater". She could hear him getting closer behind her, saying things like "wait 'til I get you". She felt herself getting lifted off the ground and being thrown over his shoulder like a potato sack. She screamed, laughing hysterically, and he fell to the ground, both of them landing in the fluffy snow. He straddled her on the ground, his knees on each side of her. Cal began tickling her through her coat and the only thing that came to her mind was to throw a huge amount of snow to his face. It did it. She couldn't stop laughing as she looked at her snowman-lookalike boyfriend. He approached his face to kiss her and she screamed out of laughter. He kissed her, the snow melting from his face to drip all over hers.

Their kiss gained passion and they lay there for what seemed forever. Rose started shivering so they got into the car. Caledon started the engine and suggested they waited a bit for the car to get warm.

Forty seconds later, they were in a heavy make-out session, Rose seated on Cal's lap. It wasn't the best position considering the steering wheel right behind Rose's back, but they didn't care. Hats and other winter necessities were thrown all over the car and their coats were half-unzipped. Rose hissed when she felt Caledon's cold hands on her stomach, under her coat and her shirt. His hands were getting up every few seconds until they were right under the center front gore of her bra.

"We can't do that here," she whispered against his lips.

She knew, and he did too, where this was leading. Together, they did lots of things. Lots of _highly pleasurable_ things involving tongues and hands, but they didn't go all the way through with the intercourse yet.

Rose had wanted to wait, to be certain the relationship was serious and going somewhere. She was still a virgin and didn't want to throw it away with just anybody. It wasn't that she wasn't ready nor was she scared or nervous. It was only important for her that it was with somebody she loved. And she loved Caledon.

Caledon had had experience before and he had preferred to be honest with Rose so he had told her. That's when she told him she was still a virgin and the reason she wanted to wait. He had understood because it made sense. He respected her a lot and he wanted it to be important for her as well.

They had been together for four and a half months now. There was an enormous amount of trust and understanding in their relationship and they loved each other a lot.

"We should head back," she whispered again.

"Yeah," he whispered back before kissing her once more.

"Maybe we can still stay here for a while," Rose chuckled, her hands tangled in his hair. His kisses could literally make her do _anything_.

Cal nibbled on her earlobe, her head tilting to the side as he continued down her jaw, her neck, her shoulder. He reached the edge of her bra cup and that's when she pulled on the hair behind his head softly. He tried going back but she stopped him.

"I don't want to do this in the car," Rose said.

"I was just – "

"We both know what's going to happen if I let you do it," she whispered, putting her clothing back in its place.

"Alright, let's go then," he said.

Rose giggled as she started grooming his hair back the way it was before her hands had tousled it. Then she went back to her seat. The car was definitely not cold anymore. Caledon drove to the cabin and when he parked out front, they saw that it was pitch black inside. Everybody was asleep.

They tiptoed to their room and closed the door quietly behind them.

It didn't take long before they were all over each other again. Cal fumbled with the door, trying to find the lock while Rose was working on the buttons of his shirt, their lips joined in a kiss. It was dark in the room and Cal almost tripped over something that Rose obviously left on the floor because no one else in this house left things on the floor.

Caledon slipped his hand up Rose's stomach, under her shirt, until he finally took it off as she started unbuckling his belt. Her shirt thrown at the other end of the room, he faintly saw the purple lace bra she was wearing underneath. He bit his lower lip and walked her blindly to the bed. They fell on it with a "humph" and Caledon stepped up for a second, the time to take off his pants.

"You're sure you want to do this?" Cal asked Rose.

"Yes," she answered. "Now shut up and kiss me," she whispered, bringing him back on top of her.

Cal unbuttoned her jean and slid it down her legs, revealing the panties matching her bra. Maybe she planned this, after all, he thought. She was simply _gorgeous_. He kissed his way up her stomach until their lips joined again. Rose's hand slipped into his boxers and she stroked him, feeling his breath catch up in his throat.

"Now, who's getting confident," he laughed quietly against her lips.

"Are you complaining?"

"Absolutely not."

She continued her work down there, and felt his body a little heavier on hers. His lips worked their way down her jaw as his hands unhooked her bra, holding her up a little. She took it off and Cal lied her back down on the mattress.

Rose ran her hands in Caledon's black hair, still wet from the melted snow, as he took her right nipple into his mouth, using his hand to give an equal amount of attention to her left breast. She arched her back, pressing herself into him, sighing softly. He did this to her before, lots of times, but she seemed to forget how good it made her feel every other time he would do it again.

Then he made is way downtown and her hands pushed on his head of their own accord when she felt the first flick of his tongue. He had done that before too. She moaned quietly, biting hard into her lower lip to keep the noise as discreet as possible. She didn't want the whole house hearing them, her.

Rose came hard a few minutes later, Cal's lips quickly joining hers to try and muffle the moans escaping her throat. They laid there for a moment, Rose trying to steady her breathing. Then, she took Cal's boxer off and worked him up a little as he tried to get a condom from the bedside table. He put it on and asked Rose a second time if she was sure she wanted to do it. She was.

"If I hurt you or do something you don't like you need to tell me," Cal whispered.

She stared into his eyes and nodded. He entered her slowly, holding her gaze the entire time. She inhaled a sharp breath and he asked her if she was okay just by looking in her eyes. She nodded. He gave her time to get used to him then started moving in and out slowly. Her hands grasped his back, as if trying to bring him closer, even though it was physically impossible. She moaned softly in his ear, it sounded almost like a whimper.

"Everything alright?" he whispered, leaving a kiss beside her ear.

"Yes," she whispered back. "God, yes."

He moved a bit faster and joined his mouth to Rose's, feeling the vibration of her throaty moans against his tongue. Her hands went back in his hair, pulling ever so softly at it, not enough to actually hurt him. He began to breathe heavily as well, feeling his own climax building up.

Rose never felt this loved before. The three words, "I love you" were strong when they were truthful. They were even hard to say when you felt them all the way from your gut. She remembered feeling nervous about saying them to Caledon for the first time.

But share this same love in the most intimate of ways, just like they were doing right now, it was indescribable. Cal had been so sweet to her from the very beginning and had held her gaze for a while, making sure she was okay. What she saw in his eyes at that time was almost frightening, yet so powerful. There was so much love and admiration in his look that she could feel nothing but beautiful as he showed her all the feelings he had for her.

Rose felt the pleasure building up, that twitch in her belly, and a few seconds later, she came with a loud "ah", followed by blissful moaning as Cal continued moving into her, his orgasm hitting almost right away. He whimpered against her neck as she breathed heavily against his shoulder.

Caledon pulled out of her and disposed of the used condom. He came back to bed and they spooned under the covers in their birthday suit.

"I love your hair," Cal said as he ran a hand in it to see her face.

She didn't say anything, she only cuddled closer to him. He kissed the side of her head and buried his face in her neck. Rose fell asleep in a matter of seconds, Caledon's breathing against her skin and his body's warmth were enough to make her feel safe.

Caledon knew she was asleep when her breathing steadied and he pulled her closer, his hand on her stomach. He kissed the nape of her neck and fell asleep too, wishing he'd never have to leave this spot ever again.


	10. nine

**NINE.**

Rose stopped by the bathroom on the way back to the living room, taking a hair tie from the drawer to tie her hair in a messy bun.

When she entered the living room, she saw Jack on the couch, flipping through a book that was left on the coffee table.

"Well, the little man is off to sleep," Rose said as she sat beside him. "I'm sorry about tonight, Charles was supposed to be with his father but he got stuck in a meeting so I had to take him in."

"That's okay, I understand. I wouldn't want to take away precious time with your son. He's quite the fellow," Jack said.

"He is, isn't he? And he's quite fond of you. I didn't know you could draw, you never told me."

"Yeah… Well, my job is to draw for comic books, you see."

"Wha – Wow, really?" she asked, impressed. Jack nodded and ran a hand through his hair. "So you came all the way from Wisconsin to draw comic books?"

"I did," he answered with a laugh, knowing how ridiculous it sounded. "The pay was better here," he admitted. "This is probably the only reason I moved to the city."

"Don't you like it here?"

"I like it now," he said, looking at her.

She stopped smiling and looked down quickly before looking up at him again. He approached his face of hers slowly, waiting to see if she'd back out. She didn't. Jack took her lips with his and kissed her. She closed her eyes and kissed him back.

Rose felt like something inside her just exploded. There was no denying of a deep connection between them, like they were meant to be together, like two pieces of a puzzle. The feelings she once had for Caledon were strong but never as strong as this. And now she hated herself for thinking about him at this very moment. She felt Jack's hand on the back of her head, his fingers buried under the loose hair tie. She opened her mouth, his tongue slipping in, mixing with hers. Rose felt no bashfulness whatsoever, like she had done that with him countless of times before.

Jack lay her down on the couch, lying on top of her, their mouths still together. Rose slid her hands in the back pockets of his jeans, a small gesture to let him know it was okay, that she was okay. Jack left her lips to kiss her earlobe, slowly made his way down her neck and once he reached her shoulder, he pulled down the sleeve of her t-shirt, revealing the black strap of her bra.

Rose heard a noise and told Jack to stop so she could concentrate on it. She heard it again and realized it was only the cat walking around. She sighed, relieved.

"Would you rather stop?" Jack asked.

"No!" she answered a bit too eagerly. "I mean, no," she said, more in control of her own voice now.

She felt like a horny 16-year-old, it was ridiculous. Jack returned to what he was doing before they were interrupted. She fisted his hair while Jack left wet kisses on her cleavage, his hands approaching the button of her skinny jean. He fumbled with it, finally unbuttoned it, and slipped his hand inside her panties. She was already wet. His mouth left her breast and kissed her lips once more as he inserted a finger inside her. She let out a whimper against his tongue and bucked her hips to meet his hand. Jack saw her biting her lip to keep the sounds in. Rose was the expert of muffled moans and silent orgasms at this point. Having a child also meant to be discreet. He added a second finger and used his thumb to flick at the bundle of nerves, plunging her into an intense pleasure.

Rose let out a quiet moan, her face buried in Jack's neck. Jack felt her thighs starting to shake slightly and soon, she came hard around his fingers, barely a sound coming out of her mouth, only a few satisfied whimpers. She kissed him, feeling his erection against her thigh. She lowered his pants and Jack sat them up on the couch, Rose on his lap. Her hair was a mess, her pants still unbuttoned and her shirt in such a weird position she wouldn't know how to describe it. She took him in her hand and stroked him up and down slowly, his head lolling on the back of the couch as he let out a long sigh. He placed his hands on her hips and she left lazy kisses on his jaw, never stopping what she was doing south.

He told her when he was about to come and she reached for some tissues. She placed them on his pants to avoid a mess and he came seconds later, his eyes clenched shut, grasping her thighs. He breathed heavily for a bit then reached out to kiss her hard.

"Who knew buying you coffee would lead to this?" he whispered jokingly.

She giggled quietly and put her clothing back in its place. She hoped he didn't think she was the easy type because she really wasn't. This situation was entirely different. The way she felt about him was different.

Jack was amazed by this girl, every day. He felt complete when he was with her but it always seemed to him that she was out of his league. He missed her the second he left her shop in the morning. He thought about her _all the time_ , afraid she wouldn't feel the same way. But tonight proved him wrong, she felt the same.

They talked for a while then Jack said he should head back home. He didn't want her to be tired in the morning because he kept her up too late, especially since she had to drop Charles to school. She had to leave thirty minutes earlier just to do that.

He pecked her lips, said goodnight and was out the door. Rose looked at him through the window until she couldn't see him anymore then she walked to her son's room to make sure he was all right. He was sleeping safe and soundly in his bed, cuddled with his blanket and teddy bear.

* * *

In the middle of the night, Rose was woken up by cries coming from her son's room. She opened her eyes, confused, and then sat right up in her bed.

"Mommy," she could hear him cry fearfully. She ran to his bedside. He was still lying down on his bed when she kneeled next to him.

"Shhh," she whispered as she kissed his head, stroking his back.

His shirt was soaked and the sweat stuck it to his skin. The kid was scared out of his mind and wouldn't stop crying. She took him in her arms, realizing how much he had grown and how heavy he had become in only six months. He held onto her for dear life, stretching the back of the shirt she was wearing. He was inconsolable.

"It's alright, honey, mommy's right here," Rose whispered as she rocked him gently, feeling his tears on her neck.

"I'm sc-scared," he cried with a hiccup.

"I can see that," she said with a small sympathetic laugh. "Why don't you tell mommy what is scaring you like that?"

"No, I don't want to," he said, shaking his head no. "It's too scary."

"If you don't tell me I can't make it go away," she explained, stroking his hair. He hugged her so tight she could barely breathe anymore.

"There were _pirates_ and they were _really_ mean."

"What did they do?" Rose asked.

"They took me away from you and daddy and they said I could never see you again," he cried. "You're not gonna let them take me mommy, huh?"

"Of course not, honey. Nobody is ever going to take my boy away from me," she assured him. "And not from daddy either, I promise."

She rocked him until he calmed down and stopped crying.

In the bathroom, she ran a washcloth on his skin before getting him into clean pajamas and helping him blow his nose. He insisted to sleep in the "big bed" with her and she didn't have the heart to say no so they both got into her bed. Rose held him close to let him know she was there and wouldn't let go of him.

* * *

When the alarm rang at 5:30, Rose opened her eyes slightly before closing them again. She pressed the snooze button and cuddled back with her son who was still far away in dreamland. She could still sleep for thirty minutes without being late.

When she opened her eyes the second time, it was 8:15. She looked at her phone to make sure it was the right time and saw she had two missed calls from Cassie.

"Shit!" she exclaimed, getting up, already dialing Cassie's number. "Charles, wake up, we're late," she said to her son before the girl answered.

"Where are you?" the young woman asked.

"I am _so_ sorry, I overslept. Listen, you can go and get coffee or something, it's on me. I won't be there before 9:30 at the very least so take your time."

"Alright, see you later," Cassie replied.

Rose hung up and threw her phone away on her bedside table. She saw Charles still half-asleep in the bed. She picked him up in her arms and he grunted his discontent. She brought him to his room and asked him to get dressed while she did the same.

When she walked back to Charles' room, fully dressed, she saw him lying asleep on his bed, still wearing his pajamas.

"Charles!" she shouted.

"No," he mumbled.

She got him out of bed and dressed him as he stood there, half-asleep. They brushed their teeth and Rose picked up two muffins on the way to the subway. She felt bad she couldn't offer a better breakfast to Charles but they were so late, so very two hours late.

Once they were out of the subway, they ran to Charles' school then to the principal office where Rose had to explain why Charles was running so late. Then she hailed a taxi to get to work faster. During the ride, she texted Cassie to let her know she would be there in a few minutes. She paid the driver and got out of the car, seeing her employee waiting for her, holding two cups of coffee in her hands.

"I am so sorry, I don't know why I didn't hear the alarm, I – "

"Don't worry," Cassie interrupted. "Happens to all of us. Here, I got you a latte, I figured you wouldn't have time to stop," she said with a smile.

"You're an angel," Rose said as she took the coffee in her hand and unlocked the door.

"I saw Jack waiting for you but I explained what happened, I hope it's okay."

"Yes, thank you."

Rose made a mental note to text Jack later to apologize and make sure he didn't think she had been avoiding him. She took a long swig of coffee and closed her eyes as the liquid warmed her throat. She was so grateful for it.

* * *

Caledon called Rose in the evening, mad at her for this whole late business in the morning because it had made Charles late for school. She told him it wouldn't have happened if he didn't have his stupid meeting the previous night and if Charles had slept where he was supposed to, in his bed, at his father's.

Of course the whole thing ended up in an argument as usual. Lots of curse words were said (shouted) and it ended up with Rose crying out of exhaustion about it. He told her to fuck off with her fake tears and she hung up on him after letting him know he was an asshole.

Cal threw his cellphone against the wall with a loud and furious "argh" and it split in half. That fucking woman. She was driving him insane.

Charles was in his father's study and heard the shouting and the loud bang that followed but he was too scared to go and see for himself so he stayed there to draw in his sketching book. He couldn't wait to show it to Jack the next time he would come over at his mother's house. Charles heard a door bang and decided he would definitely not go in the other room.

Cal locked himself into his bedroom, which was the same room he shared with said woman for six years, and threw everything that was on his desk on the floor. He screamed while doing so and then punched the door with all his might.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he said angrily, holding his hurting fist.

Charles started crying, afraid. He hated when his parents were shouting mean words to each other and he hated when his father was angry this way. It scared him.

He took the phone and dialed his mother's cellphone number which he knew by heart and was very proud of himself for it. He waited, listening to the ringing until she would answer but she didn't. He tried twice but she didn't answer the second time either. Maybe she was angry with him too. Because he woke her up last night and wouldn't wake up this morning and he made her late for work. He teared up just to think about it.

He ran, calling out "Daddy" all the way to the main room. Caledon heard him, wiped his face quickly and got out of his room.

"What's going on, bud?" he asked, picking up his son.

"I think mommy is angry with me," he said with watery eyes.

"Why would she be angry with you?"

"Because of what happened this morning. And because I could hear you shout on the phone and shouting means you're angry," Charles explained.

"Your mother is angry with me, not with you," Caledon said.

"Why?"

"Lots of things," he replied with a chuckle, even though he didn't think it was funny.

"Is that why mommy doesn't live here anymore?" he asked. "Don't you love her anymore?"

"It's complicated." He sighed and decided it was time to man up and be honest with him. "I still love her, I do, but she doesn't love me back anymore I'm afraid."

"Yes, she does," Charles insisted. "She does because she lets me stay here with you. She's going to come back soon, to live here again, like before."

"I know you'd like that, buddy, but it's not going to happen."

"Does that mean she's not going to love me anymore?" he asked as he started crying.

"Hey, shhh," Cal said. "Of course not, Charles, mommy will always love you."

"How can you be so sure? She loved you before and now you say she doesn't. The same could happen to me. How do you know?"

"Because this love between you and your mother, it's different. This is stronger, so much stronger, and it doesn't fade, it only grows bigger," he whispered to him, as if telling him a secret. "If you want to be absolutely sure she doesn't stop loving you though, I know a secret."

"Tell me, daddy," Charles asked impatiently.

"Tell her you love her, okay? Tell her every day." 'Don't make the same mistake your idiotic father did' Caledon thought.

"Okay, I will."

Caledon kissed the side of his son's head and started crying, holding him in a tight hug. Charles had never seen his father cry before but he didn't ask why he was crying. He let him do so and he stroked his back, just like his mother did to him when he was crying.

"It's okay, daddy," Charles whispered. "I will never stop loving you either, I promise."

* * *

Caledon kissed his head again and told him that he would love him forever and ever. That he was so proud of him and that he would always be.

Caledon brought Charles to Starbucks that night to get a hot chocolate and try to make him forget the awful conversation between his parents he had heard earlier. He even let him put whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on it. The boy drank the whole thing and asked to taste whatever his father was having. Cal told him it was coffee and that he wouldn't like it but Charles insisted so he let him take a sip. He grimaced at the taste and said "yuck" a bit too loud.

"Shh, not so loud," Caledon said, laughing at the face his son just made.

"It's disgusting," Charles replied.

"That's why it's a grown-up drink. Now _do not_ tell your mother you had a sip of that, alright?"

Charles nodded and Cal helped him getting dressed in his winter coat as the boy put on his beanie. They walked back to the loft, about five minutes from there. Charles took a bath and insisted on his father reading him his _Captain America_ junior novel before going to sleep. They sat on his bed and Cal was barely three pages in when he felt Charles fall asleep on his shoulder. He made sure he was comfortable and went into his study to work on his current contract. His mind wasn't into it at all but he didn't have a choice, he was already late with the deadlines.

It was late when he finally walked out of his study. He entered his bedroom then walked to the en-suite bathroom and got into a hot shower. When he walked out wearing his pajamas bottoms, he looked at the bed and knew he wouldn't be able to sleep in it tonight. He went to Charles' room to see if he was okay then went to sleep in the guest room.

* * *

Rose had spent the entire evening trying not to throw everything against the wall. She was boiling.

How Caledon loved to make her feel like it was her fault all the time. Especially when he knew he was the guilty one. This had happened countless of times before.

She went for a walk around the block even though it was cold out, just to calm her nerves and breathe some fresh air. Only _thinking_ she would have to see him tomorrow night made her want to throw herself down the Empire State Building.

Rose tried changing her mind off of things by watching some television or read but nothing was working.

Caledon and her could get along, most of the time, for the sake of the kid. She even thought they could remain friends because, honestly, she couldn't say he was a bad guy. They had been in a relationship for almost eight years and even though they weren't together anymore, she appreciated him as a human being, she wouldn't deny that. But when they started bickering and arguing, they were like fire and ice. And it was usually for stupid things, too, like tonight.

She received a text from Jack asking how she was and she told him she could be better. That it involved her ex and that talking about it would probably make her angrier so she suggested they changed the subject. She apologized for that morning and didn't forget to mention that she had the next day off.

'Thanks for telling me, I would've been worried otherwise,' he wrote back.

She smiled. She saw Cal's house number appear on the screen and she dismissed the call. How cheeky could he be?

'I have a Friday off every three weeks. I have Charles this weekend, maybe you'd like to hang out with us on Sunday? I know he would be thrilled,' she texted to Jack.

Jack started typing but another message from her came in before he had the time to press send.

'And me too…'

'Yeah, sure! I'd love to.'

They texted for a while then she relaxed in a bubble bath before going to bed. She turned around in bed all night, grateful she didn't have to get up at 5:30 the next morning. It must have been around 3 o'clock when she finally sank into a deep sleep, the refreshing kind. She didn't wake up before noon the next day, which was an absolute miracle, and got things done. She had been able to shop for groceries, do some laundry and clean the bathroom before Charles came through the door at six.

She walked to the door as her son was taking off his boots and coat. Caledon had stayed behind, on the other side of the opened door, holding his son's bags. She waited until Charles said goodbye to his father and had walked away to his room.

Rose snatched the bags away from Caledon's hands and put them away behind her.

"Hello to you too," Caledon said with sarcasm.

"Oh, please, don't play innocent with me," she snapped at him.

"Don't be a pain in the ass, I'm not in the mood," he replied with an annoyed sigh.

"Why I was ever in love with a jerk like you is beyond me, ugh, you're driving me crazy."

"Stop being such a _bitch_ ," he said the last word between his teeth so that Charles wouldn't hear it. "I'll pick him up on Friday night," he continued innocently when he saw his son looking at them from the corner of his eye.

"Fine," Rose replied, hardly hiding how pissed off she was.

"Have a good time with your mom, buddy," Cal said to Charles with a wave.

"Bye daddy."

With that he was gone and Rose closed the door loudly behind him. Charles stood there looking at his mother collecting herself before forcing a smile his way.

"So, how was your day at school?" she asked.

* * *

They went to the movies that night and saw _Wreck-It Ralph_ , which had premiered in cinemas two weeks before. Charles laughed the whole way through and Rose watched the screen without really listening. Charles turned to his mother every time a funny moment was showing to see if she was laughing too and all she did was look at him with a smile. He was big enough to know that the smile was faked and that his mother wasn't having fun. She thought he didn't know but he did. He felt a tension since his father left him at home and knew that his mother wasn't in great spirits right now. He felt bad she had dragged him all the way to the movies if she didn't have any fun.

When the movie was over, Charles took her hand as they walked to the subway to go back home. They didn't say much after Rose asked him how he liked the movie to what he answered he liked it a lot. As they were waiting for the train to come, he pulled on his mother's coat to get her attention.

"Mom?"

"What is it, Charles?" she asked, looking down at him.

"Why are you sad? Is it because of me?"

"I'm not sad," she tried to convince him with a faked smile once again. "And if I was, it would definitely not be because of you."

"Is it because of daddy? You said mean things to each other, I heard you," he confessed.

"You mean you were eavesdropping. How many times did I tell you not to do that?"

He bowed his head in shame and muttered he was sorry. There was a moment of silence and he looked up at her again.

"You know, sometimes daddy shouts at me too," Charles said. "Because I don't behave or because I'm a 'spoiled brat'."

'Just like your mother' he would say. Charles didn't say that part out loud to her because he knew it would make her sadder, or angrier.

"That's not the same thing, honey."

"Maybe," he said with a shrug. "But that doesn't mean I like it either."

"When did you get so smart?" she asked as the train arrived.

"I'm six and a half now," he answered proudly.

Rose laughed and Charles knew it wasn't faked this time. He had made his mother laugh and he felt good about it. They sat on a seat next to the window and Charles remembered what his father had told him the night before.

"Mom?"

"What?" she asked, looking at him.

"I love you," he told her.

"I love you too, honey," she said, bringing him closer to kiss his head.

The doors closed and the train started moving towards home.


	11. ten

**TEN.**

On Christmas morning of 2004, Rose woke up at 6:30, Caledon's arms holding her close. She could feel his steady breathing on the nape of her neck telling her he was still sleeping peacefully. She closed her eyes, hoping to go back to sleep. It was early and she was still tired of yesterday's ski lesson she's had (and miserably failed). Cal had massaged her calves before they went to sleep last night but they were still extremely sore from the unusual activity. She thought they would be stronger but apparently, running and skiing didn't involve the same leg muscles.

Caledon woke up with a long exhale and buried his face in her hair, leaving a kiss against her scalp.

"You awake?" he asked groggily.

"Mmm, mmm," she answered with a sleepy voice.

He hugged her closer, loving the feeling of her body against his and how she seemed to fit perfectly there.

"How was your sleep?"

"Good, I slept like a baby," she said.

They heard someone tumbling down the stairs. It was obviously William who was excited to open his Christmas presents. Rose chuckled as she remembered acting the same way only two years ago. Nobody else was up so he would have to wait anyway.

Caledon stroked her stomach under the shirt she was wearing, his Columbia shirt, which was too big for her but looked adorable on her anyway. His lips went to the pulse point behind her ear and she closed her eyes.

"Stop it, you hormonal teenager," Rose said, pushing him away.

"I thought you liked it," Cal replied with a small laugh.

"Not when your 15-year-old brother is in the next room!"

"What can I say, seeing you in my shirt turns me on," he said as Rose got out of bed. "Where are you going? I want us to cuddle for a bit, come back."

"I'm going to take a shower and you don't want to cuddle, you want to have sex with me. And don't try to convince me otherwise, I can see your hard-on from here," she interrupted as soon as he opened his mouth to defend himself.

Cal saw the playful smile on her face as she locked herself in the bathroom. He heard the shower running and tried to think of anything that would change his mind off of things, finally succeeding. He got out of bed and chose the clothes he would be wearing today. He waited until Rose came out of the bathroom so he could take a shower as well. She walked out, wrapped in a towel, and went straight to the closet to pick out her outfit. Cal looked at her for a few seconds and then went in the shower.

Ten minutes later, when he went back into the bedroom, he saw his girlfriend fully clothed in front of the mirror. Cal took something from his bag and walked to her, giving her the wrapped object.

"What is it?" she asked.

"A gift, what does it look like?"

"Aren't we supposed to open them with your family later?"

"This one is special and I wanted to give it to you in private," Caledon said.

"Should I be worried?" she asked with a hint of amusement.

"No, I don't think so," he answered with a chuckle.

She tore up the wrapping paper to discover a book. An _old_ book. She turned it around to see the cover. It was a copy of _The Great Gatsby_. She looked up at him with a big smile and he smiled back.

"It's a first edition," Caledon explained. "I know this is your favorite book and –"

He interrupted himself when he saw her face, her eyes full of tears, staring at him.

"What is it? It's okay, if you don't like it I can just take it back," he said nervously. "I just thought –"

"No, I love it," she cried. "I love it so much, it's… I have nothing to give you that would mean this much," she added.

He chuckled and hugged her tightly. She buried her face into his chest to cry. She was inconsolable.

"That's okay, baby, I didn't expect anything in return," he whispered before kissing the top of her head.

"B- but I – This means a lot an – and – oh my God, thank you," she continued crying.

"To have you here with me is enough of a gift for me," he said, trying to calm her down. "And never think that I would expect anything from you in return. I am buying you things because it makes me happy and because I love you. I've been waiting for someone to spoil my whole life and now that you're here, there's no stopping me. Okay?" he explained with a smile, wiping her tears away.

Rose nodded and said she loved him too. She stayed in his arms until she stopped crying and they joined the rest of the Hockley family in the family room. There was coffee on the coffee table and Caledon served Rose a cup before taking one himself and sat next to the fireplace, Rose on his lap.

After a lot of pleading, William got to open the first gift. His parents had gotten him a Vespa or at least the keys to a Vespa. They told him the vehicle was waiting in the garage at home and that he could start using it this spring after he got his license.

The more gifts were unwrapped, the more Rose felt like she didn't belong and she dreaded the moment when the Hockleys would be opening the gifts she got them. She received her first gift after William had opened three and she was surprised to hear it was from the young man himself.

"You didn't have to buy me anything Will," she said with a smile.

"'Twas nothing," the teenager replied with a shrug.

She started unwrapping the small gift nervously, all eyes on her. Under the wrapping paper was a small white box that she opened, revealing a card. She quickly realized it was a gift card from Barnes & Noble, her favorite store in the entire universe. She couldn't stop smiling as she got up to kiss William's cheek and say thank you. William's face was flushed when he looked up at her to say "you're welcome". He told her that he may have been helped by his older brother to choose her present.

Caledon suggested they opened one of Rose's presents and she wished she could've disappeared six feet under. She said that this could wait but Helen insisted. William gave his mother the gift that Rose had spent so much time wrapping perfectly. The gift was for both Mr. and Mrs. Hockley. They unwrapped the present excitedly, making Rose more nervous than she already was.

Helen took out a set of four wine glasses and immediately exclaimed that they were beautiful. If she did it to make her feel better, it worked because it didn't sound fake. There was also a bottle of wine that the man at the store had suggested to Rose who knew absolutely nothing about wine.

They both got up to kiss their son's girlfriend thank you and Helen kept her in a hug for what seemed to be a whole minute. Caledon later told her that she had made quite the impression on his mother. The woman was crazy about her.

The fact that Cal's parents had loved their present had been relieving to Rose and she began to have more fun. They had bought two gifts for her and she said thank you so many times, she was tired of hearing her own voice saying it. There was a Spa Treatment gift certificate to which Helen told her they could go together as their first 'mother-daughter' alone time. They also got her new pajamas, a 'fancy' one, in silk. Caledon whined a bit, saying he'd rather see her in his Columbia University t-shirt than in fancy pajamas and Rose turned scarlet. He pinched her hip when he saw the color of her face and she told him to "stop it", annoyed.

William opened the new Jimmy Eat World album Rose got for him. He had told her a few weeks earlier that it was his favorite band along with Green Day. His mother asked him to give Rose a hug to say thank you and he obliged even though he was really shy about it. Caledon suspected his little brother of having a crush on Rose but said nothing.

Cal gave her her gift next, as if showing to his brother that she was his and was off-limits. Caledon and William had been in a competition for everything since forever. It was a competition about nothing, only a stupid rivalry between brothers "I have this and you don't/can't".

Rose opened it and discovered butterfly earrings. She knew, just by the look of them, that they were worth _a lot_ of money. She didn't say a word, she only tried hard not to burst into tears again.

"Do you like them?" Caledon asked with a smile, putting a strand of her hair behind her ear so he could see her face.

"Yes," she choked out with a nod. She felt all the eyes were on her but she didn't really care because in that moment, she was in a secluded bubble with her boyfriend.

"This is platinum with marquise diamonds," he explained. "At least that's what the lady told me," he admitted with a chuckle.

He had spent an entire afternoon at Tiffany's on 5th Avenue hunting for the perfect gift. He didn't know much about diamonds, or jewelry in general, but people are always willing to help when you are shopping for a few thousand dollars jewelry.

Rose didn't know what to say. She was in love with the earrings, it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen in her entire life, but she felt it was way too much.

Caledon wiped the single tear on her cheek and she whispered "thank you".

"Come here, I want to see them on you," he said, taking one earring from the box and putting it on her ear then did the same with the other one. "You look beautiful," he told her.

She kissed him as she felt a few tears wetting her cheeks. She pulled away and walked to the closest mirror to see what they looked like on her ears then Helen insisted to see them closer.

They finished opening the gifts then had a wonderful Christmas brunch. They went skating with William, as promised, and Caledon was a bit annoyed to see that his brother was a natural on ice skates while he looked like a 2-year-old kid. Rose joked and laughed with William more than he would've liked and he hated himself for being so jealous of a 15-year-old.

* * *

They went back to New York the next day and they arrived in front of Rose's home in late afternoon. Caledon brought her suitcase inside after he had to argue with her that he wanted to do it and that of course he knew she "is not an invalid and can carry her own luggage".

"I'm home," Rose said as she walked inside.

Ruth ran to her and hugged her, asking her if she had a good time. Rose told her that she had and immediately showed her the earrings that Caledon had given her. Cal stood behind her with the suitcase at his feet.

"What a beautiful gift!" Ruth exclaimed. "You've got quite the catch," she said to her daughter before smiling at the young man behind her.

Caledon smiled back. Rose saw her father walk in the room and jumped in his arms.

"Oh, I missed you," she said as Henry held her against him.

"I missed you too," he said, almost taken by surprise.

She missed Christmas morning and all the little moments usually spent with him on that same day. It sounded so simple to others but to her, it meant everything. Henry put her down and asked Caledon if he was staying for dinner. The young man told him that he had a late Christmas dinner at his grandparents' and that he should leave if he wanted to be on time.

"I'll take a rain check on it though," he told him.

"Certainly, you're welcomed here anytime," Henry replied.

"You're all set?" Cal asked Rose, making sure she didn't forget anything in the car.

"I think so,"she said, looking around.

"I'll be on my way then. Thank you for letting me have your daughter these past few days, I appreciate it," he said to Rose's parents.

"That's no problem. It was actually quite nice around here, there was no whining," her father teased.

"Ugh, Jesus, dad!" Rose exclaimed, still surprised he waited that long to joke around.

Caledon laughed. He gave Rose a quick kiss and told her he loved her before walking out of the house.

They had their own Christmas dinner that night; the traditional roasted turkey with mashed potatoes drowned in gravy and meat pie. Rose changed into her new pajamas later and showed it proudly to her parents. It was so comfortable and light, she thought of never taking it off and live in it forever.

The three of them sat in the living room, Rose at her father's feet.

They spent the next hour exchanging gifts and Rose got a laptop for college and tickets to see _Little Women_ on Broadway in March. She decided she'd go with her mother because spending an evening with her was long overdue.

When she fell asleep that night, she knew she was the luckiest girl on Earth.

* * *

In April, Rose received two letters from college admissions with the answer to the applications she had sent to Yale and Harvard. She had gotten into both universities but she wanted to hear from NYU before making any decision. The letter arrived a week later, letting her know she was welcomed to study there as well.

Her parents took her to a restaurant that night to celebrate. They popped open a bottle of champagne when they went back home afterwards. Caledon joined them later with dessert. Rose got the letter framed and displayed it next to her senior school portrait on the wall. Everything started to become real.

After dessert, Cal told Henry he heard a weird noise coming from the engine on his way here and asked if he minded to take a look at it. Rose thought nothing of it and stayed behind with her mother.

Both men walked to the car and Caledon opened the hood.

"Listen, my car is fine, I – I just wanted to ask you something," Caledon said, looking if Rose was peeking.

"What is it?" Henry asked with concern.

"First of all, I want you to know that I love your daughter very much, I would get the moon for her. What I mean to say actually is… I would like to ask her to marry me but I wouldn't do such thing before asking you first. It may sound old-fashioned but this is important to me," Caledon admitted.

"You want to _marry_ her? My poor boy, do you know what you're even signing for? You may have seen that cute side of hers, the cute little kitten one."

"Sir?" he asked, confused.

"She's a tiger, let me tell you that. She's going to smack you one when you least expect it. Rose needs to do something and if you think you will just marry her and that she'll be waiting for you at night, cook you dinner and be the perfect wife I'd rather stop you right now and tell you that it won't be the case. She's a free-spirit," Henry explained.

"I know all of that. This is not my intention of doing such thing either. Rose is too special for me to keep her from what she's destined for. She makes me happy and good and – I love her."

"I know you do. I'm just warning you."

"Tigers are an endangered species and women like your daughter are too. Let me save this one," Cal said.

"Okay," Henry replied simply.

"Okay?" Cal asked.

"She's all yours."

Caledon was speechless, he didn't expect it to be that easy. He thanked Henry at least ten times and they walked back inside.

All that was left to do was to ask her.

* * *

A month later, Caledon invited Rose to go with him to Boston so they could go sailing on his boat for the first time of the year. Rose had never been sailing before and was quite excited. He would pick her up after school on Friday and they could make it in four hours.

They discussed senior prom on their way, what colors would match best Rose's red dress and what kind of corsage should Cal get for her. They talked about her graduation and the summer they would spend together before college started. Rose also tried to get some homework done without much success.

They got to Boston around 9 o'clock and checked in at the hotel. They ordered room service, too tired and lazy to go out.

They got up early the next morning, ate a good breakfast and went to the harbor. The first sail of the season was always the best one. Caledon showed Rose everything he had to do to get the boat ready and she listened carefully then they left and basically spent the whole day on the water.

"One day, you'll get to sail this whole thing by yourself," Caledon said to Rose as he showed her how to change the sail's direction.

"I don't think I ever could."

"Why not?"

"That looks complicated and I would probably just make the whole thing flip on its side."

Caledon laughed and helped her through the motion to show her it wasn't as hard as it seemed to be. She was having fun at least and that was what he wanted.

The further the day went, the more nervous he became. He had planned to take her out to dinner at a restaurant and propose to her there. He had been rehearsing this moment in his mind since the day her father had given him his blessing but now that it was happening, it seemed he had forgotten everything.

They stopped at the hotel to get changed and went to the French-Mediterranean restaurant. They were shown their table, ordered fifteen minutes later and did small talk until their plates arrived.

They ordered dessert and Cal looked around, making eye contact with the waiter to indicate that he wished he didn't bring the desserts right away. The whole restaurant was in on it so the waiter just threw a quick nod down his way and disappeared in the kitchen.

"You look pale, are you okay?" Rose asked Caledon as she caught sight of him.

"Yes, of course. It's just – you look beautiful tonight, did you know that?"

"You may have mentioned it ten times but who's counting?" she said with a smile.

"Rose, I – I love you –"

"I know, I love you too," she interrupted.

"No, let me finish," Cal said as he looked into her eyes. "I want you to know that you make me happy. I've never been this happy before I met you. I know I'm not the easiest guy to get around, I may appear a bit cold and that usually scare people away but you didn't even seem to notice it the first time we met. I can always be who I really am when I'm with you and if you could only know how much it means to me. It's –"

"It's okay, baby, I know how you feel…"

He searched into his pocket and pulled out the small blue velvet box. Rose looked at it then met Caledon's eye. Cal opened the box, holding her gaze until she looked down at the box again, her eyes filling with tears.

"I asked your father and he said it was okay for me to ask you," he whispered so only her could hear. He got up from his chair and went down on one knee beside her chair, holding the opened box with the ring as she turned to look at him. "Rose, will you marry me?" he asked, feeling his heart beating fast inside his chest.

"Of course I will," she replied in a whisper.

He stood up and she kissed him the second he put his arms around her. People around started cheering and the waiter brought dessert and champagne. Cal put the ring on Rose's finger. The ring was magnificent and she couldn't believe it was the _engagement_ ring. It was a round brilliant 2-carat diamond delicately cradled in a tapered band with bead-set stones and it fitted her finger perfectly. Cal wiped away the tears on Rose's face. She didn't even notice she had been crying because she was too happy.

"I love you," she told him.

"I'll make you the happiest wife a man has ever had," he whispered back.


	12. eleven

**ELEVEN.**

Rose and Charles met Jack for lunch on Sunday and went to the Great Lawn in Central Park afterwards. Charles needed the fresh air and the exercise. This week was Thanksgiving break and the boy would most likely spend it at the bookstore with his mother. Charles wasn't an agitated child but he was still a boy and he needed to run. It was a cold November day and they were all dressed warmly.

"Can you play soccer, Jack?" Charles asked.

"I never tried before," Jack replied.

Rose could see that Jack wasn't a sport person. He was an artist, after all. Charles took his soccer ball out of his backpack and showed it to him.

Charles played soccer since he was barely four years old and was on the school's team. He also played tennis regularly with his father as well as baseball in the spring and summer.

He was also really creative and what could be called a know-it-all. He could draw pretty well and he loved art class in school, it was his favorite subject. Charles was interested in so many things that it was hard to keep track of everything. One week, he could be learning everything about stars and constellations and the other, he would be explaining to his mother how a plane was built.

"Why don't you join us and we can see what you can do," Rose said as she took the ball from Charles' hands.

"So you can play soccer, huh?" Jack asked.

"I was raised in a neighborhood with mostly boys. This girl had scraped knees and mud on her shoes," she replied, talking about herself. "And don't forget that I have a six-year-old son."

"Six and a half," Charles corrected.

"Six and a half, sorry," Rose repeated with an amused smile.

"Sounds like I'm going to get my butt kicked," Jack said as he joined them.

Rose kicked the ball and Charles ran for it, followed by Jack. Everything happened so quickly that the poor man didn't even see it coming. Charles had kicked the ball around him and was already a few feet away, running to the goal made out of small orange cones. He scored and danced around in victory. They played for a while and Jack suspected Rose let her son win but she assured him that she didn't.

"Have you ever juggled with a soccer ball?" Charles asked Jack.

"I can't say that I did."

"Don't be a show-off, honey," Rose said.

"She only says that because she knows I'm better at it than she is," Charles stated matter-of-factly, making Jack laugh out loud. "Do you want to see?"

"Of course!" Jack replied.

Charles juggled with the ball like a pro. Jack was quite impressed and clapped his hands when Charles was done. The kid bowed with a smile. They walked around the park and stopped for coffee at a stand. Charles asked for hot chocolate and reminded himself not to tell Rose that his father let him taste coffee once.

"Jack, do you like baseball?" Charles asked.

"Yes, I love baseball," Jack replied.

"What's your favorite team?"

"What's yours?"

"The Yankees!" Charles exclaimed. "Is it your favorite team too?"

"Nah, I'm more of a Twins kind of guy," Jack admitted.

"I have to say I'm disappointed in you," Rose said.

They discussed baseball and Charles told Jack that he had season tickets every year from his grandparents as a birthday gift and that maybe he could invite him sometimes so he could see for himself that the Yankees were a much better team. Jack laughed and said he would be honored to go.

"I play Downtown Little League too, you should come and see me play next season," Charles invited.

"It's still far away, Charles, why don't you just enjoy today with Jack?" Rose said to her son.

Who knew what would happen in six months from now. Maybe Jack wouldn't be in their lives anymore and she didn't want Charles to assume he would be. Of course, she didn't want it to happen because she cared about Jack and she knew Charles did too.

"Okay, mom," Charles replied, dismissing the previous discussion.

They went back to Rose's apartment for dinner. Jack had brought 'special paper' to Charles. It was the paper he used at work when drawing the comics. It had squares on it, just like a movie storyboard.

"What do you say to Jack, Charles?" Rose asked when she didn't hear Charles say the words.

"Thank you, Jack," he said with a big smile.

"You're welcome, buddy. Now, what do you say we create a comic strip together for your mom?"

Stars appeared in Charles' eyes. He nodded excitedly and Rose said she would leave them to work before going to the living room to read. The boys worked for about two hours and Rose would sometimes hear them laugh, Charles' contagious laugh bringing a smile on her lips.

As Charles told what story he had in mind, Jack explained every step of the process to him. It was a hard job, Charles realized, but he liked it. Jack wrote the words because there wasn't enough space for Charles' 6-year-old handwriting, but he let the boy do his own drawings. He helped when Charles had trouble drawing something and at the end, they could say they did some pretty amazing teamwork. Charles called out for his mother to come and see.

Rose walked to the kitchen where they were both sitting at the table, colouring crayons displayed all over it. Charles gave her the sheet and she glanced at it, seeing a grey cat amongst other things, and looked back at her son.

"Look, mom, that's Gatsby!" he said, pointing the cat.

"You're right, I almost didn't recognize him," she replied.

"How do you like it?"

"You didn't give me time to read it yet," Rose said with a smile, running her hand through his hair.

"Read it, read it!"

She did as she was told and read the story of a cat that had too much to eat. She giggled three times through the eight squares then told the two boys that she liked it.

"I'm sure Gatsby will love it too, I'll read it to him," Charles said, taking the sheet away from his mother's hands before running to Rose's room with it.

Gatsby was now ten years old but still a healthy cat. He spent most of his time in Rose's bedroom, sleeping on her bed or in Charles' room doing the exact same thing. Even though Charles had gotten him through hell as a toddler, the cat was still very fond of the boy. He had gotten his ears and tail pulled at, his eyes poked, his hair pulled out and not once did he lift a claw on Charles. He ran away from him a lot but he never hurt him.

"Thank you for being so patient with him, I know he can be a handful sometimes," Rose said to Jack.

"No worries. I love kids and Charles makes me laugh."

"Well, that's good. It won't make you go away, then?" she asked, serious all of a sudden. He shook his head slightly.

"And if I'm being totally honest here, I'd say he's amongst the reasons I want to stay. I really like you Rose and I would be lying if I said I don't want this, whatever it is we have, to go any further. And I'm perfectly aware that having you in my life means having Charles as well."

"I was scared you wouldn't want, you know, another man's kid in your life."

"He's yours too."

She nodded. He was definitely hers and she had the stretch marks and the unfinished college degree to prove it. "I'm telling you this because it's happened before. That's why I'm being cautious about it."

Seven months after the divorce, Rose had met a man, Mark, through friends she had made during her marriage to Caledon. Mark, of course, was as rich as people in his entourage. He was funny and honest and Rose liked that. They went on a couple of dates and everything was going great until she told him she had a four-year-old Hockley at home. "You have a kid?" was the first thing he said in a voice filled with disgust. Worst of all, a _Hockley_ kid. He didn't say that part out loud but she saw it in his face. To this day, she still didn't know if it was Charles or his last name that scared him the most.

To everybody, Hockley meant _money_. Hockley meant _power_. And apparently Hockley also meant " _stay away_ ".

The day Mark walked out on her was also the day she promised herself not to date the son of a rich man ever again because rich people only cared about money and themselves.

She soon realized she was good without a man and that her son was enough so she stopped trying to meet someone. She dedicated herself to her store and her child. Men were the last thing on her mind when she met Jack that Friday morning in late September.

"I understand," Jack said.

"Listen, Jack – "

"He liked it!" Charles interrupted as he ran back in the room.

"He did?"

"Well he just sat there and stared but I know he liked it. Gatsby likes stories," he stated.

"It's almost time to go to bed, why don't you get your things ready for your bath, huh?" Rose asked.

"But mooooommmmm! I don't have school tomorrow!" he whined.

"I know, but you have to get up early because you're coming to work with me."

"Can't I stay up a little bit longer? Please?" he pleaded.

"8 o'clock if you go and – "

"Get my things," he finished for her as he ran to his bedroom.

"I'll be right back," Rose said to Jack. "Make yourself at home."

She walked to the bathroom and ran Charles a bath. She made sure the water wasn't too hot and he tumbled into the room with his pajamas, clean underwear and towel. He didn't dawdle in the bath like he usually did and fifteen minutes later, they were joining Jack in the living room.

At eight, Rose tucked Charles in and when she walked back to Jack, she offered him a beer. He said he'd have one if she had one too. She came back with two bottles and sat next to him on the couch.

"You want me to open it up for you?" Jack asked.

"Do you want _me_ to open yours?" Rose replied as she opened her beer with her hand. Jack looked at her, almost amazed. "Told you I grew up with boys," she said, clicking her bottle to his before taking a swig of beer.

"You were about to tell me something earlier, before Charles interrupted," Jack reminded her after he swallowed his beer.

"Yeah, hum – I know it's – You can say no if you already have plans or anything – I was wondering if maybe you'd like to come with Charles and I to my parents' house on Thursday night for Thanksgiving dinner. I'm supposed to bring Charles to the Macy's parade beforehand so maybe we could meet there," Rose proposed nervously.

"I'd love to," he answered right away. "About time I see this parade too," he said with a laugh.

"This will be my 25th, can you believe it? My father brought me every year as a kid. Snow, rain, sunshine, we would be there waiting for Santa Claus. Now I do the same and bring my boy every year."

"Are you close with your father?"

"I am," Rose confessed. "I was always close with both my parents but my dad and I share something special. What about you?"

"My parents both died when I was fifteen. I was taken in by a neighbor for the next three years. I finished high school, received my inheritance and flew to Paris."

"Paris?"

"I did my college degree there and stayed two years after that. I came back to Wisconsin, worked for a newspaper for a while then got a call from this company in New York. And now here I am, sitting on a couch in Brooklyn, drinking beer with you."

She smiled and asked him how it was in Paris. He told her everything from the Eiffel Tower to the French restaurants, The Champs-Elysées, Le Louvre and all the other museums. She was almost there.

Rose had seen her husband travel but she always stayed home with the baby. She went with him a couple of times but he was mostly going alone. They went to London and Mexico. They had spent their honeymoon in Santorini, a Greek Island, and that was what she saw of the world outside of the United States. She always dreamt of going to Paris but Caledon said he loathed Paris, especially Parisians, so he never took her there. His business trips overseas were mostly in London.

"I can show you my pictures one day, if you'd like."

"Yeah, I'd like that," she said with a smile.

"I'm going to take you out. Say, how two weeks from now sounds?" he asked.

"It sounds like someone tipped you off," she admitted, amused.

"Yeah, right, maybe Charles mentioned it was your birthday. But that doesn't matter because I need to take you on a proper date and what better occasion than your birthday, right?"

"Right."

* * *

The next morning, as Rose walked in front of Starbucks with Charles, she saw Jack waiting for them at his usual spot.

"Jack!" Charles exclaimed, waving at him.

Jack waved back and when they were close, Rose saw that he was holding a tray with three cups on it.

"Good morning to my favorite people," Jack greeted, distributing the drinks. "I got him a hot chocolate, I hope that's okay," he said, looking at Rose.

"You didn't have to but thank you," she replied.

"Thank you!" Charles said.

"It has some whipped cream on it but don't tell your mother," Jack whispered as he bent down to give Charles his drink. Charles nodded and Rose asked what was the whispering about.

"He told me to blow on it 'cause it's hot, right Jack?"

Rose looked at Jack suspiciously but he only grinned back. They walked to the store and Charles gave a big hug to Cassie when he saw her. She told him she was so glad that they would be spending the day together. Charles was determined to help her to work today. Rose knew better and had brought his iPad, a few sheets of paper and crayons. Monday was the accounting day and she would most likely spend it in her office and she didn't want Charles to disturb Cassie while she was working.

She let him stay downstairs for a while and he helped Jack and Cassie emptying boxes. When Jack left for work, she heard Charles climbing up the stairs. He knocked on her door even though it was half-opened and asked if he could come in. Rose smiled and said that he could. He immediately proceeded to tell her that he was really hungry because he worked really hard downstairs. She fumbled through her purse and took out a sandwich and a juice box. Charles had a little table in the office, right next to Rose's desk, where he could eat but also draw, read, or play.

He asked for his iPad so he could play games on the Disney website. She continued working while Charles started to entertain himself. Rose was stuck on the same problem for the past thirty minutes and couldn't figure out what happened. The incessant noise coming from Charles' iPad was driving her more insane than the mathematics alone did. She asked him to turn the sound off but he complained that it wouldn't be fun this way.

"Honey, do you think you could keep the iPad away for today?" Rose asked.

"Why?" he whined.

"Because I have hard work to do and my head is killing me right now. This is too much noise and I can't concentrate."

"I can help you mom! I helped Cassie with hard work too," he said proudly.

"I know you did but this is too hard for you this time. Why don't you make me a beautiful drawing that I can hang in my office instead?"

"Okay," he shrugged, putting his tablet aside.

* * *

On Thursday morning, the three of them were standing on 6th Avenue, somewhere between 42nd and 46th Street. Charles was sitting on Jack's shoulders so he could see the parade better. It was cold and the sidewalks were packed with families that braved it.

After more or less than two hours, the white-bearded man dressed in red appeared. Rose and Jack couldn't have missed it even if they tried because Charles yelled it at the top of his lungs.

Charles still believed in Santa Claus and Rose wished he would believe for at least another year. He hadn't discovered the fake whiskers on Macy's Santa yet, nor his pillowed belly. Every year, he sat on his lap, asked for his Christmas gifts, snapped a picture and ran to his mother to tell her everything he just said to the old man.

"Santa waved at me, mom, did you see? Jack, did you see?" Charles shouted excitedly.

"He sure did, buddy," Jack replied.

Jack kneeled down so the boy could get on the ground and they started to walk to the closest subway station. They walked for 10 minutes and took the 7 train next to the New York Public Library. Thirty minutes later, they were at destination, taking off their coats and Jack was being introduced as Rose's friend.

"Well look at that boy, he must have grown at least two inches!" Henry exclaimed when he saw his grandson even though he had seen him two weeks ago and there wasn't any difference.

"That's because I eat all my vegetables!" Charles said.

"Oh I beg to differ," Rose intervened.

"All of my carrots at least."

"I have to say, it smells like heaven in here," Jack said to Rose's mother with a smile.

"Why, thank you," Ruth replied.

They walked to the living room and the TV was showing the game between the Houston Texans and the Detroit Lions. Charles sat in front of the TV and shut down from the rest of the world.

They did small talk over a beer. Ruth prepared a bowl of potato chips for her grandson and also gave him a bottle of Coca-Cola despite Rose forbidding it.

"Thank you, grandma," Charles said, taking the time to kiss her cheek even though his eyes never left the television screen.

"You're welcome, sweetheart."

"You spoil him too much," Rose said to her mother.

"I'm his grandmother, this is my job," Ruth replied. "And he's the only one I have, I _have_ to spoil him."

"Maybe, but then I become the mean mom every time I say no."

"It's not like one soda will make any difference." Rose laughed sarcastically and told her to wait and see.

* * *

Not even twenty minutes later, Charles was up and running around the living room pretending to be an airplane. And a loud one at that too.

"Pop, look, I'm a plane!" Charles yelled.

"Charles, stop it," Rose warned for the fourth time.

"We're gonna crashhhhhhhhh, PPPPPPRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFF," he continued to ignore her, mimicking a plane crash.

Rose grasped Charles' arm firmly and he stopped in his tracks. He squirmed a little but she pulled on his arm to make him stop.

"Enough!" she said, angry. "Now, I'm not laughing, you stop that!"

Charles started to cry. Rose's tone of voice scared him and her grip on his arm hurt. She ignored his tears and proceeded with the lecture. Everyone was dead silent, knowing it was bound to happen after Rose had already told Charles to stop for the first time and he didn't.

"Rose – " her father started.

"No!" she interrupted loudly. "Look at me," she said to her son.

"No," he mumbled, still looking down.

"Charles Nathan Hockley, look at me right now." Charles looked up at her. When she used his full name, he better do what she asked. He cried more when his eyes met hers because he knew he had been bad and that she was disappointed in him. "What did you promise me this morning before we left?" she asked.

"Th- That I'd b-be good," he stuttered between his sobs.

"Do you think you're being good right now?"

He shook his head 'no' and looked down again. She put her finger under his chin and pushed his head up. She explained, trying to stay calm but also firm, that they were trying to talk and they couldn't hear each other because he was yelling and running around like a mad man. That it was really unpleasant and that he was in his grandparents' house, not the playground. She made him go to his room for ten minutes to think about his actions. Henry and Ruth waited until the boy was in the other room to tell Rose that it wasn't fair and that it was a holiday and that "she had to let the poor kid live" but she ignored them.

Charles closed the door of the room and cried as he sat on his twin bed. He heard his grandmother say something about him but he couldn't make out what it was exactly. He waited for what seemed to be an eternity but he still did as his mother asked and thought about what he did.

At first, he didn't realize what he did that was so bad for him to be punished like this but the more he thought about it, the more he understood that running around and shouting wasn't exactly appropriate while indoors. The worst, Charles acknowledged, was that he didn't obey when his mother asked him exactly _four_ times to stop doing it and also that he broke his promise to her. Breaking promises wasn't something he liked to do because as his parents always told him "treat others like you want to be treated". He didn't want other people to break promises they had made to him so therefore, he shouldn't break promises he made to other people.

He washed his tears away and came to the idea that the best thing to do was to apologize. First to his mother for not keeping his promise of being a good boy and not listening to her when she asked him to stop and also to his grandparents for making a racket in their home like a savage. He stayed in his room for about twenty minutes when a soft knock was heard on the door. He got up and opened it to see Jack standing there.

"Hey buddy, can I come in?"

Charles simply nodded and stepped to the side to let Jack in. Jack looked around to see the typical six-year-old boy's bedroom. The six-year-old Yankees fan's bedroom to be more precise. There was a framed jersey above his bed showing the number two with the name 'JETER' right above it. Derek Jeter was obviously the boy's favorite player. There were posters of him all around the room and on his desk he saw a framed picture of Charles with the baseball player. The room was painted in navy blue and white. The only things that weren't baseball related in this room were the two framed pictures on his bedside table, Jack noticed. One picture showed Rose sitting in the grass, Charles on her lap, the sun brightening their red hair but no more than their smile brightened the picture itself. It wasn't an old photo, it must've been taken during the previous summer. The other picture was of toddler Charles sitting in front of a cake showing three candles, a dark-haired man crouched on his right side, Rose on his left. This man, Jack thought, was definitely Charles' father and Rose's ex-husband. The three of them were smiling at the camera and looked like the perfect happy family.

"Wow, your room is cool," Jack said to Charles.

"Yes, my Pop made it for me," Charles said proudly. "This was my mom's room before."

"Speaking of your mom, she says you can come back with us now if you feel like it."

"Is she still mad at me?" Charles asked.

"I don't think so."

Jack sat next to Charles on his bed and told him that she must have calmed herself while he was doing the same thing in here. Charles nodded and agreed with him.

"I like your pictures," Jack said, pointing the two frames on his nightstand.

"Me too," he confessed. "That's my dad," he added as he took the frame and pointed Cal on the picture.

"I see. You look a lot like him. That was your 3rd birthday, right?"

"Yes, I was a baby back then." Jack laughed under his breath.

"When is your birthday? You're going to be seven soon, am I right?"

"Yes," Charles said as he nodded vigorously. "It's on May 6th. When is your birthday, Jack?"

"June 19th."

"How old are you going to be?"

"Twenty-eight. I'm old, aren't I?"

"Yes! But that's okay because mom is old too. She is going to be twenty- _six_ in two weeks," Charles said, making Jack laugh once again. "That's twenty years older than me," he continued like he wanted to prove he was good at math.

Jack nodded and offered his hand to Charles who took it. They walked to the living room where the rest of the party was and as Jack took his place on the couch, Charles stood in the middle of the room.

"I'm sorry," he said, sounding like he meant it. "I'm sorry I was loud and I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, mommy, and that I didn't keep my promise."

"Promise you won't do it again?" Rose asked.

Charles nodded and told her he would keep his promise this time. She walked to him and hugged him tight.

Charles was her prince. Sometimes, when she looked at other mothers with their children, she wondered if they loved their child as much as she loved hers. She wondered if she was crazy, if she was normal to love him that much. Her heart burst with pride and love every time she saw him and though having a little bit of time for herself when he was away with his father was good, she often found herself missing him and hoping he'd be there so she could hug him and tell him how much he meant to her. From the day she learned she was pregnant with him until now, her love for him had nothing but grown.

It was almost midnight when they left, both taking a taxi to get back to their own apartments. They weren't living in the same neighborhood at all so sharing a cab wasn't really an option. Jack kissed Rose's cheek and made her promise to text him as soon as she'd get home.

Charles fell asleep on the ride home, his head against the window. She looked at her cellphone for the first time today and saw a text from Cal, wishing them a Happy Thanksgiving. She crooked a smile and hesitated a long time before hitting 'call'. She didn't want to wake him up or disturb him at a party of some sort.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Hey," she said softly, not wanting to wake up the kid. "Am I interrupting anything?"

"No, not at all. Is everything alright?" he asked with concern.

"Yes, everything's fine. I – I just got your message and I wanted to say thanks, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving too."

He didn't say anything but she knew what he was thinking. Thanksgiving had always been his favorite holiday until they had that ultimate fight on that same night two years ago. The way she had simply burst that night after they got back from Thanksgiving dinner at the Hockleys', she would remember it for the rest of her life. She had thrown about everything to his face. Words as well as actual things. Three months later, on February 25th, 2011, they signed their name on the divorce papers and it was over. Seven years and a few months of relationship thrown out the window, six years of marriage, six years of happiness ending up in a torn family.

He tried to kill himself the night she left.

He never told her and he probably didn't even know she knew. William had found him lying on the bathroom floor with empty bottles of pills and whiskey, unconscious, and had brought him to the hospital. William told her eventually, recently as a matter of fact, but she thought it was better to never mention it to him ever again.

"It was okay I guess," he replied.

Cal loved his son more than anything on Earth but sometimes, he found himself wishing he had never been born. This way, he wouldn't have to have Rose in his life forever. He wouldn't have to live in the constant pain of seeing her happy without him. They would've gotten a divorce, she would've been out of his life and he wouldn't have to see her every week. He wouldn't be talking with her over the phone right now. This constant contact reminded him of everything he did in the past and how he didn't realize it then but how he lost her because of it and he hated it. The day she walked out the door, he knew he would never love another woman the way he loved her.

And almost two years later, he still tried to make up for his mistakes, hoping she'd see how much he had changed and give him a second chance.

"I'm glad. So, I'll see you tomorrow then?" Rose said, knowing he would get Charles tomorrow night after work.

"Yeah, I should be there around six."

"Alright, bye."

"Goodnight."

She hung up and let out a shaky breath. She looked down at her hands and saw that they were shaking. She looked out the window and took deep breaths to calm down and stop thinking about it.

The cab stopped in front of her apartment and after she paid the driver, she took Charles in her arms and fumbled with the keys because her hands were shaking too much. Charles was heavy and she knew she soon wouldn't be able to take him in her arms anymore. She finally unlocked the door and didn't bother to remove her coat or her shoes before putting Charles to bed. She changed him into his pajamas and he never woke up. He was out cold. She pulled the covers over him and kissed his forehead, saying goodnight and that she loved him. She left the door ajar and after getting undressed, she took a shower, the water almost scalding, then didn't bother to remove her makeup or brush her hair before going to bed. She texted Jack to let him know she was home and turned off her phone and the light. As she lay there, in the warmth of her bed, in her pitch-black room, she allowed herself to weep until she fell asleep.


	13. twelve

**TWELVE.**

April left and May came, bringing with itself the excitement of prom and graduation. Caledon and Rose barely saw each other for almost a month, too busy studying for finals. Cal had a mountain of assignments to turn in but he took the time, every night, to call his _fiancée_ to ask how her day was.

Rose was looking forward to this time of the night when she would take a break from studying horrible subjects like _French_ or Physics to talk to Cal.

On prom day, Rose ran around town to get her hair and makeup done. Back home, her mother helped her getting ready. She was wearing a long formal red dress with an asymmetrically pleated tank style sleeveless bodice. There were sparkling jewels trimming the low cut V-neckline and the back was mid-opened. Her shoes were glittery silver pumps with a ribbon tied in a bow at the back. Her hair was tied in a bun, a jeweled butterfly barrette holding the whole thing up.

At four, a black limo stopped in front of the house and Cal stepped out of it, wearing a black suit with the red vest and tie matching her dress. He rang the doorbell and Henry went to the door, hearing his daughter shout that she wasn't ready yet. He let Caledon in and talked to the young man while Rose finished whatever she was doing with her mother.

"They've been in there all afternoon," Henry said with a laugh.

"I'm sure it will be worth it," Caledon admitted, anxious to see Rose in her dress.

"There she is."

Rose walked into the room followed by Ruth, her smile up to her ears. Cal looked at her, speechless. He had never seen something more beautiful in his entire life and right this minute, it seemed he had lost the ability to do or say anything.

"Why, you look really handsome, my dear," Ruth said to Caledon.

"Th- Thank you," he replied, finding his voice again. "Y-You look, wow, you look beautiful," he added, looking at Rose.

She smiled and looked down, feeling herself blush. Cal walked to her with the corsage in his right hand. He remembered her not asking for roses and opted for white orchids with a red ribbon instead.

"Did I choose right?" he asked as he put it on her wrist.

"Yes," she replied with a smile. "Thank you."

She kissed him softly as he ran his hand on her arm. Rose's parents asked for pictures so they took some even though they knew they would probably take some more at the prom. They sat in the back of the limo and Cal put his arm around Rose. The window between the driver's seat and the back was closed.

Caledon took Rose's camera and extended his arm to be able to snap a picture of themselves. They looked at it and laughed before deleting it to take a better-looking one. The third one was the perfect one.

"We have an appointment at the bakery on Tuesday morning to choose the cake. I'll pick you up around nine," Caledon informed.

"I can sleep over if it's easier, that'd be stupid to get me at home then go back to Manhattan. I have my dress fitting on Monday anyway," Rose said.

"We must be the only ones discussing our wedding on our way to a prom."

"Probably, yes," Rose added with a laugh.

"I can't wait," he whispered as he kissed her temple.

"Only five weeks left. Then I'll be Mrs. Caledon Hockley."

"I love the sound of that," he admitted.

"I do too."

They kissed then the car stopped in front of the venue. They met Rose's friends inside and took pictures with them. The official photographer insisted on taking their picture, mentioning they were definitely the best-looking couple. Rose suspected he said the same to every couple just so he could get money out of their pockets but they posed for him anyway, knowing it would please Rose's parents to have an official portrait.

As she walked at Caledon's arm, Rose noticed that a lot of people she didn't particularly know, mostly girls, were looking their way, _her_ way. They were looking at her, at her hands, at the ring on her finger. She had to admit, the ring wasn't discreet in any way. It was quite the opposite actually. It was practically screaming "look at me" at people. The diamonds were catching the light and since it was a public high school prom, let's say diamonds weren't exactly the thing. The girls were all wearing zirconia, hoping other girls would think they were actual diamonds. No one stood a chance when Rose was walking around with _that_ on her finger, holding _Caledon Hockley_ 's arm.

At this very moment, it slapped her in the face. As people looked at them walking, she realized how she didn't fit in anymore. How _they_ didn't fit in. And she hated it. It felt so wrong to be there, like she decided to come to prom only to show off her diamonds and handsome fiancé. Truth was, she came here for the same reason everyone did; spend the night with her friends and have fun wearing a pretty dress.

It would be her life starting soon, she would accompany Cal to banquets and parties for the company, wearing the perfect dress and the perfect shoes and the perfect everything. That was what they were in everybody's eyes right now; perfect.

"Are you okay?" Cal asked her when she didn't answer his question after he asked it twice.

"What?" she said, snapping out of it. "Y- Yes, of course."

They sat at the table they were assigned to with a few of Rose's friends. Right there, with her friends, she felt normal again. Nobody was staring at her, at least she wasn't aware of it if somebody did, and she didn't feel so self-conscious. Her girlfriends were talking about who the prom king and queen should be, also asking for her opinion. She had none on the subject and laughed when they told her she would win prom queen. There was no way she would win this title not that she wanted to anyway.

She didn't win, Lea Anderson did. Secretly, she _may_ have been a little bit disappointed but it didn't last long because right then, Caledon whispered in her ear that she would always be _his_ queen and that no Lea Anderson would change that.

They danced for a while, until people started leaving for the after party. Tommy asked Rose and Cal if they were coming along but they told him they were still thinking about it.

They weren't thinking about anything else than their room at the Ritz-Carlton.

* * *

The day of her graduation came faster than she expected it. Today was the end of an adventure but also the beginning of a new one. Today was the step towards adulthood, as frightening as it may sound. She would be married in three weeks. She would start college in three months. She was leaving home.

Caledon had bought a 1.43 million-dollar loft in Tribeca. He brought her there one night, gave her a key and told her to enter her new home. It was so big, there were so many rooms that she didn't even know what to do with it.

When you entered the loft, the master bedroom was on the left with its own bathroom and a walk-in closet. On the opposite side were three rooms, one of them having its own bathroom as well. One of these rooms would become Caledon's study and the other two were still opened to suggestions. There was another bathroom near the kitchen.

They spent an entire day choosing colors to paint the walls. They went furniture shopping and without mentioning anything else, Cal asked that she was to leave a large empty space in the living room. She asked questions but he didn't give answers, repeating that it was a surprise.

She went to graduation with her parents and Cal said he would meet them there later because he had some last minute thing he had to fix. Ruth and Henry sat in the assigned seats while Rose stayed behind to talk with her friends before the ceremony actually began. They were all wearing their blue caps and gowns, reminiscing their whole high school experience. Rose saw Cal from the corner of her eye and excused herself before running to him, a small excited noise coming out of her mouth. He nodded her way and flashed a smile when he saw her and he caught her when she jumped in his arms.

"And it's only been three days," he said with a laugh. "I missed you too, baby," he added, leaving a kiss on her neck before putting her down.

"I'm glad you could make it in time."

"Last minute trouble, but I wouldn't miss this for the world. I'm proud of you."

"It's only high school," she said with an amused smile.

"I don't care, I'm proud of you and don't try to dissuade me of this."

"Alright, Sir," she added before mimicking a soldier salute.

"You're a dork, you know that?" he replied with a chuckle.

"Oh and you want to be married to a dork?" she asked jokingly.

"Did I also mention that you're the most beautiful, adorable, perfect dork?"

He wrapped his arm around her and brought her close before kissing the top of her head. They walked to where Ruth and Henry were sitting so Cal could sit with them. Rose pecked his lips, said 'I love you' and walked to her own seat in the second row.

When her turn to get her diploma came, she heard her friends cheer for her and saw her parents applaud then Cal whistled loudly. He shouted something she didn't understand over the noise of the hand-clapping then she walked down the stage to join the other graduate students. After everyone was holding their diplomas, they took pictures and then, like a wave hitting her, Rose realized high school was officially over and she started crying as Tommy was hugging her.

"Come on, there's no need to cry," Tommy said.

Her girlfriends saw Rose cry and it triggered tears in their eyes as well. The boys tried to hide it but they were crying too.

Most of Rose's friends were leaving for college all over the country. Some, of course, were staying behind in New York like she did. The worst was that both her childhood friends were leaving for Europe and that she wouldn't see them before God-knows-when. They were leaving that very night and this was actually the last time she would see them.

"I'll miss you," Rose sobbed.

"Hey, I'll miss you too," Tommy said, holding her tight.

"And me too," Fabrizio added, joining the hug.

"You better be careful out there, you idiots," she said.

"Anything for you, as long as you promise us to be happy with him," Fabrizio replied, nodding toward Cal who was talking to Ruth.

"I already am but I promise to never allow myself to be unhappy. If I'm unhappy I'm backing out."

Fabrizio wasn't a fan of Caledon, he actually loathed the sight of him. He never trusted him with Rose even though he had proven to be the perfect man for her. He felt in his gut that something was off but he didn't tell anybody because he knew Rose loved him and that he was making her happy. And really, her happiness was all he wanted. As for Tommy, he would protect his 'lil' sis' against anyone that would hurt her.

"I wish you would have been there," she confessed in tears.

"Us too. Take lots of pictures and send them to us. I want to see that pretty smile of yours on your wedding day," Tommy said.

Rose nodded and hugged them one last time. She walked to her parents and Caledon, leaving her brothers behind, her eyes filling with a new batch of tears. Her mother asked her if she was alright, Caledon too, and her father said nothing. Instead, he opened his arms so she could walk into his embrace. She burst into tears and held on for dear life on her father's shirt. He stroked her back, trying to calm her down, but it didn't work. The best thing to do right now was to let her cry. Caledon made eye contact with the boys and saw that they were looking for confirmation that Rose was safe with him, that they could leave the country without being worried about her. Caledon nodded and Tommy threw him a thumbs-up.

Rose stopped crying, eventually, and when she turned around to see them, the boys were long gone. Her father stroked her hair and then they made their way to the car. Rose rode with Cal to the restaurant as her parents were following them in their car. The ride there was silent because none of them knew what to say. Caledon didn't know what to say to make Rose feel better. Her best friends were going away for a long time and he understood her pain. Losing people you care about was the worst pain there was.

* * *

On July 8th, 2005, Rose woke up at 6 a.m., a nervous wreck. She was in her bed, in her bedroom, in her childhood home. Her stomach was in a knot and she felt nauseous. She ran to the window and sighed in relief when she saw it wasn't raining. She sat on her bed and looked around her room. Everything was in cardboard boxes with her name on it. No more pictures on the walls or the furniture. No more books piled up on the floor. No more clothes scattered all over the place. Nothing.

She was glad, more than glad, to move in with Caledon in their loft but leaving her home forever was hard. This room had been hers for eighteen years. Lots of secrets had been shared, lots of gossip had been made and lots of sleepovers had been held in this very room. Then her eyes stared at the dress hanging behind the door.

A strapless, beaded tulle white dress with a soft sweetheart neckline and jeweled embroidery on the bodice. The back was a lace-up and there was an attached Chapel train. Rose exhaled nervously. She was getting married today.

Gatsby jumped on the bed with a meow and she took him on her lap to pet him. The cat meowed again.

"Don't worry, I'm not leaving you behind," she said, kissing his head. "You're coming with us and we're gonna live in a new home," she explained, hugging him.

The cat purred and stroked his face against her cheek.

* * *

After a restless night, Caledon finally gave up on trying to sleep around 6:30 a.m. He had been nervous for the past week but today was beyond ridiculous. He felt like he had forgotten something, anything. It was probably a minor detail but every detail seemed important. It was his wedding day and everything had to be perfect.

The wedding was at 3 o'clock so he still had eight hours to figure everything out, to get ready and to feel like he was going to throw up every time he opened his mouth. He had never felt this nervous in his entire life.

He was dying to speak to Rose, to see her and make sure she knew everything would be okay because he knew he would've liked her to tell him the same thing so he could calm down. Everything was going to be fine, he repeated to himself all the way through the process of getting ready.

Surprisingly, it was his little brother that helped him the most that day. His father was nowhere to be seen until 2 o'clock, the time they had to leave to go to the church. Only one more hour. His mother had spent the day with Rose and her mother, as well as the bridesmaids Rose had chosen amongst her dearest friends. Caledon's best man was his brother and two of his college friends were his groomsmen.

At 3 o'clock, the church was packed with family and friends and Cal knew he wouldn't truly calm down until he would see her walk down the aisle. He made sure twice that his brother had the rings.

Then, suddenly, the organ began playing the _Wedding March_. Everyone grew silent as the bridesmaids began to walk down the aisle one by one in their light coral dresses. It seemed to be an eternity before the music transitioned into _Here Comes the Bride_ and he finally saw her walking towards him at her father's arm. Camera flashes came from everywhere but he saw nothing but her. That smile on her face and the love in her eyes as she made her way to him. She looked like an angel coming down from Heaven in her white dress. At this very moment, nothing else but her mattered. Cal's vision became blurred by the tears that were forming in his eyes because of how beautiful she looked and how happy he was that he was about to be married to her. He was the lucky one, really he was.

Rose's father finally let her go once they were in the front and Cal extended his hand to help her up. She saw the tears in his eyes and it seemed to her that now everything was real and that in less than an hour she would be the wife of this wonderful man. She was longing to kiss him right there right now but restrained herself until she was allowed to do it. The way he looked at her let her know he felt the same.

"Do you, Caledon James Hockley, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish for as long as you both shall live?" the priest said.

"I do," Caledon answered, holding Rose's gaze.

"And do you, Rose Eleanor Dewitt Bukater, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

William walked forward with the rings. Cal took Rose's and put it on her finger before looking up at her to see she was about to cry. She took the other ring and slid it onto his finger, tears in her eyes.

"Because Caledon and Rose have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and these witnesses," the priest began. "And have thereto given and pledged their faith, each one to the other, by the power given to me by the St-Patrick's Cathedral, I pronounce you Husband and Wife, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. You may now kiss the Bride," he finished, looking at Cal.

Cal took Rose's face delicately in his hands and kissed her softly as a tear left the corner of her eye. Everybody started applauding and cheering which made Rose smile against Caledon's lips. He pulled away and looked straight into her eyes before he whispered: "I love you."

* * *

While the guests made their way to the venue where they would celebrate, the rest of the party went to Riverside Park to take pictures. Pictures of the bride and the groom, mostly, but also the whole family. Some candid pictures were also taken and the photographer managed to capture the kiss the newly-weds shared while the bridesmaids and groomsmen were getting ready for their shot.

"Better keep an eye on them before they sneak out of here," William said jokingly when he saw them in the distance. "Hey, keep it PG!" he shouted at them.

"Mind your own business!" Cal shouted back before turning to kiss Rose again. "He's not gonna stop me from kissing my wife."

"Your wife," she said with a smile.

"My wife," he repeated in a whisper as he took her hands in his and kissed her forehead.

The photographer snapped this real quick and continued his work with the bridesmaids.

After what seemed to be a thousand pictures, they joined the guests for the reception. Their arrival was loud with utensils clinking on glass and the cheering of the guests. They kissed to make everyone happy then proceeded to thank everyone that came to celebrate this beautiful day with them.

Cal and Rose had their first dance as a married couple on Lifehouse's _You and Me_. As Cal placed his hand on the small of her back and brought her close, the rest of the world seemed to fade, disappear. They were the only ones in the room. His jaw was against the side of her head and the smell of his aftershave was intoxicating. He smelled better than anything she smelled before in her life.

"I'm so happy right now," he whispered to her.

"Me too," she whispered back.

"I'll love you forever, I promise you that."

Rose looked up at him. He stared at her for a long time, a small smile on his lips. She felt like the most beautiful thing on earth when he looked at her like that, with his eyes full of love and admiration. She knew he meant it. She kissed him softly, sealing the promise.

* * *

Around 3 a.m., shortly after they left the reception, all that could be heard in their hotel room was heavy breathing and moaning. After they entered the room, it didn't take long until they were naked under the covers.

Caledon's hands were on Rose's hips, steadying her on top of him as she slowly moved up and down on him. He sat up and held her closer, taking one nipple in his mouth. Rose buried her face in his hair on the side of his head and her panting slowly became whimpers when he shifted under her, changing the angle of his thrusts. There was no one to hear them, there was no one to be discreet for. The walls were soundproof and for once, they could be loud if they wanted to.

It was as if he knew her body _by heart_. Everything she liked, everything her body reacted to, what to do, when and where to do it. It was like he made her himself. She was never left unsatisfied in the end. She was still a bit nervous when it came to sex because she wasn't as experienced as he was but he guided her through it every time.

They've made love countless of times before but tonight seemed different. It was different. Was it because they just got married? Was it because tying the knot made them more comfortable with each other? Or was it because, maybe, it was their first time without protection? They didn't know. The feelings were much more intense than usual. There was an euphoria that wasn't previously there. Their hearts were burning. A thin layer of sweat covered their body, giving the word intimacy a whole new meaning.

Cal captured her mouth with his, his tongue meeting hers. Rose fisted the hair at the nape of his neck and he groaned in her mouth. The sounds they were making mixing together in perfect harmony. Rose felt her orgasm building slowly and she whispered it in his ear before nibbling on his earlobe. She rode him faster and she saw in his face that he was about to come too. Cal buried his face in her chest. Her head leaned backwards and her hands pulled on his hair as she came loudly. Cal was still moving inside of her, on the verge of reaching his climax, allowing her to ride her own. He put his hands on her waist, his thumbs on her belly that was still quivering in delightful pleasure. He whimpered in her neck as he emptied himself into her, his body going limp. Caledon lied back down on the bed, bringing Rose with him. She giggled, still laying on top of him, and kissed him softly.

"Mmm, thank you," she whispered with a smile.

"Oh no, thank _you_ ," Caledon said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

She lay next to him and rested her head in the crook of his shoulder, his arm around her, the scent of his aftershave still in the air. Rose closed her eyes and breathed him in. She would never get tired of the way he smelled. She yawned then wrapped an arm around his stomach and cuddled closer, her legs tangling with his.

"You should get some sleep, Mrs. Hockley," Cal whispered.

"What if I don't feel like it?" she purred in his ear.

"Would you be asking for a round two?"

"Maybe," she replied, wrinkling her nose a little.

He smirked then kissed her forehead. Cal rolled them around so he was on top of her. Rose smiled up at him, her eyes full of lust. She felt a pinch to her heart and realized that every time she looked at him, her feelings for him deepened.

She sighed with delight when he left open-mouthed kisses on her neck all the way down to her navel, his tongue swirling around it. Rose knew what was coming, she knew he would go lower and continue working with his tongue. She spread her legs open a little when she felt Cal's hands on her thighs. She looked down at him and he met her eye with a smirk right before he flicked his tongue on her clit. She moaned softly and she closed her thighs but Cal quickly opened them again. She grasped the sheet under her and buried her other hand in his dark hair.

It wasn't five minutes later that her heart was pounding and that she felt her climax building up. She arched her back and started squirming, bucking her hips upward, but he held her down with his hand on her stomach while he continued his task. She came hard, silent at first, then with loud satisfied moans. Cal's world went deaf for a few seconds as Rose clenched her thighs shut around his head. Then he went back up, leaving butterfly kisses on her stomach, and kissed her hard on the mouth. When he pulled away, he looked into her shiny eyes and saw how tired she was. He looked at the time, almost 4 o'clock. They had to meet their parents at eleven for brunch in the morning.

"How about you get some sleep, huh?" Cal suggested.

She nodded and smiled faintly. He lied on his back and took her against him, her head on his chest, his arm around her. She mumbled goodnight and fell asleep seconds later. Caledon stroked her hair for a long time before he finally fell asleep as well.

* * *

The wake-up call came in at 9 o'clock. Rose groaned in disagreement as she tried to muffle the sound of the alarm. She opened her eyes, squinting at the sun, and the phone stopped ringing. She had the worst headache and the bright light of the sun didn't help _at all._ She hid her face against Cal's side and she heard him protest the morning as well.

"We have to get up," he said in a hoarse voice, his eyes still closed.

"No," she mumbled. "Let's stay here forever."

"I'd say fifteen minutes won't kill them, let's cuddle for a while. Come here."

He turned on his side and spooned her. She felt his lips behind her ear and simply melted in his embrace.

"My head is pounding," she muttered. "I think I had too much champagne last night."

"I'll get you some aspirin."

He shifted to get up but she protested and took his hand so he could not leave this spot. She would be fine, she could still tolerate the aching for fifteen minutes. Cal lifted Rose's left hand a bit and stared at it.

"What are you doing?" she asked, amused.

"I just wanted to make sure this wasn't a dream. Your wedding ring is still there."

"It is," she told him softly. "It won't go away."

They eventually got up, took a shower and left for the restaurant. When they arrived, twenty minutes late, they spotted their parents sitting at a table and walked to them. Cal put his hand on the small of Rose's back and pulled a chair out so she could sit then sat beside her.

"Good morning," Caledon said to the four other people around the table. "Sorry we're late, there was a bit of traffic on the way here," he lied.

"That's quite alright, dear, we didn't order yet anyway," Helen replied. "Rose, you look beautiful," she added when she saw the mid-thigh length yellow summer dress that Rose was wearing. "You're simply glowing, that color suits you very well."

"Thank you," she replied with a smile.

Rose met Caledon's eyes and they both hid a smile. If only she knew the dress wasn't responsible for that glow. The quickie they just had in the shower was however.

"Is it from the new Dior collection?" Helen asked.

"What? Hum - I'm afraid I don't know, Caledon got it for me," Rose said, still completely clueless about all those designers and if she was wearing any.

"It is, Mother," he answered for her. "Shall we order? I am starving," he changed the subject.

The fact that their parents were getting along was very nice. This would not cause any drama if they were to have children one day nor for family obligations such as Thanksgiving or Christmas. They would be able to spend every holiday together.

Children. Rose's thoughts went to that as everybody was looking at the menu. She wasn't ready for kids yet, of course not she was only eighteen, but she would be eventually. And she couldn't wait to see the baby versions of themselves one day. This would have to wait at least another four years though, after she finished college.

In two years, Cal would be CEO of the family company, the whole state already knew that. As of now, Nathan Hockley was the richest man in New York but he assured his daughter-in-law that his son would steal this title shortly after taking over. Rose didn't care about that. She loved Cal and would continue to love him even if he was to lose all that money. She would be lying if she said she didn't appreciate all the gifts he was buying for her but she also knew she could live as happily without them. She made vows, for richer or for poorer.

"Rose?" she heard Cal's voice say.

"Huh? What?" she said, snapping out of it. She saw that the waitress was standing there, waiting for her to order what she wanted to eat.

"What can I get for you today?" the young woman asked.

"I'm so sorry, I – hum – I'll have the spinach omelette, please."

"Would you like anything to drink with that?"

"Only water, thank you," she answered with a forced smile.

The waitress left and everyone at the table was staring at her.

"Are you alright, sweetheart?" Ruth asked her daughter.

"Y- Yes mom, I'm fine. I simply got lost in my thoughts, that's all. I'm sorry."

Cal continued looking at her while the other four resumed their conversation. He asked again if everything was alright and she nodded, assuring him that it was. She was only tired and longing for a few hours of sleep.

They ate and had tea afterwards. It was almost 1 o'clock when they were finally able to leave and go home. _Their_ home. Her things, except for her clothes and necessities, were still at her parents' home and Cal promised he would get them sometimes during the week. It was today that they were officially moving in their loft. Tonight would be the first night they would be spending there.

As they rode the elevator up to the last floor, Cal reminded Rose of the surprise he had told her about when they first started buying furniture. That she had to leave a large empty space in the main room. She remembered. He told her it was waiting for her up there right now and then he put a blindfold on her eyes. She heard the key in the lock and he walked her inside, locking the door behind them.

"Stop it with your secrets, what did you get me?" Rose asked with a big smile.

"It's your graduation present and also the reason that I was almost late on that same day," he explained. "I hope you'll like it."

"Well I can't tell you if you don't let me see it."

He chuckled then removed the blindfold so she could see it. There was a grand piano standing on the right side of the room, right next to the bar. He asked if she liked it and she couldn't believe it was hers. She dreamt of having a piano like this for as long as she could remember but there was no space and no money for that in her childhood house. She had learned on a vertical piano at three years old and had played on that same piano since then. Rose walked to it, followed by Cal, and ran her fingers over the keys.

"Why don't you try it?" Cal suggested. "You never played for me before."

"What if I'm lousy at it?" she asked jokingly. "You would've gotten me a grand piano for nothing."

"Nonsense, you're good at everything you do."

"Alright, then," she said as she sat on the bench. "What do you want to hear?"

"I don't know, anything."

"You know I'm only playing classical piano, right?"

"Really? You never told me that! Go on, play something," he said.

He sat behind her and wrapped his arms around her stomach. She positioned her fingers on the keys and felt Cal's lips on her neck.

"Now I can't play if you do that," she said with a laugh, slowly pushing his head away.

"Sorry," he apologized, staying still. "Is it okay if I stay behind you like this or do you want me to get up?"

"You can stay there as long as you keep those hands and mouth of yours for yourself."

"Yes, ma'am," he said with a smile.

She smiled back then started playing Beethoven's Fur Elise, knowing he would definitely recognize it but also because it was the only one she could play by heart. Her music sheets were still at her parents' house with the rest of the things. He stayed silent the whole time she played, his eyes following her hands moving on the keys as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Rose loved the feeling of his hands on her stomach and his breath colliding with the back of her head.

"The sound resonates through the entire place, it's beautiful," Rose said, pressing on a random key to enjoy the sound of it.

"So you like it then?"

"I _love_ it."

"Good. Because I love to watch you play."

"Thank you," she whispered, turning her head to look at him.

"You're welcome," Cal replied before kissing her softly.


	14. thirteen

**THIRTEEN.**

On December 3rd, Rose was woken up by something poking on her face. At first, she thought it was the cat so she simply pushed it away but then she heard small, attempt at discreet, giggles. She opened one eye and saw Charles' face inches away from her own.

"Happy Birthday, mommy," he whispered when he saw she was awake.

"Why, thank you, young man," she said in a sleepy voice, bringing him closer with her arm around him.

She left a few random kisses on his neck and he squirmed to get away but he was laughing too much. He asked for her to stop tickling him and she did, only to hug him tightly seconds later so he couldn't move.

"Stop!" he laughed.

"You have to say the magic words," she said with an amused smile.

"I -," he started to laugh again when she tickled his belly. "I love you," he half-screamed in laughter.

Rose pretended to bite his cheek but kissed it instead.

"I love you too."

"I have something for you," Charles whispered as if telling a secret.

"You do?" she asked with surprise in her voice. "What is it?"

Charles reached for the envelope he had left on her bedside table earlier and gave it to her. Rose turned it around and saw 'MOMMY' in his handwriting along with pink hearts around it. She smiled.

Her baby boy. He wasn't a baby anymore.

She opened the envelope under Charles' observing eyes. Rose could already tell he had made the card by himself before she even saw it just by the way he was looking at her. On the folded paper, he had drawn a cake and balloons with big letters over it spelling Happy Birthday.

" _There are a lot of mothers in the world but you're the best one, mommy, and I am happy that you are mine. I love you xxxxxxxxx Charles._ "

Rose hugged him in silence. She didn't want him to see how emotional it made her.

"Do you like it?" he asked.

"Of course, honey, I love it. I'll keep it forever," she replied, choking on her tears.

"I got you something else but it's in the kitchen, are you coming?"

"You go, I'll meet you in five minutes, okay?" she told him.

"Okay," he answered before running out of the room.

She got dressed and stared at herself in the mirror for two minutes, realizing how pathetic she was. Twenty-six years old, big girl, with nothing to look forward to. What women did at that age, she had done it already, and had managed to ruin it. Now, she was stalling, she was going absolutely nowhere.

She joined Charles in the kitchen and saw that he had set the table for breakfast. About every cereal box was on the table with every toast topping available in the cupboard. Charles explained that he tried to make coffee but that he didn't know how and he didn't want to break the machine.

"I had to climb on a chair to get everything down but I was really careful," he assured.

"You worked pretty hard, I appreciate it," Rose replied with a smile. "You must have woken up really early to do all of this."

"5 o'clock," he answered proudly. "What do you want to eat, mommy, I will make it for you."

Charles ordered his mother to sit down and prepared her toast, insisting on putting the peanut butter on it. She looked at him working hard to spread it everywhere, his tongue on his upper lip for concentration. She thanked him once he was finished and took a bite, telling him it was the best toast she ever had. He served himself his own bowl of cereal, managing not to spill milk everywhere. When they finished eating and cleaning up (Rose helped even though Charles didn't want her to), the doorbell rang and they looked at each other with an intrigued look. Who could that be this early in the morning? Rose opened the door and saw a young man holding flowers.

"Good morning, Miss. I have a delivery for, hum," he began as he looked down at the card. "Rose."

"Yes, that would be me," she said with a smile before taking the flowers he was holding out for her. "Thank you."

"Have a nice day," he added before leaving.

She closed the door and walked back to the kitchen. Charles asked who sent the flowers and she looked down at the card so she could answer him. She would recognize this handwriting everywhere.

"They're from daddy," she told Charles.

She had to admit she was a bit disappointed they weren't from Jack but was still really touched that Cal thought about it. He sent an orchid bouquet because he knew they were her favorite flowers. He made the mistake of sending roses once, and even though she said she liked them, he saw in her face that roses weren't the right choice so he never bought them again. It was "so corny" she had told him.

She took the card out under Charles' interested gaze and she asked him to get a vase so she could put the flowers in it.

" _Happy Birthday to a wonderful woman and mother who will always have a special place in my heart. Have a beautiful day x._ "

She didn't expect that at all. A simple 'happy birthday' text would've been enough. At one point in her life, she broke that poor man's heart and she didn't deserve this kind of attention coming from him, she was very well aware of this. If Caledon had _a lot_ of flaws, breaking promises wasn't one of them. "I'll love you forever, I promise you that" he had told her on their wedding night. And here they were, almost two years after an awful divorce, and he was still keeping his word. Rose may not be in love with him anymore but that didn't mean he wasn't important for her. One day, they would get over all those stupid arguments and be friends.

She wished she could go back to the first time they met and make things differently.

She dropped Charles at school and made sure he remembered that his grandfather was going to pick him up after school and that he'd sleep over. She would get him the next day after school. She had a date with Jack tonight and it would be easier if Charles spent the night at his grandparents' instead of getting a babysitter or asking Cal to take him and having to explain everything to him. No, she would most definitely _not_ do that.

* * *

She took a cab and met Jack at Riverpark on 29th street at 7 o'clock. When she arrived, he was waiting for her outside. It was barely 10 degrees outside and she hoped he hadn't been waiting for too long.

"Hi," she said as they both spotted each other. "You could've waited for me inside, it's cold out here."

"I just got here," he replied, kissing her cheeks.

They walked in and were shown to their table. Jack told Rose she looked beautiful in her little black dress and she smiled, telling him he was handsome in his suit. He was really the casual type of guy and to see him dressed up like this was nice, not that he wasn't handsome with his regular clothes.

"I am not used to wearing this kind of clothing, I feel like a penguin," he admitted, and she laughed.

"You're a really nice-looking penguin if you don't mind my saying so," she said.

"Thanks," he replied with a small smile.

The waiter came and introduced himself, offering them both menus and the wine list before leaving them to choose. They ordered pasta and a bottle of red wine and made small talk while waiting. Jack was funny, she adored his sense of humor, and he made her laugh a lot with all the stories he had to tell. He was really entertaining and she knew she would never get bored by listening to him talk. He never talked about his work and she liked that because she wasn't the type to talk about work outside of her workplace either. He told stories about Paris and his childhood in Wisconsin. Of the time he and his father went ice fishing on Lake Wissota and he fell through some thin ice.

"I've been talking about myself for the past twenty minutes and I wouldn't want to bore you with all these stories. Your turn," Jack said before taking a sip of wine.

"There's nothing to talk about, my life isn't as exciting as yours," she replied.

"What?" he asked with a smile. "Oh, come on, I'm sure there is something. What did you do after high school? Did you go to college?"

"Yeah, I did," she simply answered.

"Well, tell me, what did you major in?"

"I started the Dramatic Literature program but I - I didn't get through with it, let's say I got a little surprise about three months in at NYU," she said with a forced laugh. "You might have heard of it, his name is Charles. He's almost seven and about this high," she added, her hand about 50 inches from the ground.

"I see," he replied with a smile as she gulped her wine nervously. "So the kid wasn't planned." She shook her head.

"Don't get me wrong, I love my son and I never thought of him as a mistake."

"No, of course not, I would never think that. I know you love him, there's no denying that."

"So I graduated high school, got married, went to NYU for a semester, had a baby at nineteen, tried very hard to convince myself that I was an adult and then I got divorced by the time I was 24 years old."

"So you did things younger than most people, that doesn't mean your life isn't interesting, quite the contrary. First of all, I think you're an amazing mom. My mom never played ball with me when I was a kid."

She laughed and he smiled at the sound of it. She thanked him for the compliment, the best he could ever give her. He wanted to know more about her, her past, but he didn't want to make her miserable so the best thing to do was to make her laugh through it. He loved her laugh, always felt a pinch when he heard it.

"And you have your own store, that's really great, you should be proud," he continued.

"Yeah, well, I may run it but I wasn't the one who started it all. Caledon did."

"Why do you think he let you keep it? Because he knew you could run it."

Or because he still loves me and wants to make up for his mistakes, she thought. She didn't add anything and cursed to herself that every time she was with Jack, their discussion would always end up mentioning _him_.

"Can we not talk about him, please? I - It seems he is more in my life now that he was when we were married, this is ridiculous."

"Sure, I understand," Jack apologized. "Was there a specific movie you wanted to see tonight?" he asked because they had planned to go to the movies afterwards.

"There's this adaption of Anna Karenina that I wanted to see but if you want to see something else, I don't mind, really," she replied.

"It's your birthday, you get to choose. I love Tolstoy and I heard that the movie was filmed like a Russian ballet."

"I saw Swan Lake back in 2006. I wept, it was beautiful," Rose said. "Tchaikovsky is my favorite composer," she added.

"You seem to know a lot about classical music, I have to say I'm a bit jealous. Have you seen other ballets?" Jack asked.

"I saw a few. The Nutcracker is a must every year though. Mother and son Christmas tradition. As for classical music, well, I've been living in it since my birth. My mother doesn't listen to anything else and she started teaching me classical piano when I was three years old. I could play Mozart by the time I started 1st grade."

"So you're what they call a prodigy?"

"I had a good teacher, nothing more," Rose answered. "I love it, I guess that helps."

"Does Charles play?" Jack asked.

"God, no," she laughed. "'Piano is for girls, mommy, I want to play the drums'," she imitated her son. "His father bought him a brand new set. He took three classes, cried because he couldn't do it, and the drums were driving Cal crazy. He sold it a month later. Now his uncle is trying to teach him how to play the guitar and I admire his patience. Charles loves it though and I know he adores spending time with William."

They talked some more through the entire meal and Jack was glad that Rose finally opened up. He felt like he already knew her but to hear stories about her life made him feel closer to her than he's ever felt before. It was their official first date since they met, three months earlier.

They went to see Anna Karenina afterwards. They held hands through the entire movie and Jack often stroked the top of her hand with his thumb, which made Rose smile in the dark. They shared opinions on the movie while waiting for a cab. Rose made a move forward and invited Jack over to her place, only if he wanted to. He accepted. Secretly, they both didn't want the evening to end because being together felt right.

Rose sat close to Jack on the back seat of the cab, leaning her head on his shoulder. Jack put his hand on her knee and turned to kiss her head. She closed her eyes, embracing the moment.

"I'm happy when I'm with you," Jack whispered. "Nothing feels wrong, you know? It's like you make everything alright."

He didn't need to say more, her lips were already on his. Right now, right this instant, she knew. She was in love with him. She was deeply in love with Jack Dawson.

At Rose's apartment, they opened another bottle of wine and she showed him Charles' baby pictures. Jack noticed how she had many stories to tell about her son but so few about herself. Her son was her whole universe. Who could blame her? She had the kid at nineteen and wasn't that when life started?

"So that's 19-year-old you?" Jack asked when he saw a picture of Rose holding a 2-week-old Charles.

"A very exhausted 19-year-old me, yes," she confirmed.

"You look adorable," he said.

"Yeah, right," she replied with a snort.

"I'm not kidding," Jack told seriously. "What do I have to say to prove to you that I mean it? You're beautiful, Rose."

Her self-confidence when it came to beauty was non-existent. First of all, she had been picked on her entire childhood because of her ginger curly hair and that was without mentioning the braces she had to wear from grade 7 to 10. She hated her nose, her mouth, her everything. Her eyes were the only feature she liked about herself and she had learned to appreciate her hair more than she used to. This redhead thing was indestructible, her grandmother had red hair, and so had her mother, herself and now Charles. Caledon's hair was so dark, she hoped it would save the kid from having it but no, his hair was as red as it could be.

"Thanks," she said shyly, avoiding eye contact.

"Hey, look at me," he said softly with a smile.

She looked at him and he told her again that she was beautiful so she could see the sincerity in his face when he said it. He kissed her and she closed her eyes, kissing him back. It soon turned into a make-out session and nothing else than kissing noise and panting was heard in the room. Rose finally leaded Jack to her bedroom, practically tearing off each other's clothes.

When Rose fully processed that she was completely naked in front of him, she shamefully tried to cover herself, feeling self-conscious. She hadn't been intimate with anybody but Caledon and her body didn't exactly look like it used to. She had carried a baby for nine months and given birth. She wouldn't say she was _fat_ , far from it, but she certainly used to be thinner and she didn't even want to _think_ about her breasts and those awful stretch marks.

"Hey, don't hide, you're beautiful," Jack said softly, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "You have no idea how beautiful you look right now."

"It's-," she began protesting.

"Shh," he interrupted. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," she said, suddenly feeling as light as a feather. "Show me," she whispered, inches away from his lips.

She looked straight into his blue eyes and their lips locked together. Rose felt Jack's heart pounding in his chest and she asked him if he was nervous. He said he wasn't even though, deep inside, he was a little. He always thought Rose was out of his league and now they were about to make love. He couldn't believe it. He, the shy comic book artist from Wisconsin, was in bed with her, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Beautiful in every single way. Three months ago, he bought her a latte and now they were here. Flesh to flesh.

This was a big step. They were sharing their feelings for each other in the most intimate way possible. There was no going back after this.

Rose could feel Jack was nervous even if he had denied it when she asked but it was okay because she was nervous too. She hadn't been with anyone for almost two years and had sex with only one man in her life as of now.

Jack was on top of her, hands and mouth busying themselves on her breasts gently. She ran her hand in his pale hair, sighing with delight. It felt so good after all this time to finally be this close with a man. To feel his hands on her, to be desired the way Jack desired her, to feel like a woman again, a beautiful one, and to finally be only Rose. Not "Mommy" or "Mrs. Hockley." No, right now she was only the young and carefree woman she once was.

Jack's warm hands on her skin were building the desire she had for him and the way he was touching her in all the right places was driving her delirious.

He stopped to ask if she had any protection and she missed his touch instantly. She almost told him to forget about it but she knew that was only the dizziness of his caress taking over. She remembered the last time she said that sentence and how it resulted and told Jack there were condoms in the nightstand.

Jack's mind jumped to conclusions and figured that she may have been with other guys recently but his thought vanished when he saw the still sealed box in the drawer. He felt ridiculous to think that, not that it would've been any of his business if she had been anyway.

He put the condom on, leaving the wrapper on the nightstand. She urged him back and he quickly returned to his previous spot. This is it he thought, this is happening. Rose kissed him languorously, opening her legs a bit wider, and he penetrated her slowly. She whimpered in his mouth then he started moving inside of her.

A barely audible moan escaped her pink lips. Jack looked at her and she met his gaze, her eyes showing him how powerful her feelings for him were. She was simply gorgeous and perfect. He wished someone would pinch his arm, to make sure it was real, that it wasn't a dream, and just like that, he felt Rose's nails on his back. It was definitely real. She was moaning under him, their hips moving in perfect sync. He loved the feeling of her breasts pressed against his chest and he reached under his body to cup one in his hand, taking the other one in his mouth. Her head leaned back into the pillow and her hand left his back to tug at his hair softly. He wanted to make this right but it had been a while for him too and he was nervous.

He groaned softly and kissed her, his tongue slipping in her mouth. She shifted slightly under his body and her hips started to meet his faster. With her hand grasping at his back and her legs wrapping tighter around him, her feet resting on his calves, he knew she was close from her release. He went faster too, her moans increasing, and soon, they were both reaching their climax. Jack collapsed on top of her after he came with a groan, panting against Rose's neck as she was still recovering from her own orgasm. He could feel her body shivering even though it was incredibly hot and their skin was covered with a thin layer of sweat. Rose fisted the hair at the nape of his neck and closed her eyes, feeling a new wave of ecstasy hitting her.

They stayed like this for a few minutes, the time to find their normal breathing and heartbeat rate. Jack took her in his arms, his back against the headboard, the sheet covering them. They enjoyed each other's company in silence. Nothing needed to be said.

"I'm glad that idiot bumped into you and spilled coffee all over your shirt," Jack said suddenly, making her laugh.

"Me too. I wasn't particularly happy about it when it happened, I'm grateful for it now," she replied, feeling his lips on the top of her head. She felt so good and safe in his arms, she could've died happy right about now.

"I thought you'd never feel this way about me," he admitted.

"Why?" she asked with a small smile, looking up at him.

"I don't know… I saw how beautiful you looked and how smart and fun you were and I thought I didn't stand a chance. You told me about him and who he was and I looked him up. Maybe I shouldn't have because it made me realize how different I was and how there was no way I could be your type."

"Different is good, Jack. If I wanted someone like him, I would've stayed married to him," she explained.

"Still. I know I will never be able to buy you diamonds, gold, designer gowns or over expensive shoes and handbags you women like but I can assure you that I will love you for the worth of all of those things" he declared. Rose smiled and kissed him.

"I don't need any of those to be happy."

"That doesn't mean you don't like getting them," he stated matter-of-factly.

"I don't like getting them as a peace offering. If you ask a certain someone how a pretty diamond ring feels like, he'll let you know it's no good."

"What do you mean?" Jack asked, amused.

"I threw it to his face one night. He had a bruise the size of an egg on his jaw for three days."

"You didn't!"

"Oh yes, I did. Not that I'm proud of it now. One thing is for sure though, he probably deserved it. Let's call it payback for breaking my nose."

"He _broke_ your nose?"

"That was a long time ago, it was an accident," she said. "But it was taken care of. It still hurts a bit when I'm accidentally catching it but nothing atrocious."

"I'll make sure to be careful then."

He kissed her softly and she giggled against his lips.

"Do you want to spend the night?" she whispered when their lips parted.

"Only if you want me to," Jack replied.

Jack spent the night and after another round of passionate love-making, they fell asleep. It was the best sleep Rose had in _months_.

* * *

Two weeks later, when Charles came back from his week at his father's, Rose decided it was time to tell him about Jack and herself being together and ask how he felt about it. She wasn't sure how he'd react. She knew he liked Jack but that was taking a huge place in his life and maybe he wouldn't understand that he'd have to share her from now on. She waited until bedtime and as he slipped under the covers, she sat on his bed nervously. At bedtime, when Charles slipped under the covers, Rose sat on the bed nervously.

"How was your week with daddy?" she asked.

"It was fun. And he was there the whole time, he didn't work at night once this time," Charles answered.

"I'm glad to hear that," she said. And she was. Caledon was coming to his senses more and more every day. "Honey, there is something I need to tell you, okay?" she continued as Charles nodded. "It's about Jack."

"I saw you kissing him, does that mean you love him?" Charles asked with a small and confused frown.

"Yes, I do. I love him very much," Rose admitted.

"Okay," Charles whispered. "But what about daddy?" he added after a moment of silence.

"Daddy is my friend, it's not like that anymore. You remember when I explained that to you?"

"Yes but it's really confusing, mommy, because daddy loves you and I think you are supposed to love him back, I think that's how it works. When somebody loves you, you're supposed to love them back, just like you and me." He sounded so innocent and she felt awfully guilty.

"I love your father, Charles, just not like I used to, it's a different kind of love," she explained.

"I don't understand. Does that mean daddy isn't my daddy anymore?"

"No, honey, it - your father will stay your father forever, no matter who I go out with, okay? You must never forget that," she replied, taking him into a tight hug. "Maybe someday daddy will have a new girlfriend and it will be the same thing, I'll still be your mom."

"Okay... Jack is really nice. He likes me and he plays with me," Charles confessed.

"He does, he likes you a lot. And I want you to know that I would never be with someone who doesn't like you, honey, because you're my number one man," she whispered before kissing the side of his face, cradling his head.

"You're my number one too, even if I like Jessica Collins a bit," he said, blushing slightly.

"Jessica Collins?" she asked curiously. "Who is she?"

"She's a girl at school. She's in second grade but she's nice to me and she's _really_ pretty."

"Is she your girlfriend?"

He shook his head 'no' but confessed that he would really like her to be. Rose laughed quietly and told him to take his time. He asked if he could buy a flower for her before Christmas break and Rose told him that "of course he could." They would go together.

"Okay," Rose whispered. "Time to sleep," she said, kissing him goodnight.

"Goodnight mommy, I love you," Charles whispered back.

"I love you too," she replied before leaving the room.

She went to her room and locked the door behind her. Everything hit her all at once like a wave. She started to sob, trying and failing to be quiet, and soon the tears were falling down her cheeks.

What she did and what she didn't do. Maybe she should've worked harder to make her marriage last. That way, Charles would have a normal family, he would have his mom and his dad together and none of that step-parents nonsense. She should've done that for her son.

But having to hear his parents fight over every little stupid thing wasn't better. She remembered the last few months the three of them lived at the loft. It was simply unbearable. The screaming and the crying. Cal and she were barely able to look at each other without losing it and start to fight, _again_.

Of course, Charles was not even four years old when that happened and maybe he didn't remember. It remained untold but Rose suspected her son to remember everything, only he never talked about it. She thought he didn't hear her right now, but he did. Charles put his palms over his ears to stop the sound of his mother's sobs but he could still hear it. He clenched his eyes shut and started whispering to himself so the noise of his own voice would distract him. Despite all of his efforts, he felt hot tears on his face. He _hated_ to hear his mother cry. His mother crying was like a punch in the gut and it was bringing back the memories he wanted to forget.

Daddy was shouting mean things, words he wasn't allowed to _think_ , words he didn't always know the meaning of. Forbidden words. Grown-ups words.

At times, things were thrown and smashed against the wall. His parents were throwing things at each other's head.

And he listened to this every night for three whole months from his bed. In a fetal position, he would hold his bear close and his blanket closer. Sometimes he would cry softly, others he would just lie there, terrified. Gatsby would always be by his side, curled up against his legs, the sound of his purring comforting the boy.

When he would finally fall asleep, it would be, most likely, to wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. That's when he would run to what was once his parents' room and wake up Rose who was sleeping lightly, as always. His father was sleeping in the guest room now and he was scared to go in there so Rose would let him crawl into bed with her and he'd fall asleep safely against mommy. His little hands would always clutch at her shirt and even though she never figured out why he did this, she let him do it anyway. Somehow, she slept better with him, with his steady breath against her neck and his heartbeat close to hers. Four years earlier, on a chilly November morning, she had heard it for the very first time. Her baby's heartbeat. And soon, she realized that no other sound could make her feel safer, prouder, happier. Her baby was _alive_.

* * *

Charles spent Christmas with his father's side of the family. He had been spoiled rotten, of course, his grandparents would buy the moon for him if it was possible. They had a huge dinner at the Hockleys' and opened the gifts around 10:30 p.m., after Charles changed into his pajamas with the help of his grandmother. He spent the entire night sitting on his father's lap as if he hadn't seen him in months and wouldn't let go of him.

At midnight, Cal looked for Rose's name in his contact list and gave his cellphone to his son so he could wish a Merry Christmas to his mother. Charles was waiting patiently, sitting on his father, listening to the ringing.

"Hello?" Rose's voice answered.

"Merry Christmas, mommy!" Charles announced.

"Merry Christmas to you too, honey. Are you having fun?"

"Yes! I can go to bed super late! Do you know how late it is, mommy? It's midnight!"

"It is pretty late, aren't you tired?" she asked even though she knew the kid was on a sugar rush.

"No! Guess what, mommy?"

"What?"

He talked non-stop about his gifts and the great time he was having, barely letting his mother answer his questions. Rose asked to talk to Cal after Charles was mostly done telling her about his Christmas Eve.

"Merry Christmas," Cal said as a greeting.

"Thanks, you too."

"How was your evening?" he asked.

"It was great, I - huh - I'm at my parents' right now and I'm staying over for the night. We had a quiet evening. I heard yours was quite extraordinary," she said with a small laugh.

"Yeah... Listen, I just wanted to say thanks for letting me have him this year, I appreciate it."

"You don't have to thank me, Cal, he's yours as much as he's mine," Rose explained. "It's not like I'm going to keep him away from you."

"I know… It's just… Sometimes I have a hard time letting him go and I figured it wasn't easy for you to skip Christmas this year, that's all," he confessed. "So thank you. I - I'll let you go back to your family now, Merry Christmas to everybody."

"Okay, you too, bye."

"Rose?" he said as she was about to hang up.

"What?"

"I love you," he mumbled.

"Don't," she said, closing her eyes. "Please don't say that."

She walked away from the living room, all eyes following her until she locked herself in the bathroom, where no one could see her. She sat on the edge of the bathtub and rested her forehead in her free hand. There was a long moment of silence and she thought he had hung up until she heard him sigh.

"I'm sorry," he whispered and then hung up.

Rose stared at her phone as if waiting for him to call her back or send a text but nothing came. There was a knock at the door and she opened it to see Jack.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm fine," she said before kissing him.

She didn't know what to do anymore. Cal would never get over her, he would _never_ stop loving her. She didn't want him to hope she'd change her mind and go back to him because she wouldn't. She felt miserable and guilty every time something like that happened and she was tired of it.

* * *

When he went to bed that night, Cal couldn't help but remember how he would slow dance with Rose in this very room every Christmas Eve, singing _Blue Christmas_ to her imitating Elvis' voice to make her laugh. She confessed once that it had always been her favorite moment of the night. The small instant they would have to themselves just before the guests arrived. When the loft smelled like Christmas and the tree was lit up in the main room. And for the past three years, that moment didn't exist anymore, it had been destroyed just like the rest of their marriage.

He wished he could get over her, he wished he could forget her and everything that reminded him of her. He tried, was still trying, but it wasn't working. He was still deeply in love with her. He had promised her forever and he failed.


	15. fourteen

**FOURTEEN.**

As she was two months in at NYU, just a week before the mid-terms, Rose woke up one morning feeling like a bulldozer ran her over. On top of it, she was nauseous and every move felt like her body would shatter into a thousand pieces. She stared at her husband who was still asleep and waited for him to wake up. Focusing on one spot helped controlling the nausea and the spinning around her. Her head was pounding, just like it was when she was hungover. But she didn't have a sip of alcohol in months so it didn't make sense. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply. She didn't want to be sick, she didn't want to throw up.

"Are you okay?" Cal asked in a hoarse voice, his eyes still closed.

"I feel like crap," she muttered.

He opened his eyes and looked at her with worry.

"What's wrong?"

"It hurts all over. I feel nauseous and my head is killing me," she replied, a shiver going through her.

"Hey, you're cold," he whispered, taking her against him to warm her. "Come here, get some more sleep okay? You'll feel better," he said, kissing her forehead. Rose's face cringed in pain. "Jesus, Rose, you're burning up. You stay here, I'll be right back," he instructed as he went to the bathroom to get a thermometer.

She almost asked him to stay in bed and hold her close to keep her warm but she didn't have the strength to do it so she waited for him to come back. She could hear him fumbling through the drawers, cursing. He came back a few minutes later and stuck the thermometer under Rose's tongue. She kept her eyes closed because the pounding wasn't as bad this way. She could feel Cal's hand pushing the hair away from her face and his touch helped making her feel a little better. The thermometer beeped and Cal announced a fever of a 100 as well as a day at home.

"You go to school, I'll be fine," she mumbled.

"No, no, no, I'm staying with you. You're sick and I have to take care of you. Your face is ghostly white."

"I'm not that sick, I'll be fine," she repeated.

At the same moment, she got up and walked fast to the bathroom. Cal turned around in bed to see her kneel down in front of the toilet then he heard her retching. He quickly went to the next room and sat beside her on the floor, taking her hair in one hand, the other one stroking her back softly. It lasted a minute then Rose leaned on the toilet and spat the bile left in her mouth, groaning in discomfort. Cal kept stroking her back, saying nothing as she tried to relax.

"Come on, I'll make you something that'll make you feel better," Cal told her.

"No, go to your classes, okay? I'll be fine I promise," she said for the third time.

"I'm not asking, Rose. No matter how many times you tell me that, I still won't go and I still won't believe you."

Rose surrendered and followed Cal to the kitchen, a blanket draped over her shoulders. She sat at the counter and looked at her husband preparing her hot water with lemon and dry toast. She wasn't hungry, far from it, but she took one or two bites to make him happy. They went to the living room and Rose finished her cup of water there while Cal gathered his things so he could study while watching over her. At first, she sat next to him on the couch, her head on his shoulder, looking at whatever he was studying. She didn't understand anything out of his notes, much less the blueprints he was working on. She asked him to explain it to her and he did. Cal was always patient with her and he answered her questions as best as possible. Soon though, she was asleep with her head on his lap. He had re-read his notes for the fourth time, stroking her hair, and eventually she just passed out. He checked her temperature with the back of his hand and it seemed normal if maybe one degree over. He made sure she was covered and continued to study while she slept soundly.

When she woke up, an hour later, she bent over Cal's knees and threw up her tiny breakfast in the trash can they had kept close. Cal cursed when he saw Rose's hair got mixed in the mess and tried to push it away without having vomit on his hands. It wasn't a success but he managed to keep most of it away. When it was over, Rose simply collapsed on his legs with a loud groan, on the verge of tears. She hated feeling like this.

"Alright, come on, let's get you cleaned up," Cal said, helping her getting up.

"My stomach hurts," she groaned. "Everything hurts."

They walked to the en-suite bathroom and Cal helped Rose cleaning her hair. Then he ran her a bath while she stood in front of the sink, brushing her teeth. She asked him to join her in the bath, which he did. He sat behind her and she rested her back against his chest. He kissed her head and she closed her eyes, enjoying the hot water and his warm embrace. She almost forgot the nausea that didn't want to go away.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. It had been total silence for almost five minutes and he wondered if she had fallen asleep.

"Meh," she mumbled.

"Is it better if I'm stroking your stomach?" he continued, his hand on her stomach. She nodded faintly.

It wouldn't make the bug go away but at least it was comforting and relieving. The water was almost cold when they got out. Cal wrapped Rose in a towel and retrieved flannel pajamas for her. She had to sleep some more and he would make her do it even though she didn't want to. He got her into bed, stayed in the room until she fell asleep then went back to his studying in the living room. Rose woke up in late afternoon and was brought chicken soup in bed with a cup of hot water. She ate under her husband's caring eyes and hoped to God she would keep it this time.

She didn't. After throwing up for the third time today, she said to Cal that she didn't want to eat anything anymore, not until the nausea would go away. Her head was pounding and the fever was back at 100 so he gave her some ibuprofen and put her back to bed. They watched Full House reruns but Rose fell asleep in the first ten minutes of the second episode. Cal moved her slowly, not wanting to wake her up. He made sure she was comfortable and warm under the covers then walked to his study to continue working on his mid-term project. When he came back three hours later, Rose was deeply asleep. He touched her forehead to see if the fever was gone and she seemed okay so he joined her in bed.

* * *

A week later, they were up to their necks in mid-term exams and assignments. Rose was better, even though she wasn't completely top shape yet. She couldn't stay at home because she had exams every day and assignments to work on. She would spend a couple of hours at the library but come home for dinner. Then, she would study some more.

Even when they were both at the loft, they barely saw each other. Cal would study in his office and Rose would be at the kitchen table, her opened textbooks and notebooks scattered all over it. Long nights spent up studying, depriving them of many hours of sleep.

Right now, her head was in the fridge, looking for something to eat. It was 8 p.m. and even though she had dinner two hours earlier, she was still hungry. She was craving Chinese food _so bad_ but there weren't any leftovers from the last time they had some, two days ago. She walked to Cal's office and knocked softly on the door.

"Yes?" he said, sounding tired.

Rose opened the door and saw him at his desk, his face in his hands. He looked up at her and smiled, her face would never fail to cheer him up. She was beautiful and he was madly in love with her.

"Baby, I was just about to order some Chinese food, do you want something?" she asked.

"No, thanks," he replied. "Hey, come here," he said softly as she was turning around to leave the room.

She walked around his desk and once she was next to him, he sat her on his lap. He kissed the side of her head and lingered there, his face against the side of hers.

"I miss you," Cal whispered, feeling her hand in his hair at the back of his head.

"I miss you too."

"What about that stomach bug, how are you feeling today?" he asked, his hand stroking her stomach.

"Better," she replied.

"Are you sure you should be eating Chinese? I mean, maybe you should go with soup or something. I can make you some if you want."

"I'm fine, thanks," she assured him.

All week, Cal had been taking care of her like the perfect husband that he was and always made sure she had everything she needed. Five days ago, she had a high temperature and she spent the whole day curled up on the couch, asleep mostly, while Cal studied right next to her the entire time to make sure she was okay. He made her soup and hot water with lemon then held her hair and stroked her back when she threw it all up in the toilet an hour later. He ran her a bath and wrapped her in a warm and fluffy towel when she got out. He put her to bed afterwards and it would take seconds for her to fall asleep. It happened once that she woke up in the middle of the night to run to the bathroom but she came back twenty minutes later, saying that it was a false alarm and admitted that really, she only lay on the cold floor to cool down. Mornings were always the worst though.

"I can see you're tired, why don't you take a break?" she suggested. "You could join me in the kitchen and look at me being miserable over this Macbeth analysis."

"That sounds awful," he admitted with a chuckle. "Even though I'd rather watch you work, baby, I really, really need to finish this assignment by tomorrow and I wouldn't want to distract you over your analysis with my ravishing good looks," he finished jokingly.

"Oh, you're right, I would definitely be distracted," she said with a giggle, raising her eyebrows. "I'll go get you some coffee then, be right back," she added, pecking his lips.

Cal looked at her walk away and looked down at his work in despair. Rose called the restaurant to order while waiting for the coffee to be ready. On her way back to Cal's office, she looked at her books on the table and pulled a disgusted and exhausted face at her unfinished work. She left the coffee on his desk and smiled at him before going back to the kitchen.

Around two o'clock, Cal walked out of his study to go to bed as he was finally finished with his project. The light in the kitchen was on so he knew Rose was still up studying. Or at least that's what he thought. He saw the table filled with books and empty boxes of food, and his wife asleep over her opened dictionary. She wasn't napping, he realized, she was out cold. She looked pale and he knew that she was still sick.

"Hey," he whispered, squatting down next to her. Rose opened her eyes slowly, confused at where she was.

"What time is it?" she asked, sleep showing in her voice.

"Late," he answered as he stroked her hair. "Come on, let's go to bed."

She didn't bother to clean up the table and followed Cal to their room. She was done with her analysis, at least, and had time to study for her History of Drama exam before she had fallen asleep. Her head touched the pillow and she fell into a deep sleep. She didn't hear Cal tell her goodnight nor did she feel the kiss he left on her forehead.

* * *

As expected, Rose felt like crap when she woke up the next morning for her 9 a.m. class. The nausea was back and she hated herself for eating so much food the previous night. Her head was pounding and her body seemed to weigh 300 pounds. The warmness of her face announced a bit of fever, fatigue or both. She knew that if she moved, she would end up vomiting so she turned around slowly to see Cal but he wasn't in bed anymore. She heard him in the bathroom then she saw him at the doorframe, shaving cream on his face, telling her she should get up or she'd be late.

She moved to get up and the nausea hit her hard; she was going to be sick. Again. She ran to the bathroom, kneeled in front of the toilet and threw up. Cal, alarmed, left his razor on the counter and went to her, taking her hair in his hand, trying to get a washcloth at the same time so he could put it on the back of her neck to cool her down.

Rose stopped vomiting after a while, spitting the bile out of her mouth as Cal stroked her back softly.

"Are you alright? Are you going to be sick again?" he asked her.

"I - I don't think so," she replied with a hoarse voice. "I think I had too much to eat last night."

"You shouldn't have had Chinese," he said, running a hand on her face. "You're still a bit warm," he continued, reaching for the thermometer.

"I'm fine," she assured. "No, I don't need you to take my temperature," she tried to get away from him but she was simply too weak to get up. Before she could say anything else, Cal stuck the thermometer under her tongue. "Almost 101 degrees. I want you to stay home today, you need to rest."

"I can't, I have an exam, I - I feel fine. I'll be fine, really."

"I don't care if you have fifty exams, you need to rest," he repeated. "I'm not letting you out of this house, I mean it."

* * *

Thirty minutes later, Rose was out the door despite her husband insisting she stays home. The nausea was still there but the fresh autumn air helped her breathing better. Her head was still pounding but the ibuprofen should kick in anytime soon. During her 25-minute walk to NYU, her mind wandered to the last time she had her period and found out that she couldn't remember when it was. What if she was _pregnant_? Rose thought she was stupid to think about that because they were safe every time, using protection. At least they did for the past two months. Was it two months? She couldn't be more than two months pregnant without noticing it, could she? She knew next to nothing about pregnancies except maybe that what happened this morning could be a symptom of life growing inside of her. But maybe it was only indigestion of that fried rice from the night before. Or that stomach flu that didn't seem to go away.

Now she would be thinking about this through her whole exam and probably fail it, great. She couldn't be pregnant, that was ridiculous, it was probably only a virus she contracted or something. Everyone was sick once in a while, right? It was the stress and the lack of sleep for the last couple of days. Soon, the mid-terms would be over and she would be able to relax. She wished she didn't have an exam that morning so she could've stayed in bed and sleep longer.

When she walked into her class, she felt the eyes of every student on her. As if they knew and judged her. Eighteen years old. First year of college. Pregnant. She truly hoped she was overthinking this and that she would laugh it off later. Absentmindedly, she stroked her stomach, as if looking for a bump, anything. There was none.

As she had predicted, she couldn't focus on her exam and she knew she wouldn't get a good grade on it. What was Shakespeare' first play? _Henry VI, Part II_. What year was it first performed? _1594_. _No, it was 1592, right_? _No._ She studied for this exam for _hours_ every night of the week and she couldn't remember anything. She could feel her heart beat in her head and her body was heavy. She shivered and put her hood on her head. Her porcelain complexion was now so pale that she looked like she was dead. When she gave her exam to her teacher, the woman asked her if she was feeling alright and Rose nodded, a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She was angry at herself for letting a dumb assumption, like being pregnant, mess with her head like that.

She went back home, annoyed about her exam and the stupid recurring thought that there was an embryo in her uterus. She made a quick stop at the pharmacy on the way because she needed to stop worrying about this, she needed to make sure she was overreacting her nauseous awakening. She grabbed a pregnancy test, some Dramamine and more Advil since she emptied the bottle before leaving this morning. As she rode the elevator up to the loft, she took the decision that starting now, she would mark her period on a calendar so she wouldn't forget.

At first, she thought about waiting for Cal to get home so they could do this together but she knew he wouldn't be here before five, which was still four hours away. She couldn't wait that long, it was driving her insane.

Rose went to the bathroom and took the test out of the box, her hands shaking profusely. She read the instructions sheet, understanding only half of it. She read it five times and finally did it. She peed on the stick and waited. The box said to wait three whole minutes. Three minutes went fast when you were playing baseball and having fun but three minutes was _incredibly long_ when you waited for a life-changing result. Minutes seemed to be hours. When her watch indicated the three minutes had passed, she could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She couldn't look, she couldn't face reality.

She leaned on the counter, she needed to get a grip on something or she would faint. The stick was on the counter, right in front of her face, looking back at her. Everything around her was spinning. She closed her eyes and took in deep breaths to calm her shaking body. She let herself slide against the wall and as she finally reached the cold ceramic floor, she let out a long wail and started to cry.

She was pregnant.

What to do now? How could she announce Cal that? How would he react? Would he leave? She couldn't have a baby, much less raise it alone. Cal was 21 years old, a college student and an architect-to-be, he didn't have time for this. Neither did she. She just started college in her dream university, she couldn't drop out right away to have a baby. Of course, she wanted children but in five or six years from now, but not right now, not at eighteen years old. She had things to do before becoming a mother. She wanted to travel through Europe with her husband and her backpack during summer. She wanted to graduate NYU and find a job at a publisher or at the New York Public Library. She wanted to write a novel. Become a mother was the last thing on her list right now.

* * *

When Cal walked through the door that night, he saw Rose sitting on the couch, her eyes red and puffy, her hair in a messy bun, wearing yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt that appeared to be his from his Dalton days. There were used tissues all over her lap and some had fallen on the floor. He could see Gatsby curled up beside her, offering comfort.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, concerned.

"Can - Can you come and sit with me, please?"

He rushed to her side and took her against him but she pushed him away, telling him that she had something important to tell him and that she wouldn't be able to if he held her. He grew worried but Rose promised herself she wouldn't cry anymore.

"I just found out this afternoon and I am _freaking out_ ," she began, already feeling the tears coming to her eyes.

"You're worrying me, tell me what's going on."

"Cal, I - I'm pregnant," she said, bursting into tears again. "I'm pregnant," she whispered as he hugged her tight, fear written all over his face.

"Shhh," he soothed, even though he was scared out of his mind. "It's gonna be alright, everything's gonna be alright," he whispered, also trying to convince himself.

"I'm so scared," she declared.

"Don't worry, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere," he reassured her. "I'm right here," he repeated as he cradled her head. "We're in this together, okay?"

She nodded against his chest, leaving wet stains on his shirt. They needed to talk about this, were they going to keep this baby? What was the wiser choice? They were so young. Cal knew that right now wasn't the moment to talk about this, right now Rose only needed him to be there. He held her for a long time, until she stopped crying, until there were no more tears left to cry.

"How about I get us some food and then we'll talk about this?" Cal asked softly after an hour spent in silence.

"I'm not hungry," Rose mumbled.

"You need to eat something."

Truth be told, he needed to get out of here, he needed to be alone for a while. He needed the fresh air or he would be sick. She gave in but asked him to be back soon, she couldn't bear to be alone right now. He promised he'd be back as soon as possible. He kissed the top of her head and was out the door. Rose stared at the door for a long time after he was gone. What if he had walked through that door with the intention of never coming back? What if he was gone forever?

Once he was in his car, Cal just sat there, staring into nothing. His vision became blurred and he felt a tear rolling down his cheek. That's when he struck the steering wheel violently, repeatedly, and let out a scream of both rage and pain. How could've this happen? They had been stupid over the summer, he wouldn't deny that but Rose couldn't be more than two months along without them noticing anything.

"Shit, shit, shit," he panicked, remembering that August 20th, his birthday, when they were on their honeymoon in Greece, was the last time they had an unprotected relation.

That was it. That was definitely it. Or else it meant a condom had torn without them noticing. People would say they were playing with fire and they would be right but this kind of thing always happened to others, not to yourself. What would he tell his parents? What would he tell _Rose's_ parents? He was a complete idiot, how could he have let this happen? So much for being an adult.

When he entered the loft twenty minutes later, Rose was still in the same spot than when he left. She looked up at him and forced a small smile, trying to show him that she was fine. She clearly wasn't and he wasn't either.

"I got us some sandwiches from that place you like," Cal said, putting the plastic bag on the coffee table in front of her. "And this, for you, I thought it'd cheer you up," he added, taking a Ben & Jerry's Mint Chocolate Chunk ice cream pint out of the bag.

"Thank you," she said with that same smile.

She took it from his hands and he leaned down to kiss the top of her head. She closed her eyes, feeling the tears coming again as she buried her face in his stomach, taking in the scent of him.

"Everything's gonna be fine," he whispered. "I promise."

He felt her nod and she hugged him closer. Cal's hand went to the nape of her neck and her embrace loosened. He crouched down in front of her, his hand now on her cheek, his thumb wiping the single tear on her cheek. She looked awful but Cal didn't think so, she would always be beautiful no matter what.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"What? No, no, no, hey," he said softly. "None of that, you don't have to be sorry for anything, we're both responsible for this. Don't say that, okay?"

"What are we supposed to do now, Cal? This is a baby we're talking about here. This is a lifelong engagement."

"We have to look at the big picture here, not only right now but also two, five, ten years from now. What about college? You want to quit now?"

"No, not really," she confessed.

"I don't want you to either. I told your father I wouldn't keep you away from your dreams and here I am, knocking you up."

"Oh, don't say it like that," she said. "It sounds so vulgar."

"I didn't plan for this to happen before another few years. We were really careless, Rose," he declared, meeting her eyes.

"I know, we were idiots."

"We were idiots in love," he completed.

"So now what?"

Cal shrugged and reached for a spoon in the bag when she asked for it.

They talked about the situation. They would have to make a decision, keeping the baby or not. Keeping it meant that a lot of sacrifices would have to be made but not keeping it meant the same thing in a different way. Never did they think that this baby would take away their youth or that it would ruin their life. Money wasn't a problem either. The real problem was the barrier it set between Rose and her college education because she absolutely refused that her child be brought up by nannies. Caledon didn't want her to leave college when he knew how much she loved it and he felt so terribly guilty that she was in this delicate condition.

"What was your mother like when you were a child?" Rose asked Cal suddenly.

"What do you mean?"

"What was she like? With you, with your brother?"

"Is that a tricked question? I don't know what I'm supposed to answer."

"My mother, she always put my needs before hers, you know. She had like this big career as a concert pianist in front of her, and I came along so she had to give it up. She gave me her everything. I guess I didn't realize it until now, how big of a sacrifice it was for her."

"So no more college, is that what you're telling me?"

"It's okay, Cal, I can go back to college later, when the kid is older," she said with a nonchalant shrug.

"I feel like such an asshole right now," he admitted.

"Don't. You're here with me and this is all I need."

"I'll always be there for you, baby, you won't get rid of me in this lifetime."

"I wouldn't want to," she said with a genuine smile before kissing him. "Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?"

"Being there, and for the ice cream too," she added with a small laugh, taking a spoonful of the comforting iced delight.

"You're welcome. Can I have some?" he asked.

She filled the spoon and gave it to him. When he smiled, she realized how lucky she was. A lot of 21-year-olds would have ran away, married or not, but he stayed and the way he acted tonight proved her that he would stay forever, no matter what.

In bed, that night, as Rose was dozing off in Cal's arms, she felt his warm hand on her stomach. He asked her if she was asleep and she muttered that she wasn't. There was no showing of pregnancy on her body just yet, not even a small baby bump. She had gain a few pounds in the past weeks but she thought it was only all that Chinese food she kept eating.

"It's right there," Cal whispered. "We made a baby and it's right there," he said, stroking her stomach softly, as if realizing the whole situation was real for the first time since she told him.

She said nothing and he held her closer, his lips on the pulse point behind her ear. She felt something wet on her skin and realized he was crying. Then his chest started to jerk against her back and she felt helpless. She didn't know what to do or what to say like he always did in such situations. She had never seen him cry before, not this much anyway. Rose took the hand he had on her stomach in hers, bringing it to her lips to kiss it. He held her closer, embracing her in the warmth of his body. He would never let her go, she was his girl, she would be forever.

And how painfully true would that turn out to be.

* * *

On Thanksgiving, they both decided it was time to announce the pregnancy to their parents. They would be all together in their very home and they couldn't think of a better time. They've gotten used to the idea now and they didn't want it to be a secret anymore. They were happy about it.

They had taken two pictures from the previous week's ultrasound and had put them in two different envelopes with the name of their parents across it. Ruth and Henry arrived pretty early in the day so Ruth could help her daughter with her first Thanksgiving dinner. Rose was nervous about tonight, she was scared of her parents' reaction when they would break the news. After all, she was only eighteen years old.

"Can I help you with anything, ladies?" Cal offered as he walked in the kitchen.

"Oh, I think we've got this, thank you for offering Caledon," Ruth replied.

"I wouldn't want you to tire yourselves out," he added even though his statement was mainly aimed at Rose considering her situation.

"We're gonna be fine," Rose assured him, knowing what he meant. "Now shoo," she told him.

"Can't I have at least a kiss first?" he asked in a fake offended tone. "What am I gonna do with her?" he demanded his mother-in-law with an amused smile.

"Alright, big baby," Rose said with a crooked smile. "There."

She pecked his lips and told him again to leave the kitchen, which he obliged too.

Later, as Cal and Rose got up to get dessert, they came back with the two envelopes instead.

"We found these in our kitchen with your names on it, figured it was yours," Cal said as he distributed the envelopes to who they were addressed to.

"Hey, what about me?" William asked. "Don't I count for nothing?"

"You can share with your parents, Will," Rose replied.

The Hockleys were the first to open the card, quickly followed by Rose's parents as they all just stared at what was inside. In Rose's pretty handwriting was written that they would be grandparents by next spring and that this was their grandchild at the ten weeks ultrasound. It was too early to know the gender yet so they couldn't say. There was a moment of silence and as she looked around, Rose saw tears in Helen's and her father's eyes.

"Oh my, what wonderful news!" Helen exclaimed before taking her daughter-in-law in her arms.

Nathan took his son into a hug and at first, Caledon just stood there, surprised. His father had _never_ hugged him before, not even as a boy, and he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. He congratulated him and then let Helen hug him as well. Ruth kept Rose in her arms a long time. She said nothing but she didn't need to because actions spoke louder than words when it came to the both of them. She was happy for her.

As Ruth went to Cal, Rose stood in front of her father who was looking at her with teary eyes.

"Do I have to go over there to get you?" he asked, making her smile.

She walked to him and he picked her up, her legs wrapped around his middle and her arms around his neck, just like when she was a little girl. Everybody else was looking at the picture of the baby and talking as father and daughter had their moment.

"I'll go back, daddy, I promise," Rose whispered.

"You didn't call me that since your 8th birthday," Henry said, stroking his daughter's back. "And I know you will."

"I know how proud of me you were that I got into NYU, I won't let you down," she explained.

"Oh but I will always be proud of you, sweetheart, and right now I'm a very happy grandfather," he told her before kissing her cheek, lingering for a moment. "I love you."

"I love you too."

He put her down and she turned around to see her 16-year-old brother-in-law coming her way with a huge smile on his face.

"Congratulations wow, I'm so happy for you both," he said, kissing her cheeks.

She saw Cal glaring their way. He looked at the scene like he was about to stab his brother in the back just for holding his sister-in-law in his arms, telling her he was thrilled to be an uncle. He didn't realize that Rose saw him though and he stopped looking their way when they parted.

* * *

"I don't understand why it bothers you so much, he's your brother," Rose said to her husband when they were getting ready for bed in their room, everybody else long gone.

"He is in love with you, can't you see that?!" he almost shouted.

"What? I think you're imagining things, that's what I can see from here. He was only congratulating me like everyone else did, this is no big deal. Are you gonna do that every time we're going to see him?"

He said nothing but she could see he was furious. Rose continued brushing her hair in front of the mirror, seeing his reflection as he got into bed.

"You think I don't see them?" she asked.

"What are you talking about?" he asked back, pissed off.

"The women."

" _What_ women?"

"Everywhere you go, they turn around to look at you. They would simply throw themselves at you if I wasn't there with you," she explained loudly, now angry too.

"What am I supposed to do? Walk around with a bag on my head maybe?" he shouted.

This was it, their first argument, their first loud and serious argument. The honeymoon phase was over.

"So it's okay when other women are all over you but I get this jealousy scene when I hug your _brother_?"

"That's not the same thing! I don't even know these women and they don't know me. If they like the way I look, what can I do about it?!"

"What about the way _I_ look? Maybe your brother likes it too!"

"Stop using everything I say against me."

"If I was interested in William, I would've married him instead of you. Am I the only one in this room to think it's logical or is this a stupid way of thinking?" she yelled.

Once again, he said nothing and Rose saw him bite his tongue so he wouldn't say something he'd regret later.

"He's doing this to piss me off, like everything else he does, the little prick," he finally said, getting up. "And you're teaming up with him."

"You're crazy!" she exclaimed after looking at him in disbelief for a second. "Why do you hate each other so much? I'm telling you right now, I do not wish to be caught in the middle of your ridiculous sibling war. You have one brother, you should bond with him instead of treating him like you do."

"That's right, that's right, take his side."

"Maybe I will if you keep being a selfish jerk," she shouted. "And why don't you sleep on the couch tonight, huh?" she added, throwing a pillow to his face. "GET OUT!"

"Alright, I will," he shouted back before walking out of the room with a pillow and a blanket.

She slammed the door to his face and went to bed enraged. She heard him curse then a door slammed, informing her that he opted for the guest room.

Caledon was furious. He lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling, breathing heavily. The faint idea of Rose developing any kind of relationship with his brother was driving him insane.

The gossip made about the Hockley family was that Caledon, as the oldest, was to inherit everything in the family's name, leaving nothing to the younger sibling. Everybody, anywhere, pitied the poor William, even though the whole story was just a complete lie and that William was to inherit half of everything. It wasn't competition, it was jealousy, pure jealousy.

William had everything. William was and would always be his parents' favorite. William this, William that. If Rose was the only thing he could have for himself, he didn't want his brother near her.

Maybe it was selfish, maybe _he_ was selfish, but if it meant having Rose to himself so be it. He would be selfish a hundred percent without any regrets.

The next morning, Cal knocked on their bedroom door softly. He was calm now. He didn't have any sleep but he wasn't angry anymore. He even felt sorry for yelling at her for something that was going on between his brother and himself.

Rose didn't answer so he half-opened the door and saw that she was still asleep. He entered, holding a breakfast tray, and approached the bed quietly. She woke up slowly and looked away when she saw him, ignoring him even.

"Come on, Rose, you can't still be angry with me," he chuckled.

"Maybe I am. Do you think breakfast in bed will make me forget everything that happened last night?"

"No. I wanted to say I'm sorry," he admitted. "This thing with my brother comes a long way and - never mind."

"Why won't you tell me? I can see right through you Cal, you know that. What is going on between you two?"

Cal sighed and put down the tray on the nightstand before he sat on the bed. Rose looked up at him, half her face still on her pillow. He told her everything. How their love-hate relationship started the day his parents brought William home from the hospital. How William was the perfect boy and how he never did anything wrong.

"Your parents love you," Rose said once he was over.

"They have a funny way of showing it. I know that jealousy isn't good, I know because it eats me up inside, but if you're the only thing I can have for myself, I want William as far away from you as possible."

"I love _you_ , Cal. I married _you_. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Your brother is my friend, he's family."

"I know, baby, I know. It's just - It's -" he stuttered then met her eyes. "Sometimes I worry I don't know how to love you, and I'm scared that someone out there will know how better than me."

"Listen to me," she began, taking his hand in hers. "Nobody can love me the way you do, not when I'm feeling the way I feel when you look at me."

"The only woman I care about is you, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered, pecking his lips.

* * *

As Rose was getting herself ready for Christmas Eve, Cal entered the room to see her wearing a knee-length midnight blue dress, tight enough so the small baby bump was showing. She was doing something with her hair and he could see she was already wearing her makeup. Her shoes were right next to her feet and he knew she wouldn't put them on until the first guests would arrive. Rose put a last bobby pin in her hair and turned to see Cal who was walking to her.

"You look beautiful," he said.

"Thank you. The dress is a little tight, I should've waited a little longer before buying it."

"Oh no, I think this is just perfect," he assured.

He squatted down in front of her and kissed the baby bump, his hands softly stroking it.

"Hello there, baby," he whispered to his unborn child. "Now you will need to behave because it's Christmas and I want your mom to have a good time."

"I think you need to behave more than the baby," Rose said, reminding him that William would be there and that she didn't want the Thanksgiving incident to happen again.

Cal stood up after kissing her stomach again and smiled at her. He asked if she wanted to dance and she answered that she would be glad to but that there wasn't any music.

"My darling, you don't need music when you're dancing with me," he said, taking her hand in his, his other hand resting on the small of her back.

"And why is that?"

"I'll have a Blue Christmas without you," he started singing, sounding like Elvis. "I'll be so blue thinking about you," he continued as they started slow-dancing.

Rose laughed and he chuckled as he looked into her amused eyes.

"Oh by all means, Mr. Presley, please continue," she giggled.

"Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree. Won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me."

He looked down at her and grinned. Rose stood on her tiptoes and kissed him softly, her arms around his neck. When he pulled away, Cal buried his face in Rose's neck and breathed her in.

"You smell so good," he whispered, his hand going down to her bottom.

The doorbell rang at the same time and Cal sighed. Rose told him they could go back to that once they were alone again, later.

The loft was soon filled with guests, both from Rose's and Cal's family. Everything was going well even though Rose thought Cal was drinking too much. Maybe it was because she couldn't drink anything with alcohol in it or that drinking water made her go to the bathroom every five seconds.

Around 11:30, Cal spotted his brother talking with Rose in the kitchen, helping her cleaning up. He saw them laughing and having fun and his brother touching her hands and arms too much. He walked to them, walking through the people standing in the room. Everybody was mingling, getting to know each other, the ambiance was great.

"How's it going?" Cal asked the two of them.

"Fine, William was just helping me putting this awa-"

Rose barely finished her sentence that Cal's fist collided with William's face. The people around rushed to keep them apart as William jumped back on his brother, also punching him in the face. Rose pulled on her husband's arm to keep him away and then try to calm him down but he struggled to get off her grip, his elbow flying across her face. She heard the worst cracking sound ever and everything went black.

When Rose opened her eyes a couple of seconds later, Helen was holding her, or trying to. She looked around, everything was blurred. People were screaming, Nathan was holding his sons by the collar of their shirts, and Rose felt like her face exploded.

"Wh -" Rose started in a whisper but couldn't go on.

"Don't talk, sweetie, we're gonna fix you up, okay?" Helen said.

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" Cal shouted to his brother. "Is she okay?" he asked his mother, unable to move under his father's hold. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" he shouted angrily to his father who let him go with a push.

He ran to where his mother was standing, Henry helping her to keep Rose standing up, the poor girl barely conscious.

"I think you better stay here, boy," Henry told Cal, displeased.

"You should be ashamed of yourself," Helen said to her son. "She's pregnant."

"It's not like I did it on purpose, Mother, please, let me help. Baby, are you okay?" he asked even though he knew Rose couldn't talk right now. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

Henry brought his daughter to the bathroom followed by Ruth and Helen who were in hysterics. There was blood coming out of Rose's nose and it was swollen already. Henry seated Rose on the counter but held her back so she wouldn't fall down. Everything was turning and her head hurt. Ruth took a wet washcloth to clean her daughter's face but when she went too close from her nose, Rose screamed in pain.

"It's alright, sweetheart, I know this hurts," Ruth said. "It's broken," she diagnosed to Helen. "You should get some ice, it will help for the pain."

Helen left to fetch some ice from the freezer and was soon intercepted by her oldest son. He already had a black-eye and looked terribly worried and alarmed.

"Is she alright?" he asked.

"You broke her nose," she said, mad.

"Is there something I can do? Please, Mother."

"Yes, stay away."

She went back to the bathroom with a bag of ice. Ruth put it in her daughter's hand and told her to hold it up to her nose. She needed to rest and keep her head elevated. She complained of pain for a while, until the ice numbed it at least. Her nose stopped bleeding eventually. The loft was getting quiet, most of the people had left, apparently.

Nathan sat in the living room with his sons, making sure they wouldn't start fighting again. William almost punched Caledon again but his father pushed him away violently, telling him to "back off, you dumb fool". The two boys glared at each other for a while but as soon as he heard Rose scream, Cal looked away towards the bathroom. He wanted to blame his brother for everything that happened but Caledon knew that he was the only guilty person in this whole story. Rose was right, he _was_ a selfish jerk.

"Nice black-eye bro," William said with arrogance.

"Shut up or I'll rip your fucking face off," Caledon replied angrily, on the verge of strangling him.

"Quiet!" Nathan intervened.

Rose was finally able to stand up by herself after she had sat on the counter for thirty minutes. Henry still stayed close behind her as they all walked out of the bathroom. Cal looked her way and was hit with guilt when he saw her swollen nose and the faint black-eye she had. There was no more blood but it still didn't look pretty. He walked to her and immediately told her how sorry he was for what happened. She told him she was tired and that if he could only tuck her in, it would make up for it.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," Henry said as he kissed Rose's forehead, leaving her in Cal's hands.

"Night dad. Goodnight everybody, thanks for coming."

She was still a little dizzy but to go to sleep would be good right now. In the bedroom, she changed into her pajamas and looked at herself in the mirror for the first time since the fight. Cal stood behind her, asking her if she was ready.

"Look at our pretty faces," she said with the hint of a smile.

"The Reckless Hockleys," he chuckled. "Come on, I'll tuck you in."

Rose slipped under the covers and Cal kissed her forehead, saying goodnight. He waited in the dark a few minutes, until she fell asleep, and went back to the living room. The five remaining persons were now getting their coats on, ready to go home. He asked them to stay a bit but some insisted that Rose needed a good night of sleep and that he should also get to bed because he looked awful. They left and he tried cleaning the room before joining Rose in bed but his head was pounding so he took an aspirin and collapsed in bed.

So much for behaving himself.


	16. fifteen

**Hello :) So I'm back from my dad's! I met HAYLEY ATWELL yesterday at ComicCon and I am still so excited about it! You can see the picture on my instagram and twitter account (both links are on my profile. So I hope you like this chapter, review please :)**

* * *

 **FIFTEEN.**

On the first weekend of February, after she had a long talk with Jack about it, Rose decided it was time to tell Cal she was dating someone before Charles took the matter into his own hands and tell him by accident. She wanted to do it smoothly. She was really nervous about it and that felt kind of ridiculous considering that they had been divorced for two years and that who she was dating wasn't any business of his. She was doing this for Charles. After all, he was still the kid's father and he had a right to know who would be in his life, especially if that person was to be his stepfather.

Jack and Rose hadn't talked about this yet. For now, Charles still considered Jack 'mom's boyfriend'. It was better this way in her opinion because they had been together for only two months. Jack still had his own apartment and lived there most of the time. He would come more often to Rose's than he used to, of course, but he hadn't moved in or anything. Rose wasn't ready for him to anyway. Moving in meant taking their relationship to the next step and she wanted to do it slowly this time.

They met for lunch at a small restaurant not too far from her apartment. It was easier, and quicker, for him to come to Brooklyn than for her to go to Manhattan. Cal didn't mind, really. Rose got there first even though she thought she'd be running a few minutes late. She told the waitress she was waiting for someone but that she'd have a glass of water in the meantime.

Cal showed up five minutes later and joined her. She hated this. It felt like she had a date with her ex-husband and she didn't like it at all. They made small talk while waiting for their lunch. Rose asked how work was and he told her that he was working on a huge project right now. He asked about the shop and if everything was okay. She assured him that it was.

The more lunch went on, the more Cal was trying to figure out why he came all the way here. Talking about Charles was something they'd do over the phone or when he would be dropping the kid off on Friday nights.

It was over coffee and dessert that Rose told him.

"There's a reason I made you drive over here today, it's-" she stopped talking, not really sure how to go on with this without him either breaking up to pieces or bursting out in anger.

"Okay," he said simply. "Go on, I'm listening."

She looked at him for a long time, and he looked back at her with something in his eyes that she couldn't describe. She knew him, she knew every flaw, every habit, every quality, every expression of his, but that one she didn't and she felt helpless. It looked like anticipation mixed with dignity.

"I met someone," she finally said in a shaky voice, waiting for his reaction.

She saw how his body suddenly went heavy, his shoulders coming forward as if someone just dropped something massive on them. She saw how he tried to keep his composure in front of her and how he would probably have lost it if they wouldn't have been in a public place.

A thousand knives through his body would've hurt less than her declaration, he was sure about that. He was even willing to try it to prove his theory. Couldn't she see how much he still loved her? How hard he had worked to be a better man for her? He thought that she'd take him back some day, that it was only a matter of time now, but he knew he didn't stand a chance anymore. Somebody did it, somebody knew. Somebody knew how to love her better than he did.

His eyes were burning and he blinked to keep the tears from falling. He wouldn't cry in front of her, she didn't deserve to see him so vulnerable right now.

"I see," he said, his voice cracking. "It's serious then?"

"Yes," she replied in the same tone. "That's why I wanted you to know it. I wanted to be the one to tell you, I didn't want somebody else breaking the news to you, not when I know what it means to you."

"What about Charles?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you gonna take him away from me too? Just like you went away from me two years ago? Is that what you're gonna do?"

"What? Of course not! I would _never_ do that to you. I would never take Charles away from you, you're his father, and a wonderful one at that. I wouldn't want any other father for my son, I mean it."

Cal turned away to ask for the check but Rose knew it was mostly because he didn't want her to see how emotional he was.

"You'll meet someone too, Cal, just give it some time. You'll get over me, you need to."

"How can I get over you when everywhere I go in this city reminds me of you?" he asked, trying to keep his voice down. "How can I forget about you when I have to see you twice a week? I have this thing inside, it hurts, it burns, but I don't know how to make it go away."

"It'll go away once you let me go."

"That's easy for you to say."

"You think it was easy for me to realize that our marriage was falling apart? I cried myself to sleep for months but you wouldn't know because you weren't there."

They walked outside after Caledon had paid and stood on the sidewalk, next to where Cal's car was parked.

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" Cal asked, speaking louder now.

"Sorry should've been a long time ago," Rose replied. "It's too late for sorry now."

"Do you even love him?" he demanded as she stood right there in front of him. "Or is he just some fuck buddy you call whenever you feel like it?"

He was shouting now and people were looking as they walked by. His jealous side was taking over but Rose was used to it and she knew how to handle him. After all, it was his biggest fault and knowing him for almost nine years had its benefits.

"Oh is that what you think of me?" she exclaimed.

"Maybe I do," he said, biting the inside of his cheek in anger.

"Here's what I think: it drives you insane to think that another man could ever put his hands on me so you're trying to show you don't care. But I've got news for you, yes, I love him and he loves me, and yes, we slept together."

"Alright get in the car, I'm driving you home," Cal said, hurt but mostly furious and she knew she hit his sensitive nerve.

"No thanks, I'll walk," she replied curtly, starting to walk away.

Cal quickly got behind the wheel and drove slowly, looking at her walk furiously.

"Get in the car," he told her again by the opened passenger-side window.

"No, leave me alone."

"Rose, get in the fucking car," he shouted.

People were staring. Rose got into the car and slammed the door shut. She was boiling. How could he even think they stood a chance at getting back together when they were arguing ninety percent of the time?

Cal stopped in front of her building a couple of minutes later and Rose got out of the car without even saying goodbye. She heard the tires screech and when she turned around, his car had already disappeared around the corner. Their meeting went better than she expected.

When she walked inside her apartment, she threw her keys and phone on the table and went straight to the bathroom to take a bath and calm her nerves. She wasn't in the mood to see anyone right now and was glad that Charles was spending the week at his father's. While the bathtub was filling with hot water, she got herself a glass of wine before locking herself in the bathroom.

* * *

Once Cal got home, he saw Charles sitting at the table with his grandmother, explaining her how to play Angry Birds on his iPad. Helen took one look at her son and knew something was off. She held Charles back when he wanted to go to his father and asked what was wrong.

"What makes you think something's wrong?" he said, trying to hide the pain and the anger without much success. "No, everything's perfectly fine."

Helen realized that he didn't want to talk about it in front of the kid, which was totally understandable. She let Charles go after Cal nodded her way to let her know it was alright. Cal picked him up with a grunt.

"My, you're getting big, aren't you?" he exhaled, realizing how heavy he had become.

"That's because I have big muscles, look daddy," Charles explained, showing his small, nonexistent, bicep and waiting for his father to feel it.

"Soon you'll be as strong as Popeye the Sailor," Cal told him as Charles grinned proudly.

"Daddy, can we watch Spider-Man?" he asked, even though he probably made him watch it fifteen times since he had gotten it for Christmas.

"Sure, bud, but let's wait after grandma is gone, okay? I don't think grandma wants to watch Spider-Man," he explained, putting Charles down on the floor.

"I'll leave you boys together," Helen said as she walked to her son.

"You don't have to leave right away, Mother."

"That's okay, I know how important it is for you," she assured. "How about I meet you for lunch tomorrow and we can talk about this?" she continued, talking about his lunch with his ex-wife.

"Okay, sounds good, I'll see you tomorrow," Cal said, kissing his mother's cheeks. "Thank you for keeping an eye on him."

Charles ran to his grandmother and hugged her real tight. She kissed his nose and slipped him a twenty in his pocket, whispering that it was a secret. He nodded and whispered thank you as Cal stood behind and saw the whole thing. He knew Charles would put the money in his piggy bank so he said nothing.

It was a few minutes later that the movie started playing and that Charles sat next to his father, his head leaning against his shoulder.

This, this was the reason why Cal was still alive. He may have lost his wife but his son would always be his and nobody could take that away. He remembered the first time he ever held him in his arms and how scared he was. This 8-pound bundle of joy was his son and he, a 21-year-old kid, had to show him _everything_. He had to care for him, he had to provide for him and he had to protect him from the bad things in the world. He was so proud and on that same day, he realized that nothing in his life could go wrong as long as Charles was in it. Taking his son away from him would be tearing his soul apart, he would _never_ get through it.

"I'm glad you're here, buddy," Cal said to Charles, ruffling his hair.

"Me too," Charles replied, wrapping his arms around his father's middle.

Charles might have thought his father was talking about today but that was not what Cal meant. Today was just another day Charles had helped him hanging on and he wasn't ashamed to admit that it was one of the days he needed it the most.

* * *

The following Friday night, around six, Cal's black Audi A8 stopped in front of Rose's building. He got out of the car with his son and walked him to the door, holding his bags. The boy tumbled inside but Cal waited in the doorway, seeing Rose make her way to him. He heard Charles calling out a name and a man's voice answering him back.

"Is he here?" Cal asked, giving Rose the bags.

"Yes, he is, I don't see how that's any business of yours," Rose said but she didn't sound annoyed by his question.

"Aren't you gonna introduce us?"

"Why? So you can punch him in the nose?"

"Oh, come on, do you think I'm a savage?" he chuckled.

"I'm just throwing that out but you punched your own brother," she replied.

"I'm not gonna punch anybody, I promise."

"Alright," she said after she saw how sincere he was. "Jack, can you come here, please? I'd like you to meet someone."

"Yeah, sure," he said out of breath, walking towards the door with Charles on his back.

Rose looked at her son in disapproval and he slowly made his way down to the ground. Jack appeared in the doorway, face to face with Cal. He had seen the man on pictures but now that he was in front of him, he realized how except for having his mother's hair and eyes, Charles was his father's replica. Down to the way they were standing with the same poise.

"God, this is so awkward," Rose said out loud and meaning to. "Jack, this is Caledon, Charles' father, Cal, this is Jack."

"Nice to meet you," Cal said, extending his hand so Jack could shake it. "Caledon Hockley," he continued as he shook his hand.

"Jack Dawson, nice to meet you."

"This is going to sound weird but can I borrow him for a second?" he asked Rose. "There's something I'd like to ask him."

"Cal!"

"Hey! I promised," he replied, holding his hands in defeat. "My hands are tied behind my back, okay?"

Jack took his coat and put on his shoes before following the other man outside, assuring Rose he'd be fine.

Cal was waiting for him on the sidewalk. Jack knew Rose was probably peeking with Charles and he was sure Cal knew it too but he decided to ignore it.

"I'm gonna make this quick," he started, putting his hands in the pockets of his coat. "That's a -"

Cal stopped talking, looked down and sniffed before he looked up at Jack again. Jack could see how the whole thing affected him.

"That's a very special girl you got there, Jack," he said in a breaking voice that betrayed his lack of composure.

"Yeah, I know," he replied with a nod.

"I trust she's in good hands, more than she was in mine anyway."

Jack didn't know what to reply so he just stood there and waited for him to say something else but he seemed to be doing the same thing.

"You have a past, I'm aware of that," Jack began. "You have a son together, you're friends and I have no intention of coming in-between that - "

"Don't break her heart," Cal interrupted.

"I won't," he assured.

"'Cause I'd have to break a promise I just made to her and I wouldn't want to."

Jack nodded nervously then told him he needn't worry about that. He had to admit, he was pretty scared right now even though Cal never showed any sign of aggressiveness.

"If you hurt her, I will hurt you," he emphasized. "And I won't be sorry about it."

"You won't have to, don't worry."

"Good, that's what I want to hear. It was nice speaking with you, Dawson," Cal said.

Jack lifted his hand and nodded softly with a faint smile. Caledon asked him to say goodbye to Rose and Charles for him and that he had to leave because he was already late for something and then he left. Jack looked around for a bit then walked back inside.

Rose was with Charles in the boy's room, emptying his bags while he told her about his week at the loft. They both looked like they didn't see what just happened outside, not that there was something to see.

"Hey," Rose said with a smile when she saw Jack in the door. "How did it go? He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"No, everything's okay. He wanted me to say goodbye for him, he had somewhere to be."

"What did he tell you?" she asked.

"He just wanted to make sure I knew how lucky I was," Jack replied, leaving out the details.

Her smile faded and she continued emptying Charles' bag. Jack insisted he didn't mean anything wrong by it, that he was only looking out for her. Rose admitted that she wished he'd mind his own business which didn't include her love life.

"You are his business, you both are. He cares about you," Jack said after looking at her emptying the bag for a long time.

"He cares too much if you want my opinion. About me, at least."

"You care a lot about him too, Rose, whether you want to believe it or not. As an outsider, I can see it clearly."

Charles sat on his bed and looked back and forth between the two adults standing in his room. They weren't arguing, they weren't shouting, Jack was merely stating the facts. Jack didn't know if Rose still had feelings for him, even the slightest one, but it was crystal clear that Cal did. He couldn't blame him, the woman was simply everything.

"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked, losing her temper a bit.

"Nothing, the simple truth, that's all."

"Jack, can you read Harry Potter to me?" Charles asked before a fight started.

"Yeah sure buddy, come on," he replied, walking to the living room with the boy, leaving Rose behind.

Charles took _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_ from the bookshelf and gave it to Jack. They sat on the couch and Charles listened carefully as Jack picked up where they left off.

At 7:30, after Charles had taken his bath, Rose tucked him in and walked to the living room where Jack was waiting for her.

"I'm sorry about earlier, I shouldn't have reacted this way," Rose apologized to him.

"You had every right to," Jack answered. "I'm sorry too, I overstepped."

"I am not in love with this man anymore but we have a child together and we _have_ to have each other in our lives because of it. We chose to have a good relationship instead of being at each other's throat all the time."

"You're right, I believe you."

"Do you?" she asked, hearing how unsure his voice sounded.

"This man knows everything about you, he knows things I don't, and it's scary. The guy can literally get you _anything_ and even though I'd like to, I can't."

"The only thing I want is you. I told you, things mean nothing to me and you know more about me than you might think."

"It's just - I know what first love means, okay? I had a first love too."

Rose swallowed as the memories of everything she's had with Cal came back. Everything from the night she first saw him down to the morning she signed the divorce papers in the notary's office. Seven years of her life that she wouldn't forget, _couldn't_ forget.

"Was it back in Wisconsin?" Rose asked, feeling stupid for it.

"Yes," Jack said.

"What was she like?" she continued.

"Do you really want to hear about this? Really?"

"Well, you know about mine, don't you? I mean it's not like he gave you a chance not to anyway," she said with a sarcastic laugh.

"Her name was Heather, we were sixteen. We - huh - she was a new student from Western Canada. This is - this is really awkward."

"I introduced you to my ex-husband today," she stated matter-of-factly as a reminder.

Jack sighed and then told her the whole story. They had met at school, sophomore year. They were very much in love and Jack simply did everything for that girl. He took her to every school dance, every prom, every football game, and every homecoming. They were very happy up until the day Heather was killed in a car accident, the summer of his 19th birthday. The same day, he decided he couldn't stay in this place, he couldn't stay there without her so after her funeral, he bought a one-way ticket to Paris and didn't return for five years.

"She died?" Rose said. "Oh my God, how awful, she was so young," she whispered.

"Yeah," he muttered. "She was my best friend and I knew I wouldn't get over her death if I stayed home so I left."

"Do you still miss her?" she asked.

Jack wondered if it was a tricked question. Was it to figure out if he cared enough about her or did she only wanted him to answer the question truthfully, no matter what his answer was? Rose wasn't the type of woman who would get jealous over a girlfriend who died ten years ago. She was kind and understanding.

"Yeah, I do," he confessed, looking into her eyes. "But I love _you_ now," he added before kissing her softly.

"I love _you_ too."

She hugged him and he brought her on his lap, her legs straddling him, his back against the couch. Rose looked deeply in his eyes and smiled and that's when Jack knew that their love would last forever, that their story would be better than any other love story.


	17. sixteen

**SIXTEEN.**

 _ **July 6th, 2004.**_

Rose entered the beach house she and her girlfriends had rented for the next two weeks. It was big and it smelled like seawater and summer. The walls were white, which made it seem bigger than it actually was. She walked around the house to get used to it and then chose the bedroom at the end of the hall. She had a view on the beach and she was already excited to see what sunsets would look like from that window.

That night, the girls were invited to a casual party on the beach, just like everyone around was. They figured they'd go so they could meet people they could hang out with during their time here. Rose would've rather stay in and read but she caved in when her friends called her pathetic and boring.

She wore shorts and a red and black plaid shirt, the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. She french-braided her hair so it wouldn't get in her face if it got too windy. The four girls walked to where the party was around 8 o'clock and there was already a lot of people. Rose wasn't the type to mingle with strangers so she stayed close to her friends. As two of her friends were flirting with guys and that it was a bit awkward, Rose started looking around for Regina who was nowhere to be found.

She finally spotted her near the water and before she left the crowd to meet her friend, Rose locked eyes with a handsome young man. He had dark eyes, dark hair, and the way he was staring at her was almost intimidating. She felt her heart jump in her chest and that's when she looked away nervously, walking to her friend.

"What are you doing out here all alone?" Rose asked her friend.

"I hate these things," Regina confessed.

"Oh my God, Gina, are you smoking pot?" she asked when she caught a draft of it in the air.

"Maybe I am, so sue me," the other girl answered with a small laugh. "Do you want some?" she continued, offering her the joint.

"No thanks."

"Oh come on, loosen up will you?"

Rose looked around to see if anyone was coming and when she saw nobody, she took the joint in her shaky hand. She never smoked anything before and wasn't sure how she was supposed to do it. She took a drag and began coughing right away.

"How can you smoke this thing? It's disgusting!" she exclaimed, giving the joint back to her.

"What's going on at this wild party?" Regina asked with sarcasm, ignoring Rose's question.

"Nothing really, Jackie and Amanda are flirting like it's nobody's business and I'm standing there disgusted."

"You need to find yourself a man," she said.

Rose looked down and felt herself blush. She remembered the young man that stared at her, his dark eyes looking right into her soul like he had some magic powers over girls' feelings. Maybe she had stared too. Maybe she thought he was handsome, that didn't mean she had to yell it for everyone to know.

"Oh my God, you did?!" Regina exclaimed.

"What? No! I mean - I may have locked eyes with a guy but we didn't even talk."

"What are you waiting for? Who is he?" she asked, turning around to see the crowd.

"Hum - He was - That's him, the guy with the blue shirt," she informed, making sure she didn't point.

"He's hot, I want you to go and talk to him."

"I'm sorry, _what_?" Rose said. "Are you commanding me?"

"I don't know, am I?"

They both walked back to the party. An hour passed, Rose and Regina talked with nice people living in the house right next to theirs; three boys from Boston spending a month in the state. They had just graduated high school and wanted to make the most of it before college started. Regina noticed her friend looking at the dark-haired boy from earlier at least ten times, most of the time meeting his eye as he was looking her way as much as she was looking his.

They did that for a long time until he left his friends behind and finally walked to Rose. Regina saw him coming and walked away without her friend noticing. The guy smiled at Rose and she smiled back.

"Hi," he said when he was close enough for her to hear him.

"H- Hi," she replied, managing to stutter in a one-syllable word.

"You'll have to excuse me for staring, I - I just really wanted to talk to you but I wasn't sure how to approach you," he confessed with a smile that made her go weak in the knees. "I'm Caledon, by the way," he added, holding out his hand.

"Rose," she introduced herself, shaking his hand.

"You have a pretty name," he pointed out. Whew, he thought, she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. She was pretty from where he was standing before but up-close, she was breathtaking. "Would you like something to drink? I suggest a beer, it makes the party less boring."

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" she asked, surprised at how she could flirt after all.

"What? Oh no, not at all," he said nervously. "That's not what I meant."

"Relax, I'm just playing with you," she chuckled. "I'll have one."

They got a beer and talked a lot, walking away from the party to hear each other better. He was a serious person, Rose noticed, but he knew how to make a girl laugh at the right moment. She was already dreading the moment she'd have to leave him when the party would be over.

About an hour later, as they joined the rest of the group, the four girls had to get back to the house because Amanda was sick, passed out drunk. Regina and Jacqueline helped her walking while Rose stayed behind, assuring them she'd be there in a few minutes. She looked at Caledon and wondered if it would be okay to kiss him. No, she told herself, it would definitely not be okay. She had spent what, ninety minutes with the guy.

"It's gonna - I don't usually do this but would you like to go on a date with me sometime?" Caledon asked her before she could leave.

"A date?"

"Yes, I believe that's what those are called," he chuckled.

"Yes, I believe so," she laughed. "I'd love to."

"How does Thursday sound?"

"Sounds good," she said with a smile.

"Okay. Where should I pick you up?"

"I live in that big white house right over there," Rose told him, pointing the house.

"Okay," he nodded with a smile. "I'll pick you up at 7:30 on Thursday."

He grinned and she grinned back. Rose left, feeling Caledon's stare on her back until she was out of his sight, not that she minded.

The butterflies in her stomach were flying everywhere around and she couldn't stop smiling. She hadn't felt this way since Jeremy Hudson in 8th grade.

Eighth grade was probably the worst year of her life. Not in terms of the way she felt about school or about life in general but in terms of how she looked. She was finally getting used to those awful metal pieces in her mouth that would, one day, give her pretty teeth or so she hoped. Getting used to something didn't mean liking it though. Three years, the orthodontist had told her, and everything should be in its place. Three years wasn't so bad at first but it turned into four years when the specialist realized Rose's teeth weren't ready for the braces to come off just yet. She remembered spending the night crying because she wouldn't be able to go to the Spring Dance without braces and that no boys looked at "freaks with braces", especially when they had "carrot-colored hair". Her parents had spent the night repeating her she was pretty and that if boys didn't see that, they weren't worthy of her. Of course they had to, she had reminded them, because they were her parents and that parents were required to say those things to their children.

Now, at seventeen years old, the braces were long gone and forgotten and she had perfect straight teeth. A perfect smile that cost her father four thousand pretty dollars. "Smile" her father always told her when she would frown. "That smile cost me four grand, show it." So she did. She wasn't ashamed to smile anymore and most people, particularly men, told her she had a pretty smile. Boys were finally paying attention to her and it felt good. She didn't feel like a freak anymore.

And oh my god, never did she think such a beautiful young man would ask her on a date _ever_.

When she walked in the house, Jacqueline and Regina were sitting on the couch with Coke cans in their hand. They had put Amanda to bed and were now chatting about the party.

"Well, well, well, look who's here, Miss hottie-magnet," Regina said when she saw Rose walk in the room.

"Shut up," Rose chuckled.

"So, did you kiss?" Regina asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Who? Wait, what are you talking about?" Jacqueline curiously demanded.

"Missy, here, met some nice piece of man down on the beach," she explained.

"Stop talking about him like he's a piece of meat," Rose intervened. "He's actually a real gentleman."

"Did you kiss?" she asked again, ignoring Rose's comment.

"No, we didn't. But he asked me on a date."

"He did?!" Jacqueline exclaimed excitedly. "When?"

"On Thursday night, he's picking me up at 7:30."

"Oh my God! Rose, sit down," Jacqueline said, patting the empty space on the couch. "Tell me everything, who is he? What's he like?"

"Hum -" Rose began, sitting down between her friends. "His name is Caledon, he's 19 and he's from New York City."

"He's _nineteen_ , can you believe it?" Jacqueline told Regina. "He's in college and everything. I want a college boyfriend too."

"Who said anything about a boyfriend?" Rose cut in. "We didn't even go on a date yet. Maybe he'll turn out to be a jackass."

"No, he won't," Regina said, growing serious, which was unusual coming from her. "That guy isn't playing around with you, I can feel it."

"He's adorable," Rose confessed giddily.

"She's crazy about him," Regina added, looking at Jacqueline. "Twenty dollars that you end up marrying the guy."

"Oh, come on don't be ridiculous, I just met him."

"If only you could see the look on your face right now, you're already falling for him."

"No, I'm not," Rose denied, blushing.

But Regina was right, Rose was already falling for him, hard.

She went to bed ridiculously happy that night and she couldn't fall asleep because she couldn't stop thinking about him. About his dark eyes looking straight into her. About his gorgeous smile and his perfect lips. The way their hands grazed when he gave her a bottle of beer and it felt like electricity cursed through her whole body and how just thinking about it right now gave her the same feeling. She thought about his muscular arms and how the shirt he was wearing complimented them and how she secretly wished she'd be held by them someday. She had fallen asleep shortly after, his face the last image on her mind.

* * *

 _ **Late March 2006**_

Rose had spent the day with her mother-in-law shopping for baby clothes, swiping her husband's credit card one store after another. "Treat yourself" he had said before leaving that morning so she also bought herself a new purse. She ate some Thai takeout for dinner as she watched _Friends_ reruns. Cal had to stay at school late for a project so she was alone until about 10 p.m.

When Cal came back, around 9:30, she was already in the bedroom, reading in bed. Rose heard her husband call out her name and she told him where she was. He appeared at the door with tired eyes and dropped his bag on the floor next to his desk with a sigh.

"You're in bed early," he pointed out.

"I would've waited for you, I just thought I'd read a bit. You're here earlier than I expected."

"I missed you," he said as he bent over the bed to kiss her. "How was your day?"

"Good. Your son was kicking my insides like a mad man though," she said.

"He did?" Cal asked, sitting next to her on the bed. "Hey, buddy, you're giving your mom a hard time?" he whispered to her belly and kissed it.

"Your voice soothes him, he was missing you I guess. I missed you too."

"If I could only finish this damn year-long project soon then I'll be able to spend more time with you both," Cal said, going for her lips again.

"I am _so_ horny right now," she whispered after pulling away from their long kiss. "My hormones are in the roof, I've been waiting for this _all day_ ," she continued as she put her forehead against his and looked straight into his eyes, biting her lower lip.

"All day? Well I should take care of this, then."

"Please do," she almost begged.

She unbuttoned his shirt impatiently, their lips joined in a heated kiss. The shirt finally came off and was thrown to the side. The same soon happened with Cal's pants and Rose's pajamas. Rose was clinging on her husband desperately, letting him know he had to do something quick because she couldn't wait any longer. Cal chuckled at her impatience.

Her pregnant belly was starting to get in the way and he wasn't sure how to position himself anymore. He lay on his side and brought Rose against him, her back facing him. "You alright?" he asked and she nodded. His arms were holding her close, tight, and he entered her from behind. She sighed, her needs finally fulfilled. Cal buried his face in her hair, in her neck where his lips left open-mouthed kisses and breathed heavily in-between. Rose reached behind her and her hand went to the back of his head, her fingers plunging into his dark hair. Only the way he was holding her was making her feel like the most erotic thing on Earth and it was the first time in months that she felt sexy again. Of course she was still pregnant and fat, tired and moody, but Cal made her feel beautiful anyway.

She started moaning softly as his hand massaged her left breast. It all just felt so good and it was all she needed. Rose turned her head to look at him and his lips crashed on hers almost immediately. She closed her eyes and moaned when their tongues met in his mouth. When she opened her eyes, she saw how he was staring lovingly at her and she was pretty sure she blushed. The way he was looking at her was more sensual than everything else they were doing at that moment. "I love you," Cal whispered before leaving a trail of wet kisses on her neck.

"I love you too," she whispered back, pulling on his hair a little, warning him that she was about to reach her climax.

He went a bit faster, his whimpers mixing with her soft moans until her orgasm hit and from the sounds coming out of her mouth, he could say it was a freaking good one. It hit him a few seconds later, that delightful clench in his belly, and he groaned loudly against her back as he emptied himself. Rose was still recovering in his arms, panting. He held onto her tighter, the feeling of ecstasy still there, and more whimpers came from his mouth. It was a good one for him too.

Cal slipped out of her and she turned around to face him. She had rosy cheeks and lust still lingered in her eyes. Rose didn't mention it but it was _definitely_ the best orgasm she's ever had.

"You're beautiful, did you know that?" he asked, taking her against him so they could cuddle before falling asleep.

"You are telling me every day but I'm not getting tired of it," she confessed with a crooked smile.

Cal smiled back and kissed her again. She was so happy with him, she couldn't believe how lucky she was. Cal was her everything, the man of her life, and even though she was barely nineteen, she was already married to him. He was simply everything a girl could dream of and he would be _hers_ forever. She was the one he chose to have forever and she knew what a chance it was considering that he could probably have any girl he wanted. He wanted her and no one else.

"What do you think he'll look like?" Cal asked her.

"I hope he looks like you," she replied immediately, looking up in his eyes.

"I hope he has your eyes," he said as he put his hand on her cheek.

"What about his name?" Rose demanded. "What should we call him? I really like Liam, what do you think?"

"Liam Hockley, that sounds good. I thought you'd go for a more conventional name."

"Why? Do you have any suggestions because I don't want my son to be called John or Michael?"

"What about Charles?"

"Charles?" she said with a grimace. "I'm not sure I like it. Charles Hockley?"

"It has a nice ring to it, don't you think? But we still have time to think about more names, he isn't born yet."

"He will be in about six weeks."

Six weeks. It felt like it was yesterday that Cal walked into the loft, finding Rose crying on the couch, telling him she was pregnant. Now the baby was almost here. He would be a father in less than two months, it was hard to believe.

Rose couldn't wait but she was also scared to death. She wasn't exactly looking forward to the whole birth thing even though she couldn't think about anything else than meeting her son. She was scared she wouldn't be a good mother, that she wouldn't be able to make things right for him. Babies weren't delivered with an instruction booklet and she'd never been a mother before. She was young and never was around babies much as she grew up. She had read a book about it but she was aware that having the actual baby would be different. At least, she wasn't alone and if Cal was nervous too, they could be nervous together.

For now, he could just hold her close until she fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning, Cal woke up early to get to his 8 a.m. class, making sure to be quiet so he wouldn't wake Rose up. She grumbled a bit when the warmth of his arms was taken away from her but she didn't open her eyes. Cal went to the bathroom, took a shower, brushed his teeth, got dressed and walked to the bed just before he left. He leaned down and kissed Rose's temple.

"I'll see you tonight. Have a nice day, baby," he whispered, knowing she wasn't in a deep sleep.

"Mmm," she groaned. "Are you gonna be late again?" she mumbled.

"No, I should be here around 4. I'll take you out to dinner," he said, pecking her lips. "Eleven Madison Park, 7 o'clock."

"Eleven Madison Park?!" she exclaimed, her eyes snapping open. "How did you get a table on such short notice?"

"Let's say that being called Hockley has its benefits."

"But I have nothing to wear, I'm seven months pregnant."

"So what? Go and get yourself a pretty dress," he said, leaving the black card on the nightstand. "I'll see you at four."

"Okay, I love you," she told him before he kissed her one last time.

"I love you too. Be nice to your mom," Cal told his son, stroking her belly once.

He left and Rose went back to sleep for another hour. She got herself ready, called the town car company and asked for her usual chauffeur to pick her up at 11. She ate a quick breakfast, knowing Cal would simply kill her if she skipped a meal, especially the most important meal of the day.

"Good morning, Miss Rose," the chauffeur said as she sat on the back seat.

"Good morning, Mr. Lovejoy, how are you today?" she asked with a pleasant smile.

"I'm good, thank you for asking. Where should I drive you today?" he demanded. The chauffeur simply liked Rose, she was so different than the other people he had to drive around town. She always discussed with him and wasn't a snob who barked her destination and closed the window that separated the front from the back seat.

"Saint-Laurent on 57th Street, please," she replied. "How are Everly and Taylor?" Rose demanded, leaning on the window opening, her head on her hands as the car started moving.

"They're good, Everly is turning 10 this week-end. Her mother has planned this huge birthday party for her. How long until yours comes along?"

"The due date is six weeks from now and I'm a nervous wreck," she confessed.

"Oh, don't worry, everything will be fine, you're young and healthy."

Rose asked more questions about his daughters so she wouldn't have to talk about her insecurities concerning the upcoming motherhood. When the car stopped in front of the store between 5th and Madison Avenue, she asked if he was waiting or if she should call for him later. He said he'd wait since she promised not to be too long. She walked inside the store and was immediately greeted by the saleslady.

"Hello, Mrs. Hockley, we were expecting you," she greeted, confirming her customer that her husband had indeed warned the store her wife would come in. "Did you have something in mind for tonight?"

"My only criteria would be that it fit without me looking like a beached whale," she said with a smile. "I'd like something simple and discreet if that's possible, no flashing colors."

"So we go for black or grey tones?" the lady asked and Rose nodded. "Don't worry about the size, we can get it altered for you and it'll be ready for tonight."

Being called Hockley definitely had its benefits, Rose thought. She looked at a few dresses and finally picked a black one. It was tea-length with a halter strap neckline and it was really simple but also elegant, perfect for a dinner date with her husband at Eleven Madison Park.

* * *

On the first day of May, Cal and Rose went to Central Park and spent the afternoon sitting on a bench and shared a chocolate milkshake. The baby was two weeks away and spending time inside the loft all alone while Cal was at school was driving Rose crazy so as soon as his only class of the day was over, he ditched any school project to take Rose to Central Park.

"I thought about it and I think I like the name after all," Rose announced after she swallowed the sip of milkshake she just took. "Charles."

"So it's settled then," Cal replied with a grin. "Charles Nathan Hockley," he said. They had already settled on his middle name a few months ago, when they knew they were having a boy. At first, Rose was reticent about it, afraid to hurt her father's feelings but the man simply laughed her insecurity away. He didn't mind at all. The next one could have his name.

The next one. Rose didn't know if she wanted another one. She wanted to know what kind of mother she would be first and if she was truly enthusiastic about another pregnancy. And if she was to have another child, it wouldn't be soon, she would wait a few more years. This one wasn't even planned, not that she would change anything about it if she could though.

"I'm really nervous," she confessed to her husband for the first time. "And I feel stupid for it."

"That's not stupid, I am nervous too," he reassured. Nervous was an understatement, he was _terrified_.

"You're gonna be there with me, right?"

"Of course, baby, of course I will," he said with a comforting smile. Cal wrapped his arms around her shoulders and kissed her forehead as she leaned into him. "I'll hold your hand through it, I'll be there the entire time, I promise."

"I'm so excited to finally see him though. I can't wait to hold him."

"Two more weeks."

Two weeks turned into five days.

Rose woke up at 2:37 a.m. on May 6th, a sharp pain in her stomach. Something wet fell from her and that's when she realized that her water just broke and that the baby was probably on his way. She put her hand on Cal's shoulder and shook him a little, whispering "Wake up". He asked "What?" with a groan and she told him that the baby was coming and that they had to go to the hospital. She never saw him getting up faster. He walked around the bed, trying to dress himself at the same time, and helped her up.

He drove to the hospital like a maniac as Rose groaned in pain on the passenger's seat. Once they were at the hospital, they walked inside and Cal sat his wife in a wheelchair before running to the maternity ward, yelling at people to move out of the way. Rose asked him to calm down, that it should take a few hours before the baby came out. They arrived at the reception of the ward and nurses rushed Rose to a room, Cal running behind them.

The pain came and went every twenty minutes or so and lasted about 45 seconds each time. She was left alone with her husband, a nurse coming to check on her every thirty minutes or so. It was 6 a.m. They could've stayed home a few more hours and they could've certainly driven to the hospital like normal people. The nurse assured them that it was normal to be nervous with the first baby and that it was perfectly fine that they came in when they did.

It was 7:30 when Rose's OB/GYN walked into the room, the two young people smiling faintly at the familiar face.

"How are you feeling, sweetie?" she asked with a comforting smile.

"Considering everything, I'd say I'm fine," Rose replied with a nervous laugh.

"How far apart are your contractions?"

"About every 8 minutes or so," Caledon answered for her. The doctor smiled at how attentive the young man was.

"It means your cervix is dilated to about three centimeters," she told Rose. "Soon your contractions will be more frequent and will increase in intensity, this is perfectly normal. I'll come back later to check on you and the nurse will stay closeby if you need anything." Rose nodded.

"Doctor Boyd?" Cal asked before she could leave the room. She stopped in her tracks and turned to him.

"Yes, Mr. Hockley?"

"How long is it gonna take?"

"You still have a couple hours to go. At least four to six hours before she can start pushing."

"That long?"

"It's the first one. But don't you worry, I'm sure he's impatient to meet you too," she finished with a smile. She left and Cal turned to Rose.

"Is it okay if I go get myself some coffee? I'll be back in a minute." She nodded and he walked out of the room, leaving her alone as soon as another contraction began. She groaned in pain until it passed and Cal came back five minutes later.

He sat back on the chair next to the bed and took her hand in his. She was tired, he could see it, but she couldn't sleep, not with the sharp pain that was invading her body every eight minutes. He stroked her hair, knowing it would at least relax her. He was tired too but there was no way he would fall asleep, he was too nervous.

It was 1 o'clock when the doctor rushed in. The nurse had paged her as soon as Rose's cervix was fully dilated. Rose held Cal's hand with so much force that he was sure she had broken something. He didn't complain, not when he saw how much pain she was in. He felt terribly guilty, he was responsible for this.

"Alright, Rose, I'm gonna need you to push as hard as you can, okay?" Rose nodded and did as she was told. She was then asked to breathe before pushing again. She could feel the sweat on her face and she was tired, so tired.

"I'm tired, I can't do this anymore," she told her husband.

"I know you're tired but it's almost over, you got this," he encouraged her. He kissed her sweaty forehead and she pushed once again.

"I can see his head, one or two big pushes and you get to hold your son," the doctor said.

Three minutes later, the baby was out and Rose lied back down with a loud exhale. The baby started to wail and Doctor Boyd put the baby boy on his mother's chest. Rose looked down at him and grinned, feeling tears of joy falling from her eyes. The newborn squirmed a bit, seeking for his mother's warmth and Rose wrapped her arm around him. She kissed his head and at this very moment, she knew that she would never let anyone hurt him, that she would love him unconditionally forever and ever. All the pain she just went through was forgotten, she was holding the most precious thing in the world; her son.

"Shhh," she whispered and he stopped crying at the sound of her voice. He recognized that voice, it was his mommy's voice.

Cal leaned down, tears in his eyes, and kissed his son's head as he stroked Rose's hair. Then he looked at her with a smile and said proudly: "You did it."

He cut the umbilical cord and then the baby was latched to his mother's breast. As soon as he finished drinking and was sleeping deeply, Cal held him for the first time. He looked down at his son with a twinkle in his eyes, he was so proud.

"Hey, buddy," he whispered, taking his tiny hand in his. He was so scared to break him, he was such a delicate thing. Charles moved his head a bit, still asleep. That voice, he knew too, it was daddy's.

Cal promised himself that someone would have to kill him before getting to hurt his son or take him away from him. He would be protective of that tiny human for the rest of his life. "He's beautiful," he told Rose.

"Of course he is, he looks like you," she said with a side-smile, her eyes heavy. He smiled back.

Their son was born. Charles Nathan Hockley. Born on May 6th, 2006 at 1:32 p.m. in New York City, NY. He was only a few hours old and richer than people who had worked their entire lives to get a decent retirement.

Some people worked. Some people were simply born.


	18. seventeen

**SEVENTEEN.**

By the time April came, Jack spent more and more time at Rose's apartment, barely going to his anymore. He would when he wanted Charles to have some time alone with his mother because he thought it was really important. When he got into this relationship, he knew he had to share her, he knew he was the second man in line in her heart. Charles was the first one and would always be, no matter what.

Charles was crazy about Jack, they were the best of friends, and he was always beyond happy when he got home to see the blonde-haired man, knowing he would entertain him with whatever he had in mind. Jack was always willing to do whatever Charles felt like and Rose suspected that was why their relationship was so easy. She couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend. He loved her and he loved her son like his own.

Just like tonight, Jack and Charles were having a boys night where Rose was kindly _not_ invited. Charles was spending the night at Jack's and they had secretly planned the thing for weeks now. Jack picked him up at 4 p.m. on Saturday with McDonald's as a first stop on their way back.

"I can't believe I'm being rejected by my own son," Rose said shockingly as a joke while the boys were getting ready to leave.

"I told you, mom, it's because girls aren't allowed and sadly, you happen to be a girl," Charles explained, matter-of-factly. Rose burst out laughing.

"Well, I've been told," she replied, looking at Jack with amusement in her eyes. "I'm sorry, how old are you again, Mr. Smarty-Pants Hockley?"

"I'll be seven in three weeks, you are supposed to know that," he answered with confusion. "I'm ready to go, Jack!" he announced when he finished tying up his shoes.

"Hold on a minute," Rose stopped him, her hand on his chest. "I want you to promise me you'll be good with Jack and that you will listen to him."

"Yes, I promise. I will brush my teeth and I won't be bad."

"Good. Have a good time," she added, kissing his cheek.

"Ew, mom!" he exclaimed, quickly wiping his cheek. Jack held back a laugh. "You cannot kiss me in front of people, it's embarrassing!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know."

Charles told her she was forgiven but that she shouldn't do it again, especially in front of his friends. Then, he ran outside and Jack kissed Rose before following the boy. Rose looked at them walk away and sighed when she realized how fast her baby was growing up.

* * *

Charles was quite excited because it was the first time he was spending the night at a friend's house. There was no mom and no dad to tell him what to do and it would be the best night ever. Jack had promised McDonald's and movies and games.

Once they were at his apartment, Jack showed Charles around quickly and they sat in the living room with their McDonald's dinner and the XBOX 360. Knowing the kid was crazy about superheroes, Jack had rented the _Amazing Spider-Man_ game. He helped Charles with his meal, making sure the nuggets and the fries were all safely out of the bag and on the coffee table in their rightful container. Charles couldn't believe he was allowed to eat in the living room, sitting on the floor, this was so cool. They played videogames while eating and had a blast. They talked about superheroes too, and which one was their favorite. Charles was a hardcore Spider-Man fan but Captain America was close behind. Jack was more of a Batman fan since he grew up reading DC Comics.

Around 7, the boy changed into his pajamas and they watched _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_. They were reading the book series together and were currently on the third volume but Charles didn't get to watch the movies just yet so it was a first timer. He was a bit scared towards the end when Voldemort made an appearance in Professor Quirrell's skull and he hid his face with his hands, still peeking between his fingers. After the movie was over, they drew for a while so Charles could calm down before going to bed. Jack looked at the boy who was in total concentration over his work.

"You have a real talent," Jack began. "I would think you're a 10-year-old kid if someone showed me your drawing. Do you want to be an artist when you grow up?" he asked, aware that the kid probably didn't know what he wanted to be.

"No," he said as he shook his head. "It's just something I like to do for fun."

"Do you know what you'd like to be when you're a grown-up?"

"I want to be an architect, just like my daddy," Charles answered, looking up at Jack with a twinkle in his eyes.

"You do, huh?" Jack answered with a small smile. "I heard your dad is good at his work." He liked to have serious discussions with the boy because as a soon-to-be seven year-old, Charles was really smart.

"He's the best, that's why I want to be like him when I grow up," he stated.

"I met him once and he seemed like a great father to you."

"He's my superhero."

Jack stopped talking and looked at the boy for a long time. Charles continued drawing. Jack tried to remember his own father and how close they were but he realized that he had a hard time remembering the features of his face. He didn't have any pictures of his parents and now, their face seemed to slip from his memory. He admired the way Charles was close with his parents and how much he looked up to them. They had him so young, it probably had an effect on how close they were. Jack wished Cal would've been there to hear everything his son had to say about him. He grew close to Charles since he started dating Rose but, wow, did that just prove him that even though it was never his intention, Charles wouldn't let him take his father's place.

It was almost ten o'clock when Charles began yawning and that Jack brought him in the bathroom so he could brush his teeth before going to bed. He had set up a mattress in the living room so he could sleep comfortably instead of on the couch. It was a matter of minutes before Charles fell asleep, holding his blanket and teddy bear close. By the look of them, Jack could say he's had them since forever.

He decided to sleep on the couch instead of going back to his room so he could be nearby if Charles ever woke up, disoriented at the unusual place he was at, and it was a good thing he did because that's exactly what happened. It was two o'clock when Jack was woken up by whimpers coming from where Charles was sleeping. He went to him slowly and sat next to the mattress.

"Hey, buddy, you okay?" he asked. "You had a nightmare?"

"I want mommy," he sobbed. Jack picked him up, sitting him up on his lap.

"Mommy's not here right now, she's home and it's late. Do you want me to call her up?" he suggested, reaching for his phone on the coffee table.

Charles nodded, still crying, and looked carefully at Jack dialing his mother's phone number. Jack put the phone on speaker and they both listened to the ringing.

"Hello?" Rose's sleepy voice came in.

"I'm sorry to wake you up this late, I have somebody that misses you a lot here," Jack explained with a chuckle. "You're on speaker."

"Hey Charles," she said with a raspy voice. "What's going on?"

"I want to come home," Charles cried.

"It's late, honey, you can't come home right now, you're gonna have to wait 'til tomorrow, okay?" she explained softly.

Jack tried to comfort Charles by stroking his back but he knew it wouldn't be enough. He needed his mother.

"I will come over in the morning and we can eat breakfast together, how does that sound?"

"I had a nightmare and I'm really scared. I can't go back to sleep because you're not here to make it go away," he sobbed.

"If you ask Jack I'm sure he will make it go away," Rose suggested. "And you have your blanket, don't you?"

"No, mommy, it needs to be you. Only you can make nightmares go away." Rose sighed and looked at the alarm clock.

"Okay, honey, I will be there in twenty minutes, can you hang on 'til then?" she asked, getting up. Charles nodded and Jack put the phone to his ear.

"He's nodding. I'm sorry I woke you up," Jack apologized.

"That's alright, I kind of expected it. I'll take a cab and be there as quick as possible. I suggest you give him a glass of milk in the meantime."

"Okay, thanks, see you later."

They hung up and Jack carried Charles to the kitchen where he sat him on the counter and gave him a glass of milk like Rose had suggested. Charles was definitely not ready to sleep over at anybody's house except his grandparents' where he had his own room. If he were to come back here for the night, Rose would be spending the night over as well because the boy _definitely_ still needed either his mom or his dad close in case anything like this happened again.

Rose walked through the door twenty-five minutes later and Charles hugged her as a new batch of tears fell down his cheeks. She was wearing yoga pants and a NYU t-shirt, confirming Jack that she simply jumped in a cab, not bothering to get dressed. Rose sat on the couch with her son on her lap. Jack walked away to his room to leave them alone, hoping that Rose didn't make the trip all the way from Brooklyn in the middle of the night for nothing. When he didn't hear anything for 10 minutes, he came back to the room to see the both of them asleep on the mattress, Rose holding Charles against her.

* * *

For his 7th birthday, Charles invited a couple of his friends to his birthday party at Adventurer's Park. Jack accompanied Rose so she wouldn't be responsible for five kids all on her own. At this age, they were particularly hard to control when in group. They went on Saturday since May 6th was a Monday. The day went great, the kids were good and no one caused trouble of some sort. The parents picked up their child at the end of the day, making sure they thanked Charles and his mother for inviting them. The only remaining one was Jessica, the little girl Charles liked from school. They had been waiting for a while when Rose's phone rang, announcing Jessica's dad's number. He apologized for being late but he was stuck at work until 9 o'clock tonight. Jessica's mother had passed away last year and the poor man was working two jobs so he could offer his daughter a decent life. Rose told him not to worry and that she'd be glad to keep the girl until he finished his shift.

"Are you sure? I can ask for her grandmother to pick her up," he said.

"No, no, don't worry, she can stay with us. You can stop by when you're done working, I will text you the address, is that okay?" Rose replied.

The man agreed, apologized profusely, and thanked her a thousand times. Rose assured him it was perfectly fine, knowing that Charles would be absolutely thrilled.

"Well, Jessica, looks like you're spending the evening with us," Rose announced after she hung up.

"Is she coming with us to Shake Shack for dinner?" Charles asked excitedly.

"Is my dad working late again?" Jessica demanded.

"I'm afraid so," Rose answered. "But we're supposed to go to this hamburger place for dinner, you can come with us, it'll be fun. What do you think?"

"Okay," the little girl nodded.

They had a wonderful time at the restaurant and even had birthday cake with Spider-Man on it. Rose could see in her son's eyes how happy he was that Jessica was with them. He made sure that she never felt excluded, it was adorable. She tried not to do anything that would embarrass him, such as kiss his face or treat him like a baby, even though she was dying to. He was growing up and she knew that soon, she wouldn't be allowed to attack his face with kisses like she did when he was younger. It seemed like it was yesterday that she was holding him for the first time and now he was turning seven years old. She didn't regret a second of it and she would do it all over again if she was given the chance to go back.

They went home after dinner and Charles proudly showed his room to his friend. They played on his iPad in the living room until Jessica's father came to pick her up. Charles walked her to the door where his mother and her father stood.

"Thank you for coming," Charles told her. "We had fun."

"Yes, thanks for inviting me," she replied. "And thank you, Mrs. Hockley, for watching me while my dad was working," she added, looking up at Rose. Her father quickly thanked her as well, reaching out for his wallet.

"Oh no, no, keep your money, I don't want anything, it was a pleasure and she was an angel," Rose said.

"Please take it, to pay for her dinner at least," Jessica's father insisted.

"Please, Mr. Collins, I don't need your money, it was nothing, really."

She knew she could afford it way more than he did and she simply wouldn't take the money he just worked so hard for. He should keep it for his daughter. He finally put his wallet back in his pocket and thanked her again for keeping Jessica for the evening. Jessica wished Charles a Happy Birthday and pecked his cheek before they left.

Charles stood there, his mouth slightly opened in disbelief. Jack chuckled when he saw him and Charles' face reddened when he realized what just happened and that both Jack and Rose were looking at him with a smile.

"She kissed me! I just had my first kiss!" Charles exclaimed and then ran to his room.

"We're going to hear about this for the next two years," Rose whispered to Jack. "I think nobody could top this birthday gift," she laughed before following Charles. "Ready?" she asked her son when she walked in the room.

"Yes," Charles replied, holding his pajamas.

He took his bath and Rose tucked him in. She was allowed to kiss him goodnight, which was a relief, and she left him behind in his bed, leaving the door ajar. When Rose came back to the living room, she saw Jack getting ready to leave.

"Hey, where are you going?" Rose asked, disappointed. "I thought you were spending the night."

"After this big day, I figured you'd like to spend tomorrow alone with your son. I know it's his birthday dinner too, with his dad and everything."

"You sure you're okay about that?" Rose demanded. "I know Charles asked for it but I can cancel and explain the situation, he'll understand."

"No, please don't do that, it's important for him, he's looking forward to it. I knew you were friends when we started dating, it's not like I'm gonna forbid you to talk to him or anything, I'm not possessive and jealous like that," he chuckled. "He's Charles' father before he's anything else."

"And you just described him perfectly in two words," she said with a small laugh.

Jack may not be possessive and jealous but Cal _definitely_ was. It was one reason amongst many others why she decided it was enough and that she needed to leave this poisonous relationship. They both hit rock bottom at some point and that affected their marriage _a lot_ , ending the whole thing in a divorce.

"Well stay a little longer at least, we didn't spend a single minute together today," Rose said, almost pleading for him to stay.

"Alright," he gave in.

Rose opened a bottle of wine and they both sat on the couch. They talked about the day but their conversation shifted to the upcoming summer and if they should be making plans. Jack suggested they could maybe visit his side of the country, spend a few days in Chippewa Falls so she could see where he grew up. She agreed that it would be nice. She'd have to make sure it would be on a week that Charles was with his father of course and to be sure to leave the store in good hands but she really wanted to go. To spend time alone with Jack would be great. Out of state, where no one knew her and where she knew no one. It sounded absolutely divine. A break from the city would be kindly accepted and it would be different than going to Maine like they did every year.

Cal had vaguely talked to her about taking Charles to his parents' empty condo in Florida but everything was still depending on his busy summer schedule. It would probably end up to be a week-end in the Hamptons because he will be too busy to leave New York. That's why she didn't say anything about Florida to Charles until it was absolutely certain.

"Are you sure it's okay for tomorrow?" Rose asked him again. Two glasses of wine were enough for her to be tipsy and a third one would probably get her drunk, but she was on her second one now.

"I told you earlier," Jack replied. "It's okay, I understand the meaning of it and it's totally harmless."

"Most people find it weird, you know," she explained. "That we still have a good relationship and that it's not supposed to be this way. I would probably be in disagreement if it were the only way around, if it was you with one of your exes." She was definitely tipsy now, Jack realized.

"Difference is I didn't have a child with any of my exes. I trust you and love is all about trust. He's a lot more than just your ex-husband, I know that."

"He's my son's father," Rose stated the obvious.

"He's more than just that too, isn't he?"

She looked at him for a long time before looking down at her hands. When she graduated high school, most of her friends left the state. They stayed in contact for a while but at some point, they stopped talking altogether. Her best friends were somewhere in Europe and after meeting them in Greece while Cal and her were on their honeymoon, they stopped keeping in touch. Nothing really happened, it was just the path of life following its course. They were young, they were traveling the world, just like she should've done. She didn't get to go to wild college parties or jump on a plane whenever she felt like it with only her back pack and her dreams. She never even set foot in a club. No, she married and had a child. She would probably have done the same thing than they did if her situation happened to anybody else; she'd have run away, far far away. Her only friends, really, were her employees and she still had to set boundaries because she was their boss.

"He's your best friend," Jack answered for her when she didn't.

"Maybe he is," she admitted, finally looking up to him. "Maybe he's not, maybe he's just a good friend."

"A good friend?" he chuckled. "Rose, do you know what a best friend is?"

"It's somebody you're close to."

"It's a whole lot more than that. A best friend is the one person in the world you know will always be there for you no matter what."

"Exactly. Cal is not that one person, you are."

"I'm pretty sure you'd call him up for anything right now and he'd show up." She said nothing, he was right. "He doesn't care about your flaws, he takes you for who you are. When you're a pain in the ass, he tells you to your face because he knows you'll get over it. He's that one person you can't live without, even though you're strong and think you can, the simple thought of it makes you want to cry. He's your other half, he completes you in every way possible and nothing can separate you, not even me. You share everything with one another and I mean _everything_. He would take a bullet for you if he had to and you would do the same for him. He's the only one that can make you feel better, even though I'd try my hardest, it will never be enough, you need him."

Rose's eyes were filled with tears and Jack felt guilty because the last thing he wanted was to make her cry. He simply wanted her to realize what the real relationship she had with Cal was and that maybe that's why their marriage didn't work out. The truth was that they were probably never really in love with each other, they were simply connected in so many different ways that it seemed and felt like love but it wasn't.

"Some people say that you will meet only one person in your life that is unlike any other. Only one person you can tell things to without them judging you. That person, Rose, is your best friend, your soulmate, and you must never let them go," he concluded.

"Don't you feel this way about me?" she asked, crying softly.

"Of course I do, but some of these things I wouldn't be able to do."

"Like what? Wouldn't you take a bullet for me? I would take one for you," she confessed.

"I would too, but I would never be able to tell you your flaws straight to your face or if you'd happen to be a pain in the ass."

"That's only because you don't know me perfectly, because I am. A pain in the ass I mean."

Jack chuckled. "No, I don't know you perfectly, not as much as he does anyway. He will always have nine more years than I do," he finished.

Her world tumbled down around her. She knew that no matter how hard she'd try to deny it, she would always have that thing drawing her back to Cal. It wasn't love, it wasn't like it used to be, but it was still a desperate need to feel he needed her as much as she needed him, no matter how secret she'd wish it would stay. No matter what they did about it, there would always be sparkles between them. There would always be something. Charles was only another excuse because most divorced parents were able to share the kids without even seeing each other. "You shouldn't let him stay for dinner", "Why are you so concerned about how he'll react when he'll hear you have a new boyfriend?" people would say to her. A divorce is supposed to be a dissociation, a separation, not a "stay friends" situation. She tried to make people realized that Caledon wasn't a bad person and that the reasons they got a divorce weren't because he cheated on her or hit her or that he was a bad human being. It was only a difference of opinion and way of seeing the married life. They married so young, Rose didn't even know what she wanted in life. She wasn't ready, even though she thought she was at the time, and he wasn't ready either. That's why now, with Jack, she wanted to take it slow.

"Do I have to choose between the two of you now? Because I don't think I can do that," she half-whispered, tears falling down her cheeks.

"I cannot ask you to do that, especially when a fourth person is involved in this whole thing," Jack replied. "It's just - I - I need to be sure you're a 100% in this with me."

"I am," she assured. "I love you, I'm in love with you."

"I know you are, and I am too, only sometimes I feel you're not ready."

"Not ready for what?"

"Getting into a new relationship, investing yourself in it. You're still hurting from it, from your divorce."

She burst into tears and hid her face in her hands, feeling Jack's hand on her back. He could see things inside of her that she couldn't see herself and it hurt in places she didn't know she could hurt from. He unburied things she didn't even know were there. She felt lighter with each loud sob that escaped her body.

Yes, he was right, she was still hurting from it. She would _always_ feel the same pain she felt when she set the first foot out the door and how he begged her not to go. She would _always_ hear the suffering in his voice as he cried her name for her to come back, that he was sorry and that he would be better for her if she only gave him a chance. Her heart was still aching from the day her shaky hand signed her own name on the divorce papers.

She would always remember the way he looked into her eyes on their wedding night and promised to love her forever. And the way he would hold her in his strong arms when she needed him to. And how he kissed the back of her neck every time she was cooking. And the _Blue Christmas_ dance on Christmas Eve. The little things he did that seemed so simple back then but that she realized were the most important now that she couldn't have them anymore. He would never look at her the same way.

"You won't be able to live another relationship fully unless you do something about it."

"I don't know how," she confessed.

"You need to talk to someone about the pain you feel. If you keep this inside of you, it will kill you slowly and I don't want that. Save yourself before it's too late."

"I don't want Charles to think I'm weak," she cried. "I -"

"He won't think you're weak. As a matter of fact, seeking help only proves you're strong. The kid knows, Rose, he's aware of how hurt you are. He pretends he doesn't because he knows you're trying to hide it from him. But just so you know, he does the same with his dad."

"Pretty messed up, aren't we?" Rose said, trying to be funny but ending up crying more.

Jack held her close and she cried into his chest. Her 7-year-old could see how broken she was before she could realize it. She felt like a bad mother all of a sudden because how could she raise him to be happy if she wasn't happy herself? That's all she wanted for him, to be happy, and she knew Cal wanted that too.

Jack left thirty minutes later, telling her that maybe it would be better if they saw less of each other from now on so she could get better. She asked him not to do that but he insisted that it was better this way. He told her that she could text him if she felt like it but that seeing him wasn't the best thing if she really wanted to heal. To know that she wouldn't see him every day worsened the pain she already felt but she knew he was right. Charles would definitely be asking questions about where Jack was but she'd figure that out later. Jack kissed her one last time and he left, leaving the girl he loved in broken pieces behind. He felt like the biggest jerk in history.

Rose checked on Charles who was asleep with his blanket and teddy bear. She kissed his forehead and tucked him in better in his mess of a bed. He moved a lot in his sleep and was sometimes left uncovered. She ran her fingers in his ginger curls, taking the risk of waking him up, but he didn't move an inch. She thanked the Lord every day for giving her her son because her life meant nothing without him.

She went to her room, closing the door behind her, and opened the closet. On the upper shelf, at the very end of it, she saw an unpacked cardboard box with her name on it. Carefully, she got it down, it was heavy. She sat on the ground right next to it and opened it slowly. The first thing she saw was the folded blue Columbia University t-shirt. She buried her face in it trying to find his scent, but the shirt smelled nothing if only of cardboard and the faint smell of her own perfume. She let it fall on her lap and reached inside the box, taking her diary out. She put it aside, reading it would be unbearable right now. Rose went for the bottom of the box and pulled out a photo album, opening it slowly, as if considering if it was a good idea or not. The first picture she saw was the one they had taken in the limo on their way to her senior prom. The hint of a smile appeared on her lips and she turned the page to see more pictures of that same night and the day of her graduation where one of her favorite photos of them had been taken. Cal was behind her, holding her close, her back against his chest and he was kissing her cheek. She was wearing her blue cap and gown and was smiling brightly. She stared at it for a long time, wondering if she should turn the page or not. She knew what was waiting for her on the next page. It must have been ten minutes later when she finally turned it, seeing their wedding pictures. She ran her fingers over the candid picture of Caledon holding her hands and kissing her forehead. She felt the stab in her heart and started crying again. This hit her like a train. They were so happy, how could it have become so damaged and painful. She choked back the sobs so it wouldn't wake Charles and she continued torturing herself by turning another page. She found a loose picture of her and Cal on that faithful Thanksgiving night and even though she was smiling, she could read the sadness in her eyes. She turned it around to see a handwritten note.

" _I love you, baby, I'm sorry, –C_."

A sob escaped but she put her hand over her mouth to keep the others inside. She had never seen his note before. She closed the photo album with a thud and put it aside with her diary. It was enough for now, she couldn't handle seeing what was left in the box, whatever it was. She lied in a fetal position on the floor, his shirt as a pillow and cried herself to sleep.

She was sorry too.


	19. eighteen

**This is a filling chapter and I'm not a fan of it, it's mostly filled with fluff and baby cuteness but I heard people like that stuff so hopefully, you will still like me after this. Enjoy! :)**

* * *

 **EIGHTEEN.**

They went back home two days later, their baby boy tightly wrapped in his blanket. He cried on the way home but he stopped as soon as he saw his father taking him out, holding the seat he was strapped in. Rose carried the two bags upstairs, relieved to be home. She sat on the couch and took Charles in her arms so she could feed him. He had been cranky since they left the hospital and she knew he was hungry. He calmed down as he drank, eventually falling asleep.

"Why don't you go take a nap? I'll keep an eye on him," Caledon said.

"That's okay, I'm not tired," Rose lied.

"Oh yes, I believe you with that face," he replied with sarcasm.

"Fine," she gave up, rolling her eyes.

He took Charles from her arms and looked at her walk to their room.

"Are you okay?" Rose asked from the bed.

Cal sighed. "We're fine, now go to sleep. We're fine, aren't we buddy?" he whispered the last sentence to his son.

Charles squirmed a little but finally found the warmth he was seeking and stopped moving, the side of his face against his father's chest. After a while, Cal lied down on his back, Charles on top of him, and fell into a light sleep. He made sure his arm was holding the baby safely. He could hear Rose breathe deeply and he knew she was sound asleep. He was tired, he couldn't imagine how exhausted she must be. At least he only had two exams left before his third year of college was over. One more year and he would finally take over the family company. He would be able to spend the summer with his family and help Rose around the house.

When Charles began to lament, Cal opened his eyes and tried to shush him down but he was hungry and no matter what he was doing, he wouldn't stop crying. He walked to the bedroom and woke up Rose who was out cold. At first she was confused but then she sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"How long was I asleep?" she asked in a raspy voice.

"A little bit longer than two hours," he replied, looking at the alarm clock. "The little man is hungry," he added, delicately putting the baby down in her arms.

"He's famished if I'm considering how loud he's crying. Come on, honey, there's no need to scream like that," she whispered, attaching him to her breast.

Charles stopped crying instantly and drank hungrily under his parents' gaze.

They barely slept that night, the baby waking up every two hours or so. Cal already dreaded the next day, knowing how they were both unbearable after a sleepless night, especially with one another. He got up early, around six, so he could cook breakfast for Rose and start the day on a good mood instead of waiting for her to complain she did everything around here like she did every day she was in a bad mood. Rose was sleeping when he left the room but he knew it wouldn't last long because Charles hadn't been crying for three hours and he would surely start again really soon.

Surprisingly, he didn't. When Cal came back to the bedroom, Rose was awake, barely, but she smiled softly when she saw him with a plate of pancakes and a glass of milk on a tray.

"That's so sweet, thank you," she whispered, as if Charles would wake up with the sound of her voice coming from across the loft.

"You're welcome," he replied, putting the tray down on the bed. He kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes.

"He's been sleeping for almost four hours now. I wished he'd done that at 1 o'clock this morning."

"It was his first night, maybe he wasn't used to his new bed," Cal smiled. "But I totally agree."

Her stomach grumbled so she started eating the breakfast Cal had prepared for her.

"When's your next exam?" Rose asked.

"Tomorrow, I'm gonna have to study today but you can disturb me anytime if you need something."

"I'll try not to," she said. "I know how Urban Design is your least favorite."

"It's the worst, really," he admitted. "Especially when I'm this tired," he added, rubbing his exhausted face.

"Well maybe it was a year too soon," Rose pointed out, sounding annoyed. There it was, the argument he had predicted.

"It's not like it happened on purpose either," he replied, trying to stay calm. "We are both to blame when we decided not to use protection that night. Now I'd say it's a bit too late to change your mind, the kid is asleep in the next room."

"Listen to me _carefully_ , Caledon Hockley, this baby, my son, won't ever be considered a mistake, I'll never consider him an accident even though we didn't plan this. He can cry all he wants and drive me crazy all he wants, I will love him anyway," she said, on the verge of crying.

"When did you hear me say the opposite of that? Of course he isn't!" he exclaimed. "I love him too." He took a deep breath because he would lose his patience and argue back. "Why do you keep blaming me for everything?" It barely worked. "And it's not like you were complaining that night either if I remember correctly!"

"You did not just say that," she replied, shocked and pissed off.

"Well it's the truth, isn't it? I don't remember you asking me to stop or anything, as a matter of fact you -"

"Shut up. Don't you finish that sentence. You think I don't remember when that happened or what?"

"You're being impossible," he finished with a shake of the head before leaving the room. "When will you stop being such a pain in my ass?"

"Probably when you're going to stop being one too," she shouted to him.

He slammed the door shut without thinking and the baby started crying. He sighed then was roughly pushed out of the way by Rose who was walking furiously to the baby's room. "Jesus," he said through his teeth.

Cal heard Charles stop crying after a few minutes. He got some coffee ready and as he was putting the perfect amount of milk in his cup, he felt arms wrapping around his middle and a kiss on his bare back. "I'm sorry," he heard her whisper against his skin. "I don't know what's gotten into me."

"You're exhausted," he said, turning around. "But we're going to be fine, okay? I promise."

She nodded and he took her into his embrace, her cheek against his chest. She closed her eyes and breathed him in, wishing she wouldn't have to leave this spot. Cal stroked her hair and kissed her head, telling her he had to go study. He took his coffee, left her behind and shut himself in his office as she stood there and stared at the closed door. She didn't bother getting dressed and stayed in her pajamas all day long, taking care of her son as best she could. It was still new to her and she tended to panic, especially when he wouldn't stop crying and she didn't know why.

She tried everything. He wasn't hungry, his diaper was clean and everything seemed to be in order. She tried rocking him a bit and talking to him softly but he kept crying. After fifteen minutes, she finally knocked on Cal's door, not waiting for his response before opening it. He looked up at her and saw the scared look on her face, a wailing Charles in her arms.

"He won't stop crying, I did everything but he won't stop," Rose explained, panicked.

"Okay, calm down, I'm sure everything's fine," Cal reassured.

He walked to her and took the baby in his arms. Charles' cries faded to a stop as he looked up at his father.

"Really?" Rose said, annoyed but mostly relieved. "That's all?"

"Apparently he only wanted daddy," Cal replied with a smile. "That's okay, buddy, I've got you," he whispered, rocking him slowly.

"Seems like I'm no longer needed," Rose chuckled. "Is it okay if he stays with you?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure, of course."

"I'll get his seat, I'll be right back."

Charles spent the entire afternoon sleeping in his seat, carefully placed onto his father's desk as he was studying. Rose took opportunity of this to take an afternoon-long nap alone in their king-sized bed. It was almost five o'clock when Charles started crying once again and that time, Rose knew that it was because he was hungry.

His second night home went better than the first. He only woke up twice and decided sleeping was over at seven, which wasn't so bad considering the previous night. As the days went on, Rose and Cal realized how lucky they were because Charles was an easy baby after all. He would sleep the whole night through two weeks after coming home from the hospital and wouldn't really cry unless he needed something. Hopefully, he wouldn't become too difficult growing up.

* * *

 _ **Christmas Eve, 2006.**_

Rose was in front of the mirror, smoothing her dress, not sure if she should wear this one. She saw the reflection of Charles on their bed and smiled when she saw him trying to crawl once again.

"Be careful, honey," she said softly, walking to him. He babbled and Rose put him back in the middle of the mattress.

Charles smiled at her and it was everything it took for her to forget about what she was doing. She picked him up in her arms and showered his chubby cheeks with kisses. The baby laughed in delight and Rose's heart simply melted at the sound of it. No sound could make her as happy as the one of her son's laughter. She looked at herself in the mirror once more, the baby in her arms, and decided she'd wear the dress after all. It wasn't that she was pleased with it but mostly because it was the fifth one she tried on and she still wasn't satisfied with the result. No, she would never get her body to look the way it did before she had Charles.

"Mmm-amm," Charles babbled.

"Come on, say it, you can do it, mama," Rose encouraged him as he looked curiously at her lips. They weren't the same color they usually were and he found that extremely intriguing. "Mama," she articulated. Charles brought his hand to her mouth, his hand colliding almost violently against it. "Ow!" Rose exclaimed.

"Is your son beating you up?" she heard from the door.

"These red lips are quite intriguing I believe," she replied to her husband with a small laugh. "Christmas Eve is a dangerous night for us Hockley women," she continued, her son's hands all over her face, remembering last year's Christmas Eve. "Can you please take him so I can finish getting dressed?"

Cal took Charles from her arms and he whined a bit until he found interest in his father's hair. Cal sat on the bed and tried to avoid Charles' destroying hands as he just spent almost twenty minutes to get his hair to look like this. The more he tried to avoid his hands, the more he failed. He saw Rose holding in her laughter from the corner of his eye but decided to ignore it. When she was done, Cal let his son on his previous spot in the middle of the bed and held out his hand. She took it, clueless to what it was all about.

"What are you doing?" she asked, amused.

And then he started singing _Blue Christmas_ , holding her close. She looked up at him and he looked back at her with the hint of a smile on his lips and so much love in his eyes that she could've died happy right then. Her heart was beating so fast. She rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes, listening to both his voice and his heartbeat. Even when he stopped singing, they stayed in that position for a few minutes. Cal didn't want this to end, he didn't want people to come over anymore, he wanted to spend the evening alone with his wife and his son.

Especially since his father insisted on having some associates from the company over so Cal could get to know them. He had argued with him because it seemed to him that Christmas was a family thing and not some business dinner. It was Charles' first Christmas and even though the boy wouldn't remember it, _he_ would and he didn't want this. Rose told him that it was okay, that they could spend the 25th together, and that it was important for him to know what was waiting for him once he would be out of college in six months. Tonight was as good as any night. Everybody was happy on Christmas Eve.

The doorbell rang and Cal sighed before letting go of his wife and walked to the door. Rose stayed behind with Charles, quickly smoothing his clothes before walking to the main room to meet the guests.

"There she is," her father-in-law's voice said. "Rose, may I present you Mr. and Mrs. Philip Parker. Philip is the firm's lawyer."

"It's nice to meet you," she said with a smile, struggling to free one hand to shake theirs. "I hope you will enjoy your evening with us."

"I'm sure we will, thank you for inviting us," Mrs. Parker said. "And who is that handsome baby boy?" she asked, her eyes on Charles who shyly hid his face in his mother's neck.

"This is our son Charles," Rose answered proudly.

"He looks a lot like his father," Mrs. Parker declared, looking up at Cal. "Handsome and charming should I say."

"Thank you," Cal said. "He takes after his mother for everything else," he admitted with a smile.

"How old is he?"

"He'll be eight months on January 6th," Rose replied. "I can't believe how fast he's growing up."

"Time flies, huh? I have a son too, he's about your age and he's in his second year of college, I can hardly believe it."

Rose smiled politely but still felt a pang of jealousy when she mentioned college. She looked down at her son and it vanished. She continued discussing with the older lady and Cal joined his father and Mr. Parker. More guests arrived and everyone was _absolutely_ in love with the youngest Hockley man. Charles spent the evening traveling from arms to arms, always ending up in his mother's or father's before being taken away once again. He eventually fell asleep in his grandfather's embrace, on the couch, the older man almost falling asleep as well.

Rose knew that the first impression of a wife could tell a lot about a man and that it was why Nathan invited all these people over so she tried to be the perfect host, making sure to talk to everybody and keep smiling. She wouldn't let Caledon down, even though the poor man had no idea what was going on. He even looked bored at times, twirling the whiskey in his glass before gulping it down. At least he wasn't fighting with his brother, which was a good thing. She even saw them talk like civilized people for a long time, wondering what it was all about.

As she was getting some food for the guests, she felt her husband's strong arms around her waist. He kissed the back of her neck and she smiled faintly, resting one hand on his.

"How can you not be bored?" he whispered even though they were alone in the room.

"I'm doing this for you, you know," she replied. "And it's not that bad if you're actually talking to people," she added, pointing out that if he was mingling like she did, it wouldn't be as boring as he pretended it was.

"Maybe we could, you know, sneak into my office and - " he said, kissing the pulse point behind her ear.

"Wouldn't you like that, huh?" she said, pushing his face away. "Absolutely not."

"Oh come on, you gotta live dangerously."

"Go out there and do what you're supposed to," she finished, taking the tray and leaving him behind as she walked to the main room.

Caledon may be relatively serious and business-like but he was still a 22-year-old and no 22-year-old wanted to spend an evening like this, particularly when he wasn't even officially part of the company yet. He was young and he wanted to have fun for the six months he had left, not spend Christmas Eve with people twice his age, sometimes even three times his age. He didn't want to disappoint his father though and especially his wife. He wanted her to be proud of him. So he went.

He talked with people, mostly about his classes at Columbia to prove how ready he was to take over. He would often look around for Rose to see what she was up to and every time, it made him realize how perfect she was and how lucky he was to have her. She looked simply gorgeous tonight and he was told multiple times by their guests that his wife was an "absolute angel". He agreed each time, telling them that he knew and was grateful to have her in his life.

They had decided against opening the gifts tonight since there were strangers and that they wanted the full experience with Charles even though he was still too young to be remembering any of it. They would do that tomorrow night at Cal's parents' apartment, when they would be the eight of them.

It was almost midnight when Rose heard her son's cries and finally saw her father walking her way, holding Charles in his arms.

"Hey there, honey," she said softly, taking him. "What's going on?" Charles fussed a little, squirming in her arms, his hands wandering near her cleavage. "You're hungry, huh?" He started crying louder. "Okay, shhh," she whispered, kissing him as she walked to the nursery.

Charles was mostly eating purees and yogurt now but she still breastfed him before he went to sleep at night. She loved to have this quiet moment with him and seeing him fall asleep in her arms.

She turned on the lamp on his dresser, a dim light filling the room, and she sat on the rocking chair. Charles cried up until he was attached to her breast then he started to drink. Rose stroked his fine ginger hair and she saw his eyes closing slowly. She put him down in his crib, making sure he was covered and that his teddy bear was close so he could see it when he'd woke up in the morning. Someone knocked softly on the door and Cal called her name. She whispered he could come in, hoping that Charles wouldn't wake up. Cal walked in, closing the door behind him and looked down at his son.

"How's it going back there?" Rose asked.

"I've seen better," he admitted with a grimace. She chuckled.

People shouted "Merry Christmas" from the main room and Rose jumped, quickly looking at Charles who was still sleeping. It was midnight.

"Maybe we should go back," Rose whispered. "Wish everybody a Merry Christmas."

Cal walked behind her and wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head.

"What are you doing?" she asked with an amused smile.

"Merry Christmas," he whispered, his mouth still against her scalp.

"Merry Christmas to you too."

"Will you do something for me?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"Yes, of course, what is it?"

"Look down for a minute," he said. She looked down, her eyes staring at her baby boy. "That's the best gift you could ever give me," he continued. "I couldn't ask for anything better than that. _Ever_."

"He wouldn't be here without you," she whispered, resting her hands over his on her stomach.

"You did the hard work." She turned around, her back against the crib, and looked up at him.

"I love you Caledon James Hockley," she declared, her hand on his cheek.

"I love you too." He kissed her softly, cradling her head. "How could I ever stop loving you?" he asked, his dark eyes looking right into her. He held her close and wished he wouldn't have to let go. "I love you so much."

* * *

The next morning, Charles woke up at nine and Cal brought him in their bed, placing him between them. The phone rang at the same time, leaving the two of them confused. Rose sat up, holding the sheet up her naked body, and answered.

"Hello?" she said, sleep still showing in her voice.

"Am I waking you up?" a masculine voice asked.

"Oh my -" she exclaimed happily, recognizing Tommy's voice. "How are you? Is everything okay?"

"I'm good, I'm good. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too, where are you?" Rose asked her friend.

"Paris, France. I've been here for a few months, I've met some nice folks here."

"So you speak French now?"

"Fuck no," he laughed. "American folks who are studying here."

"I see," she replied with a smile. "Is Fabri there with you?"

"No, he's in the Netherlands right now, he met a girl there, I think he might marry her."

"What about you? You got a Parisian girlfriend?" Cal looked at her weird and she mouthed that it was Tommy.

"Nah. How's it going with Mr. Rich-Guy?" he asked.

"Good, great actually," she answered, ignoring the unpleasant way he called her husband. "We - huh - We have a son now," she announced because they hadn't talked since Santorini almost 18 months ago.

"Wh - ? What?! Holy - You got a kid?"

"I - Yeah. His name's Charles, he's almost 8 months old now."

"Wow, that sounds great!" he said but something in his voice was off. "Listen, I really got to go now but I'll call you soon, okay? You take care of yourself."

"I will," she said softly, her smile fading away. "You too, bye."

And then he hung up. She listened to the dead line for a few seconds then hung up too, a lump in her throat. This was the last time she ever talked to him.

"Is everything alright?" Cal asked her when he saw her face. She nodded and lied down, smiling up at him. She took Charles against her, the sheet around her being the only thing separating them. If people wanted to let her down because of him, it was their loss. He was making her happy and she loved him more than anything.

"Mama," Charles babbled, taking a handful of her hair.

"He said it," she exclaimed, forgetting about the phone call and how it ended. "He said mama! Say it again, honey, mama," she asked, almost pleading, but he only looked up at her, babbling nonsense.

He pulled on her hair and brought it to his mouth but she quickly told him "no" before pushing her hair away. She tried to get another "mama" out of his mouth but he wouldn't hear a thing, more preoccupied with her red locks. Once was enough, it was the only Christmas present she needed. She kissed his face and he laughed as she tickled his belly, blowing raspberries in his neck.

Cal looked at them and realized that Charles couldn't have a better mom even if he wanted to.

* * *

They arrived at the Hockleys' around five, Cal holding two huge bags filled with gifts and Rose holding the baby. Ruth and Henry were already there, all of them sitting in the living room with glasses of wine. In the meantime, William was playing videogames in his room. Now a 17-year-old young man, William had a steady girlfriend. Even though he still played competitive tennis, he had found a new interest in music and taught himself to play the guitar. He also had this huge weight on his shoulders, which he had said nothing about to anyone but his sister-in-law who he told everything to. She was the only one willing to listen without trying to change his mind or tell him he was young and stupid.

William didn't want any part of his family's business, he didn't want to follow the legacy and be a part of the third generation of Hockleys to manage it. Caledon was fit for it, he loved it, and if he wanted it, he could have it. What he was scared of was his father reaction. He knew he would be furious and would simply refuse to let his son study in a community college to become a paramedic. And if William was afraid of something, it was disappointment, so he said nothing.

He was playing NBA 2K7 when he heard a knock on his door and paused the game.

"Come in," he said. The door opened and he saw Rose peek in, Charles in her arms. "Hey," William said, getting up.

"Hey," she replied. "Look, honey, who's that?" she asked Charles who reached for his uncle.

"Come here, little man," William said, taking his nephew in his arms.

"What you doing?"

"Just playing some video game, I was bored," he shrugged.

"I'll leave you to it, I'll go help your brother with the gifts we brought."

"Is it okay if I keep him?" he asked.

"I'm sure he's as thrilled as you to spend some time with his godfather. If he's getting cranky you just let me know, okay?"

William nodded with a proud smile and looked at Rose leave, closing the door behind her. He sat on his bed, Charles on his lap, and un-paused the game. Charles looked curiously at the controller in his uncle's hands and reached for it.

"You want to play too, huh?" he said with a chuckle, the boy looking up at him at the sound of his voice. "Alright."

He took the boy's hands in his and put them on the controller. William moved his fingers over the joysticks, holding his nephew's hands underneath his and scored.

"Good job, buddy, look you just threw a 3-pointer!" William exclaimed, holding Charles' arm up in victory.

They played for a while, Charles behaving like a big boy. Helen called for William to get out of his room, that dinner would be served soon. William took Charles in his arms, making him do the plane until he was finally in front of his big brother. Charles was screaming with laughter, which made everybody laugh as well. Cal took his son and William admitted that Charles was a natural at video games.

They sat for dinner, Charles in his high chair even though he had dinner before leaving the loft, and they discussed of nothing and everything over the roasted turkey. It was around ten o'clock when they all sat in the living room to unwrap the gifts. Rose managed to sit on the floor with Charles even though she was wearing a dress. Helen insisted that she sat on the couch but the young woman wouldn't hear of it, she wanted her son - herself - to unwrap his gifts on the floor like every kid did.

Charles was the first to get a gift. Rose put it on his lap but all he did was pick it up and bring it to his mouth. She smiled then tried to show him how to unwrap it, how to tear the wrapping paper off, but he found no interest in it. She opened it for him, revealing three different outfits that were absolutely _adorable_. He received a lot of clothes and toys but Rose's favorite were William's choice of t-shirts that could read "Big trouble in a little shirt" and another one that read "Born Awesome". She immediately agreed with the first one but Charles didn't look impressed when she showed it to him.

It took no less than two hours and a half to get everything out of the wrapping paper and by the end of it, Charles was getting whiny and clingy and Rose knew what that meant. They helped cleaning up and gathered their stuff before going back to the loft with an impatient baby. Cal thought Charles would fall asleep in the car but he didn't, instead he cried the whole time. As soon as they entered the loft and removed their coats and boots, Rose walked to the nursery, exhausted, and sat on the rocking chair with Charles, letting him drink as she 'rested her eyes'. At one point, she couldn't remember when, she fixed herself up before resting her eyes some more, falling into a deep sleep.

Cal came out of the bathroom after taking a shower and frowned when he saw that Rose wasn't in bed. It was almost half an hour since she sat with Charles for his midnight feeding. When he walked into the nursery, he saw the two of them asleep in the chair. He smiled faintly and carefully picked up Charles to put him down in his crib. He woke Rose slowly and she went back to sleep in their bed, wearing pajamas pants and a sports bra. Cal wasn't tired, surprisingly, so he watched some television in the main room. He finally fell asleep on the couch, the muted television and the lights of the Christmas tree the only things illuminating the entire loft.


	20. nineteen

**Another chapter 'cause I feel super inspired.**

* * *

 **NINETEEN.**

Rose woke up in the middle of the night, her face covered with dried tears, and stood up groaning in pain. She put the shirt back in the box and turned the light off before taking off her pants and slipping between the cool sheets of her bed. She was about to fall asleep when the door creaked open and she heard small footsteps approaching her bed.

"Mommy?" Charles whispered, standing there holding his blanket against his chest. "Mommy, are you asleep?"

"No, honey, what is it?" she whispered back.

"Can I sleep in the big bed with you?"

"What's wrong with your bed?" she asked, looking at his black silhouette. He shrugged and Rose sighed.

"I want to cuddle with you," he confessed, sounding almost ashamed that his 7-year-old self still wanted to cuddle with his mother at night. Only babies did that, he thought.

"Alright," she caved in even though she would have rather sleep alone with her sorrow tonight. Saying no to Charles was a still a hard thing for her to do.

The boy ran to the empty side of the bed and climbed on it. He got under the covers and Rose felt his small feet against her bared legs. Charles cuddled against her stomach with his head in the crook of her shoulder and he fisted the tank top she was wearing the way he always did since he was a toddler. Rose kissed his head, her face lingering there for a while, taking in his fresh smell of shampoo and soap. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arm around him, stroking his back softly until he fell asleep. His steady breathing confirmed he was sleeping soundly so she allowed herself to do the same. It was a restless night where she saw every hour pass by, sleeping on and off in between.

Charles woke up at 7:30 and saw that his mother was still sleeping so he got out of the bed as quietly as possible. She didn't wake up. He closed the door behind him, walked to the living room with his blanket and turned on the TV to Disney Channel on low volume. It was a rerun of _The Suite Life of Zack and Cody_ he had already seen so he went to the kitchen to fix himself a bowl of cereal. He was seven years old now and he was big enough to fix his own breakfast without making a mess. A few drops of milk were on the counter when he finished but it was nothing he couldn't swipe away with the sleeve of his shirt. He knew his mother wouldn't have been happy about his doing that but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. He tried his luck and ate in front of the TV, his bowl safely set on the coffee table as he sat in front of it.

"Since when are you allowed to eat in the living room?" he heard his mother's voice behind him. He jumped and turned around to see her.

"I didn't spill anything," he said quickly. "I wanted to watch TV."

"Don't make a habit out of it, please. And clean after yourself when you're done, okay?" she simply replied before going to the kitchen to get some coffee ready.

She came back a few minutes later, a steaming cup of coffee in her hand. Charles looked up at her with puppy dog eyes, hoping he wouldn't be lectured.

"Is it okay if I join you?" she asked him instead.

Charles nodded vigorously with a small smile. She sat next to him on the floor and watched the episode with him. Every time she would hear him laugh, she would turn her head to look at him. Every time she was looking, she noticed another small thing he had in common with his paternal. He sounded like her when he laughed but everything else was from Caledon. The way his mouth would always show a tiny smirk before actually laughing and how his eyes would light up with amusement. They had the exact same jawline and if it wasn't for his red hair and green-ish eyes, anybody would believe Cal had made him all by himself. What he got from her was stubbornness and proudness. Not exactly what she wanted to pass on to her only child.

"Mom?" Charles asked, looking at her. Rose felt the hint of a stab to her heart, "mommy" was going away a little farther every day.

"What?"

"I was wondering lately because my friends were talking about their 'stupid sisters' and I - "

"You wondered why you didn't have any siblings, is that it?" she interrupted him politely in her motherly tone. He nodded and Rose gulped down nervously. "It's - Babies are hard work, you know. I'm gonna be honest with you here, honey, daddy and I tried to give you a baby sister or a baby brother but it just didn't work out."

"That's okay," he shrugged it off when he saw it was making her sad to talk about it. "I like it this way. We can be in a club together, the only-child club."

"I guess we could, yes," Rose replied with a smile.

"Could I have a sibling even though you and daddy aren't married anymore?"

"Yes, it only means the baby would be your half-sister or half-brother. But there's no such thing as half-anything if you want my opinion, not when it comes to family."

"Oh, I see," he said with a nod, confirming he understood.

"You would like that, huh?" she asked, running a hand through his hair. He nodded. "I think you would be a great big brother."

"I think so too."

* * *

It was 6 o'clock on the dot when there was a knock on the door. Charles opened it to see his father on the other side. He was wearing a dark suit and a white shirt, the reflection of his own son. Charles stepped to the side to let his father in.

"My, don't you both look handsome," Rose said, looking at the both of them.

"Thank you," they both replied at the same time.

"You're not ready? I thought I said I'd pick you up at six," Cal told Rose.

"You did, only I'm not coming with you."

"Why ever not?" he asked.

"Noooooooooooooo, mom, you have to come too," Charles whined. "That's the whole point of it."

"You'll have much more fun without me," she admitted.

"Come on, Rose, it's only dinner," Cal said.

He knew something was wrong. Cancelling plans for no reason wasn't something she usually did and there was surely a good reason for her to do so just now. If he knew how to read someone, it was her, and something was clearly wrong right now. It was _him_. She didn't want to spend the evening with him.

"You really want to deprive your son of his birthday dinner because you can't stand me for a few hours?" he asked.

"I'm not depriving him, he's still going isn't he?"

"But you were supposed to come to," Charles pouted. "Now it's not the same."

"Charles -"

"I don't want to go anymore!" he shouted as he started to cry. "Why did you have to get a divorce, it's stupid!" He stomped his foot and ran to his room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Cal and Rose stayed behind, looking the way he just ran off in total silence. They stood there for a while then looked at each other with guilt and waited a few minutes to let the boy calm down. Rose walked to Charles' bedroom, followed by Cal, and knocked softly on the door.

"Charles, can I come in?" she asked.

"No!" he said, crying.

"I'd like to explain something, okay?"

"NO!" he yelled. "I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU EVER AGAIN. GO AWAY! YOU RUIN EVERYTHING ALWAYS."

"HEY!" Cal shouted.

He pushed Rose away slightly from the door and quickly opened it. Charles was on his bed, his back to the door. He turned his head and saw his father walk furiously to him. Rose stood in the doorway and saw how terrified Charles looked. Cal took Charles' arm firmly and dragged him away from his bed. The boy's tears of anger changed into frightened ones.

"Don't ever yell at your mother like that, do you hear me?" he continued shouting.

"Cal!" Rose said. "There's no - "

"I don't want to hear you talk like that to your mother _ever again_ , is that clear?" he shouted, ignoring Rose's attempt of stopping him. Charles was sobbing loudly, trying to avoid his father's eyes. "Look at me when I'm talking to you." Charles looked up slowly. "I want you to apologize, _now_."

"I'm sorry," he cried to his mother. "You're hurting me," he continued, speaking to Cal who was holding his arm firmly in his hand.

Cal let him go. Charles stood there crying as Rose made his way to him. She didn't make it all the way to him though because she didn't want him to think it was okay for him to behave like he just did. The only thing she saw as she looked at him was herself when something wasn't to her liking when she was a kid.

The air was tense, the evening was ruined and Charles was right, it was her fault. Cal was right too, she should make an effort to stand him for a few hours to make her son happy on his birthday. Truth was he probably didn't want to spend dinner with her either.

"Let me get dressed and then we can leave, okay?" Rose said after an awkward silence.

"I don't know if he deserves to go anymore," Cal admitted.

"Please, daddy, yes," Charles pleaded. "Please."

Cal nodded Rose's way and she walked to her room, locking the door behind her. She changed into a strapless yellow dress and threw her naturally-curled hair on one shoulder, a few bobby pins holding the back in its place. Her hands were still shaking slightly as she applied some mascara and eye-liner but she didn't mess up. Thirty minutes later, she cracked the door opened and called for her ex-husband. She saw him coming out of their son's room and looking her way wondering what she wanted.

"Can y- Can you zip me up, please?" she asked nervously. She tried doing it herself but couldn't get it all the way up.

"Yeah. Yeah, sure," he stuttered as she turned around.

He looked down at her bare back and swallowed. A lot of memories came rushing in his mind but he tried pushing them away. He zipped the dress and coughed nervously.

"There, all done," he said.

"Thanks. Shall we go?" she asked and he nodded.

"Charles, come on, it's time to go," Cal told him.

* * *

Once they were at the restaurant, seated at the table, everything that happened back in Brooklyn was forgotten. Cal could see how Rose acted differently with him. She seemed cold and distant, like they barely knew each other. She would force a smile every time they would meet each other's eye by accident and would answer as shortly as possible to his questions. It wasn't the Rose he knew.

As they were eating dessert, Cal picked an envelope out of his inside pocket and gave it to Charles. The boy said thank you and opened it under his parents' gaze. Inside was a card with a birthday message written by his father and as soon as he finished reading it, his face lit up like he just saw Santa Claus. Charles looked at Cal and asked if it was true.

"Of course it is, I have the tickets at home and everything," he assured.

"Tickets for what exactly?" Rose asked.

"Disney World!" Charles exclaimed a bit too loud. "I'm going to Disney World with daddy in August!"

"Wow, that's great honey," she said, but there was hurt in her voice.

"I have an extra ticket on hold if you want to come along," Cal added.

"Yes, mom, that would be fun!" Charles said happily.

"I don't think so, Charles. How about you go alone with daddy, a 'boys only' trip, huh?"

Rose looked at Cal and he could see that she was mad at him. To let Charles think it would be okay for the three of them to be together like a family again but also for choosing Disney, the place where she always wanted to bring him, without telling her about it first. He knew that and he had done this on purpose, she was sure of it. What he was trying to do exactly, she couldn't figure it out, but she suspected it had something to do with Jack. Why should she be the only one to have everything?

She was a fucking mess and this just worsened it.

"Would you take him for the week?" she asked Cal who looked at her in surprise.

"Why? It's your week, I thought you were excited to have him for his birthday and everything," he replied.

"I - I need some alone time, I don't feel so great these days," she admitted.

"Can I?" Charles asked his father with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Of course you can, buddy," Cal said, looking at Rose with concern.

He would wait until they were alone to ask what it was really about because it wasn't like her to do something like that. He would be lying if he said he wasn't worried. What if she was sick and didn't want to tell him? She shook her head slightly to let him know it was nothing to be alarmed about, she only needed to be alone for a while.

When the car stopped in front of Rose's building, Cal followed her inside as Charles stayed behind in the locked and air conditioned car while his father quickly got his stuff for the week. Rose packed Charles' bags as Cal leaned against the doorframe of the boy's room.

"Are you sick, Rose? If this is the case, you need to tell me," Cal asked.

"If I'm sick of anything, it's you," she replied coldly.

"Did Dawson do something to you? I warned him exactly not to do anything that would hurt you."

"Jack did what he had to and you need to mind your own damn business," she said louder, turning around to see him.

"You're my business because I care about you, don't you get it?"

"You lost that privilege when you signed that sheet of paper!" she shouted. "You need to stop."

"I can't," he mumbled after a long moment of silence. "Our marriage failed but the promise remains, Rose."

"It doesn't have to! And you don't love me if you think what you did tonight was okay. You know I wanted to bring him there for his 10th birthday. You know because I _told you_."

"You can still bring him then, what difference does it make?!"

"I wanted it to be the first time. You did it on purpose to piss me off because of Jack."

"Oh yes, I'm bringing my son to Disney World because you've got a new boyfriend, this makes so much sense," he replied sarcastically. "I invited you too so you'll be there for his first time there, because you _did told me_."

"And you think this is good for Charles to make him believe we can be a family again?"

"Can we?" he asked.

Rose looked at him in silence for a long time, a choking feeling inside of her throat. She thought about last night and his shirt and the photo album and everything else. She cleared her throat and finished packing. She gave Cal the bags and walked him to the door.

"Call me if you need anything, okay?" he asked, calmer now.

"Okay," she whispered. "And Cal?"

"What?"

"I don't think we can," Rose said. "Be a family again, I mean."

"You're right," he whispered. "I'm sorry I'm such a shitty friend, I'm still having a hard time telling things apart, you know?"

Rose chuckled. "Someone will come in your life and change that. You deserve it. You're a good man, Caledon Hockley, I hope you know that," she said, looking up at him and fixing his necktie, a habit that wouldn't die young.

"I try to be," he replied.

"You'll always be my first love, you know," Rose confessed with watery eyes. "And you'll always be my best friend because I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Same here, babe," he said, kissing her forehead.

He stroked her hair then said goodbye and left. She looked at him walk away, her eyes fixed on his broad shoulders. She was really confused right now, what if she still had feelings for him after all? Would that explain why she felt so mushy every time they were alone together?

Jack was right, she needed help, she needed someone to talk to, someone that could understand and tell her why she felt this way. She hoped it would make her feel better. Maybe it wouldn't make her happy but at least she would understand why she felt the way she did and know what her feelings were instead of always pushing every scary thing back, waiting for it to explode just like it did with Cal on Thanksgiving night. She wanted to be with Jack without worrying about her ex and their past. She wanted to be happy, or at least don't feel guilty about everything.

* * *

"You did _what_?" William exclaimed. "Dude, you can't do that! You cannot invite your ex-wife to spend a week in Disney World with you and your son."

"Says who?" Cal asked, annoyed.

"Says everybody! Rose isn't coming back, you need to move on, you need to find a woman, date somebody."

"I don't need to find women, women come to me."

"Then what are you waiting for?" William asked.

"You know, just like me, that these women aren't looking for the same thing as I am."

"What's so wrong with having some fun once in a while? When's the last time you got any?"

"I am not about to discuss my sex life with you."

"Long time, huh?" William said with a smirk.

"Go fuck yourself," Cal replied.

He hadn't been with anybody since Rose left him, not that he didn't have the chance to. He wasn't the kind to fool around with just anybody, he was serious and he wanted a serious relationship, not only sleep around with bimbos for the rest of his life. He was almost 29 years old for Christ sake.

"First of all, you need to sell this place and move into another neighborhood," William stated. "Staying here hurts you, it's filled with bad memories and sadness."

"A lot of good things happened here too," Cal pointed out. "It's home, I can't just throw it away."

William sighed. His brother was pathetic. How could he help him if the poor guy wouldn't help himself?

His relationship with his brother wasn't always that easy but since Cal stood up for him six years ago, they were getting along pretty well. Sometimes better than others but still. When William finally confessed that he didn't want any part of Hockley & Sons, his father had been furious, telling him he'd be disinherited of absolutely everything if he dared become anything else than an architect, the career he had been raised to follow. William wanted to be a paramedic since he was thirteen years old but he had waited until he was eighteen to finally tell his secret. He had hoped he'd change his mind in the meantime but no, work for his family name wasn't what he wanted. At the time, Caledon had simply burst out in anger and told his father that if he ever dared do that, he would resign and leave the firm as well. He was willing to lose his fortune too, he didn't care. He had Rose and Charles and he didn't need anything else to fulfill his happiness.

Nathan didn't speak to William for a whole year even though he still paid his way into the paramedic program in the closest community college. Caledon took his brother in during for a few months until he found something for himself and that's when they got closer than they ever did in almost nineteen years.

"I love this place too, man, but it's holding you back from moving on."

"I _am_ moving on. For the first time since the divorce, I actually felt lighter around her. I think I'm finally stepping into that friend zone. That doesn't mean I have to stop caring about her."

"I never said that. I know I can never stop you from doing that, I know what she means to you I'm not an idiot. I will always care about her too."

"She was the first girl I ever truly loved," he admitted.

"I believe you, I didn't see no Margaret Jackson or Catherine Reynolds get 4,000$ earrings after only four months of relationship," William said with a chuckle.

"You remember them?" Cal asked.

"Of course I do, they were the dumbest girls you could ever get."

Cal chuckled. "Yeah, they were."

"Why you were with them in the first place is still a mystery to me," William confessed.

"Well, apparently, they're the only women I can attract and actually keep."

"You need to stop thinking that you're not worth it," William interrupted. "I know a woman that would say it's not true."

"She left, didn't she?" he stated the obvious.

"Come on, Cal, you know she thinks highly of you. She would never say you're not worthy of finding love again and be happy."

Cal remembered the words Rose told him only a couple of hours before and realized his brother was right. The feelings were mutual on this but he wouldn't admit it to anyone but her. Cal always thought he was secretive but in reality, Rose and William could read him like an opened book, whether he liked it or not.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized they were right about everything. Yes, he deserved to be happy. Yes, he deserved to be in love with someone who loved him back. There was someone out there for him and he would find her, just like Rose found Jack.

Maybe he wouldn't marry again because despite what everyone believed, Cal took marriage seriously. It was something you did only once. His beliefs about it were pure even though he had managed to destroy every single one of them when he was married to the woman he thought he'd love forever. That the little things were the big things at the end of the day. Like when she would take his hand in hers every time they were walking together, whether it was on the sidewalk or at the grocery store. Or when she would walk in his study at night when he was working late to kiss him goodnight. It was him promising himself to tell her he loved her at the end of every day but finally failed after three years in. It was him telling her how grateful he was to have her in his life instead of taking her for granted every time he dragged her to a banquet or an inauguration. It was giving her a safe place where she could go anytime she needed it.

He wasn't ready to take the risk of losing someone special by making the same mistakes.

* * *

The next morning, as Rose walked to Starbucks for her daily latte, she felt a pang inside when she didn't see Jack standing in his usual spot, holding two cups. She looked down at her cell, hoping to see a text message that he'd be late but she knew there wouldn't be one. She looked around and he wasn't there so she walked inside and ordered her own coffee, just like she would've done eight months ago.

A few minutes later, as the barista gave her her latte, her cell chimed and she smiled. She walked outside before looking at it, losing every ounce of hope she had when she saw it wasn't from Jack but from Cassie.

'I have a fever and I don't feel so good. I think I'd better stay home.'

Rose sighed but typed back. 'It's okay, sweetie, take care of yourself.'

'Thank you, I will. I'll see you tomorrow.'

What a great day it would be, she thought with sarcasm.

When she was in front of the store, she struggled to find the right key, holding her coffee and newspaper in her other hand. First, the paper fell then her keys and finally the cup, leaving the latte all over the sidewalk.

"ARRRGGH," she yelled, kicking the cup away in the street.

The kind of day you wished you never woke up was today. She finally got the door opened and re-locked it behind her until 8:30. The mornings were usually quiet so she started the book-keeping job she hated so much. She stayed on the first floor instead of working upstairs in her office just in case customers came in. Every time the door opened, she looked up hoping to see Jack, disappointed each time to see it wasn't him. She greeted them politely anyway and offered help if they needed any. The two sips of coffee she had that morning weren't enough to keep her alert or in a good mood.

She couldn't leave at her usual hour because the next employee wasn't scheduled before 4 p.m. so she had to stay longer. She knew she would get caught in the rush hour in the subway and would get home late because of it.

When she finally got home, at 5:30, she dropped her purse on the floor and the Chinese takeout on the table. She changed into more comfortable clothes, put her hair up in a messy bun and sat on the couch with her dinner to watch TV. Gatsby joined her and she petted him, kissing his little pink nose every time he reached for her face. An hour later, her cellphone announced a text and she reached for it with nonchalance.

'Will you wish a Happy Birthday to your son from me?'

"Shit!" Rose exclaimed, already going through her contacts.

She pushed the call button and put the phone to her ear. It rang about five or six times before someone finally picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me," she said. "Could I talk to Charles, please?"

"Sure, hold on. Charles?" Cal's voice called. "He's coming."

"Okay, thank you."

"Hello?" Charles' voice said over the phone.

"Happy Birthday, honey," she replied, feeling bad that she almost forgot her son's birthday.

"Thank you! I thought you had forgotten me because it's late."

"It was a busy day but I wouldn't forget you, my big boy. How does it feel to be seven years old?" she asked.

"I don't feel any different," he admitted.

"You don't? Well, I do," she said. Charles giggled.

"It isn't your birthday, why would you feel different?"

"Because it seems to me like I held you in my arms for the first time yesterday and now there you are, turning seven."

Charles giggled again and Rose smiled at the sound of it. Her son getting older also meant _she_ was getting older and she wasn't ready for that.

"Jack says Happy Birthday too," she added.

"Thanks. Mom I have to go, we're going for an ice cream cone," Charles told her excitedly.

"Okay, honey, have fun, I love you," she said softly.

"I love you too."

They hung up and Rose quickly texted Jack to let him know his message was delivered and that Charles was thankful for the wishes.

'I miss you,' she wrote in a second message.

'I miss you too," he replied. 'How are you feeling?'

'Let's say I've had much better days. I'm supposed to meet this psychologist on Wednesday afternoon.'

'Why don't you let me know how it went once it's done?'

'Okay,' she simply wrote and then they stopped talking.

* * *

On Wednesday afternoon, Rose left the store at 1 p.m. to get to her 2 p.m. appointment in time. She arrived fifteen minutes early and walked to the reception to give her name and the time of her appointment. She was instructed to sit in the waiting room and that the doctor would get her once he was done with his previous session.

The doctor walked in at 2:05 and called her name. Rose followed him into his office and sat in the chair she was shown. The man was in his late-thirties and rather handsome. As she looked around the room, she saw a few diplomas hanging on the wall and a picture of a young girl on his desk, probably his daughter. The man sat in a chair across from her, a file in front of him.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Hockley, I'm Thomas Andrews and I'll be your doctor. How about we start by you telling me a little about yourself, it will break the ice," he said.

"First of all, you can call me Rose, if it isn't a problem," she said with a nervous smile.

"That's no problem at all," he assured. "Let me ask you something first. Have you ever been depressed or is anyone in your family has any history of mental illnesses?"

"I wouldn't go as far as depression but I certainly had dark times," she confessed. "As for my family, no, not that I know of," she continued as he wrote down in her file.

"You can calm down, I can see you're all stressed up, there's no need. If there are any questions you're not at ease with, you say so and we move on to something else until you're ready to talk about it. It may be next week, may be in six months. It will be on your own time."

Rose nodded and sat more comfortably in the chair, exhaling loudly. She hadn't been in that kind of situation before and it was making her nervous. She felt judged even though she knew she wasn't. The man was a professional, he was there to help, not to bring her down.

"Tell me about your parents. What they do for a living, how do you feel about them?" he asked. That, she could do.

"My dad is a mechanic, has been for almost thirty years now. We're close, I've always gotten along better with him than with my mother. She's sweet, she's a great mom, don't think otherwise, our personalities tend to clash sometimes but I love her. My father was more permissive and less controlling of me but I guess that's what mothers are like, right?" she explained with a small laugh. "She - She taught me everything I know, though, and I wouldn't be the mother I am today if it wasn't for her, I know that."

"How many children do you have?" he asked, looking surprised at the mention of kids.

"One. A boy, Charles. He just turned seven on Monday, actually."

"Wow, he's a big boy!" he exclaimed. He had expected to hear an inferior number, two, three, maybe four but not seven. "What about him? Do you have a good relationship?" Rose nodded before he even finished the question, knowing what he would ask.

"We do. He realizes things he didn't before though and it's getting harder for me to answer him," she answered, looking down at her knees.

"Like what?"

"Like why his father and I aren't together anymore," she began, looking up at him. "Divorce is still a scary word for him I think. Or why it is okay for me to have someone in my life while his father remains single. Why he doesn't have any siblings, that kind of thing."

"You are divorced. I see. How long?"

"Two years and a few months now. We were married for almost six years."

"What happened?" he asked.

She was taken aback by his question. She looked at him in silence for a long time. He didn't push her to answer right away, he didn't even seem to expect an answer. Rose played with the hem of her shirt nervously as if trying to figure out how to answer this almost impossible question. She knew what happened, she knew everything, but she couldn't explain it. At least not out loud, not yet.

"Do you still have feelings for him?" he asked instead.

"I don't know," she muttered, her voice cracking. "I thought I didn't but I don't know anything anymore. It's like I try to hate him, I hate him sometimes, but I know I couldn't live without him. I need him to be there, even if it's just as a friend."

"What do you mean when you say that you hate him sometimes?"

"He's an absolute burden, he's a control freak, he wants to control me and everything in my life. He's a possessive man and probably the most jealous person I've ever known. If _he_ cannot have me, nobody can."

"How do you feel about that?"

"I know that deep down, there will always be something special between us. There will always be more than just Charles tying us together. And as someone told me before, I won't ever be able to live another relationship if I don't make out what that special thing is."

"So that's why you're here," he realized.

"Yes," she told plain and simple.

"Why don't we start at the beginning then, huh? When did everything started to go down the drain?"

She started to explain quickly how they met and how happy she was with him during all those years but her session came to an end quicker than she had imagined. She stopped at the reception to make the same appointment next week and left. She was so proud of herself for not crying while she talked of things that hurt her and even though it was the first step to what would be a long recovery, she made it on her own.

When she got home, she went to the bathroom to freshen up and as she walked into her bedroom, she saw the last thing she wanted to see today. Her precious tabby cat was agonizing on her bed.


	21. twenty

**TWENTY.**

Spring came around, Charles turned one year old and Cal finally graduated college. He started working the very next day and was extremely nervous. He couldn't let it show, he couldn't let his employees know. Rose forced him to eat breakfast, knowing his empty stomach wasn't helping and he ate the whole thing to make her happy. Charles accompanied his father during breakfast, babbling and playing around with his Cheerios while Rose was trying to feed him yogurt. He reached for his cup of milk and gulped the whole thing down.

"Tell you what," Rose began as Cal was getting ready to leave. "How about we both meet you at the office at the end of the day, huh?"

"I'd like that," he said with a smile.

"Hey," she said softly. "You'll be great, don't worry," she continued, making sure his tie was okay. "My handsome man."

"Your handsome man needs to leave now if he doesn't want to be late."

"You go, then," she finished before kissing him. "Have a great day."

"You too, I love you."

"I love you."

Once he arrived at the firm on the 23rd floor, Cal was shown his office and then he was introduced to his very own secretary, a young blonde that was about Rose's age and known as Jenny. When she first addressed to him as Mr. Hockley, Cal quickly looked around then back at her confused face.

"I always expect to see my father around when I hear those words, please call me Caledon," he said with a charming smile.

"But sir -"

"Please, I insist. We are practically the same age, that would be ridiculous."

The young girl smiled and finally saw his ring when they shook hands. Of course he was married, who wouldn't marry this guy given the chance to? She wondered what his wife looked like. She was probably the kind of girl that didn't even look real because it was so easy to have plastic surgeries nowadays. Especially when you were living with that much money. She was a model, no doubt. She kind of hated herself for judging the poor woman without meeting her but Caledon Hockley couldn't go for just some ordinary girl, could he?

He could, she realized when she finally saw her at the end of the day.

"Excuse me," a young woman's voice asked her as she was concentrated on her work. She looked up.

"Yes, how can I help you?" Jenny asked with a smile, hearing the babbling of a baby seated in its stroller.

"Is Caledon Hockley still here?"

"Hum, I think so, I - Let me check."

She put the phone to her ear and composed a couple of numbers.

"Somebody is here for you, sir, should I send her in?"

"Who is it?" Cal asked.

"Excuse me," Jenny said, her hand on the microphone. "Who should I announce?"

"Rose," she replied.

Jenny repeated the information to her boss who hung up practically right away. He appeared in the lobby a few seconds later, a big smile on his face and walked to them. He went to the stroller first and squatted in front of it.

"Dada!" Charles said, holding his arms up.

At the same moment, Jenny caught a glimpse of the diamond rock on Rose's finger and everything added itself up. Cal picked up the toddler in his arms and kissed his cheek and she could see how much the baby resembled his father. She looked back at the red-haired girl and couldn't help but stare. She was just so pretty and nothing like what she imagined. She was natural and glowing of happiness, in no need of any makeup in her opinion. Cal saw the blonde from the corner of his eye and turned around.

"Oh, what an idiot I am, I am so sorry," he began. "Darling, this is Jenny, she's my secretary. Jenny, this is my wife."

"Hi, it's so nice to meet you," Rose said with a genuine smile, shaking Jenny's hand. And she was so kind too, Jenny thought. Really, she was a girl just like her, totally ordinary, but being gorgeous and perfect at it. She was married to Caledon Hockley after all. "I hope he behaved himself today."

"He did," Jenny replied, a bit nervous and intimidated.

"Hooo," Charles babbled, holding his hands out to the unknown woman.

"You want to say hello too, don't you?" Cal said with a smile. "Jenny, may I introduce you to Charles, the most charming Hockley man you will ever meet."

"Hi!" she told the baby who waved back. "He's adorable."

"I was on my way out, do you want me to bring you the paperwork?" Cal asked.

"No, that's okay, I'll just pick it up and lock the door on my way out," Jenny replied. "It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Hockley."

Rose smiled at her and took Cal's hand in hers as they started walking towards the elevator. Once they were in the underground parking, Rose sat Charles in his car seat while Cal struggled to put the stroller in the trunk. Rose volunteered to help but he insisted he could do it alone so she didn't argue and sat in the car. She heard the trunk bang closed and saw her husband walking around the car to get to his seat.

"Hi there," he told Rose as a better greeting than the one upstairs.

"Hey," she replied with a smile before leaning in to kiss him. She played with the hair on the nape of his neck then pulled away. "How was your day?" she asked as he started the car.

"It was better than what I expected. I already feel respected but maybe people are only intimidated by me, I don't know," he explained with a shrug as they finally reached the street outside.

"Oh yes, you are so intimidating, Mr. Big-Shot," Rose said with an amused smile.

"Not to you, I'm not," he chuckled. "But you will soon realize that your last name scares people, baby," he added with a laugh even though he was completely serious.

"Your secretary didn't look intimidated by you if you ask me," Rose pointed out as they stopped at a red light.

"She was by you though," he stated, turning to her. "Is that jealousy I smell?"

"What?" she chuckled. "Me, jealous? Come on."

Cal laughed and rested his hand on her thigh, the traffic light finally turning green. Charles fell asleep on the ride home and Cal took him in his arms without waking him up. He didn't take his afternoon nap and was tired. It was exhausting to make a few steps here and there, holding himself up on things. Walking on his own would come in a few weeks, Cal knew that, and he hoped he would be there to witness it.

Cal kissed his forehead and put him down softly in his crib, making sure he was comfortable then he walked out, leaving the door ajar. He joined Rose in the kitchen and asked if she needed help with anything while she was getting dinner ready. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and left a kiss on the back of her neck, like he always did. She told him she was fine and that he could go and relax, thanking him for his offer to help.

He stroked her stomach once, left a second kiss on her neck and walked to the main room to watch TV. He quickly picked up the toys that were on the floor, the few clothes scattered on the side of the couch and piled up the magazines that were all over the coffee table. No, he would never be able to change her on that. He hated when things weren't where they were supposed to but Rose seemed to hate the complete opposite and it was driving him insane.

He was the one who fed Charles for dinner as he talked about his day to Rose who listened carefully. She was so proud of him, he had finally made it after all this hard work she saw him go through for the past three years. Soon, he would land his first contract and show what he was made of and she couldn't wait for that day.

After Rose gave Charles his bath and tucked him in, she joined Cal on the couch and melted against him when he wrapped his arm around her. They watched the History Channel for a while and Rose saw her husband working hard not to fall asleep so they could spend some time together without the baby.

"Cal?" Rose said and he looked down at her.

"What?"

"I've been thinking about it for a few weeks now and... You know, now that you finally have your place in the business and - What do you think we try for another baby?" she asked.

"Ano-," he interrupted himself. "I - Are you serious, right now? I thought you didn't want another one, I thought you wanted to go back to college."

"It's okay, we don't have to if you don't want to," she told immediately, not sure if he was for or against it.

"I want to!" he exclaimed with a huge grin. "Of course I want another baby, did you think I'd say no?"

"I don't know, I thought maybe you'd want to wait a little bit longer. I know Charles is still young and we're both aware of how much work it is this time."

"I would do it again anytime."

"So this is it? We're doing this?"

"Yes, a thousand times yes," he confirmed, kissing her with passion. "And I say we should begin right away," he continued, picking her up as she laughed.

* * *

A month later, in June, Caledon finally landed his first contract for a new private High School that would be built in Jersey City. They celebrated with a bottle of champagne that night, Rose repeating multiple times how proud of him she was. This would be a lot of work, he warned her, lots of nights spent working instead of being at home like this. She didn't mind, it would be worth it in the end. She only asked if he still wanted that baby they talked about and he assured her that he did, more than anything. They had worked hard at it but still nothing so far; she wasn't pregnant yet.

For a whole month, Cal spent the day at the office from 9 to 5 then came home to dinner to finally shut himself down in his study right after they finished cleaning up the table. Rose said nothing at first, aware that he had a lot of work to do, but she missed him like hell. They barely saw each other anymore. Most of the time, she would be asleep when he'd finally get out to go to bed. They would have breakfast together in the morning before he left for another day of that same crazy routine. Sometimes, they would meet for lunch when Charles was spending the day with his grandparents but the hour always went by too fast to actually enjoy it.

One Friday night, in early August, Rose knocked on Cal's closed door and waited for him to invite her inside. He was bent over his blueprint, his hair a mess because he ran his hand in it too much, and looked up at her.

"Hey," he began. "Do you need help for anything?" he asked.

"I- I'd like to borrow my husband for one night, you think that's possible?" she replied with a hopeful smile.

"I'm late, the deadline was two days ago and I'm not even finished."

"Come on, babe, it's Friday night, can't you spare some time, we could go to a movie or something," Rose said, her smile slowly fading away. "I miss you."

"I miss you too but I can't just sit through a movie when I'm worrying about this," he explained as he motioned to his unfinished project.

"We didn't spend one single minute by ourselves in the past two weeks and now that Charles is away with my parents for the weekend, you're telling me you don't have time for me? Not even a few hours on Friday night?" she told him, raising her voice at him. "We didn't make love in almost three weeks, how are we supposed to conceive this way?"

"I'm exhausted, okay? When I go to bed at night, I want nothing but to sleep for the rest of my life. The baby can wait two more weeks," he replied, speaking louder too.

"Well I can't!" she shouted at him.

This took him by surprise and he stared at her in silence for a moment. She bit the inside of her cheek, avoiding his eyes, and he knew she was working hard not to cry. He sighed in defeat and walked around his desk to her. Rose looked up at him with tears in her eyes and Cal saw how he hurt her with his words. He wrapped his arms around her and she buried her face in his chest, allowing the tears to fall freely from her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, kissing the top of her head and stroking her hair. "We can go out if you want, okay?"

"I don't feel like it anymore," she confessed. "Just stay in and finish your stupid contract so I never have to see it again."

She freed herself from him and walked out of the room slamming the door. Cal stood there, his feelings mixed between the guilt of disappointing her but also the pain of thinking that she was so proud of him only five weeks before and now she thought his work was stupid and unworthy. He looked at his messy desk and sighed. He left the room and looked around for Rose, finding her in their bedroom, going through the drawers furiously. Cal leaned on the doorframe and looked at her in silence. She was exhausted too, he realized, because her work was as demanding and tiring as his was. Being a mother to Mr. Charles Hockley wasn't easy. He knew because he could hear him every night, throwing tantrums and doing things he wasn't supposed to and he was aware that this was going on _all day long_ when he wasn't there to hear it or help her in any way.

Cal walked to his wife, stood behind her and rested his hand on her arm.

" _Don't_ touch me!" she shouted, pushing him away. She continued fumbling through the drawers and wiped the tears off her face with the palm of her hand. She was _so_ angry with him.

"What are you looking for?" he asked softly.

"Your shirt," she replied coldly and he stopped talking. "If I can't have you for a few hours well at least I can wear your shirt and pretend you're there."

There was no need to mention which shirt she was talking about, he perfectly knew it was his Columbia University t-shirt.

"It's in the last drawer on your left," he stammered in a voice filled with guilt. "Top of the pile."

Rose opened it and saw that it was there, exactly where he told her it would be. When she turned around to thank him, he was gone. Back to work, she assumed. She put the large shirt on and stripped out of her pants. She took the copy of _North and South_ on the nightstand and sat on the bed, her legs underneath the covers. She heard a door closing and it proved her that Cal would choose work over her this time.

She read for an hour, calming herself down, hoping Cal would come out of his study soon so she could apologize for what she told him but also make him understand how much she needed him to be there for her. That he needed, _deserved_ , a break of work sometimes too. It was almost ten o'clock when she heard a door open and close for the second time tonight. There was a bit of moving around in the kitchen then the sound of his steps approaching the bedroom. Rose saw him walking in with a plastic bag in his hand and he stopped in his tracks when she looked up at him.

"Are you still mad at me?" he asked sheepishly.

"No," she replied with a shake of the head. "Were you able to finish your plans?"

"I went out, actually," he began. "I got us some food and I rented a few movies," he said as he lifted the bag up.

"You did?" she asked and he nodded. "Come here, don't just stand there," she said and he rushed to her to kiss her. He hadn't kissed her like this for weeks now and it felt more than good.

"Let me take a quick shower and I'll be back. You can choose what movie you want to watch in the meantime okay?" he whispered, his face close to hers.

"Okay," she whispered back and he went to the bathroom.

She took the movies out of the bag and smiled when she saw he had picked either romance or chick-flicks. There were classics but also new releases. She would finally be able to watch something other than _Toy Story_ or _Winnie the Pooh_. She could relax without worrying that a now walking one-year-old was exploring, touching things, throwing things, _destroying_ things.

When her parents came for dinner the previous Saturday night and saw how tense it was in the house and how both young parents seemed exhausted with life, they offered to take their grandson for the following weekend so they could relax. Charles wasn't bad, he wasn't the worst kid, but he was a healthy one-year-old baby and that demanded a lot of energy and patience. Rose could handle it but that didn't mean she would have turned down the help if it was offered.

Caledon walked out of the bathroom wearing nothing but his underpants and got everything ready then joined Rose in bed as the previews started playing on TV.

"Thank you," she mumbled, looking at him.

"No, you were right, I needed this as much as you do."

She smiled and cuddled up against him. They watched the whole movie like this, eating candies and popcorn. Rose enjoyed every second spent against him, knowing that the last few weeks would be more or less regular now. He already had another contract signed that he would be starting in a week. He promised to make an effort to be more at home to help her, that everything was still new to him and that he hadn't quite figured out how to manage both things at once. But he would if she gave him a chance to. This wouldn't be easy but they could make this work.

They both went to the bathroom afterwards to brush their teeth and when Rose met Cal's eye in their reflection, she saw how exhausted he was. He stayed up with her because she wanted, _needed_ , him to. She could say he would've rather sleep in that bed than watch a movie but that he did it for her.

"I apologize," Rose said after she finished brushing her teeth.

"Whatever for?" he chuckled and then spat what was left of toothpaste in his mouth into the sink. "If somebody needs to apologize here, it's me."

"You're only doing your job and I'm acting like a spoiled little brat. I know it's wrong but... sometimes, you know, I wish I could have you all for myself," she confessed. "And tonight, with Charles away, I thou- I thought you'd want this too."

"I was a jerk earlier. I know this is no excuse but the stress is eating me up and everything gets on my nerves, even my own self."

"Maybe we should postpone that baby then, what do you think?" Rose asked. She was disappointed but she knew it was the reasonable thing to do at the moment.

"Until we straighten everything out," Cal replied. "In a few months, we can try again."

Rose nodded and he kissed the back of her head before he walked back to the bedroom. She stared at herself in the mirror and started brushing her hair, wincing once in a while when the brush got caught, then finally washed her face. She went back to the bedroom and saw Cal sleeping deeply, a cute little snore escaping his nose every time he breathed. She smiled softly and turned the light off before joining him under the covers. She wrapped an arm around his middle and left a small kiss between his shoulder blades. Her head hit the pillow and she was off to dreamland.

* * *

Caledon's next two contracts were less demanding than the first one had been and even though he wasn't at home as much as Rose would've liked, he was there enough. He tried to leave his work behind when he got home and tried as best he could not to shut himself in his study. With Charles now able to run around, Rose's job complicated itself a little bit.

"I said no, Charles. _No_ ," Rose warned as Charles tried climbing on a chair.

The boy looked at his mother for a second then resumed his task, only to fall down on the floor. He started to cry loudly, asking for his mother who rushed to him and picked him up in her arms.

"You see, that's why mommy told you no," she told him, looking if he injured himself. "You'll be okay, shh, there," she whispered, kissing his head.

He stopped crying as if the kiss magically took the pain away, if there was even pain to begin with. Most of the time, Charles cried because he'd been scared and not because he'd been hurt. Rose walked to the living room and sat him down with his toys. He took his ball and played with it, throwing it then waiting for his mother to bring it back.

When the front door opened at 6 o'clock, Charles turned around from the Christmas tree to see who just walked in. He ran when he saw it was his father. Every day, at the same hour, daddy walked through the door wearing his black coat and holding a briefcase. Sometimes, there would be melting snowflakes on his shoulders and other times not.

"Hey buddy," Cal exclaimed when he saw Charles running to him.

He bent down and caught his son in his arms, showering him with kisses. Charles screamed with laughter and squirmed, trying to get away, but Cal was holding him tightly against him.

"Where's mommy?" Cal asked Charles when he stopped laughing.

Charles pointed the spot he just left and Caledon saw Rose picking up the boy's toys to put them away in his toy box. At first, Cal couldn't believe what he was seeing and then he realized that maybe, _maybe_ , he finally made her understand.

"Who are you and what have you done with my wife?" he asked jokingly.

"Ha-Ha," she replied with sarcasm. "I'm trying to change this bad habit, are you gonna complain?"

"Who, me?" he said with a smile.

He walked to her and kissed her hello, still holding Charles in his arms. They sat down for dinner a few minutes later and both took a glass of wine. It was Friday night and the week was finally over.

"What is it?" Rose asked in the middle of dinner.

"What is what? What do you mean?" Cal demanded, confused.

"There's something you're not telling me, I know, I can feel it."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he denied. He would tell her later, not now, not with Charles in the room.

"Don't lie to me, please," she said. She didn't sound angry or anything so Cal sighed and told her.

"I have to go to London next week, I may sign a contract with an important client," he explained. "It's a really big deal."

"London? B- But next week is Christmas," Rose said with disappointment. "London is halfway across the world!"

"I'll be back on December 23rd, I'll be there only four days. I'll be gone from Wednesday to Sunday night."

Rose looked down at her plate then up at Charles who was in his chair then back at Cal. She wasn't angry, Cal knew, she was majorly disappointed though.

"I know it isn't the best time but if everything goes as planned, I'll land the biggest contract the company has ever had so far."

"You'll be here for Christmas?" she asked, as if uncertain.

"Yes, I will. Gifts from England, how does that sound?"

"I want you home for Christmas, it's the only gift I'm asking for."

"You'll have it, I promise."

* * *

On December 23rd, at 11 p.m., Rose was impatiently waiting for Caledon to be back from the airport. He called twenty minutes ago as he was leaving JFK and he should be halfway here by now. Charles was in bed since 7 o'clock and she didn't know what to do with herself. She watched TV for a while but had been pacing around the loft since she got the call.

When she heard a key in the lock at 11:30, she rushed to the door and jumped in his arms once he was in. She welcomed him with a kiss and he chuckled, saying that "he would leave more often if he was to be welcomed home like this every time." She missed him and he missed her too. The four days he went away felt like weeks and they weren't able to talk while he was gone. Cal wanted to go to bed straight away, still affected by the jet lag, but he also wanted to spend a moment with his wife.

"Charles' asleep?" he asked, knowing the answer.

"Yes, you can go and see him if you want to. I can unpack your things in the meantime," Rose suggested.

"You don't have to do that, baby, I can do it tomorrow."

"It's okay, I don't mind, now go."

Caledon smiled and walked to his son's bedroom. Charles was sleeping peacefully in his crib, tucked under his blanket. Cal was dying to wake him up and say hi but restrained himself to do so. He could see him in the morning and say hi then. He stroked his back softly and bent down to kiss the side of his head. The baby didn't move an inch and Cal joined Rose in their room. Rose was almost done with the unpacking already and he saw how bright her smile was. Her eyes too. Was she that happy to have him back home? He was only gone for four days.

She looked up at him when she felt her presence and grinned.

"Come here, I need to show you something," she said and he walked closer. She took his hand in hers and ran it slowly on her belly. "Can you feel it?" she asked. "Can you feel the little bump?"

Cal nodded and looked at her with watery eyes and a huge smile.

"You're pregnant," he whispered, unable to do better with the lump in his throat.

"I am," she said, smiling as big as he was. "Seven weeks," she continued before he could ask.

"Seriously?" he whispered again. "You're not messing with me?" he asked and she assured him she was serious. A tear left the corner of his eye and he kissed her, picking her up in his arms. "I'm so happy," he muttered.

"Welcome home," she whispered back.


	22. twenty-one

**TWENTY-ONE.**

Rose rushed to her bed in a panic. She didn't know what she was supposed to do next so she called the vet and explained the situation, trying not to cry. The lady asked her if it was possible for her to bring the cat in so she could examine him better and Rose told her that she would be there as soon as possible. She hung up and dialed another number right away, praying for an answer.

"Hello?" his deep voice answered.

"Where are you?" she asked, not bothering to say hello.

"Rose? What's going on?" he asked, concerned by her shaky voice.

"It's Gatsby, I think he's dying but -" she burst into tears, the emotions of her entire day hitting her all at once. "I need to bring him to the vet."

"I'm ten minutes away from your house right now, want me to drive you?" Cal replied, knowing how much that cat meant to her. "I'll be there in ten minutes, okay?" he continued without waiting for an answer.

"Could you - Could you not hang up, please?"

"Okay," he said, making a turn on the next street.

Rose put the phone on speaker and set it on her bed. She sat next to Gatsby and stroked his fur softly, leaving a small kiss on the side of his face.

"How is he?" Cal asked through the phone.

"His breathing is shallow, he's having a hard time breathing," she answered. "He's scared, he's shaking all over."

"Can you pet him, does he let you touch him?"

"Yes," she replied with a nod even though he couldn't see her.

She retrieved a towel and gently installed Gatsby on it before taking him into her arms. He panicked at first but she hushed him down, stroking his back. She hung up the phone when Cal told her he was out front and she walked outside with the cat in her arms.

They arrived at the clinic a few minutes later and the lady Rose talked to on the phone came to get Gatsby in the examination room.

"Do you want me to go in there with you or should I just wait for you here?" Cal asked her.

"You can come in, I think I need the support," she replied.

"Okay," he answered simply as they followed the vet in the room.

"What's his name?" the vet asked Rose who was standing nervously close by.

"G- Gatsby," she stuttered.

"Alright, Gatsby," she whispered to the cat as she gently stroke his face. "Let's see what's wrong with you," she continued, listening to his breathing with a stethoscope. "It's getting hard to breathe, huh?" she whispered again before giving oxygen to him. "There is fluid in his pericardial sac," she told Rose. "It applies pressure on his heart right now so it's restricting its ability to pump blood," she explained when she saw that Rose had no idea what this meant.

"How can this happen?" Rose asked.

"It may be cancer or an infection, I'm gonna have to run some tests. It shouldn't take long."

The vet was gone for thirty minutes with Gatsby and Rose felt like it has been four hours when the doctor finally walked back in with empty hands. She saw fear in Rose's face and told her that her cat was in the next room.

"Will he be okay?" she asked in a shaky voice.

"The fluid is caused by the tumor developing in Gatsby's lungs. It's still in its early stages and I would be able to take it out but I'm going to be honest with you, Gatsby is getting old and there's a high chance that he will not make it through the surgery," the doctor explained and Rose nodded absentmindedly, feeling Cal's hand stroking her back. "I will do it if you're telling me you want to try it but I just thought you should know."

"Thank you," Rose muttered.

"I'll let you think about it, I'll be back."

She left the room again and Rose looked at Cal who showed a small sympathetic smile to try and cheer her up.

"I feel like I'm sending my own baby to the slaughterhouse," Rose confessed with a nervous chuckle.

"Do you want to give it a try then?" Cal asked and she shook her head 'no.'

"He deserves to go away peacefully."

Cal nodded in understanding and broke the news to the doctor; they wished that Gatsby was put to sleep instead of getting the surgery. Rose signed the papers with a shaky hand and the vet brought her to the room where Gatsby was.

"Is it okay if my friend comes in with me?" Rose asked the doctor.

"Yes, yes of course," she replied.

Cal asked Rose if she was sure she wanted him to be there and she nodded. She couldn't do this alone, this would be too hard. The doctor stayed out of the room for a few minutes so Rose could have a last moment with her cat.

Rose sat on the chair next to the table and looked at Gatsby who was looking back at her, still breathing heavily. Her eyes filled with tears and she felt one escape to fall down her cheek in silence.

"I love you," she told the cat.

She could feel Cal's presence behind her but he respected the fact that she needed him to keep his distance so she could have a quiet moment with Gatsby. He wouldn't lie, he was quite fond of the cat too. They had shared the same house for six years.

Gatsby managed a small 'meow' and a small sob escaped Rose's lips. She knew he was saying it back and she didn't need more than that.

The doctor came in and explained the whole procedure. She was absolutely the nicest woman Rose had ever met in her entire life. It wasn't the first time she was doing this and she even admitted that it was still hard for her to do it, even after fifteen years, so she knew how hard it was for her too. Saying goodbye to a furry friend was never easy.

"Is he going to be in pain?" Rose asked.

"No," she assured. "It will be like going to sleep."

Rose petted Gatsby's head, rubbing the back of his ears because he always liked it. She saw the needle go into his body and she closed her eyes. She buried her face in his fur and kissed him one last time. She felt Cal's hands on her shoulders and he bent to kiss the back of her head. She burst into tears, her face still against Gatsby, and Cal's arms wrapped around her. When she opened her eyes, Gatsby's were closed and he looked like he was sleeping peacefully.

"Shhh," he whispered. "He's in a good place, he's not in pain anymore."

"I know," she muttered with a nod. There was a long moment of silence then she said: "Thank you for staying."

He didn't say anything back, he only stroked her arms softly to calm her down. She needed to cry and he certainly wouldn't hold her back from doing so. It felt wrong that he was the one with her when it should've been Jack. He didn't ask about that either. Why did she call him and not Jack?

It must've been forty minutes later that he dropped her off in front of her building, her eyes still red from the crying. In her hands was the cat's baby blue collar with the tag with his name attached to it. She would hang on to this forever, Cal knew it.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked as she opened the door.

She nodded and forced a smile. She thanked him one last time and he shook his head once to let her know it was nothing. He would always be there for her. She asked him if he could possibly talk to Charles about it, if he wanted to. He promised he would, knowing how hard it would be for her to talk about it so soon and how Charles would react strongly about this. Gatsby had been around since he was born and they were both very fond of each other. Sometimes, when Charles was just a baby, Cal would spot Gatsby sleeping by the baby's crib when the boy was sleeping. Or he would look over the boy from the couch when he was playing on the living room floor. Of course Charles wasn't always exactly delicate with the cat but the cat didn't seem to mind at all.

Most of all, Cal had spent almost two hours with Rose and he didn't feel like he used to. How good it felt, so good he couldn't begin to describe it. Maybe they _could_ be friends after all.

* * *

Cal picked up Charles at school a few minutes late and Charles asked questions, used to his father's prompt punctuality every day.

"I had to go somewhere with your mom, I'll tell you all about it later okay?" he said.

"Okay," Charles replied. "What's for dinner?"

"You choose," Cal told, not in the mood for anything right now.

"Can we have sushi?"

"Okay, we'll get some on our way. How was school?"

Charles didn't answer, looked out the window, then down at his lap.

"What happened?" Cal asked, sensing something was wrong.

"Nothing," Charles lied.

"Then why are you ignoring my question?"

"Because I don't want to talk about it," he shrugged.

"Did somebody hurt you?" he demanded but the boy shook his head. "Then what is it? I don't like to see you so upset, buddy."

"I'm fine, dad," Charles answered.

Cal frowned a bit at the new way Charles suddenly decided to refer him to. It seemed to him that Charles was growing up too fast and that maybe he wasn't ready to stop being called 'daddy' just yet. Maybe because he never got to call his own father that or because it made him realize that Charles wasn't a baby anymore. He decided to stop pushing him, if the kid didn't want to talk about it there was a reason. Cal ruffled Charles' hair as he stopped at the red light and quickly cradled his head to let him know he would be there once he wanted to talk.

They stopped at a sushi shop on the way and Cal let Charles pick his favorites, hoping it would cheer him up a little. How was he supposed to explain how Gatsby died this afternoon if he was already down by whatever had happened at school today?

All evening, Cal seemed to put off the moment he'd have to tell his son about his cat. He couldn't interrupt while he was doing his homework and that basically took him all night because he "wasn't in the mood". It ended up being just before bedtime, as Cal tucked him in.

"They laughed at me," Charles finally admitted to his father.

"Who?" Cal asked with a frown.

"Kids at school," he replied.

"Why did they laugh at you?" Charles could sense the anger in Cal's voice and that reminded him why he didn't want to tell him in the first place.

"Because of my hair, because it's red," the boy said with puppy-dog eyes. "They said nobody will ever love me because it's ugly and that is why I have no friends. But I have friends, daddy."

There it was. _Daddy_. Cal felt his heart flutter at his son's voice saying it.

"This is nonsense, buddy, a lot of people love you. And your hair is cool, they're only jealous because they don't have special hair like yours. Don't listen to them, people with red hair are my favorite people."

"But they say that nobody love redheads."

"Charles, listen to me, okay?" Cal said softly and Charles nodded. "What about mommy? What hair color does she have?"

"Red, like me," he answered with confidence because he knew the right answer.

"That's right. And a lot of people love her, don't you think? There's Jack, Grandpa, Grandma, Uncle Will and me too, huh?"

"You forgot me, daddy! I love mommy too, she is pretty."

"Of course you do. And all those people, they love _you_ too, no matter what color your hair is. What's important is who you are inside and you are a very special boy. You're kind, you're honest and considerate, you're smart too and those qualities make you a good person."

"Okay," Charles muttered with a small nod.

"If they laugh at you again, you tell them that. And I want you to tell me because I don't want that kind of behavior towards you to happen again."

Without warning, Charles wrapped his arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, closing his eyes. Cal said nothing and stroked his son's back. Now he needed to tell him. He promised Rose he would.

But having such a powerful hug from Charles was making him feel so good and happy that he felt bad to just say it like it was nothing. So when Charles' embrace loosened, Cal kept him sitting on his lap.

"You know, something sad happened to your mother too today," Cal said softly. "It's sad for everyone actually."

"Did she cry?" he asked.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, yes, she did," he admitted, even though he knew how Charles didn't like it.

"Then I don't want to know because I don't like it when mommy cries."

"You need to know, buddy, it's important because it concerns you too. It's about Gatsby. He - hum - he was sick when mommy got home and she brought him to the vet - "

"Is he better now?" Charles interrupted.

"The lady, she told us that Gatsby had problems with his lungs and his heart. It was really bad, he had a hard time breathing and he looked so miserable that we decided it was better for him if he could just go and rest now."

"What does that mean?" the boy frowned.

"It means that he was put to sleep," Cal whispered, a choking feeling in his throat, as if finally realizing what happened. "It means he passed away."

He saw the mix of panic and sadness in Charles' eyes then the tears filling them. Cal reached for some tissues and gave them to him as he started to cry. Then he wailed out a long "nooooo" and Cal hugged him close against his chest, his hand stroking his back in silence. He tried to explain that Gatsby wasn't in pain anymore and that he would always remember him, no matter where he was, but it was hard for Charles to understand these things right now. Charles never had to deal with death before and even though Gatsby was a cat, he would always remain a member of the family and the closest thing he had to a brother.

"I don't want him to go, daddy," he sobbed loudly. "I love him too much."

"I know, buddy, I know," he whispered. "I'm sure he misses you too."

Cal let Charles cry until he finally fell asleep in his arms. He tucked him in carefully, not wanting to wake him up. The poor kid had an awful day and he deserved some rest. Cal kissed his forehead and left the room, making sure to leave the door ajar before going to the kitchen to get himself a cup of tea.

He took his phone on the table and typed a message after looking through all the emails he had received since Rose's call that afternoon.

'I told him, he took it pretty hard.' Then he pressed send.

'Is he okay now?' Rose sent.

'He's asleep. He got picked on at school as well, I think today really sucked for him.'

They texted for almost half an hour then Rose thanked him for everything and said goodnight. She was exhausted and even though it was not even nine o'clock, she went to bed. She had a hard time falling asleep because she didn't feel the weight of Gatsby on her feet and couldn't hear the sound of his purring. She felt alone and lost, like a piece of herself was missing.

She remembered the day she had found him in a dumpster, all alone and scared, his little cries for help breaking her heart. She had taken him home, hoping her parents would let her keep him. She didn't want to leave him at a shelter where he probably would have ended up discarded like so many pets that were left behind. How could someone leave that adorable kitten on the street? At home, she had told her parents she'd just found a lost kitten which, by the look of his coat, had definitely been outside for a couple of days. They hadn't been as caring as their daughter but they had still found it horrible that an innocent animal was left outside by himself. Rose had given him a bowl of milk and he had drunk every drop of it. Her parents had accepted that he spent the night then the next and the next up until they had realized how attached to the cat they had become. He was now a member of the family and there was no way they would have let him go away. Who knew they would have him for almost _twelve_ years.

Twelve years was a long time, a lot of things happened in twelve years and Gatsby had been there for her every time. Now, he was gone forever.

* * *

"So that's when everything started to change?"

"It was the first step, of that I'm sure," Rose answered. "And it wasn't even anybody's fault, it just happened. It hurt him so bad, I can still see it in his eyes every time he's looking at me."

"Does that make you feel guilty?"

"It does. I always feel like I destroyed his entire life, like I ripped his heart out of his chest, but I had no control over what happened. If anything, I'm as hurt as he is."

"Did you tell him that?"

"I tried to, but he wouldn't listen."

"What if he did that because he wanted to spare you the pain he felt at that time? Maybe he saw your pain after all."

Rose stayed silent and looked at her therapist. Knowing Caledon like the back of her hand, it made sense. " _He would take a bullet for you if he had to_ ," Jack's voice resonated in her head.

He would take your pain away if he could, she suddenly realized.

"I never wanted him to take everything on his shoulders. He still does it even though I ask him not to, he doesn't know how to stop."

"It seems to me that Mr. Hockley didn't have the love and affection he needed when he was just a child and that he now suffers from what is called emotional dependency. You're the only person that offered him what he was seeking since a very young age and that's why he has a hard time letting you go and why he doesn't want anything bad happening to you. He doesn't want you to feel any pain, he doesn't want you to feel like he does."

It made sense, so much sense, but she didn't want Caledon to try and take everything that hurt her on his shoulders. She didn't want anybody to do that because she wished her pain to _nobody_ , she wished her fucked up feelings to nobody either, especially not him. They had suffered together but they also needed to suffer alone because their feelings about things that happened weren't the same. He had his own demons to live with, he shouldn't have to live with hers too.

"How can I make him understand that? I've been trying for so long but he won't hear it."

"That is something he will have to figure out by himself."

And with that, the session was over and she had to pick up Charles at school.

Charles never told Rose about the time the other kids laughed at him because he didn't want her to be sad. She was already heartbroken by Gatsby's death. He told his father and that was enough. Today, the same boys picked on him again and even though he tried ignoring them, it ended up into a fight.

When Rose saw Charles waiting for her, a bruise on his lip, she rushed to him to take a closer look.

"Honey, what happened to your lip?" she asked.

"The soccer ball hit my face at recess," he lied. "It's okay." He winced when she touched it.

"Who did this to you?"

"Nobody, it's the ball."

"Charles Hockley, do not lie to me, I know this is the result of a punch in the face. Who did this to you?" she repeated.

"Jackson Richmond," he said, bowing his head in shame. "And Anthony Edwards too. But don't say anything, mommy, it's okay."

"It's not okay, honey, these boys shouldn't hit you. What happened?"

He shrugged and looked down so he wouldn't have to look at his mother. Rose sighed then looked around at the other kids leaving with their parents. If only she knew who these boys were so she could say a word or two to their parents. It would have to wait. She turned back to Charles who was still looking at his feet. She pushed his head up with her finger under his chin and he looked straight at her. She could see he was trying very hard not to cry.

"They called me names and they laughed at me," he mumbled. "And daddy told me not to listen to them because I'm a good person inside," he continued, his voice cracking. "But they wouldn't stop and I got really mad. I'm sorry." Then a small tear escaped his eye. "I'm sorry mommy."

"Okay, shh, that's okay, I'm not mad at you," she whispered as she held him close. "Come on, let's go home."

Charles took his mother's hand and wiped his face with his forearm. He was silent the whole subway ride, which was really unusual. He only looked out the window the entire time.

When they walked inside the apartment, Charles looked around as if looking for something then realized he was looking for something he wouldn't find. Rose noticed and ran her fingers in his hair, leaving a kiss on his head. He was looking around for Gatsby. At this very moment, she wished she could pick him up in her arms and comfort him the same way she did when he was just a baby but he was too big for her to do that now. She wished she could take all the sadness and the pain away from him. That's also at this same instant that she understood Cal's behavior. Nobody wanted to see the people they love most suffer.

She took him in the bathroom so she could take a closer look at that upper lip. She sat him up on the counter with a grunt and he looked at her with his puppy-dog eyes again. His lip was split and there was a bit of dried blood around it covering the small bruise. Rose disinfected it, trying to hold Charles still as he cried in pain at the sting. How the teachers couldn't have noticed was simply unacceptable.

"When did that happen?" she asked.

"After class," he mumbled. "When I was changing my shoes to go outside."

"How come Mrs. Reed didn't see that?"

Charles shrugged. The more she knew, the angrier she got. Charles said he was sorry that he couldn't be strong and stay the good person that he was, or so his father told him. Rose told him he didn't have to be sorry for anything, he didn't do anything wrong, he only stood up for himself. Or tried to at least.

"Mom?" he asked as she was still looking at his lip.

"Mmm? What it it, honey?"

"Why doesn't Jack come over anymore?"

"Hum -" she began, taken by surprise even though she knew it would be coming sooner or later.

"Did you break up with him?" he demanded and she shook her head softly, not sure how to explain.

"No," she said. "Jack is busy and I need to figure some things out," she partially lied.

"What things?" he asked with a frown.

"Things about daddy."

"Oh, okay," he said in no desire to discuss it further. What was going on between his parents was too complicated and incomprehensible and he'd rather not be in the middle of it. "I miss him," he admitted.

"I miss him too," she said with a small smile.

It made her realize that she really, _really_ , missed him and that she'd do anything for him to be there right now. He would've given Charles moral support and that would've meant anything to the boy. Charles was attached to the man and she felt bad that her mixed up feelings had to push him away from the both of them. They hadn't seen each other for almost three weeks and barely texted. How long it would take to figure things out about her and Cal would be way too long for her to survive this separation, she'd have to see him and soon.

"Maybe we can call him, huh? I'm sure he would be happy to hear from you," Rose suggested. Charles shouldn't have to be punished because of her.

Charles nodded and even showed the hint of a smile. Rose dialed Jack's number on her cell and gave it to her son, hoping that he would answer the call. Maybe not seeing each other also meant not call each other and if so, he would see her name on the caller ID and ignore the call. But no, he did answer.

"Hello?"

"Jack?"

"Hey, buddy!" Jack exclaimed when he recognized Charles' voice. "How are you?"

"I'm okay, how are you?" he asked.

"I'm good. Hey, I miss you. Just the other day I was thinking of you, I went to see a ball game."

"Are you gonna come over soon?" the boy demanded.

"I - I don't know, buddy," he replied after a moment of silence. "It all depends of your mom."

"She says she misses you," he pointed out, smiling up at Rose.

"I miss her too, I miss you both. You don't sound so good, is everything okay?"

"Some boys at school were mean to me but I'm okay now," he explained. "I got a bruised lip but that's all."

"Woah, they beat you up?" he asked in disbelief. "Why would they do that?"

"I can't tell you," Charles whispered.

"Why?"

"Because mommy's with me and I don't want her to know," he continued.

He looked up at Rose with that same puppy face and she felt helpless. If only he knew how he could tell her anything. He was scared to make her sad, to have to see her cry or being emotional. He wanted her to be happy.

"Don't you think it's important to be honest with her?" Jack asked.

"I don't want her to be sad."

Rose stood there, looking at her son who was holding back his tears. He felt ashamed by what happened, he felt like a disappointment. At seven years old, Charles shouldn't have to worry about his mother that much, it was supposed to be the other way around but once again, she knew where that came from. Just like his father, he didn't want anything to hurt her.

Jack told him things she didn't hear and finally, Charles started to sob.

"I'm tired of them," he confessed in tears. "I don't want to go to that school anymore, I hate it."

Rose hugged him, his head against her sternum, as the kid continued crying. Jack realized what was going on and asked Charles if he would be okay with his mother there with him. He said yes and they hung up. Rose let him cry, her hand stroking his back softly.

"You know you can tell me anything," she whispered to him. "There's nothing that can make me sadder than seeing you like that."

"They said that I shouldn't have been born because I'm ugly and I look like a girl," Charles cried. "They say I have no soul because I have red hair and -" he interrupted himself so a loud sob could escape.

Her son was the most beautiful kid there ever was and anyone who said otherwise didn't have eyes. Okay, she was biased big deal but honestly, everybody who's seen Charles before told her and Caledon that their son was gorgeous. His eyes were to get lost in and his charming ways were absolutely adorable. He was attractive and also such a beautiful young human being inside that she couldn't fathom why other kids would be so mean to him. They were the ones that were ugly to treat one of their own like this.

"And then they punched me in the face because I ignored them after they provoked me to fight. They told me I was weak like a girl."

They were seven years old for Christ sake, how could they even tell things like that to each other? She would talk to Cal about this and she would make sure they'd meet with the principal so this would stop. She wouldn't tolerate this kind of things happening to her son or any other child for that matter. She went through enough bullying of her own to know she didn't want the same for her son.

* * *

On Friday night, after Caledon had picked up Charles and they had a talk about what happened in school during the past two weeks, Rose decided to go out of the house tonight. She took the subway and ended up in front of Jack's apartment building. She hoped he would be there so they could talk. She would tell him about her sessions with the psychologist and that even though she only went two times, she felt a little better already. It would be okay if he still wanted to wait, she would understand, she only wanted to see him. That would change her mind off of things, she wouldn't have to think about Charles' situation for a while.

She knocked on his door and waited. She heard noise inside and he opened the door.

"Rose?" he said, surprised to see her there.

"Hey, I thought I'd drop by and say hi. Are you busy?" she asked.

"No, not at all, do you want to come in?" he invited.

She walked in and he closed the door behind her. She looked at him and when he turned around, they were only inches apart. Rose gulped down nervously and before she could say anything, Jack's lips were on hers and his hands were on her hips. She closed her eyes and put her hand on the back of his neck, as if trying to bring him closer. She sighed between kisses, relieved that nothing had really changed between them and that he still loved her as much.

"I couldn't do this," she whispered. "I can't do it, I can't live without you."

"It was driving me insane, I couldn't think of anything else," he said. "I'm so glad you're here, you have no idea," he whispered before kissing her again.

They stayed there, kissing, for almost five minutes until Jack told her that he'd just got home a couple of minutes before she dropped by. She apologized and asked if he wanted her to come back later.

"I just need to take a quick shower, I'll be out in 10 minutes and we can order something in if you want," he said.

"Or, I could, you know, join you," she suggested with a smirk.

"Or you could do that," he replied with a grin.

And it was in a 30-minute long burning hot shower in the steamy bathroom that they really found each other again.


	23. twenty-two

**TWENTY-TWO.**

The last thing she remembered was talking to Cal in the kitchen as they were getting ready to do the dishes then everything went black and now she couldn't open her eyes no matter how hard she tried. She had black outs, she would feel herself pass out every couple of minutes but she could hear most of what was going on around her.

There were sirens and yelling and then it started moving. An ambulance, she was in an ambulance, she realized. She could feel somebody next to her, holding her hand, and she could recognize that hand with her eyes closed, even barely conscious.

"There was blood, a lot of it," Cal's voice explained to the paramedic. "She just - She passed out and that's when I noticed the blood on her pants."

He was crying and she could hear the panic in his voice. "I'm going to be alright," she wanted to tell him. "Everything will be fine." But she couldn't do it, she couldn't open her mouth, she couldn't move. He also told the other man that she was eleven weeks pregnant but she passed out before she could hear him say it.

She came back to hear yelling again, the paramedic explaining quickly what happened, then she was taken away by doctors. She could still feel her husband's hand in hers but he was soon asked to stay behind. That's when she learned that she was going into surgery and that they would update him as soon as possible.

She tried to squeeze his hand to assure him she'd be fine but again, she couldn't do it.

As the gurney she was in finally came to a stop, she felt something on her face and then she fell asleep. Now she was unconscious to everything that was going on.

When she woke up, she was in a white room with Cal sitting right next to the bed she was in. She could see him now, which meant she was in total consciousness. She could also feel the massive ache in her stomach and the uncomfortable nausea. Cal looked as if he hadn't slept in days and when she looked outside, she saw that it was dawn. She spent the entire night in surgery as he had nothing else to do but to worry about her. His eyes were red and his hair weren't combed perfectly like the day before, like the last time she saw him before this whole thing happened. It was messy, the same way it was when he ran his hands in it too much out of worry or stress.

"Hey," he whispered, a tiny smile appearing on his lips. "You're awake. You scared me to death, baby."

"What happened?" Rose asked, her voice cracking. She sounded confused.

"You passed out, you lost a lot of blood," he said. Then there was a moment of silence.

"I - I don't feel so good," she muttered.

Cal reached for the bowl on the nightstand quickly and gave it to her. She grasped it tightly and vomited what seemed to be the whole content of her stomach in it. It lasted over three minutes. Every time she thought it was over, she would retch, cough a little, and it would start all over again. Cal's hand stroking her thigh was the only thing calming her down. It was an aftermath of the anesthesia, she was later told.

He wiped her mouth with a towel and asked if she still felt like throwing up. She was fine for now.

Rose looked at Cal in silence, her eyes staring into his. His eyes told everything he didn't want to tell her. He reached for her hand, his other one resting on top of them. He felt his eyes burning like fire which meant he would start crying again, tears already in his dark eyes. She shook her head, one tear slipping down her cheek.

"You - huh -," he coughed to get rid of the lump in his throat. "You had a miscarriage," he said.

He sniffled, the tears falling down his face anyway. He looked up at her to see that she was crying too. She was shaking and Cal knew that it was because she held the sobs inside. He wanted to be strong for her but he felt nothing but helpless and vulnerable. For the first time, he couldn't make out the words to use to make her feel better. There were _no_ words for what happened, it was simply horrible and there was nothing anybody could do to change that.

And to think that the first trimester was almost over. They were waiting two or three more weeks to announce the news to everybody, to be safe. Nobody knew, not even their own parents. Rose was barely showing, nothing she couldn't hide behind a loose shirt.

Cal stood up and walked closer to the bed. He wrapped his arms around her and she buried her face in his stomach. Still, there were no sounds coming out of her mouth and the shaking had increased. She was fisting his shirt desperately, pulling at it as if she was about to fall from a cliff and her life depended on it. It broke his heart a hundred times more and he finally tightened his embrace and kissed the top of her head.

"It's okay, Rose, you can let go, I'm right here," he whispered against her head.

He was barely finished than the most heart shattering wail came out of her, making his own body jerk. He couldn't see anything anymore, his eyes drowning in his tears. A nurse who heard the sound walked in to see if everything was alright. The couple didn't notice her. Knowing what just happened to them, she left the room to leave them alone when she saw that nothing was medically wrong with the young woman.

He could've told her that everything would be fine but that would be lying. She was broken into a million pieces and so was he. How horrible could God be to take away their baby, to just make it die? How could He take away the product of their love for each other and make them suffer like that? Their baby wasn't even born and they already loved it more than anything. It was over now, their kid would never see the light of day. They would never get to see him/her grow up just like they did with 18-months-old Charles, they would never get to hear his/her cries. No first words, no first steps, no anything.

 _Life was so unfair._

They could still try again in a couple of months, a year, maybe two, when they would be ready to just forget about this pain and give God a chance to make things right this time.

* * *

They were able to go back home that same afternoon. Cal left Rose at the loft to go to his parents' and get Charles who had spent the night there. Charles was playing with big Legos on the living room floor and Helen turned around when she heard steps coming into the room. Her eldest son stood there, looking miserable, his eyes still puffed from the obvious tears he had shed.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, rushing to him in a panic. "Is Rose okay, where is she?" She saw Caledon's eyes fill with tears again and she realized that it was the first time she ever saw him cry as a grown-up.

"She's home, she-uh- she's okay," he said, even though that was only partially true. "I can't do this, Mother," he tried to say coherently. "I can't go on and pretend."

"What happened?"

"We lost it," he told to his confused mother. "We lost the baby."

Helen looked at him, surprise and pity in her eyes. Her daughter-in-law was pregnant and she didn't even notice it. She knew they were trying for another baby but she was never told it had actually worked. Or not, in this case.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry," she whispered as she hugged her son. "This is terrible."

"It hurts so much," he confessed. He wasn't usually known for sharing his feelings that way. "And it hurts me even more to see Rose like this. I - I don't know what I'm supposed to do. What am I supposed to do, Mother?" he asked desperately, sounding like a little boy.

"Stay strong, she needs you to be strong. Listen, I know it may sound impossible right now but you'll get through this, I promise."

Cal knew that his parents went through this, _twice_ , before he was born. He wasn't there to witness their sorrow and their pain but he suspected they were feeling the same as he was right now.

"Do you want us to keep Charles for another night? So you two can be alone?" Helen asked.

"No," Cal replied with a shake of the head. "No, I think it will make us feel better if he's home with us. Thank you for offering."

Helen nodded as Cal wiped his face with the palm of his hand. He walked to Charles and helped picking up his toys. Just to see him was comforting, it warmed his heart, just to know that this one _made it_ and brought him happiness every day. Cal picked him up in his arms and put his son's overnight bag on his shoulder.

"Did you have fun with grandma?" Cal asked him and the toddler nodded. "What do we say?"

"Kank you," he said, making his father smile softly.

"You're very welcome, my darling," Helen replied, kissing his nose. Cal thanked her as well and walked to the front door. "Caledon?"

"What?" he said, turning around to see her.

"Don't forget yourself. You need to think about yourself too, okay?"

Cal nodded and forced a smile before going outside to his car. He buckled up Charles in his car seat and drove home slowly. It was snowing profusely and he didn't want to have an accident, especially with Charles in the back seat. Especially today.

* * *

When they walked into the loft, they found Rose in bed, the lights off, the room pitching-black.

"Rose, baby, are you awake?" Cal whispered, still holding Charles in his arms.

"Yes," she muttered.

"Mama," Charles said at the sound of her voice.

The lamp on the nightstand suddenly went off and Cal saw his wife. She looked like she had been to hell and back. If he could mirror his emotions, they would look like Rose right now. Charles reached for her and Cal came closer to sit him on her lap. Charles looked up at his mother and stared in silence. Then, he reached for her face and awkwardly kissed the spot between her chin and her cheek. He lingered for a few seconds and she closed her eyes, hoping that would hold back any tears that would try to escape but it was useless. Tears streamed down her face like a river and she hugged Charles as tightly as she could.

"Oh, honey," she whispered, her lips kissing his head.

The toddler didn't say a word, he barely moved, like he felt that his mother only needed him to be there to comfort herself. He didn't mind because he simply loved being held in her arms like this. What he didn't like was the way her whole body shook as she cried. He heard her say that she loved him so _so_ much and he wished he could say it back but he didn't know how so he fisted the shirt she was wearing. _I love you too, mommy_. He hoped she understood what it meant.

Cal walked next to the bed, closer to the spot where they were both sitting and rested his hand on Rose's, on Charles' little back. Without looking at him, she took his hand in hers. Cal stroked her hair then sat next to them, his tears coming back again.

"I would do anything to take it away from you," he whispered against the side of her head. "I wish I could take your pain away and feel it for you so you wouldn't have to. If I could just breathe it all out of you I would."

"Just stay," she replied, in no need of anything else at the moment.

He kissed her temple, whispering that he loved her and that he would never leave her.

This would be hard. This would be a huge thing to go through but they could do it together, as a family.

* * *

Cal drowned himself in his work so he wouldn't think about the baby and the miscarriage. It was working pretty well when he was at the office but as soon as he got home, he was surrounded by the awful memory of it all over again. The air at home was gloomy and sad. There was a strange cold between him and Rose that nothing but time would be able to take away.

She wouldn't let him touch her, not even wrap his arm around her when they were watching TV together at night, after Charles had gone to bed. Not even a small kiss here and there. Cal was worried and wondered if it was normal. His mother explained to him that Rose felt guilty about what happened and that she probably didn't want his pity. It wasn't pity he wanted to offer, it was comfort. He ignored his own pain so he could take care of her and he didn't know what else to do to help her.

"Saturday night is the inauguration of my last contract, you remember that building I told you about?" Cal told Rose as they were eating the takeout he grabbed on his way home. Rose nodded. "I thought it would be good for you to go out, you know. We could get you a new dress and new shoes too if you feel like it. Seeing some people will be good for us."

"Who is gonna be there?" she asked.

"Clients, associates, those kinds of people," he replied.

"What about the baby?"

"My parents offered to take him."

"Okay," she muttered.

"Okay?" he asked, almost surprised at the positive answer.

She nodded. She wasn't thrilled about it, he could tell, but at least she agreed to go which was a step in the right direction. He would get her out of her lazy clothes and he would get her out of the house for the first time in almost a month. For a while, he wondered if she was suffering from a depression but his parents told him that she would be fine if he only let her a few more weeks to grieve the loss of her child. That was his child too but people didn't seem to remember that. He was grieving too but he still went to work, he still came out of the house and he still talked to people. He didn't shut everyone down like Rose did.

Maybe her agreement to go to his inauguration was a sign that she was doing better. Maybe tonight she would let him touch her, kiss her, show her some affection.

She didn't shop for a new dress, he did. She didn't shop for shoes either, Jenny did. Cal was scared Rose would change her mind about going but on Saturday, in late afternoon, he walked in their bedroom to see her getting dressed. It was when he saw her in her underwear that he realized how much weight she lost. He didn't say anything about it because he didn't want her to think that in top of everything that was going on, he thought she wasn't pretty anymore.

That wasn't true, of course, he would always think of her as the most beautiful thing on Earth but women were easily insulted about the smallest hint of a comment on their appearance, especially when it came from their own husband.

Cal took a shower, shaved, got dressed and combed his hair. When he walked out of the bathroom, Rose was putting on makeup, wearing the simple emerald cocktail dress he got for her earlier this week. Her hair was down, the way he liked it best. He stopped in his tracks and took in the sight of her.

"You look beautiful," he told her, unable to take his eyes away from her.

"Thank you," she finally said in a barely audible tone. "So do you."

He smiled then walked to her, stopping on his way to retrieve something from his dresser. Rose finished the last touch of makeup as he stood behind her. He was holding a square velvet box in his left hand, telling her he had something for her. She met his eyes in their reflection and he smiled again. He opened the box and she faintly saw the diamond necklace. She saw it better when he put it around her neck. It was platinum with marquise and round brilliant diamonds. Ten carats and beautiful.

"The last touch," he said and she turned around to kiss him.

Cal couldn't believe it at first. After exactly 27 days, she finally let him in and all it needed was a necklace. He closed his eyes and she did too and their kiss lasted longer than any other kiss they've shared before. It wasn't the necklace itself, it was the entirety of his actions toward her in the past few weeks. The necklace was the one thing that made her realize it.

It felt _so good_ to feel her lips on his and her hand on the nape of his neck again.

* * *

It didn't take long before Rose was bored out of her mind. She always ended up bored when she accompanied her husband to these kinds of events. It was nothing but mindless chatter and monologues of self-importance. She was walking at her husband's arm and he introduced her proudly to everyone she didn't already know. She was complimented a lot on her dress but she wouldn't take any credit for it, which impressed the ladies. Caledon Hockley was a man of taste.

Rose sat by herself at a table, a glass of champagne in front of her. She downed it like a shot and looked at the time. They've been here for less than two hours and she couldn't stand it already.

"There you are," she heard Cal's voice say after thirty minutes. She turned around and saw him walking her way. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"I've been here the whole time," she replied.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know I'd be this busy tonight."

"It's okay, I'm used being on my own," she told him, something cold in her way of saying it.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Rose looked at him and decided to shut up instead of say something and start an argument in the last place they should be having one; in public. There was an awkward silence that lasted a couple of minutes and Rose saw that Cal kept everything he wanted to say inside because it wasn't the time and place to say what he had in mind.

"You know what, Rose?" he began softly. "You're not the only one who's hurt by this incident," he said, his jaw tightened. "If moping around in your pajamas all day works for you then good for you but it doesn't work for me. I need to do something with myself or I'll go insane."

She saw his watery eyes and he turned her back on her to walk outside. He needed some fresh air and he needed to be alone, at least for a few minutes. He went to the roof and looked at the breathtaking view the city offered at night, his elbows resting on the edge of the building.

There he was, twenty-three years old, on top of the family business. Rich, handsome, married to the girl of his dreams, father to an adorable boy and respected by any man and woman in this city. He couldn't ask for more than that and yet, there was something missing. He didn't know why exactly, much less what, but he knew there was something that longed to be fulfilled.

* * *

When they went to bed that night, Cal was finally allowed to sleep with her in his arms. They had a talk - _a loud one_ \- in the car on their way back but that settled things. They felt bad for the poor driver that heard the whole thing even though they kept the in-between seats window closed and they left a large tip behind to apologize for their rude behavior.

Now, with his arms around Rose, Cal almost forgot the emptiness he felt earlier. He buried his face in her hair and kissed her neck, holding her closer.

"There will be other babies," Cal whispered to her. "We can make another one when we're ready." Rose nodded.

"Okay," she whispered back, holding his hand fiercely.

"In the meantime, we'll be okay."

"I know... Cal?"

"What?"

"I love you, I'm sorry I'm such a wreck."

"Don't worry, I'm a wreck too."


	24. twenty-three

**TWENTY-THREE.**

Jack wrapped Rose in a towel then wrapped one around his waist before they both walked out of the shower. Rose ran her hand on the steamy mirror and saw her face, her mascara all smudged beneath her eyes. How pretty, she thought with sarcasm. She took a Q-tip from the first drawer and did the best she could to remove most of the makeup.

"I missed you so much," Jack said, standing behind her with his face against her neck. "I shouldn't have gone away, I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she replied, tilting her head to the side so he could have better access. "You did the right thing, I needed time to figure out my feelings. They're crystal clear now, it's you. But you were right, Cal's the closest friend I have and I hope you will be okay with that."

"I don't see any reason for me to destroy that friendship. Like I said, I'm not jealous or possessive and I trust you."

"He's changing too, I think he realizes that he doesn't really love me anymore, he only loves the idea of us. Let's not talk about him though," she said, turning around to see him.

She kissed him fiercely, her hands resting on his forearms as his found their way on her waist.

Jack had never felt this fulfilled before. His life hadn't been the easiest one. He lost both his parents when he was only fifteen, his first love died at nineteen and he had to live away from his hometown in order to be happy. At first, New York City wasn't a place he imagined himself to be content in but everything changed the day he saw that stunning redhead coming out of Starbucks on 7th. Even though he thought she wouldn't be interested in a struggling young artist from Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, he fell in love with her anyway. He fell in love with her smile, with her sense of humor, with how witty and clever she was and mostly with the way her eyes lit up every time she talked about her son. He fell in love with Charles too and that little boy meant everything to him. There was _definitely_ no going back now.

And eventually, she fell in love with him too.

She made him forget the past and the bad memories of it. She was the reason he got up every morning. When Heather died, he never thought he'd find love again, not the way he loved her anyway, but Rose changed that. He was so in love with her that only the idea that he could ever lose her was driving him crazy.

"I love you," he told her when their lips parted.

"I love you too," she said back, a smile on her lips.

He kissed her again and she giggled when he brought her closer.

"You need to stop being more beautiful every time I see you," he whispered, an amused grin on his face. "I can't handle it."

"I'm staying the same ordinary girl," she told him. "You're imagining it."

"Oh no, you're far from ordinary. People who think you're ordinary are insane."

She blushed and looked down, smiling softly. She shivered slightly and Jack noticed. They walked to his room and he picked out some clothes for her; a grey t-shirt and plaid pajamas pants. She put on the shirt that reached her mid-thigh and decided that it was the only piece of clothing she needed.

They ordered pizza and sat on the couch. They made small talk, asking about the past few weeks. Rose told Jack about Gatsby and managed to do so without a tear which was improvement. He told her he was sorry.

"I know it's still two months away but Charles is going to Florida with his dad on the second week of August and I thought - maybe we could go to Wisconsin, like we talked about before - you know," Rose said, trying not to stutter like an idiot.

"You'd really want to?" he asked, a hint of hope in his voice.

"Yes, I'd love to. It would give me a break and I'd get to spend time alone with you and also discover where you come from."

"Well I'd love to take you there, that'd be an honor."

She smiled and he smiled back. He couldn't wait to bring her there and to show her his favorite places, the best spots in town and every place that meant something to him. It wasn't a big city like New York, the city she was used to, he warned her. She didn't mind. Yes, she loved New York but some change of air was always welcomed.

They watched a movie, the beginning at least. They were necking like teenagers most of the time, losing interest in the movie every minute that passed. At one point, Rose was laying down on the couch, Jack on top of her, the movie still playing in the background. Jack's right hand was on her stomach, under the t-shirt she was wearing, and his left hand was tangled in her still humid hair.

"Third time?" she whispered with a small laugh. "You really did miss me."

"That's why I asked you to stop being more beautiful every time I see you," he chuckled before going back to kiss her neck. "And how could I resist you in that shirt?" he added, his voice muffled.

Rose let out a laugh then brought his lips back to hers. Jack struggled to take off his shirt and threw it on the floor.

"Shouldn't we go to your room?" Rose asked. Not that she minded the couch, he could take her right here right now for all she cared, but she still asked.

"Do you want to?"

"I don't mind," she replied with a small shake of the head.

"For old times' sake," he said, wiggling his eyebrows, referring to the first time they fooled around on _her_ couch.

Jack took her shirt off and mentioned how gorgeous she was. He simply loved her curves and the softness of her skin and he thought it was important for him to tell her so. He wanted her to feel beautiful because she was, no matter how hard she tried to deny it.

He kissed her, slowly lowering to her neck, her shoulder, her breast. She arched her back, pressing herself into him, her hand on the back of his head, her fingers tangled in his blonde hair. Jack slipped his hand inside her panties and he smirked against her skin when she moaned softly, her hands tugging at his hair. Rose brought his face to hers and kissed him, struggling to take off his pants. He helped her and the pants were soon joining the shirts on the floor. She took him in her hand and stroked him but it didn't take long before he slowly penetrated her, both of them breathing hard in desire for each other.

Jack missed this, he missed being this close with her, he missed _her_. He was glad she knocked on his door tonight and it surely beat the boring video games/junk food night he had in mind when he left work earlier that day.

"Don't go away again," Rose asked in a whisper, clinging onto him as if she tried to keep him from doing so.

"I won't, I promise," he whispered back, nibbling on her earlobe.

It was almost fifteen minutes later, with Rose on top of him that Jack hit his climax, loud whimpers escaping his lips. Rose's hit a couple of seconds later and she felt her whole body tremble with intense pleasure as Jack held her close. They kissed and then lay back on the couch, Rose's head in the crook of Jack's shoulder. They stayed in silence for a while as they slowly found their normal breathing again then Rose cuddled closer, wrapping her arm around his stomach. He kissed her forehead as she looked up at him and they both fell asleep.

* * *

"Look daddy!" Charles almost screamed as he pointed a dog following them on the sidewalk. "The dog is following us."

Cal turned around and saw that there was indeed a blonde dog behind them. He stopped in his tracks and the dog stopped too.

"Do you think he's lost?" Charles asked.

"I don't know," he said, kneeling down. "Here boy," he called, his hand patting his own thigh.

The dog bowed his head then walked to the two figures in front of him. Cal first petted him to make sure it was safe for Charles to be around. When he saw the dog's tail wagging, he told his son he could pet him as well if he wished to. Charles wasn't asked twice and immediately reached for the dog's ears. The dog licked Charles' face and the boy laughed. Cal looked at the tag on the dog's collar and saw a phone number.

"Is he lost, daddy?" Charles asked again, still petting the animal.

"I think so... I'll call the number on his tag and maybe we'll find out where he lives," he replied, already dialing the number on his phone.

A feminine voice answered the call and Cal asked if it was possible that she may have lost a canine recently. She told him that yes, her dog did run away that same morning. She was really happy and relieved when he announced her that they found him. He suggested bringing the dog back to her house if she didn't mind giving him his address and that he would be there as soon as possible. She was living two blocks away so he promised he and his son would bring him back in a couple of minutes.

The three of them climbed up the four steps in front of the building and Cal knocked on the door. He heard footsteps so he knew that somebody was coming to the door. A young woman opened the door and just looked at them, her eyes finally landing on her suddenly very shy dog. He was hiding behind the man's legs, peeking to see her.

"Pilot, you know I can see you there. You're in big trouble, come in here right now," she said to her dog who followed orders, his head bowed in shame.

"Your dog is a Labrador Retriever!" Charles said proudly. "I learned that in my book about dogs."

"Yes, that's right, he is," the woman replied with a smile, finding the little boy adorable. "Thank you so much for bringing him back," she continued, meeting Cal's eye.

He was just staring at her like an idiot. She had shoulder-length light brown hair and the most beautiful hazelnut eyes he had ever seen. She was simple yet gorgeous and her smile made him weak in the knees.

Butterflies. He felt _butterflies_. He didn't feel this way for _years_.

"You - you're welcome," he said, stuttering a bit.

Pilot came back to the door, staying at his master's feet, but looking at Charles as if asking for him to pet him. Charles didn't need to be asked and went for it. The woman looked down at them then back at Cal.

"Come on, buddy, time to go home," Cal said to Charles, tugging softly at his arm.

"If he wants to stay and play with the dog for a while I really don't mind," she said.

"Can I? Daddy, please?" Charles pleaded.

He gave in and they were invited inside. They took off their shoes and then Charles ran off with Pilot to the other room, which looked like the living room.

"I'm so sorry about this," Cal told her, chuckling nervously.

"It's totally okay. I'm Audrey, by the way," she said, holding out her hand.

"Caledon," he replied, shaking her hand.

"This is your son?" she asked.

"Yeah, that's Charles."

"He's really cute. Wou - huh - Would you like some coffee?" she suggested.

"Oh please, don't bother, I don't want to impose," Cal said.

She shook her head, meaning it was no trouble at all. He followed her to the kitchen, not leaving her backside out of his sight for one second. He couldn't wait to get there just so he could see her face again. Did he even felt that way for Rose when they first met? Because if so, he couldn't remember and he felt awfully guilty about it. He had unforgettable memories with Rose but even though he remembered how they met and what happened, he didn't remember his feelings at the time.

"Your son seems to be a great fan of my dog," Audrey told him with a smile.

"Charles loves pets, especially dogs. He's been reading about them for a year now, won't stop talking about it," he chuckled.

Talking to her came so easily that it was like they knew each other for years. He was nervous, he wouldn't deny that, but just looking at her features seemed to calm him down. She asked what he wanted in his coffee and he answered that milk was the way he liked it best. He offered some help but she insisted that he sat and waited since he was a guest. They heard Charles laugh and it brought a smile to their lips. Audrey set the two cups on the table and sat across from her guest.

"Are you from New York?" she asked.

"Yes, I am, I've been living here my whole life," he replied. "What about you?"

"I'm a Jersey girl, I grew up in Middletown but I moved here six years ago. Career opportunities were better here so I left everything behind and I don't regret my decision, I absolutely love it here."

"What kind of job do you do? If that is not indiscreet," Cal quickly added.

"I'm a journalist, I work at the Times," she declared.

"The Times? Wow, I'm impressed!" Cal exclaimed.

"And what are you? No, wait, let me guess."

Cal got lost in her eyes and smiled when she started to list career paths available in New York.

"You work on Wall Street, right?"

"I work in that district but I'm definitely not a Wall Street man," he chuckled.

"Tell me then, I have no idea."

"My grandfather started this business in the forties and now that my father retired, I'm holding the fort. I'm an architect there and also CEO, which takes a lot of my time," he said, looking at her astonished face.

"Okay I would never have guessed that. That is quite intimidating."

"Says the girl who works at the New York Times. Believe me, no one wants my job. I'm the only one crazy enough to do it."

Charles tumbled inside the kitchen as if there was a contest to whom would make the more noise. Cal asked him to calm down or else they would go home right now.

"Daddy, I'm thirsty," he said, Pilot at his side.

"What would you like to drink, sweetie?" Audrey asked softly, which totally put Caledon under her spell.

"I'd like some apple juice if you have some, please," Charles demanded politely.

"Coming right up. Why don't you go sit with your dad and I'll bring it to you?"

"Okay," he replied before walking to the table.

Charles sat on Cal's lap and waited for his glass of juice. He whispered to him that the lady was very nice and that he really liked Pilot too. He asked if they could get a dog and Cal laughed, already imagining himself talking to Rose about it. As much as she loved animals, Rose wouldn't allow a dog until Charles was big enough to take care of it by himself which wouldn't be anytime soon. Audrey came back with Charles' drink and took her place across the table.

"So, Charles, your father told me that you really like dogs?" Audrey asked, taking interest in the boy.

"Yes!" he exclaimed. "I want one but daddy says I can't."

"Dogs are a lot of work," she told him. "Maybe you should start with a smaller pet to take care of."

"I had a cat but he died two weeks ago," Charles explained, sadness coming back to him as he thought about Gatsby.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," she said.

"That's okay, he was old and sick so it was better for him," he said and Cal was surprised at how mature his son sounded. "He was my best friend and I miss him."

"I'm sure you do. Listen, every time you want to play with Pilot you can call me and we can set a play date in the park."

"Really?!" Charles exclaimed.

"Sure, I don't see why not," she smiled at him then looked up at Cal.

That's when it happened, that's when their eyes locked and something clicked. She was already being nice with Charles and it was one of the most important things for him because Charles would always remain his priority, even in his relationships.

"Can I play with Pilot on Sunday?" Charles asked, making the two adults laugh.

"I don't have any plans. If that's okay with your parents, it's okay with me."

Charles looked at his father, hoping he'd say yes. Of course, Cal couldn't say no because it meant he'd spend an entire afternoon with Audrey while Charles played with her dog so he nodded. Audrey typed her contact info in Cal's phone so they could text on Sunday if something was holding them back from going.

"It's getting late, we better get going," Cal announced, earning a pout from Charles.

"Yes, I'm sure your wife must be worried," Audrey said.

"Mommy doesn't live with daddy anymore," Charles replied before his father could say anything, a confused look on his face. It was now a normal thing for him that his parents weren't together. "They're divorced."

"Oh," she muttered, uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," she added, looking up at Cal.

"Don't worry," he assured with a wave of the hand. "And Charles, please, could you not tell our personal life to everybody like that, I'd appreciate it."

"Why not?" he asked with a frown. "It's the truth and you told me that I should always tell the truth."

Audrey chuckled. Kids really had no filter and Charles was simply the most adorable kid she had seen.

"I'm sorry about all this," Cal said. "And there is no Mrs. Hockley at the moment, no. I'll contact you for Sunday afternoon," he concluded with a smile, his eyes staring into hers, and she looked down, blushing. "It was really nice meeting you."

"You too. Thank you again for bringing Pilot back," she replied.

He shook his head to tell her it was nothing and then they walked away, making their way home.

Charles took his father's hand and talked non-stop about how nice Audrey was and how Pilot was the greatest dog ever. Cal listened to him but couldn't think of anything else than Audrey's face. He knew almost nothing about her, yet she fascinated him. He didn't even know if she was single. Of course he didn't notice any ring on her finger when he looked for it but that didn't mean she didn't have a boyfriend. The only thing he knew was that he wanted to see her again.

* * *

The next morning, Jack was in the kitchen making pancakes while Rose was setting the table for the two of them. Once Rose was done, she joined Jack near the stove and complimented the smell of his cooking before wrapping her arms around his stomach and leaving a small kiss on his naked back.

"I love you," she mumbled against his skin.

"I love you too," he replied, taking her hand in his to kiss it. "Breakfast's almost ready."

"Good, I'm starving."

As they were eating in silence, Jack often looked at his girlfriend who looked concerned about something. He couldn't guess about what and maybe it wasn't for him to ask about it.

In reality, Rose had been thinking about the same thing since her last appointment with Dr. Andrews and she _knew_ she wanted to tell Jack about it. She needed to ask him about it but she was terribly nervous. She didn't want to appear like the girl who wants to rush things but she needed him to know this one thing about her. She could see he kept looking at her, as if he knew something was wrong.

"Is everything okay? Is the food okay?" Jack asked.

"The food is perfect," she answered, ignoring his first question.

"What about you?" he repeated.

"Me? I'm fine, why wouldn't I be fine?" she said, earning a sigh from Jack. "What?"

"Rose, I know you, I know something is bothering you because you've got that cute little frown on your face."

"I do not!" she exclaimed, almost offended, and he chuckled.

"I've seen that frown before, on Charles' face."

"Oh is that right?"

He nodded and they both smiled. Jack took her hand and looked at her as she tried to look away.

"You can trust me," he simply said.

"I know and I do, I do trust you. It's just that - I don't want you to think that I'm saying this to rush into things but I really need to tell you."

"Okay," he replied, taken by surprise. "What's wrong?"

"I know we've just started dating but -" she interrupted herself. "I've seen you with Charles, I mean, I know how much you love kids and I'm sure you'd like one of your own one day -"

"Yeah, of course, but we don't need to talk about this now, Rose, I'm not in a hurry to have kids," he assured, now understanding why she felt nervous.

"You know... After Charles, Cal and I tried to have another baby and, hum, I- I had three miscarriages in the process," she stammered before looking up at him.

He saw her watery eyes but knew she wouldn't cry because she wanted to show him how strong she could be. Her heart was broken by this and he could understand why.

"So - like - what does that mean? Are you telling me you can't have kids anymore?" he asked.

"No, no, it's just that - I don't want you to take it personal if it takes me a while before I actually want to try for one. Like I said, I don't want to rush things, okay, I'm just saying this so you know when the time comes because I don't think I could handle losing another one," she muttered.

"It's okay," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her. "I understand. Don't worry about that, okay? I've got all I need for now," he said, kissing her temple.

Talking about this made her think of Charles and she started to miss him suddenly. She saw him just yesterday and it felt ridiculous but if she could have him full time, she would be the happiest mother on Earth. That was the price to pay for what happened, she supposed, and Cal probably felt that way too. She excused herself from the table and retrieved her phone at the bottom of her purse. She talked with Charles for over thirty minutes and he told her excitedly about the dog he and his father found the previous night. Then, as she expected, the question about a dog came.

"I'd really like to have a puppy, mom. Can we have one?" he asked, almost pleading.

"We already talked about that, Charles, and I explained it to you."

"But I know how to take care of it. I can do it!"

"You say that now but I know how it's gonna end. And puppies grow into big dogs, you know?"

"Pleaseeeeeeee," he said because he didn't know what else to say anymore. Why did his parents say no? They never said no to him before, so why now?

"I said no, Charles," she said firmly and she heard him sigh in defeat. "Daddy and I shouldn't have to care for a dog that's going to be yours and it'll end like this whether you want to believe it or not."

"You don't know that. I was the one feeding Gatsby every day and you didn't have to ask me," he pointed out.

"I agree, but cats are very different than dogs. And you may have fed Gatsby like a responsible boy but _I_ was the one to clean the litter every day and to pay for the vet bills when he was sick. Pets aren't always fun, you know, and they are expensive to take care of.

"I have money in my piggy bank, I have 600$ because I haven't spent anything since Christmas.

"I know, honey, but how about we get you a hamster or something, instead? It's easier to take care of and much less expensive."

He sighed in defeat and muttered a small "okay". Rose told him they would get it next week when he would be home with her and that in the meantime, he should ask his father if they could get a book on hamsters so he could learn about them. Charles told her about Pilot some more and they hung up. Rose sighed in relief and closed her eyes. She did it, she said "no" to her son and wasn't influenced by his pleadings like she usually was. Achievement number two of the day and it was barely 11 o'clock in the morning.

Jack walked in the room and asked if everything was okay. She explained the situation quickly and he laughed, remembering how he also annoyed his parents with that same question for a long time. It was a normal thing for kids to do, he assumed.

"There is this event in a club in Manhattan tonight and I've got tickets," Jack announced. "You wanna go?"

"A club? You mean like a bar?" Rose asked.

"Yeah, is that a problem?"

"No, not at all, it's just - I've never been to one before."

"You haven't?" he asked, a bit surprised. "Why not?"

She shrugged and he insisted that it was enough of a reason for them to go. She needed to go to a bar at least once in her life. Jack wasn't a fan of those places but to go once in a while never hurt anybody. She asked questions about it like a child trying to guess what their Christmas presents were and Jack answered them the best he could.

It was around 11 p.m. that they walked into the crowded club. The music was loud, there was flashing lights and smoke everywhere. Rose didn't understand what the fuss was about those kinds of places because so far, she wasn't impressed. Who would want to spend their night in a place like this? How could you even have fun when you could barely hear each other? Honestly, she hoped they wouldn't stay too long, she was already missing the comfort of home where she could be alone with Jack in complete silence or with soft music playing in the background.

Rose insisted that Jack stayed close because she didn't want to lose him in the crowd so they both walked to the bar and ordered a beer. As they were waiting for it, Jack standing behind Rose so she was between him and the counter, he nuzzled her neck and she giggled quietly, trying to push his face away.

"Rose Dewitt Bukater, as I live and breathe!" a feminine voice exclaimed from beside them.

They both turned around to see a dark-haired woman about their age. Jack never heard Rose's maiden name before and wondered where she knew that girl from. He took Rose's hand in his as if protecting her, which he knew to be stupid but he couldn't control it.

"Regina Callaway!" Rose said - _yelled_ \- when she recognized her.

"You haven't changed a bit," she told her. "Where have you been, the last time I heard of you, you were four months pregnant."

"Oh, that baby is a healthy boy now," she answered with a small laugh and took the beer the bartender gave her.

"You're not Caledon Hockley," Regina stated the obvious when she saw Jack and the way he was holding her high school best friend. "Or else I drank a lot more than I thought," she admitted with a laugh.

"This is my boyfriend Jack," Rose explained. "Cal and I got divorced two years ago."

"What?!" Regina asked, surprised. "Nah, that's impossible. You guys were like everybody's dream."

"Yeah, well the end was far from a dream, believe me."

They talked and after they finished their beer, Regina suggested going for coffee instead so they could talk without yelling at each other. Rose looked at Jack with a pleading look and he nodded. The three of them walked outside the building then went to the nearest coffee shop. They did proper introductions and all sat at the table with their hot beverages. Now they could actually see each other's face and talk at a normal level.

"So tell me everything," Regina simply threw her friend's way. "How's the baby?"

"The baby just turned seven years old," she said with a smile.

"Sev - Jesus, it can't be that long since I last saw you."

"You have kids?" Rose asked and Regina laughed, shaking her head 'no'. "Why not?"

"I'm not ready for kids, I'm not sure I actually want any," Regina confessed. "I would really like to meet yours though, I bet he looks just like you!"

"He's got her ways," Jack said with a chuckle. "But he's definitely a Mini Caledon Hockley," he added.

"Awwwnn," Regina said. "Does he have that little frown when he's upset?" she asked.

"He does," Jack agreed and Rose smacked his arm slightly, making him laugh. "He's a great kid."

They talked for a long time, reminiscing old times together. They laughed and it was like they last seen each other only a few days ago. They exchanged numbers and promised to stay in touch. Regina insisted that she really wanted to meet Charles and that they should all come to her apartment one night so they could have dinner together.

Rose and Jack took a cab back to Rose's apartment and went to bed after a quick shower, exhausted. It was almost 3 a.m. and they already hated themselves for going to bed so late. Jack could see how happy Rose was to have bumped in an old friend and he was glad she had such a great time tonight. He had fun too and he had the chance to hear stories of her rebel teenage years, which made him laugh.

As he felt her fall asleep in his arms, he wondered how he could be so lucky.


	25. twenty-four

**TWENTY-FOUR.**

It wasn't even seven months later that Rose was pregnant again. She was confident though, this time it would turn out to be alright and the baby would make it. She did everything the doctor suggested to do and was careful in anything she would do. When he was at home, Cal would watch after her at all times and would call twice a day when he was at the office, something he rarely did before. Charles seemed to sense the presence of somebody trying to steal his spot and did everything to annoy his mother. He wouldn't listen to anything she would say and he kept running around, jumping, climbing everywhere and _yelling_ at the top of his lungs every time something wasn't to his liking. Either it was because of the baby, the beginning of the terrible twos or both.

It was busy at the office so Cal rarely made it for dinner, getting home around eight to find his son asleep and his wife completely out in their bed. He would microwave the plate Rose left in the fridge for him and would watch some television before joining her under the covers. In the morning, he would wake up before her, take a shower and then they would have breakfast together, with Charles, and he would leave for another day at the office. For the past month, if you excluded the hours spent sleeping, they had spent no more than forty hours together. No more than fifteen without Charles, when they were able to get a baby-sitter or his grandparents to take him in. Rose's nerves were on the edge and whatever Cal tried to do to help or understand, she would lose it. It was a rough patch but they would get through it because they always did.

It was Friday and Cal had promised a night out, dinner and opera, while Rose's parents kept Charles for the night. They hadn't spent a single hour by themselves in a whole week and Rose longed for that night since last Thursday when Cal showed her the tickets to 'La Traviata' at the Met. Henry had already picked up Charles at the end of the afternoon, after his day at the garage, and now Rose was waiting for her husband to get home. She was mostly ready, her makeup being the only thing left to do. The loft was silent, a sound she didn't have the chance to hear for a long time. A toddler like hers didn't know what silence even meant.

Rose looked at the alarm clock to see it was almost 6:30. Cal was already thirty minutes late and he didn't even bothered to call to tell her he had been delayed. She knew him though and she wasn't surprised, being late was apparently okay when you were rich and handsome. This, of course, was not her mentality and she was easily annoyed by his habit of making other people wait for him like it didn't matter. She called the office but was greeted by his answering machine. She called the front desk but Jenny told her that he left thirty minutes ago and that she was on her way out herself. She called his cell but again, it went straight to voicemail. She sighed loudly and threw the phone on the bed furiously.

It was exactly 7:32 when he walked through the door, seeing her against the wall of the living room, wearing a long sparkly black dress, high heels, her hair in a messy but chic bun, holding a clutch purse matching her dress. She saw his face change and his eyes close. He had forgotten. She shook her head in disbelief.

"You forgot, didn't you?" she asked.

"I - I'm sorry, darling, I had a crazy day and it slipped my mind," he replied.

"I'm sure it did," she said coldly. "Where the hell were you?" she continued, raising her voice.

"I was at the office, I had work to catch up on. I'll get tickets for the next performance and I won't forget this time, I promise," he said sheepishly.

"Is that right?" she reacted, ignoring his last statement. "That's weird because I called you at the office an hour ago and Jenny told me that you left at six."

She stared at him, waiting for an answer, but he looked away as if an answer would magically appear in front of his eyes.

"Where. Were. You?" she asked again, losing her temper. He still didn't answer and it made her angrier. "Okay, let me rephrase the question then: who is she?"

"What?!" he exclaimed loudly.

"It's that new receptionist isn't it?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Cal shouted. "Are you saying I'm cheating on you?"

"Are you?"

"What kind of man impregnates his wife then sleeps with another? That's disgusting! You really think I would do that to you? Is this how much you trust me?"

"You won't stop talking about how much you miss me and the night we can finally be together, you don't show up? That's total bullshit if you ask me. I should ask her what she does to get to have you for almost two hours to herself because _I_ can only have thirty minutes at breakfast every day and that's only if I'm lucky."

"There is no 'her' to ask because there's no one else. I forgot about the opera, okay, and I'm sorry, but we can still go out to dinner."

"No, I don't want to go anywhere with you. You made me wait here like an idiot while you were out there doing God-knows-what with God-knows-who, don't think you'll be forgiven that easily."

"It was family business, okay? I had to be there, it was important."

"Yeah, right," she snorted. "And what am I, huh?"

Cal sighed and looked at the floor. He wasn't in the mood to argue right now, he just spent the last two hours arguing with his father about his little brother's choice of career and almost lost his job for it. His mother was angry with him for keeping it from her even though William never even talked to him about it before today. And now, Rose was accusing him of cheating on her with some woman from the office he met once on her first shift at the firm.

"I thought this ring on my finger meant I was your wife but maybe I was mistaken all along."

"Rose, please, I don't want to fight with you."

"You don't care, do you?" she shouted. "You don't care about us."

"Okay, enough," he said, trying to remain calm.

"Do you still love me at least? Did you ever love me or was I just the easiest choice because I was already completely head over heels for you?"

"Do I still love you?" Cal asked with tears in his eyes. "I will love you until the day I die and you know it. You know it," he repeated. "Maybe I'm not good at this, maybe I'm not good at loving you but I do love you. You're my wife, you're my best friend, you're the mother of my son, you're my _everything_. The day I will lose you is the day I will lose myself."

Rose saw the tear slipping from the corner of his eye and she swallowed a bit of the rage she felt. She was still mad at him, a lot, and she felt betrayed but she knew he was telling the truth about his love for her. She knew because she felt the same way about him.

"I know you're mad because of tonight but you need to calm down," Cal told her. "It's not good for the baby."

"Well then I'm gonna have to sleep somewhere else. I'm going to my parents' for the night," she said, walking furiously to the bedroom.

"You don't have to leave, I don't want you to go. We can talk this out but you need to stay. It's easy to just leave but it won't solve the problem."

"Just like it's easy for you to work sixteen hours a day while I'm here taking care of your son. What do you call that if it's not a way out?" Rose declared, packing her things for an overnight stay in Long Island City.

"Come on, please stay," Cal pleaded.

"No! I need to get out of here. I can't breathe in here."

"I need you to stay. Look, I'll sleep in the guest room if that's what you w-"

"Leave me alone!" she interrupted.

He stopped insisting and looked at her packing her stuff in silence. He walked her to the door and even carried her bag downstairs. The town car was waiting for her in front of the building already. Cal put the bag on the back seat then looked at his wife sit right next to it.

"Hey, I'm sorry, okay?" he whispered to her, leaning on the door.

"Yeah, I know you are, you're always sorry," she replied.

"I love you," he said, looking down at her.

She met his gaze but she said nothing. Cal nodded softly and closed the door. He stood on the sidewalk, looking at the car leave, and didn't go back upstairs until the black Lincoln was out of view.

In the back seat, Rose wiped away the single tear that fell from the corner of her eye. As angry as she was against Caledon, she was still deeply in love with him and that was why it was hurting so much to do this. It took everything she had to put her foot down and leave, even if it was just for one night. She didn't care about the dinner at the restaurant or the opera, she only cared about the time they were supposed to spend together. She only wanted an evening with him, was that too much to ask? She was married to a man who was married to his job and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't deal with it.

* * *

She had to explain the whole thing to her parents who asked questions about her being there. She told them about Cal forgetting their plans and the fight they had without going into details. Charles was already asleep when she got there and since her childhood bedroom was now his, she would have to sleep on the couch. She didn't mind, she repeated it to her mother fifteen times, but Ruth insisted on getting an inflatable mattress from the garage. She didn't want her to sleep on the couch in her condition. With all the commotion of the night, Rose almost forgot about her baby. But it was still there, had been for eight weeks now. Caledon and her mother were the only ones to know. She didn't want to tell Ruth before the first trimester was over but her mother figured it out by herself. Rose asked her not to tell her father just yet because she wanted to be sure everything would be okay before telling everybody.

Henry went to bed while Rose helped her mother getting the mattress ready. She changed into her pajamas and Ruth prepared her before-sleep cup of tea. As she passed the living room to get to bed, she heard her 21-year-old's voice.

"Mom?" Rose's voice called in the darkness of the room.

"What is it, sweetheart?" Ruth whispered back.

"Could you stay with me for a moment?" she asked.

"Okay," she replied, walking to where Rose was laying.

Ruth sat beside the mattress and Rose took her hand. She felt her mother's other hand in her hair and she closed her eyes. She couldn't explain how much she needed this, only this. Ruth stroked her hair in silence, her eyes slowly adjusting to the dark. She could see her daughter's figure on the mattress.

"How did you do it?" Rose whispered after what seemed to be forever.

"How did I do what?"

"Stay married for so long and still love each other?"

"We learned to compromise," she admitted. "Your father and I had our share of fighting, you have to believe me."

"I never heard you fight," Rose said with a frown.

"That doesn't mean it didn't happen."

"Did you ever regret it? Marrying dad?"

"We had rough times, like any normal couple, but I love your father very much and I don't regret anything. I would do it all over again," Ruth said, meaning it. "Do you?" she asked Rose.

"No," Rose replied, not even hesitating for a second.

"It's hard because he's not home enough though, isn't it?"

Rose started to cry softly and Ruth held her close. She kissed her temple, still stroking her hair. She never felt closer to her daughter before. Rose always went to her father for everything and even though she was saddened by it, she respected it. Now, with her crying daughter in her arms, she seemed to finally understand how much she meant to Rose and how, oddly, she sought for her to hold her like this her entire life.

"I always feel like he means more to me than I mean to him, like I'm the second choice, the one he's stuck with."

"Do you really think that?" Ruth asked and Rose nodded. "Oh, sweetheart, that young man is crazy about you. He would walk through fire for you."

"I love him so much," she sobbed. "Why does it have to hurt? Do you think it's possible to love that much and be happy? What if we love each other too much?"

"I don't think that's possible, you can never love someone too much. If it was impossible to be happy with someone you love too much then mothers couldn't live with their children. Think about it."

"I could use a break sometimes," she said, laughing through her tears.

"I would've said the same about you," Ruth said, remembering her little 3-year-old redhead running around the house. "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, you know."

"I want him to be there for Charles too, I think that's what hurts me the most. And what about the next one? I'm not sure I can handle the two of them by myself."

"You need to tell him that, tell him your insecurities and be honest with him, even if the truth hurts sometimes. Believe me, the truth hurts less than a lie."

Rose nodded then asked her mother to stroke her hair until she fell asleep. It didn't take long before she fell into a deep sleep. Ruth kissed her forehead and made sure she was covered, just like she did every night until Rose was fourteen years old.

* * *

The next morning, Rose was woken up by the smell of coffee and bacon as well as the chit-chat between Charles and his grandfather. She looked at the clock; it was nine o'clock. She stretched then got up slowly to meet the rest of her family in the kitchen. She smiled when she saw Charles sitting on his grandfather's lap at the end of the table. Her father was reading him the comics and Charles listened carefully, looking down at the newspaper. So this is how it was when her parents were taking their grandson for a weekend. She remembered her father doing the same with her for so many years.

"Well would you look who's up," Henry announced and Charles looked up.

"Mommy!" Charles said before sliding down his grandfather's lap to run to her.

Rose squatted down and caught him in her arms. No matter how long she was gone, a minute or a day, Charles always greeted her like she'd been gone for months. He may be a little monster at times, he may not listen to her when she asked him not to do something but he was her baby and his love was her fuel to get through the day. To him, she was everything. In his eyes, she was the most important person in the whole world. He needed her and even though he was still too young to understand, she needed him much more.

She pecked his lips and he hugged her tight. She closed her eyes when she felt his small arms around her neck and breathed him in. If she was to love one Hockley man for the rest of her life, it would be him.

"Wanna get breakfast?" she asked him and he nodded.

She sat him in his seat and took place on the chair next to him. Ruth brought the plates and the four of them ate breakfast together. Charles asked for "daddy" a few times but Rose repeated that he wasn't here and that _maybe_ they could see him later if he wasn't too busy.

Henry drove Rose and Charles home in the afternoon, trying to get out of his daughter what was wrong with her marriage. She wouldn't tell him anything. His baby girl was now a 21-year-old woman and even though he tried to deny it, he was aware that her mother could understand and help her better from now on. He made sure she knew he would always be there for her if she needed a man's point of view and she smiled, telling him she'd remember that.

When Rose walked inside the loft with Charles in her arms and the bags on her shoulder, she saw the mess that was the main room. It looked like a hurricane destroyed everything on its way. She put Charles on the floor and asked him to go to his room to play while she was cleaning up because she didn't want him to step on glass. The boy obeyed and ran to his bedroom, holding his blanket close. As she walked further in the room, she saw Caledon passed out on the couch, an empty bottle of whiskey on the table next to him. She looked around. There was a broken glass surrounded by liquor on the floor. Their wedding picture had been taken from the bookshelf and being thrown on the wall, breaking the frame in half, the glass spread all over the floor, the picture ripped and torn. Books were thrown all over the room, covers bent and some soaked with alcohol. Rose walked carefully to the couch and pulled hard on the pillow under her husband's head, his skull colliding with the arm rest.

"Wh - Ow," he muttered, his hand meeting the back of his head.

"You stupid imbecile," she began.

"There's no need to shout so loud," Cal said, his hand on his forehead, his eyes still shut.

"I'm not shouting, you're hungover."

"I'm not," he denied. "I only had two glasses," he obviously lied.

"Typical. Drinking like a coward."

"Ugh shut up, will you? You're the one that ran away. If someone is coward in this house, it's you."

"Fuck you, Caledon Hockley," she spat to his face, disgusted by his strong breath of whiskey.

"No, fuck _you_!"

She threw the pillow to his face with so much force that he moaned in pain.

"Get out of my face!" she shouted, trying to hide the lump in her throat. He stood up and stared at her. "Get out!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. "Get the fuck out!"

He looked around and saw the mess he did last night. He was so angry with her, he still was, and had to let off steam in any way so he threw everything everywhere. He approached her, his clothes all crumpled, his hair tousled and a 3-days' stubble on his chin. She stepped back.

"Don't come any closer. You stink of liquor and I don't want you near me or Charles when you're like this."

"Rose -"

"Get out!" she repeated. "GET OUT!"

He looked at her one last time and walked out of the loft, not bothering to take anything with him except for his car keys, his cell and his wallet. He messed up for real this time. He sat in his car and yelled out his rage, striking the steering wheel like a punching bag.

This couldn't go on like this.

He couldn't lose her and he couldn't lose his son.

* * *

Cal spent the entire week at the hotel. He asked his brother to get some clothes for him at the loft because he knew Rose wouldn't let him walk in if he went himself. He tried calling her but she didn't answer so he left about fifteen messages on the answering machine, asking her to "please, pick up" and to forgive him for being an asshole. Helen went to see how they were doing and she tried to reason Rose but she wouldn't hear anything. She told her son that they were doing okay but that Charles was asking for him a lot. Helen offered to take the boy for a day but Rose knew better than say yes because she was aware that it meant he'd spend the day with Caledon and as selfish as it seemed, she didn't want him to see Charles.

It was the day before he came back that Rose felt something fell from her when she went to the bathroom in the morning. There was blood, just like the first day of a period, and she knew. It happened again and there was nothing she could do about it. She stared at herself in the mirror for a long time and took it in. She would most likely never get to hold a second child in her arms. There had to be something wrong with her. What did she do wrong this time?

She called her mother to tell her and Ruth suggested she let Caledon come back home because even though she tried to act strong, she needed him at a time like this. Cal deserved to know as well, it was also his child. She called him that night and asked him to come to the loft the next day, that she had something important to tell him.

When he walked in Saturday morning, he was greeted with a hug from his son. Rose was in the kitchen, tidying up the breakfast dishes, and she turned around when she heard them walk in the room. Cal looked better than the last time she saw him and her heart beat faster when her eyes met his, reminding her how she was still very much in love with him. She offered him some coffee and he accepted, insisting that she sat down while he made his own cup. He sat down with her, Charles on his lap, and waited.

"I'll be better," he began when she said nothing. "I will do anything to be better so I can be here when you need me to and take care of the three of you like a responsible husband and father."

"There's no three of us anymore," she mumbled, her teary eyes gazing into his. "There's just the two of us, there's just Charles and me."

Cal sighed loudly and leaned his head back, keeping the tears from falling. They spent about five minutes in silence, not sure what to say to one another. Charles babbled, playing with the buttons of his father's shirt.

"Since when?" Cal asked.

"Yesterday," Rose admitted. "In the morning."

"Are you okay? How are you feeling?"

"Like crap. Like even a fetus knows I'm not a good mother."

"Don't say that. You know that's not true."

"I think we need time for ourselves, I think you need to stay away from us for a while," she announced out of the blue.

Cal was flabbergasted and now the tears fell from his eyes. She couldn't ask him to do that, not after the bomb she just dropped on him. She couldn't keep him away from Charles for so long.

"Please, Rose, don't," he whispered. "Don't do this."

"I need you to go," she cried discretely. "If you love me, please go."

Her words resonated in his head. _If you love me, please go_. It felt like a stab in the heart and a punch in the gut at the same time. Cal let a sob come out of his mouth and he put Charles down. The toddler immediately whined for his father to stay and Cal squatted in front of him to explain that he'd be back soon so they could play together. He asked him if he understood and Charles nodded before hugging his father who burst into tears. Rose took Charles' hand and they walked Caledon to the door. He said goodbye and looked his wife in the eye before telling her that he understood. She kissed him slowly, her eyes closed, a tear sliding down her cheek.

"I love you," he whispered through his tears, for her ears only.

She nodded and ran her hand on his cheek before repeating the words. Cal took one last look at his family and walked out the loft, his heart shattered into a million pieces. It hurt to leave but he knew as much as Rose did that they needed this time apart if they wanted their marriage to survive.


	26. twenty-five

**TWENTY-FIVE.**

On Sunday afternoon, Caledon and Charles met Audrey and Pilot at the park. When they got there, Audrey was already waiting for them, sitting on a bench with her dog at her feet. Charles ran to them, his father walking behind him asking him to wait. He ran off with the dog, leaving Cal alone with Audrey.

"Hey, I hope we're not too late," Caledon said, sitting next to her.

"Oh no, not at all," Audrey replied with a smile.

"I got you coffee on the way here, I promised a hot chocolate to Charles so we had to stop at Starbucks," he explained, offering her the cup. "You take it black, right?" he asked, even though he still remembered perfectly from Friday night.

"I do," she said with a smile, taking the cup from his hands. "Thank you."

He smiled back and turned away to look at his son, making sure everything was alright. Charles was throwing Pilot his ball, waiting for him to bring it back so he could throw it again.

"Did you guys spend a good Saturday?" she asked after a while. The silence wasn't awkward but she'd rather make small talk than just stay there and wait.

"Oh, yeah," Cal said. "We played tennis and went to see a movie."

"Sounds fun! Do you have him often?" she demanded. "You don't have to answer that, I sound like a snooping woman."

"You don't," Cal chuckled. "I - I don't have him as much as I'd like to but I have him every two weeks."

"I see. So that's joint custody?"

"It is. Rose -," he stopped talking. "That's Charles' mother," he continued. "She's great, I mean, she didn't make a fuss about it, she wants it this way."

"You guys still friends?" Audrey asked.

"We're trying to," he laughed. "She'll always be a huge part of my life, you know?"

She nodded, not sure what to think of it. She spent five years of her life in a relationship until her boyfriend broke up with her, not even a year ago. They never stayed friends and honestly, if she were to never see the bastard again, she wouldn't mind. Of course she had no idea what happened between the two of them so she couldn't imagine what their relationship was like or how it ended. She didn't even know why she felt this way. Probably because he was handsome, really handsome, and he made her laugh. She would be lying if she said that she didn't think about him in the past two days. As a matter of fact, she thought about him way too much for a pure stranger. She was attracted to him like she never had been attracted to a man before.

"What about you? What did you do yesterday?" Cal asked.

"Me?" she said, taken by surprise. "Hum, I - I worked a bit on an article and then I did some cleaning. It wasn't as fun as you," she finished with a smile.

"Well next time maybe you'd like to come with us?" he suggested, cursing to himself as he finished his sentence.

"Yeah, maybe I could," she replied.

She tried to hide the huge smile on her face but she couldn't make it go away. He needed to stop smiling at her like that because she could barely breathe when he did. How could someone let this man go?

"Charles is exhausting Pilot, we might need to arrange more playdates," Audrey joked, explaining how Pilot is always so excited when he's inside the house. "He doesn't get to play outside as much as he'd like."

"It's not my boy that will complain, I can tell you that," Cal replied. He wouldn't mind either but he didn't say that out loud. "May- maybe we could, you know, we could go on a date of our own sometimes," he stammered. "If you'd like," he added.

"I'd really love to," she accepted, feeling her hands getting sweaty.

"How does Friday night sounds like?" he proposed, knowing he'd be dropping Charles off at his mother's around six.

"Friday's good," she said with a small nod.

Charles ran to his father and asked for water, having absolutely no idea of what just happened between the two grown-ups. Pilot came running behind the boy and Audrey took the opportunity to give water to her baby too. The dog drank noisily and sat, waiting for his new friend to come back to play with him. He barked impatiently and Charles laughed before running back to their game.

"How old is he?" Cal asked her.

"He's two. I've had him since he was eight weeks old. He was so small compared to what he is now. My ex-boyfriend bought him for us but I was always Pilot's favorite so he let me keep him after we broke up."

"Mine's seven," Cal said with a small laugh. "I've had him since the day he was born, May 6th, 2006."

Audrey laughed and looked away at Charles. He was the exact replica of his dad, that was for sure. She never saw his mother though, but she could say she was pretty because these eyes weren't Cal's. They were a piercing green, shining with wonder and curiosity and were absolutely beautiful. She loved kids and she dreamed of having some of her own one day, if she ever met the right man to do so.

They spent most of the afternoon at the park then went for ice cream before going each their way. Charles said thank you to Audrey for letting her play with Pilot all afternoon and that he had a great time. Caledon looked at Audrey and smiled, saying thank you as well. She could not wait for Friday to come so she could spend some time alone with him and get to know him better.

"Daddy?" Charles asked once they were sitting in the car.

"What is it, buddy?"

"Do you like Audrey?"

"Yes, of course, it was really nice of her to let you play with Pilot today. She's nice, don't you think?" he said and Charles nodded.

"But I mean, do you like _like_ her?"

"Oh - I see. Hum, well, it's hard to say, I don't know her very well."

Charles was definitely growing up way too fast for his liking. What kind of questions were those for a 7-year-old? He wasn't sure he was comfortable talking about this with Charles. As a matter of fact, he wasn't sure he was comfortable talking about Audrey to anyone just yet. Nothing was going on between them, not yet, except for a little bit of flirtation. He wouldn't deny finding her extremely beautiful and funny and he was definitely attracted to her but maybe that was it. Maybe there wouldn't have anything else to talk about.

"I think she's pretty," Charles confessed. "And I think you like her."

Cal smiled at his son and nudged him playfully. If he looked like him, he was all Rose on everything else. This thing he was doing, playing him with cuteness and humor, he didn't get it from the neighbors. That was Rose all over.

He didn't want to think about her just now. After two years, he would finally go on a date with somebody he actually liked and because he wanted to, not because somebody asked, _begged_ him to. Like he had said to Audrey, Rose would always be a huge part of his life but their marriage was a thing of the past and being friends with her was actually not so bad after all. He was getting used to it and he realized that maybe it should've been this way all along. Not that he regretted asking her to marry him because even though they had difficult times, they once were happy and in love. Most of all, he wouldn't have the thing he loved most if he didn't marry Rose, he wouldn't have Charles. _His everything_.

* * *

Rose was sitting in Dr. Andrews' office in silence. He was staring at her as she looked down at her lap, her fingers playing with the hem of her shirt. Rose was not a complicated woman to figure out even if she seemed to be.

"Why can't you answer the question?" he asked softly, not wanting to pressure her into anything. Rose shrugged without looking up. "Why is it so important for you to remain friends with him?"

"I don't know. Because I think it's better for the kid, to see that we can still talk to each other like normal people."

"No, I'm asking why it's important for _you_ , Rose. Forget about Charles for a minute and concentrate on yourself. Can you do that?"

"I can't."

"Why? Would you still be friends with him even if Charles wasn't born? Imagine the whole thing between the two of you but subtract your son. What happens then?"

"You're asking too many questions, please stop," she said, looking up at him with watery eyes.

He sighed softly and sat further into his chair. He began staring at her again, waiting for her to say something. Anything.

"I'm just trying to figure out if you're doing this for the good reasons. You know, Rose, you're the most important person in your life. It's not Charles or Jack or your ex-husband, it's _you_. You need to think about yourself and I'm not saying in a selfish way. This friendship between you and Mr. Hockley must remain only if _you_ are comfortable with it. Believe me when I say that your son doesn't need you to pretend to appreciate each other if you don't, that's the last thing he needs."

"I don't think that's true. I think it's better for him if we get along."

"If it's honest, of course it is, but not if it's pretending. Is it pretending?" he asked.

"It used to be. It isn't anymore."

"Alright, then why is it so important to you to be friends?"

"Because I like him," she snapped. "There, that's what you wanted to hear?"

Dr. Andrews kept a straight face. He was used to this kind of reaction in his office because he provoked it. Sometimes you needed to work the sensitive nerve to get something out of someone. He refrained from talking, knowing perfectly well that she needed to rant.

"He's my best friend, and yes sometimes we have problems, sometimes we fight. Sometimes we laugh, other times we cry. I know everything about him and he knows everything about me. And even though we have defects, we love each other… I think we always will."

"Do you still have feelings for him?" he asked, like he did every time she went to see him.

"I'm not in love with him anymore if that's what you want to know."

"I want you to know it. You're saying it with more confidence than the first time I asked you," he admitted. "It means you're going in the right direction."

"You're making me so angry," she confessed.

He chuckled and she showed him the hint of a smile. He asked her if she felt better and she nodded, realizing his method was working.

The man she married when she was 18 years old was possessive, manipulative and jealous and he hurt her more than she cared to admit. More than she even knew he did. He destroyed her self-confidence and affected her ability to trust. He didn't treat her like a woman deserves to be treated and maybe it wasn't on purpose. Maybe he wasn't showed how, maybe he _didn't know_ how.

The famous saying was true. Love is blind. Love blinds you, it blinds everything.

* * *

On Friday night, at 6, Charles ran inside the apartment, throwing his backpack against the wall before running towards his room. Rose knew something bad happened to him because he wouldn't react this way otherwise. It wasn't like him to throw things around and act like this.

"Charles!" she exclaimed in a warning tone as she walked to the door, seeing Cal walking towards her in the hallway.

"There," he said, holding out Charles' bag for the week.

"What happened?" she asked, taking the bag from him.

"I don't know, he won't tell me," he replied with a shrug. "I tried but maybe you can get it out of him. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm kind of in a hurry," he said, turning away.

"Cal?"

"What?" he said, turning around, breathless and sounding annoyed.

"Never mind," she replied with a raise of the eyebrows when she saw how he really didn't want to talk to her about it.

"I'm sorry, Rose," he apologized when he realized what an ass he was just now. "I'm meeting someone at 7 and I've got to get home to get ready."

"It's okay, go," she said softly. He had a date, she thought. "We'll talk later."

He smiled and she smiled back. He walked out quickly and she closed the door. She stood there for a minute, taking it in. He had a date. She had to let it sink in before doing anything else. How long she wished for that to happen, for him to let her go and find somebody that would make him happy. Now that it was finally happening, she had this weird and heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach, something sinking at the bottom of her very own self. "You need to stop," she told herself. She was happy for him, she really was, but an awful feeling of being left aside overcame her. He was slowly letting go of her.

She picked up Charles' heavy backpack with a sigh and put his shoes at the right place before walking to her son's room. He was sitting at his desk and was working on his latest science experiment. She could see he felt like crap and that he tried changing his mind without much success. He didn't even look up when she walked in. Rose leaned against the doorframe, her arms folded, and looked at him in silence for a few minutes.

"Hey, stranger," she began softly. "You didn't even say hi."

He didn't say anything and continued his work. Rose knew he wasn't really working, he was only pretending to be busy so he wouldn't have to talk to her.

"How was your last day of school?" she asked and he simply shrugged without looking at her.

Rose waited a couple of minutes before talking again. She didn't know how to get to him when he was like that, ignoring her. He needed time so she decided to avoid the subject, whatever it was.

"I thought about ordering pizza to celebrate, what do you think?" she demanded. "It's just you and me tonight, how about that? We could watch a movie and snuggle on the couch if you'd like."

Again, he simply shrugged. She waited for a reaction but nothing came so she told him that she'd call for him when dinner would be here. She ordered all-dress pizza, Charles' favorite, and french fries. The guy told her it would be there in approximately thirty minutes. She turned the TV on and watched without really listening, thinking about nothing else than Charles and Cal on a date with another woman. She wondered what she looked like, what her name was. And why did she agree to go on a date with him? What did she like about him? Was it the way his dark eyes looked at her or how he made her laugh? Was it because of that idiotic smile of his that made him fall in love with him the very first time they met in the Hamptons? Or how charming he could be? Where did they meet and what made him ask her on a date?

She was distracted from her thoughts when she heard footsteps coming into the living room. She turned around and saw her seven-year-old standing there, looking at her with sad eyes. He was holding his blanket and his teddy bear, something he usually did only at bedtime. He stood in front of her and she waited for him to say something.

"Are you mad?" he asked.

"Mad?" she said, confused. "No, why would I be mad, honey?"

"I wasn't nice earlier," he simply said. "I had a bad day."

"What happened?" she asked and he sat on her lap, clutching his blanket, his head resting on Rose's shoulder. "Something happened at school?"

She felt him nod and she stroked his back, his hand suddenly grasping at her shirt against her stomach, the same way he always did when she would let him get in bed with her at night. She never understood why he did that but she let him do so anyway. Maybe he wanted to feel her close, make sure she wouldn't leave without him knowing about it.

"Why does everyone say I'm a trust fund baby, what does that mean?" he asked, a tear slipping down his cheek. "And why does everyone think I'm a baby. I'm not a baby, mommy, am I?"

Rose closed her eyes, feeling his grasp hardening. What she didn't understand was why those kids said trust fund baby like it was exclusive to Charles. Avenues was a private school where it was very expensive to study so logically, most of the kids in that school were in the same position as Charles. Maybe it was easier to pick on him because he didn't realize how rich he was. To Charles, having a couple of millions at the bank was normal. Caledon and Rose never used the word _rich_ in front of him so he would treat everyone equally. His couple of millions remained untouched and he was only allowed to use the money he was given for his birthday or Christmas. The bank account would be unlocked on his eighteenth birthday and he could use the money then. In the meantime, he would learn the value of money like a normal person. To everybody in this city, Hockley meant money, _a lot_ of money.

She kissed her son's cheek and tried to make him understand that he shouldn't let himself be bothered by this, that it was stupid words. As much as she was glad to know that Charles would never have a financial barrier for anything he would do, she sometimes felt guilty that he had to live in that kind of mentality. Rich people were selfish. Kids were mean, rich kids were _extremely_ mean. Money ruled the world and the more money you had, the more powerful you were.

This was Charles' problem; his father was the most powerful. And it was only a matter of time until Charles took his place. He didn't want to become an architect to please his father or his grandfather. He was fascinated by it and dreamed of it since he got his first LEGO set at 18 months old. He always said he wanted to "build big things just like daddy does." He had the chance to inherit his father's talent for drawing and organization, which Rose possessed none.

"Do you think I could go to a new school next year?"

"Well I don't know, we'd have to ask daddy," Rose explained. "We chose this school because it was good for you."

"Okay, but maybe I can explain to daddy and he'll understand."

"Okay, honey, you do what you think is good for you."

He pulled on her shirt, result of grasping at it too hard. She took his hand in hers, trying to save her shirt from being torn. He reached with his other hand and did the same thing. She tried taking that hand away too but he begged her not to.

"Why are you doing this, honey?" she whispered. "You've been doing this since you were a baby."

"I'm right here, mommy, I love you," he whispered back.

It took everything she had not to burst into tears with him against her. She rested her hand on the back of his head and hugged him close. Her baby.

And then, just like lightning striking, she remembered the thought she had years ago. _If she was to love one Hockley man for the rest of her life, it would be him._

* * *

Cal stopped in front of Audrey's apartment and walked up the front steps. He knocked and she opened almost instantly. One look at her and it took his breath away. She was wearing a short black dress, hugging her curves in all the right places, and high heels that made her legs look like they were a mile long. Her hair looked as soft as silk and was in smooth curls. How could someone let this woman go? he thought, not aware that his date had the same thought about him not even a week ago.

"You look beautiful," he breathed out nervously.

"Thank you," she replied with a smile, blushing.

"Shall we go?" he said, holding out his arm.

They went to an Italian restaurant in Manhattan and ate outside since the night was warm enough to do so. Cal ordered a bottle of red wine and they drank their first glass over appetizers. He couldn't keep his eyes off of her. He loved the small dimple in her right cheek every time she smiled or the way she kind of bit her lower lip when she was shy and blushing. Her lips were beautiful and he caught himself staring at them too often.

"You said you moved here six years ago? Did you go to college in the State?" Cal asked.

"I did my degree at Monmouth University, in Long Branch. I moved to New York practically the day I got my diploma," she admitted with a soft laugh. "Where did you go?"

"I went to Columbia, I graduated in 2007."

"Really? We graduated the same year then. I graduated in May and left in June. I got a small job as an assistant and worked my way up."

"I wish I'd have something interesting to tell you but really, I had a job figured out the day I was born. Nothing fascinating, isn't there?"

"I can think of one thing," she said.

"Charles, is that it?" he asked and she nodded. "We were young and careless but we never think of it as a mistake. We were just kids, you know? I was barely twenty-one when we found out she was pregnant. She was eighteen."

Saying it out loud made him see the big picture. She was _eighteen_. A soft gasp escaped Audrey's lips involuntarily. He apologized, he didn't want to freak her out or talk about his past too much. His past was resumed to Rose and you weren't supposed to talk about exes on a first date, he knew that.

Audrey didn't realize it but now that she was thinking about it, Charles was seven years old. If Cal graduated the same year she did, it meant they were the same age and that Charles was definitely born when his father was barely legally allowed to have a beer. Which meant Charles' mother was just out of high school when he married her. She wondered how long their marriage lasted but she would never ask that question, especially not on their first date. It wasn't any of her business. There were some things she wished to keep for herself as well.

"I'm sorry, should we talk about something else? I'm such a klutz, I shouldn't be talking about that," he stuttered.

"Don't worry, I asked," she assured him before smiling faintly. "You mentioned playing tennis the other day. Do you play often?"

"Yes, do you?"

"I play sometimes but I like running better. I've done a couple marathons, keeps me in shape," she said. "I always bring Pilot along when I do my morning run."

"We should go together one of these days," he suggested and she agreed.

It was almost midnight when they left the restaurant. They walked along Central Park on 59th and when Audrey took Cal's hand in hers, butterflies flew all around in his stomach. Her hand was soft and he stroked the top of it with his thumb as he smiled down at her. She was there and everything was real. He saw her shivering so he quickly took his jacket off and put it on her shoulders before taking her hand again. They didn't say much but the silence was comfortable and they didn't feel the need to talk.

She felt so good with him, she couldn't even describe it. The moment their hands joined, she knew she was hooked.

They reached the car and Cal drove aimlessly, so they could have a chance to talk longer in the privacy of his Audi. Audrey didn't mind, she wished this night would never end. She dreaded the moment he would stop in front of her apartment and they would have to part until next time. If there was to be a next time. She truly hoped so.

It was 2 o'clock when Cal stopped in front of her place. She looked at him in silence and he just looked back with a small smile.

"Would that be okay if I walked you to the door?" he asked. "I'd sleep better if I know you're safely inside."

She nodded and they both got out of the car. They walked up the stairs and she unlocked the door under Cal's gaze. He stood at a certain distance, making sure she didn't feel invaded. He followed her inside after she invited him in. Audrey closed the door and when she turned around in the darkness, Cal's lips crashed on top of hers, his hand resting on the nape of her neck, his fingers buried in her hair. She closed her eyes and kissed him back, her head spinning. She could almost fly. He smelled _so good_ , it was driving her crazy. She wasn't the kind of girl to sleep with someone after the first date but she wouldn't need to be asked twice about this one. Audrey brought him closer, her hand on the small of his back. He was an amazing kisser and she would gladly kiss these perfect lips of his all night long.

Her back was suddenly against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist, his mouth kissing her neck hungrily. Her breathing was hard and she closed her eyes, a small moan escaping her lips. His hands under her thighs were burning her skin with desire and she melted in his arms.

"God, you're beautiful," he whispered breathlessly and she kissed him hard.

Their tongues met in his mouth and something inside of her exploded. She could feel his heart beat fast and she wondered if he felt hers beating in her chest as well. It felt like it would come out of it any time now. She struggled with the first few buttons of his shirt and then one hand slipped further on her thigh. His hand was under her dress, his fingers brushing against the fabric of her underwear. Her lips left his and she sighed softly.

"My room's this way," she whispered, her head tilting to the right.

It was dark but she still saw his smile. Cal didn't bother putting her down and he brought her to said room, walking blindly as he kissed her. When he walked in, she told him to close the door so they wouldn't be disturbed by the dog. He lay her down on the bed and their eyes met. He wanted her so bad, she could tell just by the way he was looking at her and he could read the same thing in her eyes.

Audrey sat up and Cal unzipped her dress slowly. She took it off, wearing nothing but the red lacy bra and matching panties she had put on earlier that evening before he picked her up. Cal bit his lower lip and eyed her hungrily. She took his shirt off and Cal joined his lips to hers as he lay her down on the mattress, holding his weight on top of her. Audrey ran her hands on his broad shoulders, down his back before going back up in his hair. She leaned her head back with a delighted sigh when she felt his mouth on her breast. He made her feel like the most beautiful woman on Earth and no man made her feel like that before. It was the way his mouth and his hands were taking care of every inch of her body. He unhooked her bra and discarded it before taking one breast in his mouth, his hand taking care of the other one. A soft moan came out of her and she ran her fingers into his dark hair. A small sigh escaped from his lips and he soon kissed her mouth.

She could feel his erection against her thigh and she unbuckled his belt to get rid of his pants with his help. She stroked him through the fabric of his boxer briefs but quickly took these off too. He asked if she had protection so she reached for the nightstand and took a condom out, holding it out for him.

When he slipped inside of her and that they were now one, something extremely powerful seemed to happen. Never once in his life did Cal feel this way with a woman during intercourse, not even with Rose. It was difficult to explain with words, it was indescribable, but it was there and it was strong. He understood it wasn't only for him when Audrey's hands went to the small of his back to bring him closer and her legs wrapped tighter around his waist.

"Are you okay?" he asked in a whisper, keeping the pace.

"Everything's perfect," she whispered in his ear.

The thin sweat covering their bodies made the whole thing sexier than it already was. Audrey began moaning softly and Cal felt the pleasure building inside of him with each thrust. He wouldn't last long this time, not after this much time without having sex. He held Audrey closer, his strong arms around her fragile body, and left a trail of open-mouthed kisses on her neck.

"I'm close," she muttered against his skin. He moved faster.

"Let go," he simply said.

It was all it took for her to get over the edge with a loud moan filled with pleasure. She arched her back, pressing her body into his. His hand went to her back and he held her trembling frame as she rode her orgasm to the very end. A few more thrusts and Cal hit his release too, collapsing on top of her with a groan, his stomach quivering in ecstasy. There was blissful moaning from both of them for a moment then Cal kissed Audrey before slipping out of her. Tonight, they went out for the first time and yet, this wasn't what people called a simple fuck. This, what just happened, was called lovemaking, and none of them would deny it.

He wasn't sure if she wanted him to stay or no so he asked. She told him to stay and hold her. He spooned her, their naked bodies still a bit sweaty, and buried his face in her neck. He ran his hand on her body as if studying her one last time before falling asleep. She cuddled closer and sighed in happiness.

"Audrey?" Cal asked softly after twenty minutes spent in silence. "Are you asleep?"

"No. What is it?" she replied with a tired voice.

"Did you feel it?"

"Yes," she said, knowing what he was talking about. "Do you think that's what soul mates are all about?" she whispered, terrified by her own question.

"I don't know," he admitted before leaving a small kiss on the back of her neck.

"Hold me tight," she whispered again.

"I'm right here, beautiful, I'm not going anywhere," he assured her, holding her closer, his legs tangling with hers. "Go to sleep."

He kissed her neck again and slowly, she fell asleep in his arms, her breathing getting steadier every second. It was at this very moment that he knew he was already in love with her.

* * *

The next morning, Cal was woken up by his cellphone at exactly 9:32. He tried getting up without waking Audrey but when he walked out of the room with the phone on his ear, he saw from the corner of his eyes that he failed. Audrey stayed in the warmth of the bed, hoping Cal wouldn't take too long before coming back. She heard him talk on the phone but she couldn't make out what he said, catching only a few words here and there.

"Well is he alright, now?" she heard him say. "Charles, I can't understand anything your mother is saying, could you please stop that?" he added after a moment.

So he was talking to his ex. This morning, at this hour, when he should still be in bed with her.

"Can we talk about that later?" he said after a while. "I'll call you later, okay? Tonight."

He hung up and groaned before walking back to the room, finding Audrey awake and waiting for him.

"Sorry about that, Charles is having a hard time."

"Is he okay?" she asked.

"He'll be fine," he assured her. "He's with his mother and if somebody can make him happy, that's mommy."

She stared at him the entire time and he laughed when he caught her looking his way.

"What? Is there something on my face?"

"No," she said with a small laugh. "You're very hot in the morning, that's all, with bed hair and everything."

"Well that's only because you haven't seen yourself because _you_ look adorable," he said, getting on top of her. He kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes. "What are you thinking about?"

"I'm happy," she replied, looking up at him with a smile. "I feel good, lighter, when I'm with you."

"I'm happy too," he admitted before kissing her.

And he truly was.

* * *

 **I think this is the most erotic thing I've written in my entire life *inserts monkey hiding his eyes emoji here*. Anyway, I know there isn't any Jack/Rose scene in this chapter and that most of you don't care that much about Cal's story but I thought this was a beautiful moment so I wrote it :3**

 **There will be more of Jack & Rose in the next "present time" chapter, I promise! Thanks for reading, please review.**


	27. twenty-six

**Sorry it took so long. I've been sick for the past three weeks. First I got a virus and was nauseous 24/7 for two weeks, then I got jaw inflammation and now a cold! Anyway, I wrote this chapter in a day so I'm sorry if it isn't any good. On a better mood, I went to see Steve Jobs twice and it's sooooo good, y'all have to see it, it's perfect. And I also got a new furry friend, a 3-month-old kitten. You can see pictures on my instagram account (username on my profile). Enjoy and please review :)**

* * *

 **TWENTY-SIX.**

Caledon had been away from the loft for six weeks, getting to see his son on Saturdays when Rose would be out doing errands for the week. Each time his father was leaving, Charles was throwing a huge tantrum to show his disagreement. It took twenty minutes to calm him down every time.

"Could I ask you something?" Cal asked Rose while Charles was napping in his bed and that he was getting ready to leave.

"What is it?" she replied.

"It's about William. My father is simply furious against him and he doesn't have anywhere to go so I told him I'd ask you if he could stay here for a while. He's in college most of the time, it's mostly so he can have a place to sleep."

"Okay, sure," she said after a moment in silence. "He can stay in the guest room, I don't mind."

"Thank you."

He looked at her unpacking the groceries and she finally looked up at him. He smiled but she didn't smile back.

"What can I do?" he asked. "What can I do for you to let me back in?"

"Fix your mistakes. Show me that you care," she answered. "When is William going to move in?" she changed the subject.

"As soon as possible, tonight if it's okay with you."

"It's okay with me."

* * *

Five days later, flowers were delivered for Rose at the loft. Lilies. She already knew who sent them but she looked down at the card anyway. She heard her brother-in-law walking out of the guest room and get his breakfast ready.

"You're a lucky girl, flowers on an ordinary day," he said with a smile. "Who sent them?"

"Your brother," she replied, looking down at his handwriting.

 _I'm sorry about everything. Could I ask you on a date so we can start over?_ it read.

"You should go," William said, making her jump. She didn't realize he was right behind her.

"What the hell are you doing?!" she exclaimed, stepping aside. "Didn't your mother tell you it's not okay to snoop over people's shoulders?"

"Hey, I didn't mean anything wrong, I'm sorry," he apologized, surprised to see her this way. It wasn't the Rose he was used to. "I'm just saying you should say yes. He really wants to redeem himself, he's trying the best he can."

"I'll think about it," she said curtly before fetching a vase from the cupboard.

"He's miserable, I've never seen him like that before."

"He kind of brought it onto himself don't you think?" she asked coldly.

"Listen, I know my brother and I know he's an ass but I also know that he loves you. And no matter how strong and proud you think you are, I know you love him too."

William walked back to the counter and Rose looked at him walk away without saying anything. He was right and she was mad that he could read her like that. Of course she loved Cal, she didn't want to prove to anyone that she didn't. And to be honest, she missed him, more than she ever missed him before. Every time he would come spend Saturday afternoon with Charles, it was like somebody stabbed her with a knife right in the wound and twisted it real good to make sure she suffered.

She loved him. She would never stop loving him no matter what he would do. She knew he couldn't be perfect and he couldn't be everything that she wanted him to be because it was simply impossible. She wasn't perfect either, and he made sure to remind her that. She was a pain in his ass and a spoiled little brat, he was a jerk a little bit too often, but they loved each other and nothing else mattered. Their imperfections made them perfect for each other and if someone couldn't see that, they were blind. Caledon and Rose Hockley were made for one another. She knew that since the day she met him and he smiled at her from a distance.

His ridiculous grin. His perfect white teeth. His lips. The way his dark hair fell on his forehead and his eyes shined with fascination when he first glanced at her. There was an immediate connection, there was something drawing her to him. On the spot, she couldn't figure out exactly what it was but she soon realized it was the way he looked at her; like she was the only person in the world.

He was an idiot but he was _her_ idiot, which made it okay somehow.

She missed his presence in bed every night. The weight of his body on the mattress and his quiet adorable snore that rocked her to sleep. He didn't have to hold her, he only needed to be there with her. To kiss her goodnight and tell her he loved her. She wanted his face to be the last thing she saw before falling asleep and the first one when she woke up the next morning.

She missed his warm hands on her skin and the way he held her when they were making love. His fingers in her hair and his lips on her neck. The last time was almost three months ago and she longed for his touch. How he always whispered sweet things to her when they were intimate. How beautiful, how desirable and perfect she was. How he loved her more than anything. His arms around her, her body fitting perfectly against his like she was born to be held by him.

She missed his lips on the back of her neck every morning when she made breakfast. The smell of his aftershave and his clean-shaved cheek against hers. The "I love you" he whispered in her ear before joining their son at the table. He would look at her lovingly through the entire meal even though she asked him not to do that or else she wouldn't let him leave for the office. Every time, he asked if it was a threat or a promise.

She waited until William left for his classes and Charles was playing in the living room to pick up the phone and call him. Her husband. She sat on the couch, looked at her toddler playing with his fire truck, Gatsby sitting nearby, looking at the boy intently. Rose took a deep breath and dialed the number to his office.

"You've reached Hockley & Sons Architecture, how can I help you?" Jenny's voice answered.

"Could I speak to Caledon Hockley, please?" Rose asked.

"Hold on for a moment, Mrs. Hockley," she said and forwarded the call to Cal's office. The phone rang four times and Rose was about to hang up.

"Hello? Rose?" he answered and Rose knew Jenny told him that she was on the line. "Darling, are you still there?" he asked when she didn't say anything. He was breathless, he probably ran to his office from the conference room to answer the phone.

"Yes," she said, feeling her throat tighten at how he called her. "I'm still here," she added.

"I'm glad to hear your voice."

"Yes," she said, leaving him confused.

"What?"

"I mean," she continued, closing her eyes at her silliness. "Yes, I'll go on a date with you. I'll go."

"Okay, is tonight too soon?" he asked, knowing he was done with his last contract and could breathe some air for the next couple of weeks.

"I'd have to find a baby-sitter but -"

"I'm taking care of this, okay? Don't worry, I'll find somebody and I'll pick you up at 7."

"I'll see you later then," she finished.

"I'll see you tonight, seven sharp."

She hung up and Cal listened to the dead line for a moment, trying to figure out if the conversation really happened or if he imagined it all. He didn't think she'd call the very same day he sent the flowers to the loft. To be honest, he didn't expect her to call at all but he was glad she did. First date with his wife. This sounded ridiculous but this was his second chance and he wouldn't screw it up this time.

* * *

At 5 o'clock, the doorbell rang at the loft and Rose opened the door to see her mother-in-law on the other side.

"Mrs. Hockley?" she asked, confused. "What are you doing here?"

"When are you going to stop calling me that, Rose? And I'm here to pick up Charles, Caledon asked us to baby-sit tonight. We're going to keep him for the night so you two can stay out as late as you want."

"I shouldn't come home late," Rose assured.

"Nathan and I don't mind at all, we're always happy to have him at home with us."

"Alright. Well, let me pack an overnight bag for him. It'll take five minutes. Come in," she said, stepping to the side to let Helen in.

Rose walked to her son's room while Helen stayed with Charles in the living room. He was quite excited to see his grandmother and ran to her. He hugged her legs and she picked him up in her arms. Charles kissed her face and she told him he was going to spend the night with grandma and grandpa.

Rose came back with Charles' bag and dressed him of his outdoors clothes. Dressing a two-year-old of a winter coat and winter boots was the worst. Charles wouldn't stop squirming and she'd have to do the same thing at least three times. He started to whine when she put his hat on, taking it off and throwing it away. She was losing her patience every second and her mother-in-law saw it.

"Why don't you let me do it, sweetie?" she suggested. "You go and get ready for your date."

"It's okay, I'm fine," she replied curtly, immediately regretting it. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I'm quite nervous and he just... It's like he knows."

"That's because he does. Come on, let me do it."

She walked back and watched Helen dress Charles with expertise. She was calm, unlike her, so Charles wasn't fussing. Rose kissed Charles, told him to behave but to have fun at his grandparents' and that she'd see him tomorrow.

Once they were gone, Rose began to get ready for her date with Cal. She was more nervous than she had been on their very first date in the Hamptons, four years ago. He knew everything about her and she knew everything about him, there was no reason to be nervous. Maybe because this date was decisive, it was a second chance for the both of them. She had her part of the blame in the situation, she would never say Cal was the only one to have made a mistake because that would be a lie. They were both at fault.

* * *

At seven, there was a knock on the door and Rose frowned as she walked to it, her heels clicking on the hardwood floor. She took a deep breath and looked one last time at herself in the mirror. Okay, she was ready. She opened the door and saw Cal, looking as handsome as ever.

"You don't have to knock, you know," she said with a small smile. "Last time I checked it was still your home." He shrugged and threw his _ridiculous grin_ her way. She went weak in the knees.

"You look beautiful," he told her, trying to find where to put his hands, finally burying them in his pockets.

"Thank you," she replied. "Come in, I have to get my bag and my coat and then we can go.

He nodded and walked in the loft. It was home and yet he felt like a stranger. Rose disappeared in the bedroom. _Their_ bedroom. He stood in the living room, looking around as if he saw it for the very first time. The grand piano, a Chopin piece on the music rack, the books sorted out neatly on the shelves, their wedding picture in a brand new frame standing right next to them, the cliché family portrait two shelves below.

Rose came back and he looked at her, raising his brow as if asking if she was ready to go. She nodded. At the car, he opened the passenger door for her and she felt the goosebumps on her arms when his hand rested on the small of her back to help her get in. The ride to the restaurant was mostly silent, neither of them knowing what to say. Once they got to one of the most expensive restaurant in New York City, Cal left his keys to the valet and walked with Rose inside. Rose noticed that he never tried to take her arm, her hand or anything. Except for the small gesture when they left the loft, he didn't touch her at all. She appreciated it in a way because it meant he really wanted to make this right, he wanted to start anew.

"Mr. Hockley, Mrs. Hockley," the hostess greeted with a small nod when he saw them. "It's nice to see you again. Please, follow me."

They followed him to the table that was reserved for them and sat. The young man gave them the menus.

"Thank you, Jonathan," Rose said with a small smile.

"Enjoy your evening," he told them before going back to the front door to greet the next customers.

"Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Hockley," another young man's voice said a few minutes later.

"Good evening to you, Christopher," Rose replied and the waiter smiled. The Hockleys were his favorite customers and he always managed to get their table when they came in.

"Are you going to have the 2004 Flowers Pinot Noir Camp Meeting Ridge tonight?" Christopher asked, knowing it was their usual choice. Cal looked quickly at Rose who nodded once.

"Yes, please," Cal said.

"Alright, so I'm going to let you go over the menus and I'll be back shortly," the young man explained.

"Alright, thank you," Rose said softly.

He left and she looked down at the menu, feeling Cal's eyes on her. She turned the page then looked up at him. He smiled and she smiled back. They still didn't say anything to the other since they left the loft. Rose didn't know how to start the conversation so she let that into his hands.

Cal would've stared at her all night and he would have been satisfied but he knew he had to say something. She looked ravishing and the ring on her finger reminded him that she was his. Three years ago, he married her and now here they were, reliving their first date all over again. For a quick second, he saw 17-year-old Rose Dewitt Bukater sitting in front of him wearing a floral summer dress, her curly ginger hair cascading down her shoulders. Then, he saw the gorgeous 21-year-old woman she had become, with her pearl pink evening gown, her hair in a braided bun, diamond earrings and necklace showing the first class woman she now was and the natural glow she was projecting. For the first time, he realized how his beautiful girlfriend was now his _magnificent_ wife.

Christopher came back with the bottle of wine and poured two glasses. They ordered their meal and the young man left once again to leave them to that awful silence.

"He's not giving you a hard time, is he?" Cal finally talked.

"You mean Charles?" Rose demanded. "He's alright. He's an ordinary two-year-old."

"I meant William," he said with a chuckle.

"Oh," she laughed softly. "No, not at all. I barely see him and he's helpful when he's there so I can't complain," she said.

"If he's any trouble, you tell me and I'll take care of it."

"Don't worry about me, I know how to handle Hockley men," she assured him with a side smile. "It's not like I'm living with the two easiest ones too."

"Yeah, I guess you're right ," he chuckled. "Like father, like son, I suppose."

"Oh definitely."

They made small talk until their plates arrived and continued talking about nothings through the entire meal, clearly avoiding what they needed to discuss. He made her laugh, which was good. She hadn't laughed since she threw him out of the loft, almost two months before. She had to admit she was a bit tipsy at this point of the night, she already had two glasses of wine. But Cal knew and he didn't pour her a third glass because it would be too much. Even two glasses were enough to make her annoying. She seemed quite euphoric at the moment though and he couldn't complain. They had dessert and left the restaurant around eleven, leaving a large tip behind as they always did anywhere they went. Cal asked Rose if she wanted him to drive her home but she said she'd rather stay with him a little longer. It was cold outside so walking around in their evening attire wasn't really an option but they stopped by Starbucks and Cal came back into the car with two coffees then drove near the Hudson River and parked there. They would be able to talk privately in a neutral environment so it was the perfect spot. He made sure the heating was at the temperature where Rose was comfortable, not too high but not too low either.

"I forgot to tell you earlier but thank you for the flowers, they're beautiful," she said. Cal could hear in her voice that she was still a bit tipsy.

"You're welcome," he simply replied. "I knew you'd love them."

"I did."

"Listen, Rose," he began after a moment of silence. "I know I screwed up and I know it won't be easy to fix but I just want you to know that I'm working on it, I really am."

"I know."

"Maybe I can take you on a second date, if I'm worthy of a second date. I mean, I know I deserved it the first time but did I manage expectations this time?"

"You did," she replied. "I'll go on a second date with you only this time you've got to take me on a casual thing."

"I'm writing this down," he said with a laugh as he typed on his iPhone. "Casual. Maybe you could help me here, would you prefer to stay inside or do something outdoors?"

"Surprise me."

He laughed again and accepted the challenge. Next Friday night, she was all his. He had absolutely no idea where he would take her but he still had eight days to figure something out. He was never used to casual before he met Rose. Since he was born, he went to nothing but fancy events, fancy restaurants, five-stars hotels and country clubs. The first year of their relationship, she brought him to places he thought he'd never set foot in. He saw his first baseball game with her. Yankees vs. Cardinals. The Yankees lost that night but he managed to cheer her up with book shopping and a make-out session in the back seat of his car afterwards. He also had his first hickey that night.

Younger years. Carefree teenagers. It felt like it was ten years ago.

He stopped in front of the building at one o'clock in the morning. He knew he would hate himself in five hours when he'd have to get up to go to work but if it was to be with Rose a little longer, he didn't mind one bit. The last two hours they spent talking in the car had been really fun and honestly, they just didn't see the time go by.

"Thank you, it was fun," she said, still seated in the car.

"It was."

"I should go, it's late and you have work in a couple of hours," she told him, her hand on the door handle.

"Rose?"

"What?" she asked, turning around to see him.

"Would that be okay if I kissed you goodnight?" he asked.

Rose was surprised. Not because he wanted to kiss her but because he _asked_ if he could do it. All night, he never laid a finger on her, he never tried to take her hand, he never tried to get her closer to him, he didn't even put his arm behind her headrest in the car. He really was acting like they were on a first date except for this part. No man would ask a girl if he could kiss her, he would just do it.

"Okay, forget that, forget what I just said, it was stupid. Jesus, I'm an idiot," he stammered.

"No, no, it's okay, you're not stupid. It's kind of sweet, actually," she admitted. "Of course you can kiss me goodnight, you don't have to ask."

He didn't ask a second time, his lips crashing onto hers almost immediately. Rose closed her eyes, enjoying the taste of his lips for the first time in a long time. She missed it so much. She even groaned in disappointment when their lips parted but she wasn't sure if the sound actually came out. She would be lying if she said she wasn't aroused right now but she knew they still needed to wait for that. If they jumped straight to sex, it would be like ignoring the problem and it would just end up getting worst.

"Okay, I - " she whispered but she was interrupted by his mouth on hers again. "You need to stop," she breathed between kisses. "You know I can't resist those," she continued, her eyes closed.

"I'm sorry, I got carried away," he chuckled against her lips. "Goodnight," he whispered, pecking her lips one last time.

"Goodnight," she said before getting out of the car.

Cal waited until the light in the loft went off then he left. He got to his hotel room fifteen minutes later and went to bed even though he was perfectly aware he wouldn't get any sleep. He watched a little TV to change his mind but it did nothing. He wondered what Rose was doing right this instant. Was she in bed too? Was she asleep? He stared at his phone, wondering if he should call her but finally decided against it. He shouldn't be too persistent or rush into things. So far, everything was going at the rate he wanted and if he speeded things up, it would most likely end up in a disaster.

Mrs. Hockley would come back to him. The way she kissed him back when he dropped her off was proof of it.


	28. twenty-seven

**TWENTY-SEVEN.**

Charles held his mother's hand, holding a strawberry milkshake in his other hand, as they walked on the sidewalk on their way to the pet shop. The boy was excited to finally get his first pet. He accepted the fact that he couldn't have a dog right away and that a hamster would do just fine.

It was the second Saturday of June and the sidewalks were filled with tourists and their cameras, _I heart NY_ t-shirts and maps of the city. Rose was annoyed with the way they were all over the place, stopping in the middle of the way for absolutely no reason. She was used to this city and she knew where she was going, Charles too, and she wished she could get to her destination at the normal rate. It was the only thing she disliked about New York City. It was on the Top 10 of the most visited cities in the entire world but it felt like the most ordinary city to her. She wouldn't leave it for the world but she couldn't see what the fuss was about.

Once they walked into the shop, they were greeted by the young man working behind the counter and Cookie the parrot. Rose let Charles walk around on his own, knowing there was nobody else but them in the store. There were a few minutes and then she heard him gasp loudly.

"Mommy!" he called out. "Come here, quick!" She followed the sound of his voice and found him in the rodent section.

"Did you choose the one you like?" she asked before she reached him.

"Look!" he said as he pointed a large cage. "Can I have a rabbit instead? Look at this one, he's funny," he giggled when the smallest rabbit jumped on another one. "They are _awesome_."

"You have to choose only one though, honey. We agreed on one pet."

The young man from earlier stepped closer and asked if they needed anything so Rose asked if it was possible to pet the rabbits so they could pick the one they would take home. He opened the cage under Charles' observing eyes then squatted down to take one.

"Would you like to sit down?" he asked Charles. "It will be easier to hold them this way."

Charles nodded and did as he was suggested. Rose liked the way the employee talked directly to him instead of speaking to her. After all, it would be Charles' pet.

"Did you ever have a bunny before?" Charles shook his head. "Bunnies are really cool and they all have their own personalities."

"How do I know which one to take home?" Charles asked as the man put a rabbit down in his small arms.

"You can hold a couple of them and you'll see which one you bond with."

"Okay," he replied simply before taking another one.

They stayed there for twenty minutes, Charles holding each of the bunnies. Rose looked around, saw a couple of kittens and walked closer. She thought of Gatsby and how she missed having him around the house. She missed his big green eyes and the small kisses he left on her nose when she picked him up in her arms. She swallowed her tears and turned back to her son.

"I think I'll take this one," he said to the seller.

"This is a Blue/Fawn Tri-Color," he explained to the both of them. "She's a French Lop."

"How big is she going to get?" Rose asked.

"They rarely go over four kilos."

"Can I have her, mommy?"

"If she's the one you want, you can have her," she told Charles. "Could you help us gather everything we'll need for her?" she asked the man who nodded with a smile.

* * *

At home, Charles organized Ella's things in one corner of his room while Rose made the rest of the apartment 'rabbit-proof'. Charles insisted on paying everything himself with his own money and Rose let him do so, knowing it was important for him to understand the value of his dollars. She helped counting when they were at the cashier to make sure everything was there then he gave his money proudly to the young man who helped them in the process of choosing the pet. It was Charles' first important buying experience and Rose could see how proud he was. The bunny came for free when you bought the cage but he also had to buy food and water accessories, a small playpen so the bunny could exercise safely, bedding, a couple of toys and a travelling bag so Charles could bring her at his father's. As a belated (other) birthday gift, Rose would buy the double of everything for when Charles would be at Cal's, if Cal ever agreed on taking the bunny every two weeks. She wouldn't mind taking care of the small pet the week Charles wasn't there but it wouldn't hurt to ask.

After he was done installing everything, Charles asked to call his father to tell him about Ella. He had chosen this name because he heard it on television and thought it was pretty. Rose admitted she liked it too.

The phone had already rung five times but Charles still waited patiently, sitting on his bed. Rose was on the ground, petting the bunny that was on her lap. She looked up at her son and he shrugged.

"Hello?" Cal answered. Charles knew his father was driving by the sound of a horn in the distance. He was on speaker.

"Daddy! Guess what!" he exclaimed, not bothering to say hello.

"I don't know," he chuckled. "What?"

"No, guess. You have to guess, daddy!"

"I really have no idea. What's so exciting?"

"Mommy and me, we went to the store and I bought a rabbit. A real one not a stuffed one. And she's mine, I bought her with my money. Her name's Ella and she's white and have shades of grey around her eyes," Charles said without breathing.

"First of all, it's mommy and _I_ and second of all, why on Earth did you get one of these things? Where's your mother?" he replied and Charles lost his smile, even felt his eyes fill with tears. "Put her on the phone."

Charles held out the phone to his mother and Rose reached for it, squeezing it between her ear and her shoulder. She looked at Charles run out of the room and put the rabbit back in her playpen.

"Hello?"

"What is all this? Couldn't you tell me about it first?" he burst out, repeating his son's behavior and not saying hello. "You have to go and do everything behind my back as usual."

"Jesus, Cal. He got a rabbit, he didn't join the freaking army," Rose replied, already being defensive. "He's seven and he's lonely. I think it's a good thing to help him become responsible."

"And you let him pay for this? What kind of mother are you? You said it, he's seven years old!" he shouted.

Stabbing her in the heart would've caused the same pain his words did. She was the kind of mother that picked up the broken pieces he left behind every time he broke Charles' heart and chose work over him. She was the mother that was working very hard to make up for her own mistakes. Most of all, she was the mother that did the best she could. Wasn't that enough?

"You don't get to tell me that, I won't let you say that to me," she said, trying to stay calm. "How many times did you let him down, huh? How many times did I have to clean up your mess?"

"Cry me a river," he complained and she simply lost it.

"Do you know what a burden it is to wear your name? Everybody is scared away, they simply run away. Nobody wants to be around us, children don't want to be friends with your son. I can live with the fact that I chose to wear it but Charles can't do anything about it, he was born and you happened to be his father," she spat and Cal could hear the disgust in her voice. "Just because I was naive enough to fall in love with you."

It was getting personal, they both thought, and the bunny wasn't even the issue anymore. Cal attacked her, saying she wasn't a good mother and it was probably the worst thing somebody could ever say to her. It was even worst when it came from him because as parenting went, Cal couldn't exactly be proclaimed as father of the year.

Charles was on the other side of the door and could hear everything Rose was shouting to his father. He felt bad that everything happened only because he chose to adopt a small pet so he wouldn't feel so lonely all the time.

He hated to hear his parents shout mean things to one another. For a long time, every night, he prayed to God for his parents to come to their senses and realize the divorce was a mistake. That they still loved each other like before. But God did nothing about it and his parents remained as stubborn as they could be. It didn't seem possible for him that people stopped loving other people. Especially after almost seven years. For years, he had seen them kiss and heard their voice say "I love you" every day. How could you fall out of love? How could it come to this?

"If I'm the worst father there is then why didn't you get rid of him when you had the chance? Your kid wouldn't have to wear my fucking name!"

"I hope to Christ you never reproduce again. I feel sorry for the next woman who is going to fall in love with you because she doesn't know what an asshole you are!"

"I have no idea how come your boyfriend didn't realize you're a psycho bitch already," he yelled.

Cal parked on the side of the road because he was too angry to drive safely. He was on his way to get Audrey so they could spend the weekend in the Hamptons, far from the buzz of the city. The two of them alone. Obviously, Rose didn't know about Audrey yet. He didn't tell her and would definitely not do so right now.

To think he ever loved Rose with all of his heart, that he did everything to get her back seemed crazy. At moments like these, he didn't even know why he bothered trying to stay friends with her. Maybe this would be the last time. Maybe after they'd hang up it would be over and they would be like any normal divorced parents.

He heard Rose sigh and he figured she started crying. He sighed too, defeated. He knew she meant what she said and he meant what he said too. He wouldn't say he was sorry because he wasn't. She wasn't either.

"You should consider yourself very lucky, you know?" Rose said and he realized that she wasn't crying at all.

"Why? Because you dumped me?" he asked curtly, annoyed. "Is that what you're going to say? Because I will agree 100% with you on that."

"I had all the reasons in the world to take him away from you but I chose not to. I was strongly recommended not to let you have him but I knew I'd feel like a monster for the rest of my life if I did as the lawyers advised. So consider yourself lucky you fathered the psycho bitch's child," she explained, strangely calm, before she hung up on him.

Cal felt the need to punch something with all his might but there was nothing that allowed him to do that right now so he tightened his grip on the steering wheel, biting the inside of his cheek very hard. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, to make the Earth shake so that the world could hear all the pain he buried inside since he was a six-year-old boy. No matter what he did, it was never okay, it was never enough.

He felt guilty that he reacted this way with Charles. His son was everything to him and he just stepped on the hint of happiness his new pet brought him. Despite what Rose thought, he knew what it was to be a Hockley. Just like Charles, he was stuck with the name. That name that came with so many responsibilities. You could never disappoint anyone because it meant that you failed.

" _You're a disgrace to this family and you will never do something good with your life._ "

His father told him that every day of his life up until he finally got into Columbia's architecture program. He would do something with his life, he wouldn't let his father win. Not again. The mental and physical abuse stopped coming his way and then he met Rose who gave a new meaning to his life. Nathan couldn't say anything anymore because his oldest son would be a businessman, take the family business, marry the most wonderful girl and surely produce a couple of kids that would carry the same burden he did; wear the name Hockley.

How many times he thought of taking his own life. A couple of hundred times. He actually tried only one time; the night his wife and son left. Everything was becoming unbearable and life had no meaning anymore. He swallowed the still-full bottle of Ambien in the bathroom cabinet with a glass of whiskey. He downed two more glasses before he felt himself slowly slip away. It would all be over soon. No more pain and no more deception. No more pressure and no more failures.

He woke up at the hospital, his worried little brother by his side. William never asked why he did it. Why he decided to kill himself and leave his four-year-old son behind. He never talked to anybody about it, at least not right away. Only Rose knew about it. He never mentioned it to Cal again, it was their secret. As much as they once hated each other, they would have each other's back from now on.

* * *

Jack came over after dinner and Charles showed him his new friend. Rose had spent almost an hour trying to comfort her son after his father's reaction and the loud argument that followed. He was sad that Cal didn't share his enthusiasm but also scared about the words he had heard. He rarely heard his mother scream the way she did or saw her this angry. They played with the bunny for most of the evening, up until Charles had to go to bed. He insisted that Jack tucked him in because honestly, he barely uttered a word to his mother since the phone call. Rose kissed his forehead, cradling his head, and she felt his body tense. Charles said nothing and Rose kissed him again before exiting the room, leaving the two boys alone.

Jack spent no less than fifteen minutes in the room with Charles, Rose waiting impatiently in the living room. Every thirty seconds or so, she would look towards her son's room and see that the door was still closed. Her phone chimed and she saw the text was from Regina but she decided to ignore it for now. She wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, she was still fuming from the argument she had with her ex-husband earlier that day. She only wanted to spend some time with Jack, relax, think of something else. Talk it out. She knew he would be the only one to listen without trying to reason her and that was what she needed.

"Do you think one day mommy will fall out of love with me too?" Charles asked, stroking his exhausted eyes with his closed fists. "Just like she did with daddy?"

"No, she would never do that," he assured him but the boy didn't look too convinced. "Sometimes, things happen to people and there are pieces of them that are shattered and broken and it's really hard to put them all back together. They have to find something that makes them whole again. You're that something to your mom."

"Why is she shattered and broken?" he asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

"I don't think we'll ever know. It's hidden in her secret garden and it's really hard to get in there but maybe one day she'll let you in. The important thing is that she loves you with everything that she is and she will never stop."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Will you be there when I wake up?"

"Yes. Now you need to go to sleep, okay?" he whispered and Charles nodded. "All set?"

Charles made sure he had his blanket and his teddy bear with him then he nodded. Jack leaned down to put the covers over Charles' body and the boy wrapped his arms around his neck, bringing him close. Jack stayed in his embrace, his eyes closed. Charles became attached to him, _a lot_ , and the same went for him.

"I love you, Jack," he whispered and Jack's heart melted at the words. It was the first time Charles ever told them to him.

"I love you too," he said. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Jack walked out of the room, looking at Charles one last time. He held his bear close, his eyes clenched shut. Jack left the door ajar and walked to the living room where Rose was sitting on the couch, staring at nothing.

"Did he make you read a whole storybook to him?" she asked with a light smile.

"Nah, he had a couple questions is all. Nothing I couldn't handle," he replied. "Now," he said, sitting right next to her. "May I ask what's wrong?"

She explained everything, from the rabbit-buying to the insult-throwing phone call with Cal. He listened to her intently, refraining from saying what was on his mind. He took offense at everything Cal said about Rose but he didn't say it out loud. He wasn't a violent man but to hear things like 'psycho bitch' being said to the woman he loved made him want to punch Caledon right in the face.

He was never fond of the man, why would he, but there were limits to what you could and could not say to somebody. Jack didn't know Rose as much as Cal did but he was wrong to say things like that, no matter what happened between them. Of course, maybe Rose didn't tell him everything. Maybe she said horrible things too and maybe he deserved them but that wasn't the point. The point was, they still had unresolved issues even after two years and that if they were so keen on staying friends, they would need to work on that. Jack was aware that he would probably have to tolerate Caledon Hockley for the rest of his life. Even if Rose decided not to be his friend anymore, Charles would forever be his son.

As much as Rose hated Cal right now, she knew this wouldn't go on forever. Not unless _he_ wanted to. You couldn't love somebody as much as they loved each other and then just start treating them like gutter rats, it didn't make sense, at least not to her. There had to be something between love and hate, just like there was something between black and white. A grey zone, a common ground.

"I wish I met you first," Rose told Jack, her face buried in his chest with his arms around her.

"This would've been different. You say that now but maybe it wouldn't have been better," he said, because it was the truth. "You got your kid out of this marriage, it cannot be a complete mistake, can't it?"

"He's the only good thing that came out of it."

Jack kissed her head and said nothing more. There was nothing to say. It was crazy how things could change in the blink of an eye. One day, he was happy and in love with his high school sweetheart, the next, a drunk driver crashed her car into a ditch, killing her instantly. Still today, he missed her shining blue eyes and the sound of her laugh. The way the sun made her blonde hair glisten and how there was nothing more beautiful than her smile. Everywhere he went around the globe afterwards, he had her photograph in his pocket. He knew she would've loved Paris and that's why he chose to stay there for five years. He wanted to stop in Victoria, BC on his way back, her hometown, but he didn't find the courage to. One day he would go.

If Heather hadn't died, who knew what would've happened? Maybe they would still be together, maybe they would not. Maybe he would've stayed in Wisconsin and study at the community college instead of a well-known French University. One thing was for sure though, he would never have ended up in New York City, much less met the wonderful woman he now called his girlfriend.

Take life as it comes at you. Make each day count.

"Moving here was the best decision I've ever made because it brought me to you," he finally said. "And no matter how stupid our first meeting will sound like when we talk about it when we're old and gray, we'll know that this moment turned our lives around. And I will always remember how you blushed when I smiled at you and the strands of your hair blowing in the wind as you walked away."

She kissed him softly then thanked him for being there for her and Charles. For loving her son like his own. For taking care of her at moments like these, when she needed him to. She was the luckiest girl on Earth.

"Some people's loss are other people's gain, you're proof of that. He was foolish enough to let you go and I will never make that mistake because you're too special and I love you."

"I love you too, so much," she said before kissing him deeply.

She lay down, her head on his lap and Jack stroked her hair as she smiled up at him. He smiled back, silently hoping that one day she would let him in in that secret garden of hers. That she'd unveil her darkest secrets to him, that she would trust him enough for him to know everything about her, just like Cal did. And maybe, just maybe, he would let her come into his too.

* * *

One week later, it was with great sadness that Charles left Ella behind to spend his usual week at the loft. Cal didn't get out of the car and Rose walked Charles out, not getting close to the black Audi. So this was it, that was how most divorced parents dealt with the sharing of the kids. Charles opened the passenger door and looked at his father, throwing his backpack on the back seat. He wasn't in a good mood, it was written all over his face, but Cal already knew why. Charles sat and Cal helped him putting his seatbelt on.

"Have a good week, honey," Rose told Charles who looked at her by the opened window.

"Don't forget Ella, okay mommy?"

"I won't, I promise. Goodbye," she said, waving at him as Cal drove away.

Cal didn't even glance at her. He didn't want to meet her eye and having to say something to her. He didn't want another argument to start when Charles was right in the middle of it, literally this time. He didn't need to hear that his mother was fucking insane or that his father was an unimaginable bastard. Charles stayed silent most of the car ride, having nothing to say to his father.

"I have a surprise waiting for you at home," Cal finally said when they were getting closer to the loft.

"I don't want anything," he replied. "I just want to go back home."

"That's where we're going."

"No, my real home with mommy and Jack and my bunny," Charles said with a small frown. "I don't want to go to your house, I don't like it there."

It felt like all the air was kicked out of his lungs. He wondered if Rose had something to do with this, if she asked Charles to be this way with him or if the boy spoke the truth. Charles always loved spending time at the loft, alone with him, doing guy stuff. Doing things he couldn't do with his mom like wrestle on the couch or play laser tag.

"I wanted you to meet someone and then I thought we could all have dinner someplace you like."

"Why don't you want me to bring Ella? She won't make a mess, I am training her."

"Are you going to be sulky like this until I change my mind?" he asked and Charles said nothing, still pouting. "Fine," Cal said, turning the car around, on the verge of getting angry.

He drove back to Brooklyn and stopped in front of Rose's apartment building. Charles ran inside and Cal walked behind him, dreading the meeting with his ex-wife that would happen in a moment. He sent a text quickly then he saw Rose walking to the door, Charles charging into her. He explained that "daddy said yes" and that he could bring Ella with him to spend the week in Manhattan. Rose told him that there wasn't anything at daddy's for the rabbit and that they would have to buy another cage and accessories. Cal said he'd take care of it as Charles put his bunny inside the travelling bag. He showed her proudly to Cal who had no reaction whatsoever if only a forced smile to please his son. At least now he wouldn't be a monster to his eyes anymore.

The ride back was quite different. Charles spoke the entire time and asked if the surprise would still be there when he'd arrive. Yes, Cal told him, the surprise has been waiting for over an hour now.

They walked into the loft and Charles saw Audrey sitting in the living room. He looked around but didn't see Pilot. He looked at her from a distance, not sure what she was doing there, especially without her dog. Charles hadn't seen her since that Sunday at the park, almost a month ago. Cal walked into the room, apologizing for taking so long, and saw Charles analyzing his girlfriend.

"Where's Pilot?" he finally asked. "Are we going to the park to play, daddy?" he continued, looking up at Cal.

"No, buddy, hum -" he began, crouching down to be at Charles' level. "You see, it turns out that I like Audrey, I like her a lot, and -" he stopped talking.

"What your father is trying to say, sweetie," Audrey explained softly. "It's that I am his girlfriend."

"Is that why I couldn't bring my rabbit?" Charles asked, leaving Audrey confused but also amused.

"What?" she demanded with a small laugh.

"Daddy didn't want me to bring my rabbit. Is it because you don't like them?"

"You didn't want him to bring his rabbit? Why ever not? As a matter of fact, Charles, I love bunnies, why don't you show me yours?"

"Don't take this out in my living room," Cal warned.

"Are you scared?" Audrey chuckled. Cal shrugged, trying to deny her suspicion. "Oh my God, you are!"

"They are disgusting," he admitted and Charles laughed out loud at his father's fear.

* * *

With Charles gone, Rose went to spend the weekend at Jack's. She needed to get out of the house for a few days and being alone with the love of her life sounded simply divine. They were both into bed, their back resting on the pillows against the headboard, and were reading each their book. Rose loved that. She was with him but in her own bubble. She knew that if she'd reach out, she would find his hand and that she could hold it all night long if she wanted to.

"Jack?"

"Mmm, what?" he asked, closing his book to look at her.

"I think I want to go back," she simply said.

"Want to go back where? Home?"

"No, I meant go back to college. Finish my degree," she confessed. "I always said I'd wait for Charles to be older and now he's seven and I still didn't go back."

"Then why don't you?"

"It's just - I know how much work it will be and he may be older but I still need to supervise everything."

"I can supervise. I can get him after school if you can't be there in time, I can make my schedule match his. We can figure this out."

She looked at him, the hint of a smile on her lips. How could she have the chance to meet this wonderful man out of nowhere, on the sidewalk, on her way to work? It all seemed so surreal and perfect that it couldn't be true. Did the last ten months really happened or was she asleep and dreaming this entire time? After nine months of knowing Charles, Jack was ready to change his daily routine so he could take care of him. Like a father would do, like Cal never did. One day, Jack would make a wonderful father, she knew that, and she hoped to be the lucky one to share that with him. She never really thought about kids since her last miscarriage, months before the divorce was finalized, but now she knew she wanted more. With him. She wanted Dawson babies with their father's eyes and adorable grin. She wanted Charles to be a big brother.

"You deserve a second shot at this, I'll help you through it every step of the way," Jack said. "You deserve to go back after everything you've done. It's time you think about yourself now," he continued, bringing her close to him. "You can do this."

"I'll do it then. I'll send an application to NYU and hope they take me back."

"They will," Jack assured. "Because if they don't I'll kick their ass."

Rose kissed him and laughed against his lips. How could he be so perfect? She didn't deserve a man like him and yet here he was, kissing her and holding her like she was the most precious thing in the world. He loved her, he told her so every time they were together. That special thing she had with him, whatever it was, she didn't have it with Caledon. She knew because nobody would forget a thing like this if it ever happened to them.

She sat on his lap and kissed him again. When they parted, Jack put his hands on her cheeks then into her hair as she brought her lips back to his, her right hand buried into his hair at the back of his head. When she looked at him after their kiss, she was convinced that she would spend the rest of her life with him. For better or for worse. And that they would grow old together. That their table would be surrounded by kids and grandkids at Christmas. That one day, she wouldn't mind being called Mrs. Jack Dawson.


	29. twenty-eight

**TWENTY-EIGHT.**

On Thursday night, Rose got a call from Cal, asking her if they were still on for tomorrow night and she told him that yes, they were. She couldn't wait to see where he would take her and was also curious to discover what his vision of casual was. Since their last date, Rose had thought about him non-stop, just like she did the very first time they spent an evening together. It was like she was falling in love with him all over again. She had restrained herself from calling him all week long and now that she knew their date was tomorrow, she wasn't sure if she would be able to sleep tonight.

William agreed to stay at the loft to babysit Charles while his brother took Rose on a date. Cal arrived at seven, Charles running to him with a huge smile and the loudest excited scream ever heard. He hadn't seen him for almost ten days even though he asked for his father _every_ single day. Rose was still washing the dishes in the kitchen and cursed under her breath when she realized it was already seven and that she wasn't ready to leave. She quickly washed the remaining pan and ran to the bedroom, catching a glimpse of the three boys in the living room.

Cal had told her to wear jeans but to make sure her clothes were warm enough because it was cold outside. December was just around the corner and the temperature was dropping quickly at night. Already late, she only put some mascara on her lashes and a hint of perfume before coming out of the room. Cal got up from the couch then smiled like an idiot when he saw her. She smiled back, her heart pounding inside her chest. He kissed her cheek and it woke up the thousand butterflies in her stomach.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

She nodded and put on her coat, boots, hat and mittens before walking outside with him. He asked her how her week was and she told him everything worthy of being mentioned like Charles' discovery of books and his passion of putting the corners into his mouth or throwing them all around the living room for example. Cal smiled but Rose saw a hint of sadness in it. He missed it. He missed every day with his son. He missed seeing his smile, hearing his voice but most of all, he missed every important detail Charles was going through. The terrible twos.

Cal stopped the car near 59th and 5th Avenue. They walked into Central Park and Rose already knew where he was taking her. She smiled and he looked down at her.

"You know where I'm taking you, don't you?" he asked with an amused smile.

"We're going to Wollman Rink, aren't we? I haven't been there in forever!"

"Is this casual enough for you?"

"It's more than perfect. I wish you wouldn't know me so well," she replied with a smile.

He laughed and they walked to the renting counter to pay their fee and rent some skates. Once they were on the ice, Rose was surprised to see how at ease Cal seemed on his skates.

"Did you rehearse all week?" Rose joked.

"Not bad, huh?" he replied. "I had the best teacher a guy could ever get."

"Is that so?"

"I'm telling you. Beautiful girl, really patient with untalented men on ice skates."

"She did a great job," she said with a smile.

"She did. I even asked her to marry me a couple of years ago and she said yes."

"Did she now?"

He nodded with a small laugh and Rose giggled. How she would have kissed him just now if there weren't fifty individuals surrounding them. Instead, she skated next to him, trying to ignore the voice in her head that told her to take his hand in hers. She could see his ears beginning to redden because he omitted to put a hat on. Like a woman, he didn't want to ruin his hair. Rose knew him like the back of her hand and she was convinced it was the reason. He was handsome, he would always be, with his hair perfectly combed and his face freshly shaved. Never would she stop thinking he was the most handsome man in the world, not even for a second. Her husband was the best-looking man on the face of the Earth.

They spent an hour skating, talking, laughing before they brought back the skates and walked back to the car. Rose took Cal's hand in hers, softly, and she heard him breathe out in relief, glad that she took the first step. He looked down at her and saw her red cheeks and the Christmas lights reflecting in her eyes. Jesus, she was the most breathtaking person he ever saw. No matter how long he would stare at her, he wouldn't change his mind. A shiver went through his body and he couldn't control the shaking of his shoulders. Rose asked him if he was cold.

"I'm fine, don't worry," he assured.

"You'll catch your death without a hat on, it's freezing," Rose told him. It was the motherly side taking over.

"I'll be fine," he repeated. "We're going inside for what's next."

"Ooohh, where are we going?" she asked excitedly.

"You'll see. And believe me, you couldn't find more casual than that even if you tried."

The bowling alley.

Most girls would have found it almost insulting to be brought there on a date but Rose was as excited as a five-year-old on Christmas morning. The place was crowded with teenagers and regulars but Rose and Cal managed to have the alley number 6, next to a group of seventeen-year-olds. Rose immediately mingled with them but Cal tried to refrain from it. Seeing her with them made him realize that maybe he took her away from that youth too soon.

When she was eighteen years old, he asked her to marry him. She became a wife and ten months later, she gave birth to their son. Wife and mother at nineteen years old. She always told him that she didn't hold resentment, that she loved him and that she would not change anything even if she could. Cal wasn't an idiot and he knew what he took from her. She gave up a lot without realizing it when she said the two simple words "I do." He remembered promising her father not to keep her from her dreams and ambitions and he went and did the complete opposite. Rose was twenty-one years old and called herself a housewife, which was completely insane but true when you thought about it. She spent the day with the baby, cleaned, washed, cooked and then welcomed her husband home, served him dinner, cleaned some more, bathed the baby, tucked him in and after an hour on the couch, it was time for bed and everything would start all over again the next day. She was bored and he couldn't blame her because he probably would be too if he was in her place.

Right now, she could be eighteen years old for a night if she wanted to, he didn't mind.

When they finished their two games and that the gang from alley 7 was gone, they left too. As they walked out, the cold wind collided with their face and it was snowing lightly. Just like a child, Rose tilted her head back and opened her mouth, trying to catch a couple of snowflakes on her tongue. Cal stood there and looked at her lovingly, admiring how her inner child was still very much alive while his was nowhere to be found. Sometimes, when he looked at Charles, he missed being a child. When life was easy and you didn't have to care about anything except having fun.

"Do we have to go home already?" Rose asked with a hint of sadness in her voice. "I'm having so much fun."

"We have one more stop before I drop you home," Cal said.

"And where would that be?"

"I'm afraid that's a surprise and I can't tell you."

Rose laughed softly and there was a long moment of silence. Cal was looking ahead, driving carefully, and Rose was staring at him. She wanted to talk about them but she didn't want to ruin the perfect night they were having and she knew that they could start fighting any time. Caledon, as he resisted the urge to look at her, was thinking the exact same thing. He sighed nervously and turned to Rose when he stopped at a red light.

"We cannot avoid it forever," he said and she agreed with a nod. "No matter how I wish we could just erase everything and start over, I know it's impossible."

"I know," she muttered.

"I'm aware that I'm not a good husband nor am I a good father but I'm working on that, I really am. I - hum - I hired two new architects that can take a couple of contracts off my shoulders so I can spend more time at home with you and Charles. And if we still want it, we can have another baby. I really want to make the good decisions and I know this is it. I'm not saying I'm going to have the perfect schedule because that is simply impossible in my line of work but I'm just saying... I'll be there."

"What I really want, Cal, is for you to be there when you say you'll be there. I want you to be there at each and every important moment of our son's life and to share it with him. I want Charles to have the father-son relationship you never had with your dad because believe me when I say that you are his superhero. I never saw a boy worship someone like Charles worships you. You mean everything to him."

Rose saw the tears spilling on his cheeks and she stopped talking so he could have this moment to himself.

Cal remembered his childhood with his ghost of a father. Nathan seemed to be there only when he needed to be punished for something or to remind him of the failure that he was. A slap in the back of the head for every time he disobeyed his mother and a good beating when he dared answer his father. Every night, he would hear his father come home hours after he went to bed. Nathan would check on his two sons and every time, Cal would pretend to be asleep. It was like he couldn't fall asleep until his father went to bed, until he made sure it was safe for him to close his eyes for the night. When his father was sleeping, he couldn't hurt him or his little brother.

"He really is everything to me," Cal sobbed. "I don't want to be my father, Rose," he continued.

"I know you don't," she whispered. He took her hand in his, holding it tightly. "Your father will never be half the man that you are anyway."

Cal stopped on the side of the road and broke down when he felt Rose's hand on the back of his neck. Rose was the only person in the entire world that knew about what happened with his father his whole life. Except for the three Hockley who were concerned, no one else knew. Not even their mother.

Rose hugged him the best she could from where she was sitting and he cried on her shoulder. Her eyes filled with tears at the sound of him sobbing loudly and she rested her hand on his thigh to assure him she was still there when she felt him reach out for her other arm. The strong body holding her when she needed it needed to be held for once, that strong body that was so fragile and shaky right now. People that saw Caledon Hockley cry could be counted on one hand. People that saw Caledon Hockley _like this_ was one single person; his wife.

"I'm so sorry," he cried.

"Shh, it's okay..."

"It looks so easy when you do it. I'm just scared out of my mind."

"Don't be."

"What if I'm not good enough?" he asked, finally looking into her eyes.

"Listen," she breathed. "Charles isn't asking us to be perfect. He needs us to do the best we can and I think this is what we're doing. I know how you feel, believe me. All the time, I'm thinking that any other woman out there could do a better job than me but at the end of every day, I'm the one he calls 'mommy' and I'm the one he's counting on. He doesn't care if you're a mess, if you're rich or poor, if you're smart or stupid, he's only asking for your love and attention. He's asking for you _all the time_ , Cal. I'm the consolation prize right now," she finished with a small laugh. Cal chuckled and wiped his face with the palm of his hand.

"For the record, no woman could do a better job with Charles. He's a really lucky boy. Please believe it," he said just as he saw her rolling her eyes.

"I could say the same of you but you wouldn't hear of it. I wouldn't want any other man to be my son's father," she assured him.

He showed the hint of a smile and thanked her. He exhaled loudly and drove to their destination. He stopped in front of a small shop on W26th Street between 7th and 8th Avenue. When he turned to Rose, he saw she was looking around to figure out why he stopped there. Most stores were closed for the night and the only thing she could think of was that maybe they would get something to eat at the restaurant across the street. Rose looked at Cal, her eyes questioning him, but he simply smiled and asked her to follow him. He walked in front of an empty business and discretely took his keys out of his pockets.

"Oh my God, what are -" she gasped.

"Shhh," he interrupted.

He looked around to see if people were coming. Rose was nervous because she didn't understand what was going on and did the same. She asked him what he was doing but once again, he told her not to make any noise. Cal struggled with the lock and it finally unlocked.

"We're in," he whispered to his astounded wife.

"Caledon Hockley, what the hell are you doing?" she asked in a whisper.

He took her hand and pulled her inside. She looked around, the only source of light in the room was coming from the lamp posts outside. She saw old furniture against the wall and a couple of boxes piled up in a corner. She could even smell the dust that was probably all over the place.

"What are we doing here?" she asked. "How did you manage to get us in?"

"With this!" he replied, showing her the key. "It is quite helpful as a matter of fact," he chuckled and she punched his shoulder. "Ow!" he exclaimed with a laugh.

"Why did you let me believe we were breaking in?" she said, trying to sound angry. "I almost had a cardiac arrest on the sidewalk."

"Okay, I'm sorry," he apologized, still wearing his grin. "I wanted to spice things up a bit."

"Ha - Ha," she fake-laughed. "What is this place anyway?"

"This used to be a shoe store but it's been closed for the past five years. I bought the place though so it can be anything you want now."

"You - What?!"

"I bought it, it's for you," he said. "You can make it anything you want."

"Are you serious? For me?" she asked and he nodded.

"You're bored out of your mind, I can see it, so I thought it would do you some good to work on something. Out of the house."

"I'm going to sell books here, used ones, and people can come in and trade it if they want."

"See, I knew it wouldn't take time before you found what you wanted."

She smiled big and walked closer to kiss him. He kissed her back, his hand resting on the small of her back. She hadn't kissed him like this in a very long time and at first, he thought he was dreaming. He put his other hand on her cheek and the way her skin was warm against his fingers confirmed that this was happening in real life.

"Thank you," she breathed after she pulled away.

"There, it's all yours," he said as he put the key into her hand, seeing her smile. "Make me proud."

"I will."

* * *

When Cal stopped in front of the loft, Rose was asleep in her seat, holding his right hand. He squeezed it softly to try to wake her up but it didn't work so he left a tender kiss on the side of her head and whispered that she was home. Rose opened her eyes slowly, still sleepy, and showed a small smile.

"Would that be okay with you if I came up to kiss Charles goodnight? I know he's asleep but -"

"Yeah, sure," she assured him.

As they walked in the loft, they saw William with his girlfriend watching TV on the couch. The young man pressed mute when he saw them, surprised to see his brother upstairs at this hour.

"How did it go?" Rose asked. "He didn't give you a hard time?"

"Oh no, not at all. We watched _Cars_ and played with his trucks, he behaved like a big boy," William replied.

"Good," she said with a smile.

"Do you guys want us to go or-?" William began.

"Oh no, no, no, you can stay here. Cal was just coming up to see Charles and _I_ am off to bed."

"Goodnight," Cal told her as she walked to their bedroom and a chorus of goodnights began.

Cal walked to Charles' room on the other side and entered in silence. The boy's nightlight was strong enough for him to see where he was walking. Charles was sound asleep in his bed with his blanket, his breathing steady. Cal kneeled next to the bed and stared at his son's pink cheeks and little nose for what seemed to be hours. He wanted to be a good father, so badly, but it was hard when the only father figure he had was everything he didn't want to be. He promised himself to never become the same man his father was, to never lift a finger on his children no matter what they did or how bad it was, to never think of money as the most important thing in life.

"Daddy?" a small voice said, taking Cal out of his thoughts.

"Hi, buddy," Cal whispered. "Daddy was just saying goodnight. Can I have a kiss?"

Charles kissed his father's cheek and his small arms wrapped around Cal's broad shoulders. Cal tucked him in better and kissed his forehead, wishing him goodnight.

"I wove you, daddy," Charles said.

"I love you too... Go back to sleep."

He looked at Charles shut his eyes and he walked out, leaving the door ajar in case he called for his mother during the night. He stood there for a moment to prevent himself from breaking down twice in one night then walked to the main room. William was still in front of the TV but his girlfriend had left. Cal wanted to talk to somebody about tonight but he couldn't talk to his brother because Rose was in the next room and she could probably hear everything he had to say. Once again, he'd have to stay quiet and be on his way.

"Thanks for babysitting Charles tonight, I appreciate it," Cal said to his brother.

"You're welcome. How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Messed up," he confessed, hoping Rose was asleep and didn't hear their conversation. "I miss them so much."

"Why don't you go in there?" William suggested, nodding towards the master bedroom.

"And do what?"

"Wh -? You're unbelievable, you know? I don't know, sleep next to your wife maybe!"

"She doesn't want me to do that," Cal replied.

"There's something you need to know about women, big brother. They don't always say what they want and when they do, they probably mean the opposite," William explained, a bit annoyed at how stupid his brother was.

"Rose doesn't do that."

"Of course she does, they all do. If you don't want to stay well at least go and say goodnight like a gentleman."

Caledon sighed and walked to the bedroom, his hands a bit sweaty. He wiped them on his pants nervously and knocked softly on the door but there was no answer.

"Rose, darling?" he asked through the door.

"You can come in," came her response.

He cracked the door open and peeked in, seeing her in bed. He swallowed hard and walked in. He stood there awkwardly and they looked at each other, waiting for the other to say something.

"I just wanted to say goodnight, I was about to leave."

"Okay," she said and Cal heard the disappointment in her voice so he walked closer.

"Goodnight," he told her and bent over her to kiss her forehead.

"Why don't you stay instead?" she asked in a whisper, looking right into his eyes.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" She nodded and he sat on the bed.

"Okay," he muttered. "I'll stay."

* * *

They were both lying on their back, facing the ceiling, on their king-sized bed. Rose's head was resting in the crook of Cal's shoulder and they had been in that same position for an hour or so, since she let him join her. They talked about anything and everything, they laughed at shared memories and spent some minutes in complete silence, in no need to say anything.

Rose felt like all those Friday nights they spent together when she was still in high school. After each local game, they would drive to the ice cream parlor then to her house in Long Island City and they'd spend the night lying on her bed, talking about the past, the present and even the future sometimes. Her father would always, at one point or another, end up knocking on the door to tell them to keep it down because they were laughing too loud when he and Ruth were trying to sleep across the hallway. They would apologize and would end up being told to "shut up, for God's sake" from the other room ten minutes later because they were having too much fun to laugh quietly.

She missed being a teenager with a college boyfriend. She missed not being responsible for anything or anyone. She would go back anytime but tonight, she was just glad she had her best friend back.

From his room across the loft, William heard the honest laugh of his sister-in-law, clear and loud. He chuckled, a small smile on his lips. When he was still a young boy, from the very first time he ever saw her, he had the biggest crush on her. He was fourteen and she was seventeen and the most beautiful thing he ever saw. For almost three years, he was incredibly jealous of his older brother for having her. For _marrying_ her. He was so lucky because she _loved him_. Rose didn't need to say it, everyone knew. Her eyes always lit up when she was looking at him and she always had that big smile on. No matter how much William showed her attention, hint that he liked her, she wouldn't see anything because she was deeply in love with Caledon. To her, he would always be the little brother.

He was happy for them, really he was. He loved them together, they were a wonderful couple and they completed each other. Deep inside, he knew that if their marriage failed, he would stop believing that love truly exists because the love they had for each other was the purest of them all.

That was without mentioning that his brother would _never_ recover from it if Rose ever decided to leave him.

"You were wearing a plaid shirt," Cal said.

"I was not!" she exclaimed with a laugh. "Wearing plaid on the beach?"

"I swear! It was red and black and you had the sleeves rolled up to your elbows."

"What about my hair? Don't tell me that you remember that too?"

"Of course I do, who do you think I am?" Cal asked.

"I don't remember what you were wearing. Just that ridiculous smile of yours."

"Ridiculous smile?"

"You know," Rose insisted. "That grin you have."

"No, I'm sorry, I don't know," he replied with a chuckle. "It was in a french-braid. Your hair."

Her laughing came to a stop and she turned to look at him. His eyes met hers and he stared.

"You were the prettiest girl I ever saw," he recalled. "I will remember that day for the rest of my life."

He smiled then kissed her softly, his hand on her cheek. He brought her closer, feeling her hand resting on his side. When their lips parted, Rose buried her face in his chest, inhaling his scent, as he kissed her head, his fingers in her hair. She hugged him close, he breathed out heavily and no words needed to be said because they were both thinking the same thing.

 _I love you._

 _So, so much._


	30. twenty-nine

**TWENTY-NINE.**

Two weeks later, on a sunny Saturday afternoon, Jack and Rose spent the afternoon in the city while Charles was at his father's for the week. The temperature was just perfect, hot with a small breeze. They were walking hand in hand in Central Park, sharing a cold drink from Starbucks. There were a lot of people, tourists but also New Yorkers taking a walk, jogging, playing soccer or frisbee. A typical summer day in Central Park.

They were talking about their trip to Wisconsin that would take place in five weeks when Rose felt something colliding with the back of her legs. She quickly turned around, thinking she might have hurt somebody but she only saw a dog with its tail wagging and its tongue hanging from its mouth from the exhaustion of running.

"Hello there," Rose said with a small laugh as Jack looked curiously at the dog. "Are you all alone?" she asked, petting the dog's head.

"I am _so_ sorry," a woman's voice announced as she came to a stop from running. Her outfit told them she was doing her daily jogging. "He doesn't usually run off like this. He's not dangerous, he's just a big loveball," she assured as her eyes finally stopped on Rose's face.

"Oh that's alright," she dismissed. "He didn't frighten me."

"Th - Hum - That's gonna sound super weird but - Do we know each other? You seem strangely familiar," the dog's master asked.

"No, I don't think so," Rose replied with a smile.

The other woman stared. She could have sworn she saw that face somewhere before but she couldn't figure out where. Rose smiled and said that she owned a book store in Chelsea and that maybe that's where she saw her but that was not it.

"Maybe I'm confusing you with somebody else, I'm sorry," she apologized.

"That's okay, don't worry. Have a nice day," Rose finished. "Bye," she told the dog who was still looking at her.

The woman wished her a nice day as well and they went separate ways. About five minutes later, Rose's cellphone rang and she fumbled through her purse, cursing under her breath because she couldn't find it and also because it always seemed like she couldn't spend one single minute alone with Jack without being disturbed.

"Hello?" she answered, her tone a mix of anger and annoyance.

"Good Lord, what happened to you?" Cal's voice came in. "There's no need to be that unpleasant."

"What do you want?"

"I have two tickets for the Yankees tomorrow afternoon but we can't go, I thought maybe you'd like to have them," he explained. "They're playing the Orioles."

"Hum, yeah, sure. Is it okay if I pick them up in about an hour?"

"Alright, I'll see you later."

"Bye," she said before hanging up. She turned to Jack. "Are you up for a ball game tomorrow?" she asked him and he nodded. "We just need to pick up the tickets at Cal's later."

They continued walking and talking but Rose couldn't help but think about the woman they met earlier. She was trying to figure if she ever saw her before. Really, her face wasn't familiar at all.

Jack fixed the date they would leave on August 10th, the day after Charles left for Disney World with his dad. Rose was still heartbroken when she thought about it. Cal went behind her back for Disney World and dared accuse her of buying a rabbit with Charles without speaking to him about it first. Her son would visit the most magical place on Earth for the first time and she wouldn't be there with him. She tried to think about the wonderful time he'd have alone with his father instead and it made her feel better. She knew they both needed this, to spend some time between boys and strengthen their father-son relationship. It was Cal's main idea when he bought the tickets.

She couldn't wait to be alone with Jack though, away from every day's life. She never set foot in Wisconsin and she was glad she'd go with him to visit his hometown. She gave him a tour of hers and it was his turn now. She was really excited about it. To see where he grew up, to not only hear stories but to see where it happened. He promised to introduce her to important people from his past like his dear neighbor who took him in when his parents passed away. She was like a second mother to him.

* * *

It was almost four o'clock when Rose and Jack arrived in front of the loft. Jack decided to wait for her on the sidewalk, preferring to avoid a meeting with Cal. Rose promised to be quick and kissed him before riding the elevator up to the last floor.

She hadn't been in this building for almost two years and it felt weird. A lot happened in that home and she tried to avoid it at all costs because it hurt to come back. She used to be happy here, it used to be her safe place. It was here that she brought Charles home for the very first time. It was here that she found out about him in the first place. The most precious Christmas memories she had were spent here. Even if it was also the place she suffered the most, the good memories made up for it. She actually missed living here.

Rose knocked on the door and heard somebody coming from the other side. It wasn't Charles because the person wasn't running and it wasn't Cal either because his steps usually sounded heavier than that. She frowned slightly and the door opened. She was face to face with a brunette, the same brunette she bumped into in Central Park earlier. Rose stepped back and quickly looked at the number on the door to make sure she was at the right place. She was.

"Huh, I'm - I'm sorry, I thought -," Rose stuttered. "You're that woman from -"

"Mommy!" Charles called when he heard her voice.

He ran to the door, walking around the woman to jump into her arms. Rose groaned and put him down, unable to pick him up in her arms anymore. Not that she didn't want to but he was too heavy for her to do so. She smiled at her son and ran her hand into his hair. She met the brunette's eyes once more and realized who she was.

Audrey stared at Rose, finally remembering where she saw her. She never actually saw her anywhere but she recognized those eyes. Charles had his mother's eyes, the exact same eyes. At the same instant, she felt Cal behind her, his hand resting on the small of her back.

"Here," he said to Rose, holding out the tickets.

Rose stared at him and she saw a hint of sadness in his eyes. He didn't want it to happen like this, he wished he had the chance to tell her differently. He wished he had the courage to make the same thing she did all those months ago when she told him about Jack but he didn't.

"Thank you," she said coldly, pulling on the tickets before burying them at the bottom of her purse.

"Mommy, come in, I want to show you something," Charles told her, taking her hand to pull her inside the loft.

"You know what, honey, mommy has to go somewhere right now, I really can't stay," she explained softly, squatting down to be at his level. "Maybe another time, okay?"

"Rose, can - can we talk?" Cal asked.

"No," she cut him off. She glared at him then at his girlfriend and stormed off to the elevator.

"For Christ's sake," he muttered and slightly pushed Audrey to the side before running behind his ex-wife.

But it was too late, the elevator was already on its way down. He glanced towards the stairs and ran downstairs, hoping he'd be there in time to catch her before she could leave. He arrived just as she was about to open the door to go outside. He caught her arm and she stopped in her tracks. She turned around and Cal could see that she cried because her eyes were red.

"What do you want?" she asked curtly.

"I - I just - I'm sorry you had to learn about her this way, she wasn't supposed to come over today and -"

"I don't care, Cal, let me go," she interrupted but he could see she was lying.

"You're upset, maybe you -"

"Well how am I supposed to feel?" she burst out.

"Isn't that what you wanted all along? For me to find somebody and get off your back?" he talked louder.

Jack heard the shouting from the sidewalk and peeked in to see that Cal was in the lobby, arguing with Rose. He couldn't distinguish the words, only that they were shouting at each other's face. Nothing he hadn't witnessed before.

"You really think that this is about you, don't you?" Rose shouted and Cal was taken aback. "You can fuck anyone you like, I don't care. How long have you been with her?"

"Why do you care? How is that any of your business?"

"It is my business when there is a woman I don't know staying in the same house as my son."

Cal sighed and told her he met her seven weeks ago but that it was serious and not just somebody he fooled around with. If it were the case, he wouldn't keep her around Charles. Charles was a loving boy and he became attached easily to people and hurting his son was the last thing Cal wanted.

"He's my son too. I respect your relationship with Dawson, why can't you do the same?!" he yelled to her face. She looked up at him. "I am finally over you. I'm doing everything to make sure you're happy, Rose, I'm trying so hard to make things right but every god damn time, you throw something to my face. What do you want?"

"Nothing," she screamed, angry tears on her cheeks.

"You think I don't know what scares the shit out of you?" he finally admitted. "It scares me every day too. I know he's good, Rose, I know he's doing a great job at it, better than I ever did," he said about Jack, calming down. "You're his mother, you always will be, no matter which woman comes into this house."

A tear fell down Rose's cheek and she walked outside, leaving Cal behind. Cal looked at her and saw that Jack was there, waiting for her. He hugged her tight and Rose gripped his shirt, her face buried into his chest. Cal looked at them for a minute then went back upstairs, his eyes burning. He entered the loft and saw Audrey and Charles sitting on the couch, playing on Charles' iPad. Audrey looked up at him and showed a sympathetic smile that he mirrored.

"It's my fault, I should've called," she said.

"No, nonsense. She had to know one day or another," Cal assured.

"It didn't have to be this way, I feel awful."

"Is mommy mad?" Charles asked with concern and Cal shook his head. Charles' attention went back to his tablet.

"She'll get over it," he told Audrey to end the conversation he didn't want to have right now. "Are you staying for dinner?" he asked and she nodded. "Hey, it's alright, okay?" he said, seeing how bothered she was. "Don't think about it, let me deal with that stuff."

Audrey walked to him and he took her in a tight hug. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she rested her head against his chest, taking a deep breath. Nothing bad could happen to her when he held her like this. Cal kissed the top of her head and lingered. She closed her eyes and thought about the moment she opened the door to find his ex-wife on the other side. She was so pretty that jealousy was awoken when she took in the sight of her. The man she was in love with once loved that woman more than anything and she wondered how she ended up being the one following her. That woman kissed him, loved him, knew everything about him. She was the one he held like this, kissed her head too, even went to bed with him. She tried not to think of them being together for seven years but the thought didn't seem to go away. The worst thing was that they remained friends, good friends, and that she'd have to see her more than she'd like to. She was the mother of his child, she would stay in his life forever no matter what.

"I love you," he whispered against the side of her head, tightening his embrace, and her insecurities vanished.

"Me too," she whispered back, her right hand resting on his ribs, his shirt soft against her skin.

* * *

Rose barely said a word on their way back to Jack's apartment. She told Jack about Cal's new girlfriend but that was it. Jack could see she was pissed but that she didn't care to elaborate on the subject so he didn't insist. Maybe later she would tell him more about it but not right now.

He cooked dinner for her and opened a bottle of red wine so she could relax and stop thinking about the encounter of the afternoon. As they walked to the living room after they finished eating, Rose smiled when she saw that Jack lighted a few candles. They both sat on the couch, a blanket draped over their legs, and filled their glasses with wine for the second time tonight. Rose closed her eyes and tried to enjoy the silence and peace the apartment offered. Jack looked at her but stayed quiet, knowing she needed that instant for herself, then took her hand after several minutes. She didn't open her eyes but the way she held it back told him she wasn't sleeping.

"Why don't you tell me what's bothering you?" he finally asked.

"It's stupid, there's no need to talk about it," she dismissed.

"It isn't stupid if it's bugging you like that. Is that because of his new girlfriend?"

"Yes. No. I mean, it's not _just_ that," she said, her eyes fluttering open. "Don't think I'm jealous or anything, I actually don't care about him having a girlfriend, he's big enough to know what he's doing. It's - I'm not sure I like the idea of her being around Charles," she admitted.

"Why not? Did she seem nice?"

"Yes, that's the problem. She seems nice so how am I supposed to hate her?" she said and Jack chuckled. "That's not funny, Jack!"

She slapped his shoulder, annoyed, and he stopped. She had that cute frown on her face and she looked adorable.

"I'm sorry, you're right," he apologized. "What you are feeling right now is probably how Cal felt when you told him about me. I'm not a bad guy for that, am I?"

"Of course not! You're amazing with Charles and he's crazy about you."

"His father is scared I'm gonna replace him but it's the last thing I want. And Charles made it clear in his own way too that nobody is going to take Cal's place. I wouldn't even dare try to anyway," Jack explained.

"That doesn't mean she sees it like this."

"Now you're just trying to make her look like the bad guy. I'm sure it's the last thing she wants. You have to realize it's a delicate thing for us, we care about him but we have to be careful."

Rose seemed to analyze what he was saying for a moment but ended up more frustrated. Maybe she was jealous, just a little. Not because she was still in love with Caledon, far from it, but because he was her best friend and that someone was slowly taking her place in his life. Maybe she didn't want to share him with anybody even though she knew it was bound to happen one day or another. Maybe that new girlfriend of his wouldn't accept their friendship the way Jack did, maybe she wouldn't want Cal to spend time with her from time to time.

Cal wasn't the type of man to let a woman dictate his life but love was blind and knowing him, he was probably already head over heels for her.

"Cal won't let that happen, I'm positive about that," Jack told her, knowing it was the truth. "And I think Charles is old enough to know what's right, I mean, look at your relationship with him. Why would he want to choose someone else? He's a mama's boy."

"One day he'll grow up into a teenager and I'll be a pain in his ass, believe me I know."

Jack laughed once again and she glared at him, not finding it funny at all. He didn't know what to tell her anymore, she was stuck on an idea and wouldn't let it go because she was like this. No matter what he'd say, she was furious and was being unreasonable. What she wanted was for him to take her side and bitch about the new woman in her ex-husband's life but Jack wouldn't do that because first of all, it wasn't any of their business and also because he didn't even know the woman.

"What's her name?" Jack asked.

"Why are you asking me that?" she replied. "Who cares?"

"Oh, I see. So it's okay to talk behind her back but now you're telling me you don't even have one single information like her name?"

"You know what?" she exclaimed, getting up from the couch. "I think I'll go back to my place."

"Come on, Rose," he sighed. "There's no need to do that. You're angry, I get it, but going home won't change any of that."

"Well at least nobody's going to laugh to my face there!" she shouted, walking to the door. Jack got up and followed her, the anger waking up slowly inside of him. If it was a fight she wanted, she would get one. "You're taking her defense and telling me I'm crazy."

"I never said that!" he exclaimed. "I'm just telling you to give her a chance."

"It's the same thing!"

"This is it? This is what you want?" he shouted back. "You want our first fight to be over her?"

"You cannot understand because you don't have a child. How would you know?"

"That's low coming from you. Now please get out," he ordered, opening the door for her.

She looked at him quickly and walked out furiously. He slammed the door shut as Rose violently opened the door of the building. She hailed a taxi and went home, holding in her need to scream her frustration. Tonight was supposed to be a quiet evening with her boyfriend, some alone time, but it ended up being their first fight.

Once she set foot in her apartment, she threw her keys on the table and walked to her bedroom. She sat on her bed and screamed into her pillow, feeling the angry tears falling down her face. She was mad at the entire universe right now, she would've slugged anyone, even an innocent stranger.

She ended up falling asleep in a fetal position, holding one pillow against her chest, her mascara running down her cheeks. At least she couldn't think about anything while she was sleeping. Not about her first fight with Jack, not about the woman she met earlier, not about Cal finally finding love again.

* * *

For two days, Jack and Rose didn't spoke to each other at all. On Monday morning, Jack wasn't waiting for her in front of Starbucks with her latte but she didn't mind because she was still angry. They day at the store went by slowly and she felt like throwing the accounts all over her office. As much as she once loved coming here every morning, it now started to make her feel like a failure. She didn't like it as much and the bookkeeping was driving her more than insane. At least once a week, she was thinking of selling the place or at least entrust it to someone she knew would make a good job. Like young Cassie who lived for this bookstore.

Rose wanted to go back to college, finish the degree she started seven years ago, and make a good life for herself. Right now, she was going nowhere and she was already twenty-six years old. She wanted something stable. A family, a house, a job that was gratifying. Charles was getting older and she had no reason to be held back anymore except it seemed that she always found a reason to put it off because she was scared of the unknown. The routine was somehow reassuring and stepping out of her comfort zone demanded a lot of courage but she'd have to do it one day or another.

When her day at the store was over, Rose called Jack's cellphone as she was walking to the subway station. It rang a couple of times but he finally answered. He didn't sound angry or sad and she was relieved because maybe it would be easier this way.

"Hey," he answered.

"Hi," she said back. "Listen, I'm sorry about Saturday night," she began as he told her the exact same thing at the same time, both of them chuckling. "I was mean to you and I didn't mean to."

"It's alright, I know you didn't."

"Are you still at work?" she asked.

"I'm out in fifteen, wanna grab something?"

"Sure, I'll meet you at your office."

Thirty minutes later, they were at a small diner, eating the best hamburger they ever tasted. Everything felt like the fight never happened and they were both really glad that nothing had changed. Rose was still affected about the whole girlfriend thing but she didn't let it show. They spent the evening together and had a great time. Rose admitted to Jack her feelings about the store and he listened intently, not trying to change her mind about it. She knew what she wanted to be happy and if she wasn't happy with the store anymore, she had to do what she thought was best. In November, she would send her application to NYU so she could start in January if she got in. She wouldn't do anything stupid like leave the store until then because if she didn't get in, she would find herself with nothing to do and _that_ , she didn't want.

* * *

On August 10th, very early in the morning, the two lovebirds were seated in a Delta airplane, on their way to Wisconsin. Jack was asleep and Rose was reading, looking through the window from time to time. They were supposed to land in Wausau around 2 o'clock and then drive the 93 miles to Jack's hometown. If anything went as planned, they should arrive in Chippewa Falls around 4 and have dinner with Jack's former neighbor.

At 4:30, they stopped in front of a beautiful yet simple little white house on Dover St, two streets away from where Jack went to High School. He quickly showed her some of his favorite spots in town as he drove the rental car on their way to the small house and Rose asked some questions even though she knew they'd have a whole week to visit the small town.

They were welcomed by Mrs. Brown when they got out of the car. She hugged Jack tightly and stared at him after they parted.

"Look at you, all grown-up!" she exclaimed and Jack smiled. "You must be Rose," she told the young woman, hugging her as well. "I am Margaret Brown but you can call me Molly."

"It's nice to finally meet you, I've heard a lot about you," Rose said with a smile, already liking the older woman.

"I've heard a lot about you too. Jack talks non-stop about you on our phone calls," Molly told her.

"She's exaggerating," Jack said, blushing profusely.

"Barely," she said to Rose with a wink. "Why don't you all come in, we can sit down and have coffee. You must be tired from the travelling."

Jack nodded and Rose followed her. Jack stood there for a few seconds, staring at the house on the left, then followed the two women inside, looking down at the ground. They had coffee and talked about the three years Jack spent in this house then Rose helped Molly to cook dinner even though she didn't want her too. They were her guests and she wanted them to enjoy their trip but Rose wouldn't listen to any of it. Molly wasn't getting any younger and there was no way she would let her do everything by herself while they were there to help.

The next morning, Rose woke up to find the other half of the bed empty. There was no sight of Jack anywhere so she got up and got ready for the day. When she walked downstairs, Molly offered her coffee and breakfast then told her that Jack was in the garage working on an old thing of his. She followed Molly's directions and met Jack who was working on a motorcycle.

"Hey," he greeted. "How was your sleep?" he asked before pecking her lips.

"Good. What are you doing?"

"Fixing it up so I can give you a ride," he said, rising his eyebrows.

"Huh, huh, I'm not climbing on that," she said, bursting his bubble.

"Why not? It's fun!"

"It's dangerous."

"So is crossing the street. Come on, live a little. I won't go too fast, I promise."

He finally convinced her and they went as soon as they finished lunch. Jack helped her putting the helmet on then she sat behind him nervously. He assured her that there was nothing to be scared of, that he would not let anything happen to her. He explained quickly how he drove it to try and calm her but it wasn't helpful.

"Wrap your arms around my waist and hang on tight. Do you trust me?"

"I trust you," she replied.

With that, they were gone. Jack felt Rose's arms holding him tightly then she eventually rested her head on his shoulder. She wasn't nervous anymore and it was actually kind of fun. She really enjoyed herself. It was weird to see quiet streets because she was so used to the buzz of New York City. Here, everything was calm and everyone seemed to know everyone. She liked that. Jack finally stopped in front of an ice cream place and they both walked inside, holding their helmets in their hands.

"Welcome, what can I -" the man interrupted himself when he saw the young blonde. "In the flesh. Jack Dawson," he continued, walking around the counter. "I thought I'd never see you again."

"A man's got to come back to basics once in a while, doesn't he?" Jack said with a smile.

"He sure does. And who do we have here?" the man asked when he saw the red-haired girl standing right next to Jack.

"My girlfriend. Rose, may I introduce you to Mr. Emerson, my first boss."

"Oh, I see," Rose said before shaking the man's hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"Very hard-working boy you've got there. Now can I get you anything? It's on the house!"

They both ordered a vanilla ice cream cone and ate at the counter, discussing with Mr. Emerson. He told Rose a couple of stories about Jack and she laughed at most of them. She learned that Jack started working here as a 14-year-old youngster, cleaning the dishes in the back room. When he left, at 17, he was assistant manager, bossing everyone around. He was like a son to Mr. Emerson, Rose realized. She saw how proud the old man was when Jack told him about his work in New York. Jack lost his parents when he was a teenager but people in this town cared about him and he would always have family to go back to if he ever decided to move back. They stayed with Mr. Emerson for an hour then rode the motorcycle around town before going back to Molly's for dinner.

That night, they went for a walk and stopped at a park nearby. They sat on a picnic table, their feet on the bench. Jack told Rose he used to go there all the time as a kid to play with his friends and that it was also where they would be up to no good. It happened a lot of times that Jack was escorted home by cops when he was in Middle School.

"I'm not sure I want you around Charles anymore," Rose laughed when he told her stories.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to be a bad influence, I promise," he assured with a laugh. "I wouldn't wish a little-me to anybody."

Rose's laugh came to a stop and she looked away. Jack closed his eyes, repeating to himself that he was unbelievably stupid for saying that.

"Hey, I didn't mean it like that," he said.

"That's okay, Jack," she dismissed the subject with the wave of the hand.

He wrapped his arm around her and she looked up at him before she forced a smile his way.

"Should we talk about it?" he asked after a moment of silence, not sure what else to say.

"About what?" Rose demanded even though she already knew the answer.

"Kids."

Rose looked away and Jack sighed. He turned her head so that he could see her face but again, her eyes wouldn't meet his.

"Look at me, please," Jack said and she slowly looked up in his eyes. "There," he added with a soft smile.

"I won't lie, Jack," she began. "I'm kind of terrified about it," she said shakily.

"You are?" he asked softly. "Why?"

"What if I can't?" she asked back.

"What do you mean?"

"What if I can't have any more babies?"

"I'm sure everything will be fine once it happens," he assured.

"Maybe it will be but I can only think of the three other times Cal told me that. I don't think I could handle a fourth time and stay sane."

"So you don't even want to try?"

He sounded like a child who was denied his request by his parents. Truth was, he didn't want a kid now, but he wanted kids eventually. Kids of his own, not that he did not like Charles. He would always treat the boy like his own, he loved him more than anything, but he wasn't his blood, he wasn't coming from him and Jack wanted that.

"I will, one day. Not now."

"It doesn't have to be now, Rose. I don't want now either, it's too early. I think Charles is helping me in a way, to prepare myself."

"He's seven," she said.

"So what?" Jack asked with a shrug.

"Seven-year-olds are nothing like babies, Jack!"

"Won't our baby grow to be a seven-year-old too?" he continued, a bit annoyed. "Do you think I'm some kind of idiot? Did _he_ know anything about babies when Charles was born? Did you?"

Rose stared at him in silence and swallowed hard. He was absolutely right. They knew next to nothing when they found out about Charles. They were scared when they left the hospital with him. Every time, she heard the baby cry, she would panic inside because what if she couldn't find what he had or what he wanted. What if she couldn't be a good mother for him? She remembered getting up in the middle of the night, walk to the nursery and stay there just watching him sleep. To make sure he was okay, to make sure he was still breathing.

"Do you think I'll be bad at it? Is that it?"

"Are you kidding?" she asked, looking at him as if he was joking. "I know you will be a wonderful father one day," she said and he took her hand in his.

"Take your time, okay? I don't - I know everything will be fine no matter what. You know, everything happens for a reason and it may sound cruel but maybe you weren't meant to have another child together. Maybe it was the plan all along."

"Would you say the same thing if you were in his place?" she asked, talking about her ex. "Come on, Jack, how can you even say that? I loved him and I wanted a family with him. You know, the day we married, we didn't know about any of it. We didn't know about Charles, we didn't know about the miscarriages and we sure as hell didn't know about the divorce because that day, I was happy and deeply in love with him. You don't like him, I totally understand that, but don't say things like that because before I met you, he was the one that made me happy."

"I'm sorry," he apologized, realizing he went a bit too far. "I guess we'll see what happens once we get to that part," he finished.

"I wish I could tell you 'yes let's do it' but I've been through too much. Give me some time, I promise to think about it."

Jack nodded sadly then kissed her forehead, his right hand into her soft curls. They went back home, walking hand in hand in complete silence. They weren't exactly mad at each other, only no words seemed to be appropriate to say at the moment. Silence was good once in a while.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading!  
Happy Holidays from me to you xx**


	31. thirty

**A/N: I am SO sorry it took this long before I updated! I hope this long chapter makes up for it. Enjoy xx**

* * *

 **THIRTY.**

It was the crack of dawn, yet they weren't sleeping. They had woken up fifteen minutes ago when Rose, shivering, sought warmth by cuddling against Cal. Her cold feet against his calf woke him up with a small jump. He kept his eyes closed and the hint of a smile appeared on his lips when he felt her face against his neck.

When they went to sleep a couple of hours before, Cal chose to let her sleep on her side of the bed while he slept on his, refraining from touching her even though he was dying to hold her until she fell asleep. Now that she was coming to him on her own will, it was different. It proved that maybe she was still in love with him as much as she once was. The same way she did when they first started dating or during the first year of their marriage. Nothing could have come between them at that time, they were completely blinded by love. He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her head, hearing her sigh in happiness. She mumbled something against his shirt that he didn't understand and felt her arm rest over his ribs.

"This is nice," he said, holding her closer. "It feels good to hold you like this again."

Rose moved a little and looked up at him, his tired eyes looking down at her.

"I missed you," she admitted.

"I'm here now."

She reached for his lips and kissed him. He kissed her back, the passion slowly taking over, Cal's roaming hands on her warming every inch of her body. She had longed for that moment since their date two weeks ago when he kissed her goodnight in the car. She ran her hands under his shirt then took the piece of clothing off, her lips joining his in a heated kiss. She missed this more than she thought she did and he did too judging by the way they were all over each other like horny teenagers.

"I want you so bad right now," Cal panted and Rose kissed him, her tongue slipping into his mouth. She wanted him just as bad.

He sat her on his lap, her legs straddling him. He took off her oversized shirt, his, and threw it across the room then took in the sight of her upper body before taking one nipple into his mouth. She sighed, her hands plunging into his dark hair. He used one hand to take care of the second breast and the other was on the small of her back, slowly lowering to cup her bottom. She whispered to him that he was still wearing too many clothes for her liking and he chuckled softly, hurrying to take off his boxer. She took his erection into her hand and stroked him a couple of times then she positioned herself before slowly lowering onto his sex, their bodies finally joined into one. Cal looked up at her, their eyes meeting, and he stopped breathing when he saw how breathtaking she looked. The rising sun piercing the curtains brightened her flaming red hair and her green eyes were shining in a mixture of fatigue and desire. Rose put her hand on his cheek and kissed him softly before they began moving in sync, the pleasure building up with each thrust of their hips. It was slow and caring and not rushed and hard like some other times they've made love before. Not that it wasn't pleasant this way either but slow was the way Rose liked it best. Especially now, after three months, she needed to feel how much he loved her and it wouldn't be with rushed and hard that she'd feel it.

Rose began to moan softly, working hard to be quiet. William was in the guest room and she didn't want him to hear anything. Even though everyone knew it existed, her intimacy with Cal was between the two of them and she did not want anybody to hear about it. The headboard banged against the wall once and Rose asked Cal to stop.

"What's wrong? Did I do something? Did I hurt you?" he asked, concerned.

"I can't do this," she whispered.

"Do what? What is it?"

"I'm not comfortable with the fact that your brother is in the house while we're doing this," she confessed. "What if he hears us?"

"He's asleep, Rose. And furthermore, it's our home and we'll make love whenever we want to. If you think my brother living here is going to stop me from making love to you, you are mistaken," he explained. "He's aware that we're having sex like any other couple, he's nineteen years old. He won't hear anything, okay? We'll be quiet."

"Okay," she muttered and he kissed her, trying to make her forget about William sleeping across the living room.

Cal began moving again and she followed his lead a few seconds later, his hands on her hips and his lips on her jaw helping her to stop worrying. She wanted him, this, too much to stop right in the middle of it. A small moan escaped her lips and she grabbed onto her husband as if the tighter she would hold him, the quieter she would be. Cal groaned in pain when her nails dug into his back after she grabbed his skin too tightly. She moaned against his neck, Cal feeling the vibrations of it all the way down to his toes. With each thrust, it grew in intensity and Cal would sometimes feel Rose's teeth graze against his skin. He knew what that meant so he slowed down his pace.

"Don't -"

"Shhhh," he breathed out, his thumb starting to flick at her bundle of nerves. He knew she was close and if he could make her come more than once, he wouldn't be disappointed.

She came a minute later, her walls clenching around him, her hands clutching at his hair as his face was buried into her neck. She was quiet, too quiet, which almost disappointed her husband. He could feel her body shake slightly and he kissed her hungry lips as she began to move again.

As Rose feared, William woke up hearing the faint noise of their lovemaking. He looked at the ceiling, pulled a grimace of disgust and shove a pillow onto his face to block the sound. Yes, they worked their differences and he was happy that they were back together but this part of it, he didn't want to know anything about it much less hear it. It was to be expected, he knew, after all they were like any other couple. He was in _their_ home too. He closed his eyes, music from his iPod playing in his headphones, and waited for it to end.

Cal was thrusts away from reaching his release, his hand on the small of Rose's back bringing her closer betraying him. It took a couple of seconds before his orgasm hit and he emptied himself with pleased groans. Rose kept moving, close from her second release. He just couldn't take it anymore, his eyes were clenched shut and his body couldn't have been more tensed than it was right now. Rose came hard and loud this time, her worries suddenly gone with the wind. Cal let out a loud moan too, his body falling back down on the mattress, bringing Rose down with him. They were both breathing hard, their body finally coming down from the intense pleasure. They lay there, embraced into each other's arms, recovering slowly. That was true; make-up sex really was the best but _morning_ make-up sex was even better.

"That was - "

"Amazing," Cal finished for her, a small laugh escaping their lips. He held her close, one of his hand plunging into Rose's now unruly curls.

"I'm tired," Rose admitted with a yawn.

"Get some sleep, I'll take care of Charles when he wakes up. Which should be any minute now," he said when he saw it was almost seven.

"I'll be up and about in an hour tops," she said, almost as a promise.

"Take as long as you need."

He kissed her forehead and she fell asleep a minute later. He couldn't go back to sleep so he took a quick shower then went to see if Charles was awake. He was in his bed, waiting for somebody to get him so he could have breakfast and play in the living room afterwards like he did every other morning of the week.

"Good morning," Cal said with a smile when he saw his son looking up at him, half of his face still under the covers. "Is there a little boy who's awake in here?" he asked when he heard a small giggle coming from the bed.

"Daddy!" he exclaimed, getting up quickly.

Charles stood up on his bed and ran to his father who picked him up in his arms. Cal hugged him tight and walked to the kitchen.

"Mommy is still sleeping so we mustn't make any noise, okay?" he whispered to Charles who nodded promptly. "What do you want for breakfast?"

"Tiger," he replied, pointing the pantry where they kept the cereal.

Frosted Flakes. He wanted Frosted Flakes. Charles often asked to eat this particular cereal because he liked to stare at Tony the Tiger as he ate. It sounded stupid but it was the truth. Cal sat him at the table and retrieved the cereal, two bowls and milk. He prepared the meal in front of Charles who looked intently. He asked to pour the milk himself but was told the milk carton was too heavy for him so he didn't argue. Cal served himself the same thing and they ate together. Charles was very proud to see his father eat the same breakfast that he was.

After the table was cleaned up, the boys went to the living room. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Cal sat on the floor with his son and played with the cars and trucks. Nothing mattered anymore. He was with his son, worry-free. Everything was back on the right track again and this time he wouldn't mess it up. It was his second and _last_ chance, he knew it.

When Rose walked into the room, Charles didn't notice it, too invested in his game with his father. She looked at them from a distance and smiled to herself. This morning, unlike every morning for the past three months, she was happy and content. Her husband and best friend was back, Charles had his father back and most of all, her family was whole again.

"Good morning sleepyhead," Cal greeted when he saw her with her back against the wall.

"Hey," she replied with a sleepy smile, making her way to them.

Cal stood up and pecked her lips, Charles still sitting at their feet with his trucks with not a care in the world. Then Rose said she'd make coffee and asked if he wanted one. He nodded and looked at her walk away, his eyes never leaving her backside until she was out of sight.

William walked out of the guest room at the same time Rose started the coffee maker. She turned to him and smiled softly, saying good morning. He groaned something she assumed was a 'good morning' back but she was used to it now, he was always like this in the morning.

"Do you want some coffee?" she asked him.

"Yeah, sure, thanks," he replied as he opened the fridge. "Is there any milk left?"

"I bought some yesterday, isn't there any in the fridge door?" she asked, making her way to the fridge.

"Doesn't look like it," he shrugged.

"Jesus, Will," she said with an annoyed chuckle, taking the milk carton out. "Maybe you should get your eyes checked out. Just like your brother, looking with your eyes closed."

"Speaking of him, did he spend the night or did you kick him out?" he asked, changing the subject, already knowing the answer.

"He stayed," she told him, her face blushing. "He's in the living room playing with Charles."

"I'll go say hi then."

He looked at her with a goofy smile as he left her there and she wasn't sure what to think of it. She turned her attention to the coffee pot, waiting for it to be ready. She gathered milk and sugar then poured three cups of coffee before putting them down on a tray and bringing them in the living room. William took one then announced he was spending the week-end with his girlfriend at her parents' cabin so they would be alone for three days.

"You can spend some family time and I'll be back on Monday night," he said.

"You're family too, don't think you aren't welcomed here anymore because your brother is back," Rose assured him.

"I don't think that, I just know you need time together."

"Thanks," Cal told him.

"Don't worry about it."

* * *

That night, after putting Charles to bed, Cal joined Rose in the kitchen where she was filling the dishwasher of the dinner's dishes and cleaning the counter. He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and kissed the back of her neck. Rose stopped what she was doing and smiled. That small attention meant everything to her and somehow, he knew.

"Let me do that," he said against the back of her head. "Go rest in the living room, I'll be there in a minute."

"It's okay, I don't mind doing it," Rose told him as she continued her task.

"Go," he insisted.

"Fine," she surrendered before leaving the room. "Don't make a mess of my kitchen," she warned from the couch, hearing Cal laugh.

"Yes, General Hockley."

A couple of minutes later, he joined his wife on the couch and she cuddled against him. He kissed her head and realized how happy he was to just be there with her. In silence, he thought about how stupid he had been and how if he simply had done that every night of the week, she would have been satisfied. She was right when she said that he was married to his work when he was supposed to be married to her. He had neglected her and Charles for his work, spending more time at the office than at home with them, which was totally unacceptable. No wonder she kicked him out, he was a total ass. She accepted to give him a second chance so he needed to do the right thing. His family should be the most important thing in his life and he didn't want to do what his father did, he didn't want to choose work over his family.

"You know what we need?" he broke the silence.

"What?" she said, looking up at him.

He shuffled to retrieve something from the piece of furniture behind the couch, reaching under his wallet and phone. He took an envelope and put it into her hands, waiting for her to open it.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Open it."

She peeked inside but couldn't read anything so she took out what was hidden in the envelope. Tickets. She turned it around. Plane tickets. She was so taken aback and excited that she didn't look where they were going or when they were leaving. It could be Miami or Chicago for all she cared, she only wanted to go somewhere else. She needed to get out of New York.

"We're leaving on December 28th so we get to begin 2010 there," Cal announced.

"Where are we going?" she demanded excitedly.

"Read, darling, it's written on the ticket," he chuckled, amused by her reaction.

"London?" she asked even though it was clearly written on both tickets. "You're taking me to London?"

"It's going to be the both of us in England for New Year's. My parents agreed on taking Charles for two week so it's all been taken care of. Of course it's only if you want to go."

"Are you kidding?" she exclaimed before kissing him. "It's a thousand times yes. I can't believe it, thank you, thank you so much," she pecked his lips twice and made another excited noise as she looked down at the tickets in her hands. "This is a work-free trip, right?"

"Work-free, I'm all yours," he confirmed.

She wrapped her arms around him, sitting on his lap, and held on tight. Her eyes were shining like diamonds in the sun and that's when he knew that he couldn't make her happier. The two words work and free combined together _could_ be that powerful.

He had taken care of everything at the office too. He wouldn't have to work on anything for two weeks and couldn't be reached under any circumstance, not even if the building was on fire. He wanted to get out of the country, go on another continent, without having to worry about anything. He would get on that plane and leave the every-day stress behind. This would be a real vacation and not a business trip like usual. Everyone knew his personal life and marriage needed it but it took him a lot longer to figure it out by himself.

"Work will be second from now on," Cal mumbled against her cheek. "I don't care what is happening, you and Charles are my priority. It took me ages, baby, but I know that now."

"I know you always did, you were only trying to figure things out."

"This is my second chance, I won't blow it," he assured, his eyes looking deeply into hers, showing nothing but pure love. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," he said, putting a strand of her hair behind her ear, and she smiled. "I mean it. To lose you would kill me, it would literally kill me."

He kissed her softly, his hands cupping her face delicately. Rose closed her eyes and kissed him back, the softness of his hands keeping her into reality. She still loved him, more than she thought she did. Right now felt like the first time he ever kissed her after their third date. It felt like the first time he told her he loved her. She would remember that day for the rest of her life.

 _ **2004.**_

After her lacrosse game on a Friday night in early November, he waited up for her after everybody was gone. He knew she was always taking a shower before leaving the building so he waited patiently against the brick wall, right next to the back door of the school. He wasn't supposed to be there tonight but his friends had cancelled their plans at the last minute so he wanted to surprise her. The game had already started when he walked in the gym but Rose spotted him in the bleachers a couple of minutes later as she sat on the bench. She threw the biggest smile his way and he waved at her with a wink. She was sitting next to her best friend, the black-haired Regina Callaway. Cal knew that girl way before he met Rose last July but never mentioned it to her. It wasn't important and apparently, Regina thought so too since she never told Rose either. Maybe it was just better left unsaid.

When Rose walked out of the school, her sports bag on her shoulder with a strand of her wet hair caught underneath the strap, she was all alone. She spotted him against the wall and smiled big before walking his way.

"Hello, beautiful," he said as she reached for his lips. "Congratulations on the win," he added after their kiss.

"It was a close one but we managed to win it," she replied. "I thought you were supposed to go out with the boys tonight."

"Change of plans," he simply answered. "I'd rather be with you anyway," he confessed.

"Do you want to go somewh-" she began but was interrupted with her boyfriend's lips on hers.

Her back was against the wall and she kissed him back in the darkness. It felt like they were sneaking away from something or someone and she thought it was amusing somehow. She had been with Caledon for three months and a half now and she loved him more than anything. He made her happy, really happy. He was her first boyfriend and even though she had silly crushes on boys before, it was the first time she was truly _in love_ with one. Cal's lips finally left hers and she looked up at him with a soft smile.

"What was that for?" she asked in a whisper, amused.

"I love you," he whispered back.

She was taken by surprise, it was probably the last thing she expected from him tonight. Her heart was beating extremely fast and she also went weak in the knees, something he didn't notice. He was looking at her with such powerful feelings showing in his eyes and it seemed like an eternity before she spoke.

"I love you too."

Cal smiled then laughed nervously, relieved that he finally said it but most importantly that she said it back. He had girlfriends before but never did he felt about them what he felt about Rose. She was special and he knew why, only he didn't especially want people to know. The truth was; he may have girlfriends before and he may have thought he loved them when in reality he had no idea what love even felt like. He thought it was this, his feelings for them.

He didn't love them. He wasn't _in love_ with them. Not the way he was supposed to be anyway. Not the way they wanted him to be.

Rose was the first girl he ever said 'I love you' to and meant it from the bottom of his heart. He would never lie to her, he would never play her, she was too special for him to do that. If she was like every other girl, he would have slept with her a long time ago and probably wouldn't still be with her. He wouldn't come to see her play lacrosse on Friday nights and he wouldn't wait for her afterwards, especially not that far from home. He wouldn't bring her for coffee or ice cream every week and he wouldn't call her almost every night. He wouldn't think about her all the time and he most certainly wouldn't miss her the second he had to leave her. But _he did_ and didn't even try to deny it.

"Do you want to go somewhere?" he asked, repeating the words she tried to say before he interrupted her.

"I don't know, do you?"

"I wouldn't say no to a warm drink," he chuckled when he realized how cold it was.

"I can make you a hot chocolate at home if you'd like. It's better than Starbucks' and it's filled with love," she said.

"Sounds delicious, I'm in," he said, pecking her lips.

Once they stopped in front of the Dewitt Bukaters' house, there was no car in the driveway and no light inside the house.

"My parents aren't home but they said you could stay over if you wanted to," she announced when he stopped the car.

"Ar - Are you sure?" he stuttered.

He didn't know her intentions and maybe she didn't have any but he was still hesitant about being alone in the house with her. Rose's father made him nervous but the man trusted him with his daughter and he didn't want to disappoint him.

"Yes, unless you don't want to," she assured with a shrug.

He wasn't asked twice and followed her inside. Maybe tonight they would be taking their relationship to the next level but maybe it would also be a night like any other night. Cal didn't want to get his hopes up. Even if it would end up to be only cuddling on the couch, he wouldn't mind but he would be lying if he said he wasn't anxious to go to bed with her.

As promised, she made hot chocolate and they drank it together in her bedroom while she showed him her Junior yearbook. She told him it was a big deal because she was letting him see her with braces and he chuckled softly before kissing her. They were lying on her bed, her head in the crook of his shoulder, and his arm around her. If only she knew how small things like that made him the happiest man in the world.

"Braces or not you're still the prettiest girl I've ever seen."

"That is soooo cheesy," she laughed before cuddling up closer.

"I mean it."

"Would you have fallen in love with me if I looked like this?" she asked, pointing herself two pages later.

"Yes," he replied immediately.

"No, you wouldn't have," she said, looking up at him.

"Why are you saying that? Do you think some metal wire in your mouth would change the way I feel about you?"

"Boys in school never looked at me when I was wearing them. Braces are ugly."

"They're also temporary. And those boys are blind idiots. I mean, look at your face," he said, pointing the picture. "How wouldn't I have fallen in love with you? You're super adorable. You know what the first thing I noticed about you is?"

"No, what?"

"Your eyes," he replied. "So even if you were still wearing those braces, I wouldn't even have seen them because I was too busy looking up here," he continued, staring into her eyes.

He kissed her forehead and they finished going through the yearbook. They put it aside on the nightstand and Cal turned off the light before turning back to Rose who buried her face against his shirt. He stroked her arm for a long time and they stayed in silence. Cal didn't know if it was safe to make a move. He didn't want her to think he came inside hoping they'd sleep together because that's not why he did.

"It feels good to be like this," he said, kissing her head. She said nothing. "Are you asleep?"

"No," she replied. "I'm just... I'm glad you're here."

"Can I kiss you?" he asked after another couple of minutes spent in silence.

"Mmm, mmm," Rose said even though she was nervous.

Cal took her lips with his and kissed her. She kissed him back, trying to stay calm and relaxed without much success. He held her closer, his hands on her back, and she stopped kissing him.

"Is everything okay?" he whispered. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," she said with a nervous chuckle. "It's fine."

"What is it?" he asked, sensing something was wrong.

"I - I don't want it to be like this," she confessed, looking into his eyes.

"I'm not gonna do anything you don't want me to," he assured her. "Don't worry."

"It's just... I - I've never done it before and -"

"It's okay, I understand. I will wait as long as it takes, I'm in no hurry," he whispered then he kissed her brow.

"I just want to make sure I'm ready, you know?"

"Hey it's okay, Rose, you don't need to justify yourself."

"We can make out and, I don't know, maybe - " she stopped talking, ashamed by what she wanted to say.

"Oh... Okay," Cal said.

She wanted to wait for _it_ but she was open to anything else. It changed things. Now he knew it was the first time for her, that she had no experience whatsoever in that field and he didn't want her to feel awkward about it so they would go easy. There was no stress anyway, they were alone for the night and there was no hurry.

He kissed her again, slowly getting on top of her. Cal felt her hand on the back of his neck, just below his hairline, bringing him closer. His mouth went to her neck, kissing and licking, as she nibbled on his earlobe, her body squirming under his as if they weren't close enough already. Their lips joined again, both panting in a mixture of desire and excitement. Cal reached for the hem of Rose's shirt and took it off, letting him see her breasts in a black bra. She breathed out nervously. He kissed her again and slowly made his way down, leaving a trail of kisses all the way to the waistband of her pajamas shorts. He came back up and met her eyes.

"Is everything okay?" he asked her and she nodded. "Tell me if I'm doing something you don't want me to, okay?"

"Okay."

He took off her bra slowly and discarded it. Rose was really nervous but she tried to concentrate on what Cal was doing instead of thinking too much. He was so sweet and thoughtful, she realized. He wanted it to be perfect.

"You're beautiful," he told her, looking into her eyes, and it was all it took for her to relax.

Cal busied himself on her breasts, hearing her sigh in pleasure every now and then. Her fingers went into his hair and with every pull, he knew he hit a good spot.

Then his hand slid down her stomach and stopped at the edge of her shorts. She kissed him, letting him know it was okay for him to go lower if he wanted to. He understood the kiss the way she meant it and slipped his hand into her underwear. Her breath caught in her throat when his hand started massaging her. One finger began to flick at her clit and a small moan escaped her lips. Cal kissed her, continuing to work with his hand. Rose's hands joined on his back and she suddenly regretted that he still had his shirt on. She didn't want him to stop though so she accepted the fact that she should've taken care of it earlier.

She felt a powerful bliss building up inside her, in her stomach, and it was the most pleasuring thing she ever felt. It was like flying, higher and higher, up until she hit the ceiling. Loud moans of pure ecstasy came out of her mouth and she buried her face in Cal's chest, trying to mutter the noise she made, almost ashamed of it. Her grip suddenly loosened and she lay there, panting. So this was it. That was what an orgasm felt like? No wonder everybody talked about sex all the time then, it was amazing. Cal kissed her softly.

"Wow," he whispered with a small laugh and Rose blushed. "Did it feel good?"

"Insanely good," she confessed and kissed him again.

She could feel his erection against her thigh and got all nervous again because unlike Cal, she knew almost nothing about sex. In all honesty, she had never seen a man naked right in front of her, much less touched one. At first, she took his shirt off, and looked up at his muscular chest and broad shoulders dreamily. She remembered the first time she ever saw him and how she hoped that one day, he would hold her like this.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do," he assured her when he sensed her discomfort.

"It's okay, I want to," she whispered. "I'm just nervous."

"Why?" he asked and she shrugged. "You don't have to be nervous, okay? It's me," he said, pecking her lips. "It's just me..."

Rose kissed him, one hand resting on his upper arm while Cal took the other in his, their fingers intertwining. He was serious when he told her she didn't have to do anything she didn't want to. If she didn't want to touch him, he wouldn't force her into it. He respected her and if she wasn't ready for that then he'd wait until she would be.

He felt her hand leave his arm and reach down between their bodies. She stroked him over his boxer and he smiled softly against her lips. She looked up at him and smiled back. Just like he did a few minutes earlier, she slipped her hand into his underwear. He lay next to her, his arm around her, and she began caressing him, her eyes never leaving his face. He held her gaze, reassuring her that she was doing perfectly fine. She was going slowly and it was a good thing, he thought, she was going at her own rate and that was important for him that she respected herself in this.

Moments passed and he was getting closer and closer from his release. He groaned in her mouth then he looked down before asking her to go a bit faster. It took seconds until he came with a pleased moan, his eyes clenched shut. Rose looked at him, and smirked when she realized she was the one that pleasured him that much. He was breathing heavily and she joined her lips to his, slipping her tongue into his mouth.

"What are you smiling about?" he asked with a chuckle after she pulled away.

"Nothing," she giggled. "I'm just glad you stayed," she added, cuddling up against him.

"Me too," he said, kissing her forehead.

"Are you spending the night?" she asked, hopeful.

"Yeah, sure, if you want me to," he replied.

"Can you hold me until I fall asleep?"

Cal nodded and Rose pulled the covers over them. Cal spooned her, burying his face into her hair to enjoy the smell of her strawberry shampoo. He kissed the back of her neck and felt her shiver slightly at it. He could feel her body getting heavier, her breathing steadier, and soon she was deeply asleep in his arms. Cal shifted slowly, trying not to wake her up, so he could see her face. She was beautiful. He thought back on the day he saw her for the very first time. The first time he saw her captivating green eyes and her angelic smile. The first time he kissed her.

The second he realized he was in love with her.

Cal stroked her cheek, loving how soft her skin was. He cuddled closer. He wanted to feel the warmth of her body against him. He held her close to protect her from the outside world but also to keep her for himself. He loved her with so much intensity that it scared him at times. It was an overwhelming sentiment and she was able to make him feel any emotion possible. It was hard to explain with words but he wouldn't change it for anything. She was to him what heroin was to a drug addict; he needed her to go on with his life, every day. He couldn't imagine losing her because he already knew it would be unbearable.

At this precise moment, as he held her in his arms, feeling her skin against his, he wished this moment would last forever. That they wouldn't have to move ever again, that they could stay like this for the rest of their lives, together. He kissed her hair and she tried, in her sleep, to cuddle closer even if the space between them was completely filled. His heartbeat increased. He still couldn't believe how he, Caledon Hockley, could be so lucky to have found her.

* * *

 _ **2010.**_

It was on the first day of spring that William moved out of the loft to live in his very own condo on Park Avenue. Since he had announced to his family his desire to become a paramedic instead of an architect, his father simply threw him out of the house with a promise of disinheritance. With his instinct of protective big brother, Caledon had managed to negotiate the last part to which Nathan agreed under some conditions. If William was to change his mind and come back to the business, he could forget about it because his name would be taken out of the company and back under no circumstances, he would make sure of that even after his death.

 _You aren't my son anymore. Now get out of this house._

The Hockleys were always perceived as cold and severe men but under their shell, unlike their father, Cal and William were two very sensible men. They actually cried _real tears_ despite what people thought. Rose had dried their tears more than often and she, better than anyone, knew that they were both having father issues. Nathan had always been a perfect gentleman with her, playing the innocent card, but she knew everything he did to his sons and she wasn't a fan of the man. She couldn't. It made her nervous to leave Charles with him and she only did so if Mrs. Hockley was there. After Charles' birth, Cal had cornered his father and told him to _never_ touch his son the way he did him and William. To never say to him the words he said to them. And then he promised to kill him if he even _dared_ try. That time, Cal saw actual _fear_ in his father's eyes.

"Thank you so much," William told Rose and Cal as he was about to go through the front door.

"You're welcome. You can come back any time you like," Rose said with a smile. "It was fun having you around."

William smiled then hugged her. He felt his coat being pulled on and he looked down to see his nephew.

"Are you gonna come back to play with me, Uncle Will?" Charles asked with puppy dog eyes.

"Of course, buddy," he assured, getting down to his level. "Now can I have a big tight hug?"

Charles nodded and hugged his uncle like his life depended on it. William was without a doubt Charles' favorite person in the " _whole wide world_ " as he so carefully mentioned ten times a day.

"You're gonna be good with mommy and daddy?" William asked his nephew who nodded. "Alright, give me a kiss."

Charles pecked his uncle's lips and William stood back up, looking at his big brother. Cal was about to say something when William hugged him. Rose's heart fluttered at the sight and she took a step back. At first, Cal wasn't sure what to do but he eventually hugged him back. Their childhood came back to him and he tightened his embrace.

"Thank you," William muttered, a lump in his throat. "For everything."

"I gotta take care of my little brother, it's part of the job," he assured him.

"I love you," he said for the first time in his life.

"Me too," Cal said, letting go of him to see his face. "I'm proud of you."

* * *

The next morning, Cal woke up and found an empty space when he reached for his wife. He opened his eyes to see that she really wasn't there and he heard her cough from the en-suite bathroom. He listened carefully and realized she was retching. Worried, he jumped out of bed and hurried to the closed door.

"Rose?" he asked after knocking on the door.

He heard her throw up so he entered the room to see her kneeled down in front of the toilet, her head over it. He sat on the edge of the bathtub and ran some water before applying a washcloth on the back of her neck. He stroked her back until it was over, until she lifted her arm to flush the toilet. She stayed over it for a moment just in case it wasn't over then finally sat back.

"Feeling better?" Cal asked.

"I guess," she replied faintly.

"Did you eat something bad?" She shook her head.

"I think I need you to go to the pharmacy. I've been feeling weird for a week and I'm late."

"You mean... You... Are you pregnant?" he stuttered.

"I don't know, babe," she said with a soft smile. "That's why I need you to get a pregnancy test."

"Yes, okay, yes, I - I'm going," he continued nervously before hurrying back to the bedroom.

"It can wait an hour or two, you don't have to go right away," she told him.

"It cannot wait, _I_ cannot wait," he said, looking at her from the door as he was putting on his pants.

Rose managed a small chuckle and Cal was out the door ten minutes later. She brushed her teeth, staring at herself in the mirror. She didn't want to take for granted that she was pregnant before doing the test, knowing she would be majorly disappointed if it came out to be negative. She had a good feeling about this but she couldn't be a hundred percent sure without a test.

Cal came back thirty minutes later and found Rose and Charles in the kitchen, having breakfast. He put down the bag on the table and looked at Rose with a small smile and waited, standing there.

"Your breakfast is on the stove," she told him.

"Aren't you going to do it right away?" he asked.

"I'm having breakfast," she replied matter-of-factly. "I'll do it later. Why don't you sit down with us?"

He retrieved his plate and sat down at the table, unable to sit still. To be quite honest, he wasn't very hungry, too excited to find out whether or not Rose was pregnant for the fourth time. For the past three months, they had tried without really trying, and if it finally paid off, he wanted to know right away. How could she be so calm about it when he was dying to know?

After cleaning up the kitchen, Rose installed Charles in front of the TV so he could watch cartoons and went to the bathroom, followed very closely by her husband. She found it quite amusing to see him so excited. If she tried not to get her hopes up, his were very _very_ up. She asked him to wait in the bedroom for a moment then asked him to come in after five minutes had passed. He walked in to find her sitting on the counter, the stick in her hand.

"So?" he asked.

"Well come closer, why are you staying all the way there?" she said and he walked closer, stopping right in front of her.

"Quit making me languish and tell me, please."

"Congratulations daddy," she whispered when his face was inches away from hers.

"You -" he didn't finish his sentence and picked her up before kissing her.

Rose laughed against his lips and kissed him back. She couldn't be happier and the feeling was obviously mutual if she considered Cal's reaction. Their marriage had never been better and she knew that this time, nothing could go wrong. This baby would come into the world just like Charles did almost four years ago.


	32. thirty-one

**I really suck at updating lately but I have some personal problems in my life right now and my head isn't always into writing but I promise to write this fanfiction to the very end! Thank you for reading, I hope you won't be too deceived by this chapter :)**

* * *

 **THIRTY-ONE.**

When they entered the bedroom they were sharing at Molly's, Rose went straight to her suitcase to retrieve something. Jack looked at her in silence for a while as she fumbled through her clothes. She seemed pissed and he wondered if it had anything to do with what happened at the park earlier.

"What's going on?" Jack finally asked. "I've sensed you all nervous and on the edge for the past three weeks."

"It's nothing," she dismissed him curtly.

"Come on, I'm not an idiot."

"I _said_ it's nothing, please stop asking."

He bit his lower lip with rage and continued staring at her backside, hoping she'd turn around and tell him what was bothering her.

"Did something happen? I mean, did I do something? Is it something I said?"

"No, Jack," she said with an annoyed tsk.

"Rose, please, talk to me," he insisted. "I feel you slipping away between my fingers a little more every day and I don't want to lose you. What is so serious that you can't tell me?"

"You won't lose me," she assured, turning around.

"Then what is it?"

"It's still too hard for me to talk about it, Jack, can you please understand that?" Rose said, calmer.

"Does he know?" he asked after holding her stare for a minute.

"Does who know?"

"You know who I'm talking about, Rose, don't play innocent."

"What is this? A police investigation?" she exclaimed. "He knows! There, you happy now?"

"Of course he does," he said with a sarcastic chuckle.

Rose was secretly taken aback by his attitude, she had never seen him like this before. Jack was supposed to be understanding and considerate and caring. He wasn't supposed to be jealous or paranoid.

"You're going to make a scene about it? You sound just like him right now, you don't sound like yourself at all."

"Well how am I supposed to feel?!" he said between his teeth to avoid shouting. "He knows everything and you tell me nothing. I just feel like I don't matter enough to you that you can tell me all of your little dark secrets."

"We are not doing this, we are not fighting over what Cal knows and doesn't know about me. I didn't tell him anything, he was just _there_."

At that same instant, Rose's cellphone rang. She shook her head at Jack and took her phone from the back pocket of her jean. She frowned when she saw who was calling and her heart began to pound in her chest.

"Hello?" she answered. "Mom?" she asked when nobody talked. "Is everything okay?" she continued, her voice nervous.

"It's your father," Ruth's voice cracked. "He had a stroke."

"Wh-" she couldn't go on and her eyes filled with tears. "Is he okay?"

"He's in surgery right now, I don't know anything. I just - I needed to hear your voice."

Jack looked at Rose from where he was standing and felt guilty. He didn't know what was going on but it was clearly serious. All he knew was that she was speaking with her mother.

"I'm sorry I had to ruin your trip with Jack," Ruth apologized.

"Nonsense. I'll be on the first plane heading back to New York," Rose said, already packing her things. "Where are you?"

"New York Presbyterian."

"I'll meet you there, okay? I'm going to call you as soon as I land. And mom?"

"What?"

"I'm taking care of everything."

Rose knew her mother would understand what she meant by everything. On any other occasion, she would have refused her daughter's money but right now she didn't have the strength to argue. Just to hear Rose's voice calmed her.

"I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

Ruth hung up first and Rose stood there, listening to the dead line. Her trembling hands dropped the phone on the floor and she looked down at it. Jack stood at a distance and looked at her, not sure what to do. He didn't know what she wanted him to do or say.

"My dad's in the hospital. He had a stroke," she tried to explain in a shaky voice as she burst into tears.

"I'm so sorry," Jack said and she ran into his arms.

"I need to go back, I have to. You can stay here if you want."

"Do you think I'm gonna send you back to New York all alone when your father is in the hospital? Molly will understand, we'll come back another time, when your dad is better. Don't worry about it," he finished as he kissed her head, his fingers into her red curls.

She sobbed in his arms for what seemed to be forever then Jack urged her to go to bed. She needed to rest if she wanted to get on the first plane to New York in the morning. He took care of calling the airport and also to tell Molly about what happened. She was devastated to hear about Rose's father and assured Jack that go back to New York was the best thing to do. She was glad she got to see him, as short as it may have been. Jack promised to come back, as soon as Rose's father would be better.

* * *

When they got to the hospital the next afternoon, Henry was still asleep from the anesthesia. Ruth was sitting by his side and holding his hand. At first, Rose froze at the sight of him, white as the walls surrounding them. He was plugged with IVs and an oxygen mask was on his face. She had never seen him like this before. Her father was a tall and strong man, built like a horse, and Rose didn't remember seeing him sick _ever_. Ruth stood up and walked to her, taking her into an embrace, and Rose went weak in the knees. She would faint if she didn't sit down. Ruth and Jack helped her to the nearest chair and she sat, staring at nothing specific.

"What happened?" she mumbled.

"He was getting coffee and I was in the living room. I- I just heard this loud noise and I ran to the kitchen. I found him lying on the floor."

"Did the doctors tell you about the aftermath?" Rose asked. "Will he still be like he was before?"

"We have to wait until he wakes up but it is more likely that he stays paralyzed on his right side. That's what the surgeon told me," Ruth replied.

"Oh my God," Rose whispered, resting her face in her hands.

She couldn't believe what was happening. It seemed so surreal that it couldn't possibly be true. Somehow she knew something was wrong, she didn't know what but she felt it. August had always been hell for the past four years and having her father in the hospital in this very month wasn't helping.

They spent the rest of the day at his bedside and at nine, Rose urged her mother to get some sleep and that she'd look over her father while she went home to rest. Jack offered to take her home, promising Rose he'd come back for her later. They left and Rose stayed behind. Her eyes were heavy with sleep and sorrow but she knew she wouldn't be able to close her eyes until Henry woke up. She looked down at the now cold coffee at the bottom of the cup she was holding when a soft knock on the door pulled her out of it. A nurse entered the silent room, showing a small smile to Rose who forced one back.

"I'm just here to check his IV," the nurse said and Rose nodded faintly, looking at the middle-aged woman examining her father's arm.

"Is he gonna be okay?" Rose asked, barely a whisper escaping her lips.

"It's usually hard to tell until the patient wakes up," the nurse replied.

"Is he gonna die?" she continued, her eyes shining with tears.

"No," the other woman assured. "Are you his daughter?"

Rose nodded and looked down again, not knowing what to say or where else to look. She didn't want to cry in front of a stranger, no matter how stupid and immature it sounded.

"Do you mind if I sit with you for a minute?" the nurse asked her and Rose shook her head.

The woman sat next to her and Rose saw on her tag that her name was Stella. In a book, once, she read that Stella, in Latin, meant star. And right now, that's what she was to Rose; the only light in a really dark night.

"I'm Stella," she introduced herself. "What's your name?"

"Rose," she simply replied.

"What a pretty name."

"Yeah," Rose muttered, used to the compliment. "My dad chose it," she admitted. "Because I was such a delicate thing and destined to be a great beauty," she explained, using her father's words. "But I think he was biased a bit," she finished with a small chuckle.

"He was quite right," Stella said.

Rose put her hands together to try to control the shaking. She was working so hard not to break down in tears that her body had to betray her in some way. There was a creaking coming from the bed and Rose lifted her head to see her father's head move slowly. She got up so quickly that the chair fell back and she ran to his bedside. He opened his eyes slowly and looked around in confusion.

"Hello, Mr. Dewitt Bukater," Stella said softly, making sure he didn't move too fast or tried to get up. "You gave us quite a fright," she continued.

He looked at the nurse then shifted to the redhead standing next to her. His daughter. His beautiful daughter standing there with tears in her worried green eyes. He stared at her but couldn't manage to utter one word. He wanted to but his body didn't want to cooperate for the time being so he kept staring. Rose saw a twinkle in her father's eyes. He was so happy to see her there, it showed, but she realized he couldn't talk. Not for now anyway.

"Hey, daddy," she said, taking his hand in hers. He managed a small moan and a curled lip as he looked at the nurse.

"Yes, I know," she told him. "You have a beautiful daughter, I had the chance to meet her just before you woke up," she finished with a smile and Henry moaned a second time before meeting Rose's eye again. "The doctor will be here in a moment to check on you, Sir, you have to stay in bed, alright?"

He kept looking at Rose who nodded for him, assuring Stella that she'd make sure he didn't move. Henry looked at the nurse leave then continued staring at his daughter. The doctor came in a few minutes later and once again, Rose was hit by a wave of worry. He looked at everything, asking Henry to do this and that. He couldn't clasp his right hand around the doctor's, nor did his leg respond to the reflexes the doctor was sending.

"Can you say a few words for me, Sir?" the man in his mid-thirties asked.

Henry opened his mouth but he was slurring like a drunken man. He was trying so hard to say something and anger could be seen in his eyes because he couldn't do it.

"It's okay, dad, it's okay," Rose whispered. "Maybe we can try again later."

The doctor explained that since he woke up not even an hour ago, it was possible that his speech was still a little blurry and that they would, indeed, try again in a couple of hours. He asked Rose to follow him out of the room to talk in private and she left her father behind, assuring him that she'd be back in a few minutes.

"I'll be honest with you, Miss, there is no easy way to say this so I'm just gonna say it straight away. Your father had a cerebral embolism. Since the stroke occurred in the left side of his brain, the right side of his body will be affected. That means your father could stay paralyzed on that side of his body, could have language difficulties as well as memory loss. This is why I'm concerned with his not being able to say a word but like I said, maybe it's only temporary."

"You mean it's possible that he couldn't be able to talk anymore?" Rose asked with a lump in her throat. "What happens with the paralysis? Does that mean I have to see and care for him while he's sitting in a wheel chair for the rest of his life, not able to do better than moaning when he wants to say something? Is that it?"

"I'm sorry to say this is exactly what it means," the doctor replied apologetically.

Rose put her hand on her forehead, trying to take deep breaths to calm down. This couldn't be happening, she was having a nightmare and she would wake up soon and her father would be well, just like she'd always seen him. The sad truth, though, was that this was real life and that her father and hero would be an invalid from now on.

* * *

Around eight o'clock the next morning, Jack stopped by Rose's childhood home to pick up Ruth to bring her to the hospital. Rose had texted him in the middle of the night to update him, not going into details because she preferred to tell him in person. When they walked into the hospital room, Rose was in bed with her father, asleep with her head on his shoulder, holding his right hand tightly in her own. Henry was awake, still a bit confused because of the medicine, but he managed a curl of the lip when he saw his wife walk in with the young blonde man that was his daughter's boyfriend. Rose woke up slowly at their voices and looked at Jack who stood there, staring at her. Jack saw in her eyes that there was news but bad ones. She looked devastated and exhausted. Rose sighed nervously and suggested they go outside so she could talk to the both of them.

"We'll be right back," she whispered to her father as she kissed his forehead.

They walked to the cafeteria on the first floor and Jack got three coffees before Rose could tell them everything the doctor diagnosed earlier in the morning. She couldn't look at her mother in the eyes and mostly stared at her own two hands. It took a few minutes before she was finally able to say a word. She only wanted to cry every time she thought about what was happening to her father.

"The doctor explained that the stroke attacked his left brain and the movements and sensations are controlled by the opposite side of the body so dad doesn't feel the right side of his body right now," Rose began in a shaky voice. "He won't ever feel it anymore," she said and it was the worst words that ever left her mouth.

A loud sob followed and Jack wasn't sure if it came from Rose, Ruth or both of them. He took Ruth's shaky hands in his and it seemed to help. She bowed her head and cried shamelessly. Rose looked at her, her heart hurting like it never hurt before, and for the first time in her life, she didn't know what to do. How was she supposed to tell her that her husband would never talk again on top of that? Her eyes filled with tears but she held them back because her mother needed her to be strong, her _father_ needed her to be strong.

"His speech has been affected too," she said as she tried to remain calm. "He will never speak like he used to. He's slurring, he knows the words but he can't say them out loud because his brain doesn't send the command anymore. It -"

She couldn't go on because it was hurting too much to continue. It was hurting too much to see her mother like that, so vulnerable, and that she couldn't do _anything_ to change that.

"The doctor can explain it better to you, mom... I - I'm just an emotional wreck right now, I - I can't believe what is going on and just saying it seems unreal."

They sat there for a half-hour then Ruth asked to talk to the doctor that's been taking care of her husband so it could explain in details what had happened. Meanwhile, Jack brought Rose to the empty waiting room at the far end of the corridor. He knew she didn't want to say some things in front of her mother but that she really needed to say them out loud.

"My life is turning around, starting today," she first admitted and Jack simply listened. "I have to be there for them, for him. I have to take care of my father, Jack, for the rest of his life."

"Some people can help you with that," he assured her. "You don't have to take everything on your shoulders. You're not alone."

"Nobody knows them like I do. They gave me everything, they were always there for me when I needed them to and now it's my turn to do that for them."

"Let me help you at least."

She nodded tearfully and he wrapped his arms around her. She cried in his chest, feeling safe and supported through this hard time. To be quite honest, she wouldn't have wanted anybody else to be with to live this frightful reality.

"Thank you," she mumbled against his chest. "I love you and I'm sorry if I am an emotional burden lately."

"I love you too," he said, wiping her tears away. "I didn't realize I pushed you too hard to tell me whatever it is you're going through... I mean, I know you'll do so when you're ready. I - It shows it happened a while ago and that it is still painful to talk about."

"It is," she confessed before she sniffled.

Jack nodded in understanding and hugged her tightly to let her know he would be there no matter what. He loved her and she needed his support so he would give it to her. He also knew she would seek support from one of his least favorite people in the world, her ex-husband, but he needed to respect that too. They were all adults and if Rose needed Caledon in a time like this, he wouldn't hold it against her. No matter how much he despised him, he knew that their friendship was important to the both of them and that Rose didn't need another drama case in her life right now.

* * *

Five days later, Cal dropped Charles from the airport to Rose's apartment. They had spent a great week together but Charles was impatient to tell everything to his mother. Shortly after the incident, Rose had called Cal to let him know about the stroke and its aftermath. She wanted to tell Charles herself so she asked to keep it from him up until he came back to New York. She didn't want to ruin his fantastic trip with his father with the horrible news of his beloved grandpa's trip to the hospital.

Jack was gone to the corner store to get some milk when Cal arrived with the _very excited_ boy. Cal was invited inside and even though he wanted to ask Rose how she was holding up, he didn't. He didn't want Charles to ask questions before the bad news were delivered to him.

"I'm not gonna stay any longer, you two have a lot to talk about," he said as Charles ran to the bathroom. "How are you holding up with everything?" he asked when he heard the door close.

"I'm coping with it the best I can. If only it was the only thing messing me up," she admitted, looking up at him.

"Yeah... I'm thinking about it too," he confessed, running his hand over his face. "I don't know if it's ever gonna be easier as the years go by," Cal continued with a sigh.

"I sure hope so," Rose whispered.

Caledon forced a small smile and leaned over to kiss the top of her head.

"Call me if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks."

She closed the door behind him and walked to Charles' room to unpack.

Outside, Cal spotted Jack on the sidewalk. He nodded his way and Jack nodded back, telling him to wait a second because he wanted to talk to him about something. Surprised, Cal stood next to his car, waiting until Jack stopped in front of Rose's building.

"I - I just wanted to say that... Well it's my time to ask for a favor. You once asked me not to break her heart and now I'm asking you to be there for her because she needs you right now, more than ever," Jack demanded.

"Yeah, yeah definitely, you can count on it," Cal assured him in all honesty. "And if you ever need something, Dawson, don't hesitate. I know it's unusual but I think we can put our differences aside for Rose. We both love her enough for that." Jack nodded.

"Can I ask you something else?" Jack asked, already feeling guilty for it.

"I guess you could, yes."

"Rose is bothered by something lately, something else than her father. I - I was just wondering if you had any idea..."

"I think she'll tell you about it if she wants to," Cal interrupted. "It's not my place to talk to you about this."

"Yeah, sure, okay, I understand. I'm sorry if -"

"Alice..."

"What?"

"It's because of Alice," he finished as he climbed in the car, leaving an intrigued Jack on the sidewalk.

Jack stared at the car for a while then walked inside the building, still confused. Cal bowed his head over the steering wheel and felt the sting in his eyes. Just to say her name brought him back to that very day three years ago. August 17th, 2010, the worst day of his entire life. Probably also the day he felt the most guilty and useless.

* * *

It took everything he had to ask the question. It was burning on the tip of his tongue but it seemed inappropriate to ask about something he wasn't supposed to know. All night, Rose didn't utter a word. They listened to Charles' adventures in Orlando then watched TV after the boy was in bed.

"Rose?" Jack finally asked, hours after Cal told him the mysterious name.

"Mmm?" she replied, not even bothering to look at him.

"Who's Alice?"

Her head shot up and she looked at him as if the secret of the universe had just come out of his mouth. She stared and he waited for her to say something, anything. He was filled with remorse and hated himself for asking the question. He had betrayed everything he stood for. Jack was worried Rose would be angry that he asked that question, that he went behind her back for something she wished to keep for herself. It was so disrespectful and he didn't realize it until now.

"Who told you about her?" she asked, calm and collected.


	33. thirty-two

**THIRTY-TWO.**

Rose couldn't stop squirming as she was sitting on the plastic chair in the hospital's waiting room. Cal was by her side, reading a business magazine like all of this was no big deal and it was just another day. Her appointment had been set for two o'clock but the doctor was running twenty minutes behind.

"Jesus, Rose, will you stop squirming?"

"You'd be squirming too if you had to pee for the past thirty minutes and couldn't go," she said and he smiled.

At the same moment, the doctor called Rose's name. Rose jumped up her chair and practically ran into the doctor's office, followed by Cal who was walking behind, holding his wife's sweater over his arm. He closed the door behind him and sat across the desk, next to Rose.

"Thirteen weeks, how are you feeling?" the doctor asked with a smile.

"Good, great actually. And incredibly happy," Rose confessed with an even bigger smile.

"That's great! Did you feel something that seemed abnormal to you?"

"No, not that I'm aware of," she answered.

"What about you?" the doctor asked, looking at Cal.

"Me?" he asked, surprised by her question. "No," he said, shaking his head. "Nothing I would complain about, anyway."

"You wouldn't, wouldn't you?" Rose shot his way and he looked at her with a glint in his eyes, smirking. "Don't make me laugh, I'm gonna pee my pants," she warned with an amused smile.

The doctor smiled at the young couple's exchange and suggested they moved to the next room for the ultrasound. Rose changed into a hospital gown and lay down on the bed. Cal sat next to the bed and she took his hand in hers as her doctor was getting the machine ready. She put some cold gel on Rose's low belly and pressed on her stomach, turning to the small screen behind her.

"If we're lucky, we'll get to hear its tiny heart beat," the woman told them. "As for the gender, I'm afraid we're going to have to wait another month."

"It's a girl, I can feel it," Rose said.

Cal locked eyes with her, hearing the declaration for the first time. She smiled softly and he smiled back. Maybe he had secretly hoping for a girl too. A little girl who would look exactly like her mother with her fire-colored curls and soft features. A daughter he would spoil rotten, his own little princess. At the same instant, he heard a faint heartbeat like he heard his son's three years before and his eyes filled with tears without warning. They were having another baby. His hand squeezed Rose's and he pecked her lips. He was _so happy_.

* * *

Rose was standing in the doorway while Cal was sitting on the floor of the new nursery, working on the crib. He hadn't touched his blueprints, his computer or cellphone for the past week when he was at home, spending his free time working on the baby's room. Charles really wanted to help but Cal decided it was safer for him to play with his trucks on the floor rather than be around the tools and heavy pieces of furniture he was trying to assemble. He wanted no help whatsoever, especially not from his wife. He insisted that she did no hard work and rest. He didn't want anything to happen to her or the baby. Instead, she stood in the room and kept him company, also keeping an eye on Charles.

She started showing and most of the people in their entourage knew she was pregnant. As soon as the first trimester was over and the pregnancy was safer, they announced the good news to their family. They told Charles too but the boy didn't seem to understand the extent of it. What was a sibling anyway? He was still a bit too young to get the concept but Rose tried to include him in the pregnancy as much as possible because it was important for him to know that even though a new baby was coming into the family, he was still a part of it and was as meaningful as his little brother or sister. He would be a big deal in the baby's life because becoming a big brother came with responsibilities. He was already talking about sharing his toys and even his favorite teddy bear.

"How's it going in here?" Rose asked, crossing her arms as she leaned against the doorframe.

"I'll be fine," Cal replied, sounding exhausted.

"What is it? Maybe I can help," she suggested.

"No, darling, I don't want you to. You need to take it easy."

"I'm only pregnant, not handicapped."

"I don't want to risk it."

"Alright. Well at least can I get you something?"

"Glass of water? Please? And a kiss?"

"Coming right up," she said before leaving the room.

She came back a minute later and gave Cal his glass of water. She got on tiptoes and kissed his lips softly, feeling his hand resting on the small of her back.

"I love you," he said when she pulled away from the kiss.

"I love you too," she said back before pecking his lips one last time. "I'm gonna let you boys to work," she added, glancing over at Charles who looked up at her.

"I hep daddy," Charles told her.

"He certainly does," Cal assured Rose before smiling down at him.

"I'll be in the living room, call me if you need anything," she said quietly to her husband who nodded in response.

Cal stared at her backside until she was out of the room. Next week, they were having the ultrasound that would reveal the baby's gender and he was so excited. He would finally be able to paint the nursery either the Royal purple or Persian blue he and Rose had spent _hours_ choosing. Cal wanted pink for a girl but Rose forbid it. Rose wanted green for a boy and Cal hated it so they compromised and it ended up with purple or blue. They didn't buy any clothes or accessories yet, still waiting to know if they were having a son or a daughter. Charles' baby things had been given to charity a long time ago and they would need to buy everything all over again. Not that Rose minded because she loved it the first time around.

That night, as they just got into bed, Cal turned on the TV on the news channel and Rose rested her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. She wrapped her arms around his stomach as he watched the television intently. She didn't feel like hearing the bad things that were happening in the world so she closed her eyes and focused on the comforting sound coming from inside his chest. It didn't take long before she fell asleep, the faint sound of the TV in the background.

When the news bulletin was over, Cal turned off the television and tried to get comfortable without waking up Rose who slept like a baby. She groaned in her sleep when he shifted to lie down and he saw her eyes open slightly then close again.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up," he whispered.

"Is it morning yet?" she asked in a sleepy voice.

"It's eleven," he replied even though he knew she was sleep talking. "Go back to sleep."

She turned around, her back facing him, and her breathing steadied instantly. She was deeply asleep.

In the middle of the night, Rose woke up in a jump from a nightmare. She had lost the baby once again and it was awful because after the bad news, Cal had left, taking Charles with him, leaving her with nothing but the burning need to kill herself.

She fumbled to lift the sheets quickly to make sure everything was okay. The sheets were as white as they were supposed to but she still walked to the bathroom to make sure everything was fine. She closed the door behind her and let herself slide against the wall to finally reach the cold floor. She lied there and began sobbing quietly, her hand resting on her stomach.

Cal woke up to the sounds coming from the en-suite bathroom. He turned around to see that Rose wasn't in bed and that the sheets on her side were a mess. He quickly got up and opened the bathroom door without knocking. He squinted at the light but still saw his wife lying on the floor, holding her stomach. He rushed to her, panic in his face.

"Are you okay? Baby, what happened?" he asked nervously.

"Don't go away," she sobbed, making no sense. "Don't take Charles with you, okay?"

"What are you talking about?" he demanded, confused. "I'm not going anywhere," he assured before lying down next to her. "See? I'm right here."

"Don't go," she repeated.

"You had a nightmare," he said, understanding what was going on. He held her close and she sobbed against his chest, wetting the t-shirt he was wearing. "Why don't you tell me about it?"

"Promise me everything will be alright."

"I promise," Cal replied. "I promise," he repeated before leaving a kiss on her forehead. "Shhh... Come on, let's go back to bed," he whispered.

He helped her up and walked her to her side of the bed. He tucked her in and returned to his side. He didn't go back to sleep until he heard Rose's breathing getting steady, just in case something happened again.

Five days later, after dropping Charles off at Rose's parents' house, Cal drove to the hospital with Rose in the passenger seat. If they were lucky, today would be the day they'd know the baby's gender. The entire ride, they held hands over the console. They were excited but nervous as well. Hopefully, the baby would be fine and growing at the normal rate without any complications of any kind. After almost five months, the baby was hanging in there.

Once she lied down on the table for the ultrasound, Rose exhaled loudly. She was nervous. She had never came this far along in a pregnancy since Charles and even though it was a good sign, the uncertainty remained. She wouldn't be at peace until she held her baby in her arms. The doctor threw an encouraging smile her way and Rose smiled faintly back.

"Let's see how that baby is doing, shall we?" the doctor announced before running the transducer on Rose's pelvic region.

The young parents were looking closely at the screen, hoping for a glimpse at the product of their love. Cal spotted the tiny hands first, then the head, and his eyes soon filled with tears without him having any say over it. There it was, strong and alive. The heartbeat sound came to his ears, proving it.

"Considering the miscarriages you suffered in the past, I suggest you to take it easy. No work would be better if that's possible and the standing should be to a minimum. We don't want to risk losing this one," Dr Boyd instructed softly, knowing how devastating it was to lose a baby. "It may be possible you'll be on bed rest in the last months, just to be safe."

"I'll make sure she follows the rules," Cal said with a small laugh.

"According to this," she began, nodding to the screen. "Your should have a daughter by mid-December."

"It's a girl?" Cal asked, his voice filled with hope and emotion.

"She is," the doctor confirmed with a smile. "And she's a strong little Hockley lady."

"Something's telling me she's gonna be Daddy's little girl," Rose said with a chuckle.

"She definitely already is," Cal admitted without shame, his hand resting on Rose's stomach.

He kissed her forehead and Rose felt his salty tear fall on her lips. She ran her hand on the nape of his neck.

"I love you," she whispered and he pecked her lips.

* * *

Alice Victoria Hockley.

The name they chose to give their daughter. They were four months away from her coming into the world and she was already the princess of the house. At first, Charles was a bit disappointed to hear he'd have a baby sister but he was happy now. His freshly turned four-year-old self was proudly helping his father preparing his sister's nursery every day and taking care of his mother. Rose had to spend most of her days sitting or lying in bed and she was quickly bored so Charles made sure to entertain her the best he could by inventing stories and putting on shows for her. He cuddled with her when she watched TV and she would nap with him every afternoon. They had always been close but this past month made them inseparable. If Charles once worshipped his father and asked for him for everything, it was his mother he wanted now. If it wasn't Rose that tucked him in at night, he screamed murder until Cal gave up and asked Rose to please do something. As much as Cal thought this new bound was wonderful, he didn't like the fact that it asked a lot out of Rose and she wasn't resting as much as the doctor ordered. She told him he was overreacting and that Charles was doing this because of the baby. He would grow tired of it as quickly as it came and he shouldn't worry, she was fine.

After resting for a whole week, literally doing nothing at all, Rose was able to accompany Cal to the inauguration of his latest contract. He was proud of it but he was prouder to show his pregnant wife to everyone. Rose was glowing, pregnancy suited her very well, she was beautiful. Rose spent one half of the evening at her husband's arm, the other talking with Jenny, Cal's secretary, in one corner of the room. Rose didn't know if she could call Jenny her friend but she was the closest thing to it that she had. She was lonely, most of the time, and to see her familiar face was comforting somehow. Strange as it was, Jenny must spent more time with Cal than she did and still, she couldn't hold that against her. She took her hat off to her, though, because how could she stand his "work mode" seventy hours a week was beyond her.

"You must be so excited to have a little girl," Jenny told Rose, handing her a glass of water.

"I am," Rose said, a huge smile on her face. "I would've been as happy with a boy."

"How's Charles taking it?" she asked.

"Pretty great, actually. He wants to help, he's really sweet. But I'm sure Cal must be murdering your ears with the children all week already, we can speak of something else if you'd like," Rose said with a small laugh.

"I don't mind, I love kids," Jenny assured.

"How's your life going these days?" Rose asked.

"Work is crazy right now, but you already know that," the young girl replied. "As crazy as it seems, I still managed to meet a guy I'm quite crazy about."

"You did? That's amazing, Jenny, I'm so happy for you! Who is he?"

"His name's Edward, he's the new intern," she said as she blushed profusely. "He started at the beginning of the summer and we've been seeing each other for the past three weeks."

"You mean he's the cute blonde I saw you with earlier?" she asked and Jenny nodded.

"Who are you calling cute when I'm away?" a male voice came to their ears.

"None of your business," Rose replied as two strong hands came from behind to rest on her belly. Jenny smiled, amused by Rose's comment.

"You see how she treats me?" Cal told Jenny who laughed softly. "Is everything okay?" he whispered in Rose's ear.

"I'm fine," she assured him. "I'll see you later," she added before turning around to peck his lips.

Jenny looked away, feeling uncomfortable in front of the exchange of affection between her boss and his wife. It wouldn't be the first time that she saw them exchange a kiss but she felt awkward every time. She still found them extremely adorable together and appreciated them dearly.

"I'm leaving her in your hands, take care of her for me, will you?" Cal asked Jenny with a smile.

"Will do," Jenny replied.

"And you," he continued, looking at Rose. "Behave."

"Yes, sir."

The girls spent the rest of the evening talking together. Jenny introduced Edward to Rose before he excused himself to join colleagues in another corner of the room. Rose felt good to spend time with somebody else than her 4-year-old son, even though she liked his company at all times. Just to be out of the house was delightful. At moments, she caught Cal's eye and they smiled warmly at him. He worked so hard and she was proud of him even if it meant not having him at home as much as she'd like to.

It must have been around one in the morning when the couple finally rode the elevator up to the loft. Charles was spending the night at Rose's parents so there was no baby-sitter to send home nor any visit to the boy's room. They could only strip out of their clothes and slide between the sheets. Rose dreamt of that moment since 11 o'clock but didn't mention it. She walked into the room and turned on the light, continuing her way to the en-suite bathroom to clean her face of the makeup she wore all night. Cal undressed and got into bed, falling asleep almost instantly. Rose came into the room twenty minutes later, hearing Cal's gentle snoring and leaned on the bed before shaking him up softly.

"Cal," she said, her hand on his shoulder.

"What is it?" he finally answered and she wasn't sure if he was really awake.

"Wake up."

"I am," he said, his eyes barely opened. "What is it?" he asked again.

"There's blood -"

"What?" he exclaimed, his eyes snapping open. "What do you mean?"

"There was blood in my underwear. Maybe we'd better get to the hospital," she explained, trying to remain calm, only half-succeeding.

* * *

Rose was lying on a bed when Cal was allowed to walk into the room. He saw Rose's OB/GYN standing next to the bed, waiting for him to get closer.

"Are you alright?" he asked Rose directly.

"I'm fine," she assured.

"It's nothing to be alarmed about, it happens sometimes," Doctor Boyd began and Cal nodded in comprehension. "It looks okay now but if it happens again, I want you to come in immediately," she told Rose and she nodded too. "We shouldn't take any risks."

"I'll bring her here first thing," Cal told her. "And she's okay? Alice is okay?"

"She's fine from what I saw on the ultrasound. I told you, Mr. Hockley, that's a strong and healthy baby girl you got in there," she told him with a smile.

"Alright," he said with a small chuckle. "Hang in there, sweetheart," he told his daughter, his hand on Rose's belly. "Just four more months."

"You both can go home now, get some sleep," Doctor Boyd ordered.

As soon as her head touched the feather pillow, Rose fell asleep. Cal lied down next to her but couldn't find sleep even though he felt drained. What happened tonight frightened him. He didn't want what happened to his two previous babies to happen to his daughter as well. He wanted to hold a healthy, living, breathing newborn baby in his arms again, just like he did four years ago when his son was born.

After turning from side to side for an hour, he kissed the back of Rose's head and walked out of the room in silence. He locked himself in his study and turned on his computer. For the rest of the night, he could do what he was best at; work.

* * *

Three days later, around 7 p.m., Cal received a call on his cellphone while he was still at the office. At the other end was his wife's doctor telling him that he should get to the hospital because Rose got there ten minutes ago on an ambulance. He didn't let her finish and threw his cellphone across the room before running out of the building to his car with only one thing in mind.

 _What if he didn't get there in time?_


	34. thirty-three

**THIRTY-THREE.**

Rose continued staring at Jack, waiting for an answer, anything. Nothing came and she could see how bad he felt that he brought the subject, totally clueless about everything it stirred up inside of her.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have asked, it isn't any of my business," Jack said instead.

"Cal told you, didn't he?" Rose asked.

"He did but I asked. He only told me her name. I'm sorry I went behind your back but I was worried about you, I wanted to understand."

"I'm not mad, Jack," she said softly. "Alice... Alice is my daughter..." she finally admitted, her throat tightening with every word that left her mouth. "She's my baby girl," she finished, lifting her head to look at Jack who looked completely baffled.

Rose was on the verge of crying but she had a good reason, Jack thought. He could only imagine what happened to Alice and how Rose and Cal must feel about losing her. Apparently, losing a child was the worst thing that could ever happen.

"Tomorrow will mark the third anniversary of her death, that's why I've been acting like this. I couldn't help it, it's still very raw and painful, no matter how long it's been, I'm very sorry to have treated you the way I did."

"Don't be," Jack simply said.

"That's why I don't like talking about kids, you know? I - I know you want kids and somewhere deep down, I know I want more too, it's just... it couldn't happen again without me dying of grief. I don't want to go through this suffering ever again, losing her was the most devastating thing that's ever happened to me."

"I don't know what to say," he admitted plainly.

"You don't have to say anything," she assured him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he offered, not sure himself if he wanted to hear anything about it.

"What is it that you want to know?"

Jack realized that Rose was strangely calm and peaceful about it. He was used to seeing her expressing every thought that came into her head and now that he dug her biggest secret out of her, he expected her to react differently.

"What happened?" he simply asked.

"I was at 23 weeks, five months along, and one night, I was alone at the loft and I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I soon realized it was contractions and I panicked because it was way too soon to have the baby. I called an ambulance and when I got to the hospital, I was unconscious. They had to do a C-section to get the baby out because we were both at risk and could die in a matter of minutes. There was trouble with the placenta but the doctor never figured out what happened. She was tiny but alive when they got her out so they put her into intensive care. She still had a fifty percent chance of survival and the doctors were hopeful that she would make it because even if she was a premature baby, she seemed to be in good health. But she passed away in the wee hours of the morning and I never got to catch more than a glimpse at her," she explained as tears fell down her cheeks in silence. She wiped her face with the palm of her hand.

There was a long silence in which Jack stroked Rose's back softly. There was nothing to say and silence was a welcomed friend at this point. Rose needed a moment.

"It broke us," she finally admitted, looking up at him. "That's what broke us," she said again, a sob escaping her lips.

Jack reached for a tissue and Rose brought it to her nose. Just to talk about this part of her life awoke feelings she would've rather forgotten. It was the first time ever she said that statement out loud and it hurt more than she thought it would.

"Oh, God," she sobbed, her hand going to her bosom as she started to breathe quickly.

"Calm down, shhh," Jack soothed. "Breathe, Rose," he continued, breathing slowly so she would do the same.

It did nothing but make it worst. Rose was having a panic attack and was hyperventilating. The fact that she was also crying on top of it wasn't helping in any way. Jack tried to calm her down, assuring her it was only a panic attack and that she wasn't having a heart attack but it was useless. She managed to croak out a warning that she was going to throw up and Jack helped her to the bathroom where she sat in front of the toilet, vomiting her last meal. Her breathing had calmed to a normal rate by now but she was still battling against the heavy sobs that escaped her throat. She could taste the acid in her mouth from both the tears and vomit and her stomach lurched again.

Once the vomiting had died down, Rose continued sobbing as Jack held her close to him, not sure what else to do. She had told her what was the major reason of her divorce with Cal and he soon realized it wasn't even because she fell out of love with him. What could be worse than losing a child in a marriage, he thought. Probably nothing. How ironic was it that something they made with love was also the thing that broke them apart?

"Mommy?" he heard Charles call from his room. Rose tried to get up but she did not have the strength to do so.

"I'm taking care of it, I'll be right back," Jack whispered, leaving a kiss on the top of her head.

Jack walked to the boy's room and entered slowly, seeing Charles in his bed, the covers up to his chin, his eyes filled with worry.

"What's going on, buddy?" he asked as he walked closer to him. "Had a nightmare?" Charles shook his head from left to right.

"Why is mommy crying?" he said instead.

"A lot is going on right now in your mom's life, she needs to get it out and that's how she does it," Jack assured. "She'll be okay, I promise, I'm taking good care of her. Go back to sleep, okay?"

Charles nodded but didn't seem convinced with Jack's explanation. The man walked out of the room, closing the door behind him, and Charles just lay there in his bed, clutching his blanket, listening to his mother's loud sobs coming from the bathroom. He clenched his eyes shut and tried to block it out but he knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep as long as he could hear her. For the first time in his life, he didn't feel safe in his mother's house. He was scared out of his mind. He knew he needed to be brave though, because he was seven years old and a big boy, and he also knew that his mother needed him to be courageous with his grandfather being sick and all. She was always there for him and this time, it was his turn to be there for her. He could hear Jack's voice whispering things to comfort Rose but the words were inaudible from his room.

Rose was still on the floor, thinking it was safe to stay close to the toilet. She could remember the last time she felt like this like it was yesterday even though it had happened two and a half years ago when she was standing on her parents' porch, holding a 4-year-old Charles, on a cold February night, two heavy pieces of luggage at her feet. She had just left the loft for good, the divorce officialised earlier that day, thinking her life was over. Caledon James Hockley, the love of her life, was now a part of her past. "I love him, daddy," she had confessed in-between her sobs, and at first, her father was surprised to hear her say that. For months, he had witnessed her proclaim how much she hated him and how she didn't want nothing to do with him anymore. On the other hand, deep down, he knew that his daughter would always have strong feelings towards this young man. He had seen their love grow and their feelings deepen, he had seen how happy they were on their wedding day and how they would literally give their life for one another. As much as love was the most beautiful feeling in the world, it could also destroy you like nothing else could. He hadn't wished that for his daughter but even if he had spent her entire life trying to protect her from anything that could harm her, her heart wasn't his to protect anymore. And to see this heart broken into a thousand pieces was something he wished he could have prevented.

"Why do I still give him the power to mess me up like that?" Rose asked, her face still wet with tears and huge sobs still present in her throat.

Jack said nothing even though he knew the answer to that. A wave of sorrow came over him and he felt the tears sting in his eyes and the back of his throat. He brought her closer against his chest and kissed her head in a sign of comfort but it was mostly to hide his face. He lingered against her hair and felt one tear slide down his cheek.

"I love you, Rosebud," he whispered against her scalp and it was enough for her to release the sadness still occupying her insides as she understood the answer to her own question. She wrapped her arms around his middle and held him tightly against her. "And if you need time, I'll give you some."

"I love you too," she said, lifting her head to look at him. "I just want to make sure I love you properly, like you deserve to be because you're an amazing man and I - I don't want to break your heart." Jack chuckled softly.

"It's already too late for that," he said sadly. "But I understand. I'm a selfish man," he began as a joke with a small laugh. "I don't want to share you with another man."

"There isn't a selfish bone in your body, what you're doing right now is proof of that," Rose said. "I don't want to lose you, Jack, but I understand how you feel. It's not fair for me to do that to you, I know that."

"He still loves you, you know?" Jack told her and she shook her head softly.

"He's in love with her," she replied. "He looks at her the way he used to look at me."

"I think you two should talk."

"Yeah... Jack?" she demanded after a few minutes of silence.

"What?"

"I'm sorry you had to fall in love with a mess like me."

"I'm not," he declared. "Even if it doesn't end up working out for us in the end, I'm glad I met you. You made me see life under a different light and believe me, I could never thank you enough for that. You made - make - me very happy and so does Charles. I hope that whatever happens between us, I will still get to have the both of you in my life, as friends."

Rose nodded and Jack forced a smile. He loved that woman so much and somehow, he felt like he could never really have her entirely, at least not until she found herself out of this turmoil and made peace with the past. Since the first day he heard her talk about her ex-husband, he knew she still had feelings for him, even though she denied it. He wanted her, of course, all of her, but if he couldn't have her, well, he wanted to see her happy. He could tell she loved him in her own way but he knew she wasn't ready for a long-term relationship.

"I'll wait for you, okay? If all you need is time, I'll be waiting for you," Jack told her. "Even if it's a lifetime." A new tear escaped Rose's eye.

"Would you do something for me, Jack?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure, what is it?"

"If you meet someone special, someone that makes you feel tingly inside and warm and complete, please don't let her go on my account. Who knows, she could be the love of your life."

"No, _you_ are the love of my life, Rose. That's why I'm doing this, that's why I want you to be happy whether it's with me, with him or anyone else."

"I'm such a monster, I led you on and all this time, I was still not over him. I thought I was, truly I did but -"

"Don't even think about it. You needed comfort, at some point, or a reminder maybe that you were still able to be in love with someone that wasn't him."

"But... I wish I would not have to break your heart in the process. This is the last thing I want and yet I'm doing it."

"It's okay," he whispered with a sad smile, his hand on her cheek. "I've had my suspicions for a while now, I knew somehow that it would end up like this."

"Since when?" she asked as Jack's thumb wiped the tear that left the corner of her eye.

"Since we went to his place and you saw her. Living in your house, touching your things, sleeping in your bed, walking all over your life there."

Rose nodded faintly, the thought of that day coming to her again. Just how she felt when she saw the brunette on the other side of the door, standing right there in the middle of her memories as if they were hers. Cal's hand on the small of her back and Charles standing next to her so naturally. She felt cheated and a next-to-nothing.

Jack spent the next half-hour talking to her, explaining things she hadn't quite catch on about herself yet and little by little, she understood that he was more than right; she was still very much in love with her ex-husband and her heart ached for him every day. She loved Jack, loved him more than words could express, but Cal was special and loving him was basically an understatement. He was her first love.

Jack left around midnight even though Rose told him he could stay over. He insisted, letting her know she needed to be alone. He pecked her lips and took her in a tight hug before leaving her apartment. As soon as he was on the back seat of the taxi, he felt the tears fall down his cheeks like a river deglazing in the spring and tried not to think about the pain. It was worse than the day he heard that Heather had been killed.

* * *

Cal was sleeping deeply when his cellphone went off at one in the morning. He startled awake and quickly unwrapped his arm from the sleeping form in his bed to reach for his phone on the bedside table. Who could be calling at this hour and disturb the peaceful sleep he definitely needed?

"Hello?" he answered, groggy with sleep. Nobody answered. "Hello?" he said again, losing the small amount of patience he had at this hour.

"Hey," a soft voice replied. He wouldn't have heard it if it hadn't been dead calm in the room.

"Rose?" he asked, a bit confused at the sound of her voice. "Is everything okay?" he continued, sitting up and resting his feet firmly on the carpet next to the bed.

"I just needed to talk... To hear your voice," she admitted in the same tone of voice.

"Jesus, it's one in the morning, couldn't that wait a while longer?" he asked, not sounding annoyed or mad.

"No."

"What are you doing?" Rose heard a feminine voice whisper from the other side of the line.

"Go back to sleep, I'll be right back, I gotta take this," Cal whispered back.

Rose heard some shuffle and she counted each step she could hear up until a door closed. He was in his study she thought with a small smile at how ridiculous it was that she could know that only by the number of steps he had took. Twenty steps from the bed to his desk. She heard these twenty steps almost every night for four years.

"Sorry about that," Cal said. "What are you doing up at this hour? What is so important that you had to wake me up in the middle of the night?"

"We broke up," she said. "Jack and I, we broke up." Cal frowned, confused.

"You're calling me at one in the morning to tell me you broke up with your boyfriend? Are you fucking kidding me, Rose?"

"You told me to call you if I needed anything," she replied.

"Have you been drinking?" he asked.

"No... Yes, I mean one or two glasses of wine, three maybe, so what?"

"So what? Go to bed, Rose, we'll talk tomorrow, okay? You're drunk."

"I'm not. I need to talk right now," she said. "Can you come over?"

"No," he said firmly so she would stop.

She hung up on him and he stared at his phone for a quick second before walking back to his bedroom. He put his phone back on the bedside table and made sure to put it on silence. He saw it shimmer and the caller ID showed a picture of Rose. He ignored the call only to see the screen light up again a minute later. He cursed out loud and turned off his phone completely.

"Who is it?" Audrey asked, her eyes still closed, as Cal took her in his arms again.

"No one, this wasn't important," he replied. "Goodnight."

His answer was so abrupt and firm that she knew not to ask any more questions. He didn't want her to know who had called even thought she was positive it was Charles' mother just by the way he reacted during and after the call. Audrey closed her eyes and cuddled closer to him, feeling his warm breath on her neck. She was the one sleeping in his arms tonight so why worry about the other woman?

* * *

The next morning, Rose woke up with a splitting headache and a seven-year-old against her chest. She looked around, her eyes still half-closed from the blinding sunlight, and she realized she was in Charles bedroom, curled up against him in his bed. She didn't remember getting in his bed last night, much less falling asleep while holding him in her arms. She saw her phone further on the pillow and took a closer look, seeing that she had dialed Cal's number about fifteen times between one and two a.m. She remembered calling twice but then nothing to be quite honest. Maybe drinking a whole bottle of red wine on her own hadn't been one of her greatest ideas after all.

"Mommy!" Charles exclaimed when he saw Rose was awake.

"Shh, Charles, not so loud," she whispered, unable to do better. "Mommy has a headache."

"Do you want me to get medicine for you?" he asked, feeling like a responsible grown-up. "The white and blue bottle that starts with an A."

Rose nodded, keeping her eyes closed. Charles ran to the kitchen and searched through his mother's purse for the Advil bottle. He retrieved a glass from the cupboard, filled it with water and carefully brought the two items back to his room. Rose swallowed two pills and gave back the glass to Charles who drank it up. He looked at her lying there, her eyes closed, and he simply pulled the covers over her and left to room to let her sleep some more. He could see by her face and the state of her hair that she needed to do so. He was big enough to fix his own breakfast anyway and he could just pop a movie in the DVD player until his mother got up.

Forty minutes later, Rose's phone started to ring, and she woke up with a small jump, her hand immediately settling on her forehead, a loud groan escaping her lips. She didn't remember setting her ringtone at such a high volume but yet she was doing one stupid thing over the other for the past 24 hours. She looked at the caller ID and saw the three letters she didn't feel like seeing so she tapped on the red phone before putting the phone out of her reach.

When she finally decided to get up, two hours later, she took her phone and saw the voicemail notification. She hesitated, not sure of what she had told him the night before, but finally pressed play before putting the phone to her ear.

"Hey, it's me. Just wanted to say sorry about last night. Call me back when you have a minute, okay? Bye," Cal's voice said.

She listened to the message five times and decided not to call him back. Mainly because she was fully sober now and there was no way she would tell him such things over the phone like an idiot and also because she didn't remember how much she had said in their last conversation. Then she received a text from Will and a small smile crossed her face.

'Hey! Just wanted to check how you were holding up. If you need to have a day off mommy duties today, I can take Charlie sailing with me and Bailey.'

'I'm doing okay, considering. Let me ask him and I'll text you in a few. Thanks Will x.'

A side smile appeared on William's face and he stared at his phone, waiting for Rose's reply.

'I mentioned Bailey and he was already packing his bag, he's ready when you are.'

'Hahaha, at least my dog has success with the opposite sex. We'll be there in an hour!'

'Alright, see you later.'

William had recently broken up with his girlfriend of four years and took it hard. He got himself a puppy to keep him company and the German Shepherd now barely left his side. Charles was also a dog lover, especially when it came down to Bailey. The puppy was equally in love with the boy and kept licking his face to tell him so, which made Charles laugh to no end. It was without mentioning that William was Charles' idol and that he would do anything to spend the day with his uncle.

An hour later, there was a knock on the door. Rose opened and the puppy ran through her legs before she even registered who was here and she heard Charles shriek with laughter. She smiled and invited William in. William, now a 24-year-old, was a handsome young man. Rose would even go further and say he was _hot_ but to her, he would always be the little brother she never had. He took her in a tight hug and she closed her eyes, feeling the strength only his embrace could give her. That he wrote her today meant a lot and to suggest taking Charles out on this difficult day was very nice of him.

"I do not want to press my luck but could he sleep over at my place?" he asked Rose, one eye closed, the other peaking hopefully at her. "I bought new video games and have no one to play with." he continued with a goofy smile. Rose laughed.

"Sometimes I wonder who's the youngest between you two. It's no problem, let me just pack an overnight bag real quick."

Rose threw a couple of clothes, a toothbrush, Charles' teddy bear and blanket in a bag and walked back to the kitchen. Charles was already putting his shoes on, Bailey pulling on his shoelaces every time he tried to tie them up, making him laugh. William took the bag from Rose's hand and threw her an encouraging smile, knowing it was a rough day.

"Alright, don't keep him up too late," Rose told William, knowing he would do so anyway.

"I won't. I'll bring him back tomorrow for dinner."

"Alright. Have a good time, honey," she told Charles, running a hand through his hair before he ran out the door, Bailey on his tracks.

* * *

It was around 3 o'clock when Rose laid lilies on her daughter's grave. The sun was blasting, not a cloud in the sky, and the temperature was just perfect, not too cool nor too hot. She sat on the grass in front of the stone and stared at the carved letters. Alice Victoria Hockley. August 17, 2010. Just above her name were carved hers and Cal's, side by side, with their year of birth waiting there for their neighbors that had yet to come. Weird how you knew you would die someday and it was just a matter of time. A day, three months, fifty years, who knew? That 1986 could be next to a 2025 or a 2079, no one could know until it happened. The only thing she wanted was that Charles' 2006 was next to a superior number than her own. Or else she'd make it the same.

"Hello, sweetheart," she whispered, her fingers going through the fresh-cut grass.

She heard steps coming from behind her and she turned slowly, seeing Cal coming to a stop, wearing a suit. With his hair combed perfectly like this on a Saturday, he had to come back from a meeting of some sort. He smiled down at her but she didn't return it and her eyes went back to the stone bearing her daughter's name. Cal took a few steps forward and put a bouquet of white and red roses on the grave before standing next to Rose who was still sitting on the grass.

"She would have turned three today," he said with sadness and pain in his voice.

"I know," Rose muttered. "Little princess by now, she would most certainly be."

Cal sat next to her, their arms touching, and he opened his hand on his knee, offering it to Rose who took it in her own. She put her head against his shoulder and they stayed in silence for a while, listening to the sound of the birds singing in the distance. She saw him wiping his cheeks with the palm of his hand a couple of times and heard him sniffling, something he wouldn't have done if he had been with somebody else.

"You know, Rose, we messed up a lot of things together. We did," he began. "But our kids, they're the greatest things we ever made together," he continued as his throat tightened. "And I'll always be grateful for that," he finished, leaving a kiss on her head. He felt her shake slightly and a soft sob came from her mouth.

"Me too," she said, crying in silence. Cal exhaled loudly to avoid crying.

"Do you remember when we were painting the nursery for Charles and it ended up in a war paint?" he asked with a chuckle.

"I do," she laughed. "I had yellow paint in my hair for three days."

"We had fun, didn't we?" he demanded, and she knew he wasn't speaking about this particular day but of their time together.

"We did," she agreed, looking back on everything she shared with him. "Cal?" she asked after a few minutes.

"What?"

"I need to get out of here, I can't breathe anymore. Do you want to grab something to eat?"

"Actually I... I'm supposed to meet Audrey for dinner. Rain check?"

"Sure," she said with a faint smile.

"I can drive you home, though, that would be a pleasure."

"Okay."

The drive to Brooklyn was spent mostly in silence, neither of them really knowing what to say. Rose dreaded arriving at her apartment and spending the night alone. Of course she could always call Regina and meet her someplace but she probably already had plans since it was Saturday and everybody had plans on Saturday nights, except her. Cal stopped in front of her building and Rose unfastened her seatbelt before turning to him.

"Thanks for the ride, and thanks for earlier."

"Don't mention it," he said with a wave of the hand.

And before either of them could register anything, Rose's lips were onto Cal's, kissing him like she meant it. Cal closed his eyes for a second but quickly opened them up again and pushed Rose away slightly.

"What are you doing?" he asked her. "What's going on?"

Ashamed, Rose ran inside so fast that Cal barely saw her leaving. He called after her but she didn't even acknowledge hearing him so he ran behind her and caught up only inside her apartment. He stood in the vestibule, looking at her standing in front of him, trying to read her eyes, trying to understand what was happening.

"Couldn't that happen four months ago? Damn it, Rose, why are you doing this to me? I'm in love with her," he said.

"I know you are, but that doesn't change how I feel."

"You drive me insane, you know that? You won't ever -" he sighed. "I can't... Don't - For Christ's sake," he finished and his lips captured hers in a passionate kiss. A kiss like they would've shared seven years ago, a kiss of young love but also of long-lost lovers. Cal's hand went to her hair, fisting the red curls, as his other hand brought her closer to him. Rose took his jacket off and was soon pulling his shirt out of his pants.

"Stop," he managed to say between two kisses. "I can't do this, I'm with somebody. What tells me you're not doing this because you're lonely and sad and next thing I know you don't want anything to do with me. I can't do this to her. You just broke up with your boyfriend and now you need something and know you can get it from me because yes, I'm still crazy about you, you stubborn idiot," he ranted before kissing her again. "I need to go," he finally said and stepped backwards, picking up his jacket and leaving Rose's apartment.

'I still love you' were the four words written on his phone's screen when he arrived at the loft, Audrey waiting for him in the kitchen. She kissed him and he hoped she wouldn't taste the lips of another woman. That she wouldn't smell her perfume all over his clothes. That she wouldn't feel how fast his heart was beating for the woman he just left in Brooklyn.


	35. thirty-four

**THIRTY-FOUR.**

Everyone stood there, around that hole in the ground, like black cold columns, listening to the pouring rain over umbrellas that barely kept them dry. The clouds were dark and threatening. The faint sound of thunder could be heard in the distance and a moment passed before lightning struck, far away. A faint representation of what she felt inside. She had cried so much in the past few days that nothing but deep sorrow could be manifested on her account. The dress she was wearing was as dark as a raven and so were the bags under her puffy eyes. She hadn't slept in 48 hours, if only an hour or two, even if she had spent most of these hours in bed. Every time she closed her eyes, she could only see the tiny lifeless body of her daughter.  
The howling of the wind resonated in her ears and she closed her eyes, appreciating the rain on her face. She was still alive although feeling bereft of life. Cal's hand entwined hers and his grip reassured her like nothing else could. He was the only one who could truly understand her pain as raw and excruciating. She was _exhausted_.

"We therefore commit young Alice's body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in the sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life," the priest said as thunder boomed again.

He started reciting the Lord's Prayer and people quietly joined in. They slowly lowered the small casket into the ground and Rose felt her knees giving up on her. Cal held her up, his arms keeping her safely against his body. Rose also felt a strong hand on the small of her back and knew it was William's. She looked behind to see and he looked at her with tears in his eyes, showing sympathy as much as sadness. He seemed to ask her if she was okay, that she needn't worry because he would literally always be behind to catch her. She saw her father standing nearby, next to her mother, holding Charles in his arms. Charles didn't understand what was going on, what they were doing here, why he had to wear such fancy clothing to go outside at a muddy graveyard. Cal had tried to explain to him that his baby sister wouldn't come home, that she was in Heaven with angels and that she was looking down on him to keep him safe but it was useless. In a couple of months, he would forget it ever happened.

The prayer was over and she felt Cal's lips on the side of her head, water falling on her cheek, unsure if it was rain or tears. She turned to him, his arms slowly letting go of her, making sure she was able to stand by herself. He took his face into his hands and stared at her for a long time.

"We're going to be okay," he whispered, as much for himself as for her. Rose shook her head, looking lost and afraid. "We will," he said, a sob in his throat. "Together, okay?"

"I can't," she managed to say.

"I know it seems impossible right now, it does to me too, but we'll get through this, darling, I know we will," he comforted, leaving a kiss on her forehead. "Hold on tight. I won't let you go, I promise."

"You still love me?" she asked, sounding as innocent as a child.

Cal was taken aback. How could she think he didn't love her anymore? Over this? He looked into her eyes, searching for some clue that she was kidding somehow but he realized that even if she went through much in the past few years, she was still just a child. She was only twenty-two years old. If somebody was guilty of something here, it was him for stealing her innocence away.

"Of course I do, baby," he said, his thumb caressing her cheek. "Don't ever think otherwise, I'll love you forever. For better or for worse."

"I love you, too," she said with a small nod before wrapping her arms around his middle, burying her face in his chest.

* * *

Rose's parents spent the afternoon at the loft, trying to help with the cleaning and Charles. Ruth cooked dinner and pushed Cal away when he insisted to help. Rose sat on the couch and was asked about ten thousand times if she needed anything. Charles cuddled to her and they eventually both fell asleep, Charles' little fists holding his mother's shirt. Cal smiled faintly at the sight and put a blanket over them. Rose needed the sleep badly, he knew she hadn't been sleeping well. He hadn't been sleeping well either as a matter of fact but he could see how puffy her eyes were and how pale she was, without mentioning the bags under her eyes. He never saw her like that before. Even her bright red hair seemed to have faded in color.

When it was time for them to leave, Henry and Ruth hugged their daughter as if their lives depended on it, suggested taking Charles for a few days if they needed it and gave Cal moral support regarding the whole situation. Cal knew he could count on his in-laws more than he could count on his own parents. His parents, right now, were in New Zealand and they didn't return his calls so he figured they just didn't care. They still had no clue of what happened and that they had lost their granddaughter.

"Thank you," Cal said as he walked his in-laws to the door.

"If you need _anything_ , don't hesitate," Henry told him.

"I really appreciate it, thank you," he repeated. "If you could just... call her every day?" he asked Ruth. "I know she'll need it."

"Okay, I will," Ruth assured. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

He locked the door behind them and ran a hand in his messy hair. He could hear Rose putting Charles to bed so he took the opportunity to take a shower. The hot water on his skin was relaxing and for a minute, he almost forgot everything that's happened in the last few days. It would be hard to get over this and if he was being honest, he didn't think it was possible, but he had to believe he could if he wanted to support Rose through this.

It must have been fifteen minutes later when he heard the bathroom door. He realized that he still haven't washed, lost in his thoughts. He saw Rose's hand open the shower door and her head popped in. She offered him a small smile.

"Hey," he said softly. "What are you doing?"

"Can I come in?" she asked and he saw she was already naked on the other side.

"Yes, of course, I'm almost done though," he replied as she stepped inside.

"It's okay," she said before giving him a kiss.

He wrapped his arms around her, feeling her face against his chest. She closed her eyes and her arms went around his middle-section. Her hair was getting wet but she didn't care. Feeling ugly was okay if she was with Cal because even if she felt like the ugliest thing on the face of the earth, he would always tell her otherwise. His large hand stroke her wet hair and she finally looked up at him.

"I don't want to talk about babies anymore, is that okay?" she asked.

"We don't have to," he simply replied. "Do you want me to wash your hair?" he asked, knowing she liked the feeling of his hands massaging her head.

"Yes, please," she said and he reached for the shampoo.

* * *

The next morning, Rose woke up as tired as she was when she went to bed, if not more. She reached behind her and patted the other side of the bed to find it empty. She closed her eyes with a sigh and heard noises coming from the kitchen. She opened one eye, looked at the alarm clock, and groaned when she saw it was almost ten. She heard Charles ask for his father and Cal answering him. She didn't feel like getting up at all but she knew she had to. To be honest, she would've spent the rest of her days in that dark room, in her bed, away from people who desperately wanted to help. There was nothing they could do, there was nothing that would bring her baby back and that was all she wanted. Footsteps were coming towards her room quickly, somebody was running, and she knew who it was. She sighed but felt guilty a second later. The door opened slowly and she saw Charles peek in to see if she was awake.

"Mommy?" he tried to whisper. "Are you asweep?"

"No, honey, you can come in," she said and she heard him run to the bed.

He jumped up and cuddled against her immediately. Rose buried her face in his soft hair and left a small kiss against his skull. She could feel Cal's presence in the room but knew he was at a far distance from the bed, looking at them closely.

"Don't be sad, mommy, okay?" Charles asked innocently.

"I'll try, honey," her voice cracked as she held back her tears. "Will you help me?" she whispered.

The boy nodded and turned around to wrap his little arms around his mother's neck. Rose held him tightly against her, the tears burning her eyes. Right now, Charles was her only reason to hold on to life. Losing him was unimaginable. She would go on, for him. He needed her to. He was the only source of joy she had left in this miserable life.

"Breakfast is ready," she heard Cal say from the door.

"I'm not hungry," Rose replied without bothering to look at him, her fingers stroking Charles' hair softly.

"Rose, you need to eat something, it's been two days since you last ate," he stated.

"I'm not hungry," she snapped, her hand resting on Charles' closest ear. "Would you please leave?"

"Fine, suit yourself," he said, trying to be understanding.

He left, shutting the door behind him. He went to the kitchen and ate breakfast on his own. Rose was a piece of work, he has always known that, but he was clueless recently, since the awful incident. Her snapping at him was only because she hadn't slept well and since he was irritated, everything got on his nerves, especially Rose's temper. He also knew that arguing with her was useless. She needed to deal with their daughter's death as much as he did and they would do so their own way. If she wanted to starve herself, fine, he wouldn't force food down her throat. If he was being honest, he found himself watching at his whiskey bottles way too often since he came back from the hospital that night. He was still sane enough to know that getting drunk wouldn't bring his daughter back. Nothing would.

Charles walked out of his parents' bedroom an hour later, finding his father sitting on the couch, accounts scattered all over the coffee table. His face was resting against his opened hands and Charles stared at him in silence. He could see by the movement of his shoulders that his father was crying. Silently but he was indeed crying.

"Daddy?" he whispered, scared of what reaction Cal might have.

Cal wiped his face with the palm of his hand quickly and looked up at Charles, a forced smile on his lips.

"Hey, buddy," he said. "What are you doing?"

"Mommy fell asweep and I got bored," Charles replied with a small shrug. Cal smiled at how Charles still struggled with the Ls in some words. "Is mommy gonna get better?"

"She will but she'll need some time. And some of your big boy strength as well. You think you can do that?" Cal asked and his son nodded proudly.

"Is it because my baby sister went to the heavens?" he demanded, a bit confused. Cal chocked out a 'yes' mixed with a sob. "Don't be sad," Charles said again. "She's not hurt, daddy," he whispered and Cal couldn't believe it came out of his 4-year-old son's mouth.

"I know, buddy," Cal whispered back. "It's just... We thought we could keep her safe, you know? Just like we keep you safe, your mother and I. We wouldn't want you to go there, even if it's a beautiful place."

"I understand," he finished before hugging Cal fiercely. "I wove you, daddy."

"I love you too," Cal said, holding Charles close, feeling his head against his cheek.

Caledon burst into tears, his son safe into his embrace. Nothing would happen to him, not as long as he was alive. Not as long as he was there to protect him. He kissed his head repeatedly as if making sure he was there and that he knew he wouldn't let anything happen to him, that nothing would take him away from them. He was their baby boy and Lord knew how much they loved him and how much he meant the world to them.

The boys spent the afternoon together in the main room. They watched Charles' favorite movie; Finding Nemo. When the movie was over, Cal put Charles down for his nap walked over to the bedroom to make sure Rose was okay since he hadn't heard anything the whole afternoon. He opened the door softly and peeked inside. He saw her still figure under the covers, the room pitch black. He could hear her steady breathing, confirming that she was asleep and resting. He walked closer and stared at her. Her hair was a mess, her curls unmade and flat, the color faded. She looked like a ghost. He bent over and kissed the side of her head, pressing his lips fiercely on her temple. Rose woke up foggily but didn't open her eyes. She felt the gold of his ring against her head, his hand in her hair. Absentmindedly, her left thumb reached for her ring finger under the heavy covers, feeling her own wedding ring. For better or for worst. To love and to cherish. How could you make such a promise at one point in your life, not knowing what the worse might be?

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, and Rose felt his tear slip into her hair.

She lay quiet for a while to the sound of his crying and finally opened her eyes slowly to meet his own filled with tears but also raw pain. His hand stroked her hair and he kissed her head again then her lips. She kissed him back, her left hand resting on the back of his neck. He shivered as he felt her ring against his skin and climbed slowly on top of her, the covers separating them. She winced when his hand grazed her pelvis, the C-section stitching still very sore. He apologized quickly, still making sure she was okay. He held his weight with his arms, he didn't want to crush her. They kissed again and Cal's lips went to her neck, breathing heavily.

"We can't," she whispered, tugging at his hair softly.

"I know," he said against her skin and she shivered. "I just want to feel you close to me."

She sighed when his tongue went to the spot behind her ear, the one that drove her crazy. They couldn't have intercourse before six more weeks, doctor's orders. Not that Rose felt like it, but she thought that maybe it'd be a great release somehow. She missed intimacy with her husband. They didn't do anything for months, trying their best to be careful for the baby. They had fooled around a couple of times but it sure as hell wasn't the same. They used to be active before but the past couple of months have been pretty slow on this side of their marriage.

"I miss you," he said, voicing her thoughts, and she kissed him.

"Just hold me, okay?" she asked.

He moved aside and lay next to her, his arms holding her close. He was still amazed at how her body seemed to fit perfectly against his own. Two pieces of a puzzle. They stayed like that for a long time, in total silence, just listening to each other breathe.

"It feels like I died with her," Rose muttered a while later. "But that I have to stay here and see what I've done."

"What you've done?" Cal asked, confused. "What do you mean?"

"I've done something wrong, what and when I don't know but I did or else she'd still be here."

"It was an accident, darling, you've done nothing wrong. It could've happened to anybody else."

"But it happened to me!" she exclaimed, tears burning the corner of her eyes. "It happened to me," she repeated. "Is it too much to ask?" she cried out and Cal lost it, tears falling on his face. "I want it so much," she finally declared through her tears, barely comprehensible even to herself.

"I know, baby, I know," Cal tried to soothe even though he was heartbroken to see her like that.

Rose wrapped her arms around him and cried in his chest. Cal didn't say anything, he simply held her, crying with her. He wanted it as much as she did and to realize that they could never bring the baby to term was heart wrenching. Three babies they had lost.

"We have Charles," he said, his lips near her ear. "Maybe we should focus on that and not taking him for granted. Christ, that came out wrong, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I understand what you mean..." she assured him.

"There are other ways, when we're ready for it," Cal simply told her and she nodded.

* * *

 _ **Late October 2010.**_

"Where were you?" Cal asked from the couch when he saw Rose enter the loft, her hand holding Charles'.

"Central Park," she replied, losing her smile when she saw the glass in her husband's hand. "It's a great day to play outside, isn't it honey?" she said, the last part of her sentence meant for her son.

"It's freezing cold, his nose is running and you didn't even make him wear his fucking mittens," he said curtly. Charles gasped at the bad word his father said while Rose began to undress him from his outside clothing, trying to remain calm.

"Honey, why don't you go play in your room for a while?" she began, wiping Charles' nose clean. "Mommy and daddy need to talk, okay?"

Charles nodded and ran off to his room. Rose waited until he closed the door and turned to Cal who was still sitting on the couch, a glass of whiskey in his hands, the bottle on the table in front of him.

"May _I_ ask where you were all day?" Rose asked.

"At work, where else would I be?" he replied.

"Yes, exactly, where else would you fucking be?" she said. "I won't stand for this crap, especially not in front of Charles."

"You want him to get sick? Is that what you want? A damn cold can turn badly and we both know it."

"His mittens are on the back seat of the freaking taxi we took back home. He didn't wear his mittens from the sidewalk to the fucking front door."

He took a sip and looked up at her.

"What's for dinner?" he asked.

"Charles and I just had a burger so if you're hungry, I suggest you cook your own dinner," she answered, picking up Charles' clothes on the floor. "And if you intend on drinking more of that, kindly do it elsewhere than in this house."

Cal made a noise resembling a snort and Rose simply turned away to walk to the kitchen. A little more than two months now since their daughter passed away. They were still grieving, both of them now in the 'anger' part. It's okay to be angry, her mother had said. Being angry at what? To whom? They were angry at each other without any reason whatsoever, it just seemed they loathed the sight of each other. Just hearing him breathe the same air she did drove Rose insane. He was constantly drinking, drowning his pain away, and she hated him for it. She hated him because he did it when Charles was around to witness the whole thing. He was mean and cruel and unpleasant. He always tried to find something to blame her for, which made her extremely mad. That was usually how every day's argument started.

At seven, when she walked out of Charles' bedroom after putting him to bed, Cal was in his office. Either working, getting shitfaced or both since it appeared to be his two favorite activities recently. She sat in the main room with a book, hearing the shuffling from the study every ten minutes. What on earth was he doing in there? At quarter past ten, she went to bed. She had been yawning for the past half-hour but she wanted to finish her book. She was exhausted after spending the whole afternoon outside with Charles, running around playing soccer and frisbee with him to expend his energy. She slipped under the covers and rested her head on the pillow; she was out in seconds.

It was almost one in the morning when Cal walked in the room, his feet heavy on the floor. He wasn't drunk, she knew just by the way she heard him move, but he reeked of alcohol anyways. She kept her eyes closed and tried going back to sleep. He lay down on his side of the bed with a grunt and rolled around so he could cuddle with her. Rose felt his lips on the back of her neck and she knew.

"Let me go, I don't feel like it," she groaned, her eyes still shut.

"Come on, I haven't touched you for days," he complained against her skin.

"If I remember correctly, you fucked me _twice_ last night," she snapped at him and he sighed, moving aside.

Truth was they made love once since Alice's birth. After that, it was just sex, plain and simple. There were no feelings anymore, which was sad. Their desire was driven by anger, not even love or lust. The sex was still good though, she couldn't deny that. It was mostly used for relief after a stressful day or a pitiful reminder of how their couple was going more and more downhill every day. A minute later, Cal was snoring loudly. She sighed, knowing she would have a hard time going back to sleep with all this noise going on. She turned on her back and her head lulled to the side so she could look at him. He looked peaceful although his handsome face was aged with fatigue and worry. She had the sudden revelation, as she stared at him, that she _used to_ love him. She didn't anymore.


	36. thirty-five

**THIRTY-FIVE.**

Audrey had gone home around eight after they had an argument over his bad mood since he came back from Orlando and how unpleasant he had been with her. He tried to apologize but he still wasn't ready to tell her about Alice so he couldn't explain the reason of his frequent outbursts at the tiniest stupid things. Being reproached of this made him even angrier and she finally left throwing a couple of bad words his way. Cal was left alone with his thoughts, which wasn't a good thing right now with everything that had happened with Rose earlier that day. Even if he wanted to ignore it, he couldn't. He took his phone and hesitated for a long time between calling Rose or his brother before deciding on the latter.

"Hello?" the voice of his younger brother answered.

"Hey! Are you busy tonight?" Cal asked.

"Kind of. I'm babysitting for a friend," he replied.

"Babysitting? Which person in their right mind would leave their kid with you?" he asked with a laugh, obviously joking.

"Ha-ha," William forced a laugh. "The same that once married my idiot brother," he answered, returning the insult.

"I deserved that," he admitted. "He's behaving himself, I hope?"

"He's fine. We're playing videogames, he's spending the night."

"Oh," Cal said rather disappointed.

"What's up?" William said, walking away in the kitchen so that Charles wouldn't hear the conversation. "Is everything okay?"

"I just needed to talk but don't worry I'll figure something else."

"You sound like you really need to, though, man. Why don't you come over later? When Charles is asleep?"

"I'd rather him not being around," he said.

"I see. What did she do?" he asked, knowing Rose was definitely involved.

"She kissed me, told me she still loved me. I don't know what to do," Cal said, something blocking his throat. "I need to talk or else I might do something extremely stupid."

"Fuck," the word came out of his mouth spontaneously. "I don't know what to say," he confessed. "Listen, come over, it will at least take your minds off things, we'll figure something out."

William knew his brother well-enough to know that leaving him all alone after what happened was the worst thing he could do. He would drink, which was never a good thing, and do stupid things. They hung up and Cal picked up his things quickly before walking out the door. Sadly, he really had nobody else to talk to about this. About anything that happened lately, really. Only William knew exactly everything that happened between Rose and him, if not every secret they ever shared together. He was the one that have been there for Rose when he wasn't, he still was, and tonight was proof of that.

* * *

Rose knocked on the door of apartment 5 and her brunette friend opened the door. She wasn't surprised to see her there because they had been texting for at least two hours before she finally asked her to come over so she could explain the details better.

"Come in, gorgeous," she announced, being her flamboyant self, and Rose walked in, closing the door behind her. "Do you want something, glass of wine, beer?"

"A glass of water will be fine, thanks," she said, her head still bearing the ravages of last night.

"I'll be right there, make yourself comfortable," Regina told her, nodding towards the living room.

Rose walked to the other room. She had only been in her friend's apartment once. She loved the place, it was perfect, it looked absolutely "Regina". Rose had always envied her friend for her extravagant personality and her ability to make friends with everybody. The complete opposite of herself. Opposites attract, even in friendships, she thought. That's why she valued her opinion. Regina walked in holding Rose's glass of water and a beer and sat on the couch. Rose began by telling her that she broke up with Jack, or rather that Jack broke up with her, last night because of the feelings she still had for Cal. She didn't say anything about Alice, she didn't like to speak about her except when absolutely necessary.

"What happened between you two?" she asked after Rose explained the afternoon events.

"What do you mean? I told you, we kissed. And it was powerful, we both felt that."

"No, I mean, what happened?" she asked again, knowing that Rose understood the first time and that she simply dodged it. "You were crazy about each other. That man looked at you like any woman on this planet dreams of being looked at, even when he first saw you. Believe me, Caledon Hockley is far from being the man he was before you guys met."

"What do you mean?" Rose said again.

"You think it was a coincidence that we were invited to that party? He asked me to come and to, bleeding Christ, bring my _hot_ redhead friend with me."

"You're lying," Rose retorted.

"No," she said, dead serious. "That's why I told you that night that he wasn't kidding around with you. That guy slept with any girl he wanted, just like that," she explained, snapping her fingers for emphasis. "I'm even ashamed to admit that I did do so myself."

"WHAT?!" Rose exclaimed.

"I'm not proud of that, believe me. To be honest, at first, I told him to fuck off when he asked me to bring you. I mean, you were so fragile and sweet and - I didn't want him to break you, to take that away from you. I promised him that I would break his neck if he tried to put his hands on you and he promised me he wouldn't. But that night, I swear to God, I never saw him look at anybody like that."

"Why did you never tell me that before?" she asked.

"I didn't see the need to. I didn't want you to know who he used to be, it could've changed things and you guys were so in love, I didn't want to ruin that. You were so good for him, babe, you have no idea."

"Was I?"

"Definitely. Is he still that good in the bedroom, though?" she asked with a laugh. "Because that'd be a sacrilege to have thrown that away."

"What?!" Rose asked, her cheeks bright red. After ten years, she still wasn't comfortable talking about sex with people.

"I can see by your face that I'm right," Regina said, proud of herself.

"I wouldn't know, I haven't shared his bed in almost three years," she tried to avoid the subject.

"You shared it for five, you lucky bitch," she exclaimed, seeing Rose's face redden even more.

"That, I did," she mumbled. "I - Okay - May- Maybe you're right," she finally admitted in a stutter. "Can we talk about the problem here, please?" she said, not wanting to get further into the subject of the intimacy she once shared with Cal.

"You didn't answer my first question if I recall correctly," Regina simply stated, understanding Rose's discomfort.

Rose looked down at her hands holding the glass of water for a long time. Regina didn't say anything, knowing it probably wasn't easy to say, even after all this time. She had bad breakups before and sometimes, just thinking about it brought tears to her eyes.

"Our newborn daughter died," she finally confessed, almost whispering as if the memory of it would be less painful this way. "Three years ago."

"What?" Regina asked, not believing what she heard. "Oh my God, Rose, I'm so sorry."

"It's alright," she whispered, looking up at her friend who was flabbergasted. "It doesn't hurt as much as it once did."

"I don't know what to say, you poor thing. Can I just..."

She interrupted herself and hugged her friend tightly. Rose didn't need pity, it did nothing but make her feel worst, but the hug was deeply needed. Regina felt Rose soften in her arms and her body began jerking slightly; she was crying. Tears welled up in her eyes as she held her friend in her arms and she brought up her hand to Rose's curly hair. She didn't have children, she never even been pregnant, so she didn't know the feeling of having a little one to care for, to be proud of, to love unconditionally, but still, she couldn't begin to imagine how horrible it must be to lose one. Rose had been through a lot for her young age and Regina was aware she didn't know everything and it was okay this way. Rose had a right to her secret garden, just like anybody else out there. They hadn't been in touch for the past six years, she couldn't expect Rose to tell her all of her secrets like they once did, as teenagers; she simply had no right to inflict that to her.

"When did you get to live your younger years, beautiful?" Regina asked, almost in sympathy.

"What do you mean? I did, a couple of years ago, just like everyone else," she answered, pulling away from Regina's embrace.

"Everyone else? Everyone else got wasted on Friday nights. Everyone else struggled to pay rent. I'm not trying to be mean here, okay, I need you to understand that. Do you?" Rose nodded. "On Saturday nights, I used to go to that bar on W47th and every Sunday morning, I woke up hungover. I hated my job. I could barely pay rent every month. I could see my debts climbing to the roof with college while I slept through most of my classes because I was young and stupid. I made bad decisions but I had so much fun that I didn't have time to care. Now I'm a surgeon, I'm almost finished paying my student loans and I recently met the perfect man for me."

"Not getting wasted every weekend doesn't mean I didn't enjoy being a young adult," Rose stated.

"That's not what I meant. Did you have fun?"

"Yes," she answered but she didn't fool anybody and they both knew it was a lie.

"Are you happy, Rose?"

"Sometimes," she admitted.

"What makes you happy? Like really happy?"

"My son," she said the following second without hesitation as she looked up at her friend. "Him. Sometimes."

"Him? Who's ' _him_ '?" Regina asked, knowing the answer as much as Rose did.

"When he laughs," she continued, ignoring her last question. "I thought it was for the better, you know? We were just so _angry_ at each other all the time."

* * *

William had just put Charles to bed, keeping his promise to Rose that he wouldn't keep him up too late, when Cal arrived. He told him to be quiet since the boy was probably in the process of drifting into sleep. They sat on the balcony, leaving the door open so they could hear if Charles called for his uncle. They made small talk at first over a beer then things got serious real quick.

"I have deep feelings for Audrey, you know that," he began. "But Rose, she..."

"She's the love of your life," William finished for him when he didn't. "You'll never get her off your mind, Cal. You're obviously both still in love with each other so I don't understand what else you are waiting for to get back together."

"She led me to believe she didn't want anything to do with me anymore for the past two years and a half, what if it's just a whim and I give up on someone who makes me happy?"

"I don't want to burst your bubble or anything but if you're even considering going back to Rose, you're not really in love with that girl to begin with. Listen, Rose is like a sister to me and she tells me things."

"She does? What kind of things?" he asked.

"I'm just going to say this: it's not a whim," he replied and Cal sighed. "Will you stop being rational? Love is not rational, it's crazy. If you're scared, that's one more reason to go for it. It's okay to be scared, it's normal."

"There's Charles to think of too. He needs stability."

"You think he's got that now?" William demanded with a snort. "Come on, you keep throwing him one way then the other every week. And believe me, your son is smarter than you think, he's not blind."

"But why now? What happened for her to change her mind like this? Is it because I started seeing another woman? Just last week she was still pissed at me for taking Charles to Disney World and now she wants me back, I don't understand."

"It's simple," William said and Cal stared at him, waiting for his answer. "She's accepted it."

Cal took it in, not sure what William meant. It was a vague answer. Accepted what, exactly? Cal was even more confused than he was at the very beginning of their conversation. William could see his brother didn't understand a thing he was saying.

"She's accepted what?" he asked and William chuckled.

"Alice's death. Her grief, it's done. She's accepted it," he repeated. "It's not a whim," he said again, proving the point he was trying to make earlier. "She really does still love you, she only needed to step away from all of this," he motioned with his hand to designate their marriage.

"Why didn't she tell me this?" Cal blurted out. "I could have given her some space. We didn't have to get a divorce if all she needed was to step away for a while."

"Well first of all, I don't think she knew at that time, she only just figured that out. Second, I don't think you could've just given her the space and time she needed."

"Why ever not?" he asked, sounding offended. "You're talking of me as if I'm just an abusive and controlling man."

"I'm just saying that being apart was good for the both of you. You realized how important you were in each other's lives. Also, you learned more about yourself and so did she. I don't want to tell you what to do here, you need to figure that out by yourself but..."

"But what?" Cal asked when William didn't finish his sentence.

"I'm your brother, I saw all the girlfriends you've brought home. Never have I witnessed what Rose and you had with any other girlfriend of yours. She changed you, in a good way, and a woman that could fix you the way she did is a superhero in my book. Father fucked you up, he stepped on that little boy inside of you and made you feel like the worst piece of trash on Earth and I know how it feels because he did the same to me," William said and at that point, both brothers had tears in their eyes. "She put all the pieces back together, she mended the boy and shaped the man that you are. She loves _you_ ," he finished.

Cal knew what he meant when he insisted on his last word. Rose loved him for _who_ he was, as fucked up as it could be, and not _what_ he was. He could end up living in the streets and she'd be down there with him, carrying on loving him. She loved _him_ , Caledon Hockley, and not Hockley money. He never told anybody that but when they finalized the divorce, Rose didn't want a penny of his. He insisted really hard to give some of his fortune to her, not for her sake but for his. Like he wanted to prove something to her. " _You cannot live without me, you need this money, I'll prove it to you_."

Truth was, she had given half of that money to charity, one quarter was in a special account for Charles and the remaining was there as a security, she barely used it. She had proven to be entirely capable of living without his money and somehow, he knew she could.

"What time is it?" Cal asked after they talked some more, about this and other things as well.

"Eleven-thirty," William replied, looking down at his watch.

"Do you think it's too late to go and see her?"

"There's no hurt in trying. I don't think she'll mind, if you ask me," he replied, looking at Cal standing up and getting ready to leave.

"Thanks bro," Cal said.

"Hey, it's nothing," he dismissed. "Now, go."

* * *

When he stopped in front of Rose's building, it was pitch black in her apartment. He knocked on the door but there was no movement whatsoever inside so he figured she was either out or asleep. At the same instant, he heard the front door of the building closing. He turned around and saw her coming his way in the corridor. She was looking down at her phone so she didn't see him. He wondered where she had been, this late at night. She was wearing skinny jeans, a plain black t-shirt and an unzipped hoodie. Her hair was down, her curls rebelling, she looked stunning. Cal could feel his heartbeat rate increase with each step Rose took and she finally looked up. She stopped in her tracks, staring at him.

"Cal! What are you doing here?" she demanded.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

"Sure, come in," she replied, walking to the door with her keys in her hand.

She struggled with the lock, her hands shaking nervously. She tried to hide it but she figured that Cal had noticed already. She finally unlocked the door and stepped inside, Cal following her inside the dark apartment. Rose turned on the light and walked to the kitchen, offering something to drink to Cal who politely declined her offer.

"Are you sure? I have some snacks too if you're hungry," she told him, rummaging through the fridge.

"Hey," Cal said softly and she looked up at him as he took a step towards her. "Come here," he continued, a smile appearing on his lips when she walked closer.

When she stopped in front of him, he took her face delicately in his hands and kissed her. She closed her eyes and kissed him back, her hands resting on each side of his body. The kiss lasted longer than it should have and they were both breathless when they pulled away. Cal took Rose's hand in his then his eyes met hers and he showed a sweet smile.

"Are you sure you want this?" he whispered.

"I am," she whispered back. "I've never been surer of anything in my life."

"I am too," he said, smiling. "I spent the entire night thinking about this and I've had some insight and I understand, you know?" he said, hoping she believed him. "It was hard on us and we were kids. It was a big step and we took it too early," he continued and Rose nodded, tears in her eyes. "But it's okay, we're okay."

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him again. She felt a lot lighter than she did earlier that day. She was grateful to Regina for opening her eyes on some things but she was mostly grateful to Cal for thinking about it. She knew he had any reason not to take her back, especially now that he had a girlfriend. They agreed on keeping it quiet for now so they could spend time together without having to explain anything to anyone just yet. They would not tell Charles either, not until they were ready to do so. Cal confessed that William was aware of his plans of coming to her place tonight and she told him that it was okay, she would trust William with her deepest and darkest secret.

"I haven't broken up with Audrey yet, though. I'll speak with her tomorrow," Cal said after they took a seat on the couch, his arm on Rose's shoulders.

"Weren't you supposed to spend the evening together?" Rose recalled his plans.

"Yes but we had a fight so she left. I haven't been quite pleasant since I've been back, or so she said."

"I'm going to my parents' tomorrow anyway, my dad is going home and I want to help my mom. Charles will be back for dinner as well."

"It will be hard, with Charles. For him not to know, I mean."

"We'll tell him soon enough, I just want things to be settled before telling him. I honestly think it will be good to keep it for us for a while."

"Yeah, I think so too," he agreed before kissing her.

* * *

It was a ringing phone that woke her up the next morning. Rose opened one eye to glance at the alarm clock showing 9:30 then closed it. It was late, she thought, she should've been up ages ago to clean the apartment and run errands. Charles would be back by 5pm and she wanted to be done with the chores by then. The phone kept on ringing but she was still in that state between sleep and awake. The bed was warm and she didn't want to get up, much less to answer a phone call. She felt the mattress shift behind her and soon, the warmness was taken from her and she protested with a moan.

"Hello?" she heard him answer.

"Hey," a feminine voice said. "I was wondering if you wanted to go out for breakfast? I feel simply horrible about last night, I thought we could talk."

"Uh - yeah," he stuttered, glancing at the sleeping form beside him. "I don't think I can do breakfast but what about lunch?" he asked in a raspy voice, sleep still in his throat.

"Okay, what about that bistro near the loft? 1 o'clock?"

"1 o'clock it is," Cal assured. "See you later."

They both hung up and Cal sighed. He felt terrible. He was in bed with a woman, planning a lunch date with another. He never cheated before and it would most certainly be the last time he did. He knew he had to tell Audrey today. He had to break up with her as soon as possible because he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he didn't.

He put his phone back on the nightstand and stared lovingly at the woman lying next to him, her naked body covered with white sheets. She was beautiful. He knew she was only pretending to sleep and that she had heard everything he had said over the phone. He cuddled up behind her and wrapped his arm around her, bringing her close. Rose pressed her back against his chest and sank back to sleep in his warm embrace. He kissed the back of her head and sighed deeply in her hair, his eyelids heavy with fatigue. It had taken almost three years but she finally came back to him.


	37. thirty-six

**I'm not really proud of the way I wrote this chapter compared to the other ones but hopefully, it's not as bad as I think it is. R &R please :)**

* * *

 **THIRTY-SIX.**

The car ride to Cal's parents' apartment was silent except for Charles babbling on the back seat while he played with his teddy bear in his car seat. Caledon focused on his driving and Rose was looking outside the window, trying to ignore that she didn't want to go there in the first place. She knew Thanksgiving dinner with their parents was important to Cal but somehow she didn't care. She had no desire to spend the evening pretending that everything was fine. Not a soul present knew that they had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past month or that they barely spoke to each other unless it was necessary.

When they entered the luxurious apartment, Rose plastered a fake smile on her face so that hers and Caledon's parents didn't suspect anything was wrong. She kissed her mother-in-law's cheek, told her how pretty she looked, before his father-in-law did the same to her. Her parents weren't there yet and William was watching football in the living room with his girlfriend. Charles ran to his uncle and sat on his lap until dinner was ready, babbling to his uncle's girlfriend about a new storybook he got.

It was Cal who opened the front door to his in-laws and invited them in. He was happy to see them and he hoped the smile on his face didn't look fake. It wasn't the moment to worry them with the current situation Rose and he were in at home. He offered them both something to drink and guided them to the kitchen where Rose was with his parents, helping his mother setting the table. Rose came closer to kiss her parents and intentionally bumped into Cal to shove him away. Nobody noticed the movement and Cal simply left the room while the discussion took its course. He walked into the living room and stood against the doorframe, looking at Charles. William turned to him when he felt the additional presence in the room and his eyes met his brother's.

"Everything okay?" he asked, seeing anger in his face.

"Yes," Cal answered. "Everything's okay," he lied with a forced smile.

But William wasn't fooled and Cal knew it just by the way he insisted with his stare. Of course, he didn't want to talk about this in front of his girlfriend, much less his nephew. He had noticed the tension between his brother and his wife earlier that week when he stopped by the loft to borrow a suit. He could've cut the atmosphere with a knife that day.

"Hey buddy," William said to Charles. "I have to go to the next room to help, do you mind staying with Sarah for a minute?"

"Okay!" he exclaimed with delight before taking Sarah's hand.

Charles was quite crazy about Sarah. He thought she was really pretty with her blonde hair and he loved all the attention she gave him. Sarah loved the boy as well and they had created a cute attachment recently. William walked to his brother, nodding to the front door. He popped into the kitchen to tell his mother they were going for a quick walk before dinner. Helen protested but William insisted. Rose had her doubts about what it was all about but didn't say anything, taking a sip of wine instead. He could see how she seemed as bitter as Cal but decided to say nothing. Tonight was supposed to be festive and he knew how much it meant to his mother.

Both men put on their coats, slipped on their boots and walked outside in the cold late afternoon. Some people had already hung Christmas lights on their balcony, some Christmas trees could be seen through windows even if Christmas was still four weeks away. They started walking side by side in the neighborhood where they grew up.

"You know, I wouldn't even be here tonight if Mother hadn't begged. Father hasn't even looked at me since I walked in," William chuckled. "You were there for me at a moment in my life where no one else was," William continued after a while. "I know something's wrong between you and Rose. You can tell me anything, Cal, and if I can help believe me I will."

"There's nothing you can do," Cal replied, still grateful to his brother to offer. "It's something we have to figure out ourselves."

"What happened?"

"What happened?" Cal repeated. "Our daughter died, Will," he stated what his brother already knew. "That's what happened," he continued with watering eyes.

"Have you talked about it?" he asked.

"She doesn't want to talk about it, I tried a thousand times. She hates me and you know what, sometimes I hate her too," he confessed, rage in his voice. "I swear to God, sometimes there's not much to hold me back from slapping her. There's such contempt in her eyes when she looks at me and I don't know what to do anymore."

"She's in pain..." William said and Cal snorted.

"And I'm not?" he retorted.

"That's not what I meant," he said as an apology. "I know it must be hard for you two. I can't even imagine what it must be like to... lose your kid like that."

"You don't want to know, I hope you never have to know," Cal said with a lump in his throat. "I just want to protect her, you know?"

"Protect her from what? Life? Horrible things? You can't!" he exclaimed and Cal was taken aback. "She doesn't need you to save her. Maybe she needs to hit rock bottom to get back up. She's devastated for now but she'll learn to live with it and so will you."

"I love her, I want what's best for her, I don't want her to lose herself. I promised before God that I would care and love this woman until death do us part and I intend to keep that promise, do you hear me?"

"You hovering over her isn't what's best for her, I can tell you that. She's a grown woman, let her be one."

"I couldn't bear it, you know? I couldn't bear to lose her too," he admitted. "I'd kill myself," he said.

William stopped walking, taken aback from the honesty present in his big brother's voice. And he had no doubt he would, too.

"Don't say that," he warned. "I'm sure everything will work out to be fine. It always does. She loves you, I know that."

"Oh yeah? And what would you know about that?" Cal asked, his voice filled with resentment. "She told you, maybe? How loving her pitiful husband was? And how much of an ass I am?" William looked down and said nothing. "Well she makes sure to remind _me_ everyday. Like she is not being a crazy bitch at times."

"If she doesn't want your help well find help elsewhere," William said, ignoring Cal's last comment.

"You mean therapy?" Cal asked and his brother nodded. Cal snorted again. "She's too proud for that, she won't go, I tried already. That head of hers, you would break a coconut on it and she wouldn't feel a thing. Maybe that's her you should be talking to instead of me. I can cope with crap, I did all my life. Rose is a spoiled little brat. She'll ignore me all night, still making sure nobody suspects a thing, and then we'll go home and she'll ignore me some more."

"I can talk to her if you want," William suggested.

"You don't have to. I don't think there's anything you can say that can change her mind about seeing someone or talk to me about it."

"Maybe she'll talk to me though. That's worth a try, isn't it?"

"I guess so. She's slipping away from me, I can feel it, and I don't know what to do to prevent that."

"Hey, it will get better, okay? Don't worry about it."

He looked down at his Rolex and saw it was almost 6:30. He hadn't seen the time, too invested in trying to reassure his brother. He could understand Cal for not wanting to go back there, pretending that everything was okay in his marriage while everybody else was happy. He couldn't face his son knowing that he and Rose were on the verge of meeting a dead end if nothing was done about it. He couldn't stand to see Rose act normally with everybody but him.

"We should go back before Mother sends the police after us," William said, uncertain if he was joking or not.

"You go, tell her I'll be right there," Cal told him, spotting a stand across the street.

"Alright," he said before leaving.

Cal looked at him walk away then he crossed the street to the flower stand. The man was standing on the empty sidewalk beside his truck. Considering the man's appearance, Cal could see that he was struggling financially and that his flowers were probably his only income.

"Hello, Sir, what can I do for you?" the seller asked with a strong Indian accent.

"Good evening," Cal greeted back. "Do you have any orchids? White, if possible, but pink will do too."

"Orchids, white, yes, yes," he said, looking through his merchandise while Cal remained a few steps behind.

After a couple of minutes, he came back with a bouquet of white and pink orchids he had just thrown together like it was the most natural thing in the world. The man was very talented with flowers and their colors. Cal spotted a light pink flower he never saw before mixed with the ones he ordered.

"Beautiful flowers," the man said. "Very lucky girl," he added.

"Nah, I'm the lucky one," Cal admitted, feeling his heart clench like a fist inside his chest but he forced a smile anyway. "How much do I owe you?"

"Twenty dollars."

"Is that all?" Cal asked in surprise, used to pay at least forty-five dollars for a bouquet like that.

"Twenty is fine."

"There you go, Sir," he said, giving him a fifty-dollar bill. "Happy Thanksgiving."

"Thank you," he replied, barely believing he was holding so much money in his hands for only one bouquet. "Thank you so much."

"Thanks to you. Get yourself some coffee and a hot meal, it's cold outside," he finished before walking away to his parents' apartment.

* * *

When he walked out of the elevator, he took his damn time to join the others inside. He hesitated about the flowers, wondering if it was too much or if it would reveal, somehow, that something was wrong and the flowers were a peace offering. He could hear the dishes being set on the table, his mother chatting happily and Charles laughing and shrieking. Thanksgiving has always been his favorite holiday and tonight, he despised it. The past months hadn't exactly been joyous and he didn't see any reason for tonight to be any different.

He walked in, removed his coat and boots and joined the others in the kitchen, the flowers in his right hand. There was an empty chair between Rose and Helen, Charles sitting on Rose's right. She was trying to fasten a bib around the boy's neck so he wouldn't soil his clothes but he was squirming on his chair. Rose bit her lip very hard or else she would've screamed for him to stop. She was tired, exhausted, and Charles did nothing to avoid getting on her nerves, unaware of his mother's impatience.

"There you are," Helen said when she saw his oldest entering the kitchen. "We almost started without you."

"I just stopped for these," he said, holding up the flowers.

"Oh," she simply replied before everybody turned to Rose who was still struggling with Charles.

She looked up when she felt all eyes were on her, then saw Cal walking towards her with flowers in his hands.

"Can you do it?" she asked him, motioning to the bib around Charles' neck.

"Hum, ye- yes, of course," he stammered, taken by surprise.

He wasn't expecting this at all. She completely took no heed to the fact he brought back flowers and simply ordered him around like she always did. At least, she didn't use that condescending tone of hers in front of his family, which he appreciated. He walked closer and crouched next to Charles' chair to do what he had been asked. He put down the flowers on the floor for an instant, tied the cloth around his son's neck in a matter of seconds then stood back up, offering the flowers to his wife.

"They're for me?" Rose asked.

"Of course they are, sweetie, who else would they be for?" Helen answered instead of Cal.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Cal asked her once he had towered over her to give her the bouquet.

"We're about to eat," Rose simply answered and Cal knew the answer was no.

"How wonderful that you still get to have flowers even after a couple of years," Helen commented, unaware of everything that was really going on. "I haven't received flowers from my husband since 1982," she continued with a small laugh.

William met Rose's eyes from across the table and just by his look, she knew that Cal had told him everything. He seemed to ask if she was okay, as if somehow he was on her side, and her face remained neutral. He showed a sad smile then turned to Sarah, leaving Rose to her thoughts. Nathan started saying grace and they all joined in while Charles kept asking for his father, banging non-stop on the table. Once the prayer was over, Cal leaned to Rose, his arm resting on the back of her chair. He carefully stroked her hair and kissed the side of her head while she remained motionless.

"I love you," he whispered and she finally turned to him but said nothing.

"Daddy! Daddy!" Charles kept screaming beside her.

"I'm right here buddy," Cal assured his son, leaning closer to the table to make eye contact.

"Sit with me," the boy demanded.

"Mommy is sitting next to you, I'm right here," he repeated but the boy began to scream murder.

"NOOOOOO!" he shrieked, kicking hard under the table.

"CHARLES HOCKLEY!" Rose yelled back, having no patience left at all.

"Don't scream at him, you're only making it worse," Cal told her curtly, getting up to retrieve the screaming child while the rest of the group stared at the scene.

"Don't give him what he wants," she warned her husband.

"Don't tell me what to do with my son!" he snapped and even Charles stopped making any noise.

They could've heard a fly buzzing if there was one. The silence was heavy, uncomfortable. Nobody knew what to say. Cal shoved Rose over on the next chair and sat next to Charles. Rose drank a mouthful of wine and she turned to her mother-in-law.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Hockley," she apologized calmly, the perfect contrast of her reaction only a minute ago. "I'm really sorry."

The older woman shook her head in reassurance but Rose could see how hurt she was. She felt awful to have lost her temper like that, just before dinner, in front of everyone. Cal felt the same and apologized to his mother as well. There was an awkward silence for a couple of minutes then everything came back to normal. Cal and Rose didn't exchange words with each other but still participated in group conversations until dessert came.

When time to leave came, Helen asked if she could keep her grandson for the night, promising to drive him back home the very next day. Charles looked so eager to stay that they didn't have the heart to say no. The boy already had everything he needed to sleep over at his grandparents' anyway. Rose and Cal kissed him goodnight and left the apartment. The ride home was as quiet as the one earlier that afternoon. Quieter even, without Charles in the back seat. When they entered the loft, they took off their coats in the dark then Rose walked to the bedroom, leaving Cal behind. He went to the kitchen to drink a glass of water before bed. He was _toasted_ and had been thinking of his bed since 3 this afternoon. As he walked in their room, he heard Rose in the bathroom, getting ready for bed as well. She stormed out of the bathroom, her hair down, wearing nothing but a large shirt and wool socks.

"I'm just getting my things and I'm out," he said quickly when he saw her but she didn't answer. "You know, you can answer me when I'm talking to you," he sighed loudly after waiting almost a whole minute for her to say something.

"I have nothing to say to you, Cal, please get out," she replied.

"Are you gonna treat me like crap for the rest of our lives or are we going to talk about it?" he shouted, the 'it' referring to their deceased daughter.

"You're too much, don't you get that?" she yelled and he stared at her. "You're suffocating me! You're not even here half the time but you're still there somehow, making sure I stay here in this perfect little life you think you created for us."

"If I work too much, you're unhappy, if I'm home too much, you're unhappy too. There's always something that isn't to your liking and every time I'm trying to work on it, something new displeases you. You're nothing but an ungrateful bitch," he spat. "And I don't know what to do anymore to make you happy. I think I never did, actually."

"You took a lot from me, Caledon Hockley, and I don't know if I can forgive you for that."

" _I_ took a lot from _you_?" he screamed, blinded with rage. "You killed my daughter!"

Rose slapped him so hard across the face that his chin collided with his shoulder. He heard her sob loudly while he kept staring at the wall, his head still turned to the side. His cheek sting, it felt like fire. His head was pounding, like the sound of a bass drum in a parade. He felt the remorse instantly but he knew it was too late to possibly say he was sorry. He finally turned around and looked at her. He destroyed her with only four words.

"I'm sorry," he said, his hand on his cheek.

"Go fuck yourself!" she shouted through her tears. "Get out of my house."

"Rose... I -"

"GET OUT! AND TAKE THIS BLOODY RING WITH YOU," she yelled before throwing her wedding ring to his face. "I WON'T BE NEEDING IT ANYMORE."

"Put it back!" he exclaimed, holding it out for her to take it. "Please," he pleaded, tears reaching his eyes.

She pushed him out of the room and slammed the door to his face before locking it. He tried it once then banged loudly on it, begging for her to let him in. She got into bed, listening to the pounding on the door, startling every time. She continued crying silently as he shouted apologies and _I love yous_. He had no idea how guilty she had felt for the past three months about the baby's death, how burning her desire to kill herself was growing deeper and deeper every day. She almost jumped down their balcony just last week, hoping the eight stories would be high enough to blow off her head once she reached the sidewalk but then Charles woke up from his nap. She had ran to his room and quickly picked him up in a tight embrace, holding onto him for dear life. She couldn't do that to him.

But that Cal told her those words tonight had only brought the dark thought back into her mind. If even the person she loved and trusted the most thought she was guilty, then she probably was. She was still trying to figure out what went wrong. Maybe she had stood up for too long, maybe it was something she did unconsciously. She couldn't remember. She cried herself to sleep, the pounding slowly fading away until Cal finally gave up and went to bed in the guest room.

* * *

The next morning was far from pleasant. Rose had woken up at five, unable to go back to sleep. She sat in the living room with a steaming cup of coffee and stared into nothing. For the first time since last night, she caught a glimpse of her naked finger. She felt a lump rising in her throat but she drowned it with a sip of coffee. It was weird not to have the imposing diamond on her hand, it felt lighter. She couldn't say she missed it but the feeling coming with its absence wasn't nice. Four years, she had worn that ring that attached her to the man she thought she'd love for the rest of her life. Five years and a half, she had been madly in love with the father of her child and only a fateful second to throw all those years back into his face.

She heard Cal walk out of his room about an hour later. He followed her steps and got himself a cup of coffee before walking into the room she was in. She looked up at him and he saw her red-rimmed eyes.

"Sorry, I thought you were still asleep," he said, taking a step back. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Do what you want, I don't care," she simply replied before looking away.

He sat on the opposite couch and quickly looked through his emails on his phone while Rose remained silent. It wasn't a comfortable silence at all, it was cold and more than awkward. It was like they didn't know each other at all.

"Is that what you really want?" Cal finally asked and Rose looked at him.

"Is there something left for us?" she answered with a question. "I feel like we're at the end of the roll and that there's nothing in front of us."

"We're in a rough patch -"

"We've been in a rough patch for a year, don't you think it's something we will never get out off by now?" she cut him off.

"So this is it, then?" he asked after a long moment of silence. "A divorce?"

"A divorce," she repeated, swallowing her tears. "There's no use in keep going, Cal, we aren't happy anymore. Don't you think we deserve to be happy? Don't you think our son deserves to be happy?"

She saw the tears well up in Cal's eyes and he stood up to walk closer. She stood up as well and he simply took her into his embrace, a tear falling down his cheek to land in her hair.

"Okay," was the only word he whispered as he cradled her head, leaving a soft kiss on top of it.


	38. thirty-seven

**THIRTY-SEVEN.**

Jack woke up with a terrible headache. He opened his eyes to see what time it was but closed them instantly, the sunlight only making the pain worse. He groaned and rolled around in his bed, burying his face into the pillow. He didn't feel like getting up anyway, he barely did for the past two days as a matter of fact. He hadn't eaten anything except for one half of a peanut butter sandwich last night. He wasn't hungry, he felt like crying all the time. When he managed to sleep, he would most likely dream of Rose and wake up even more depressed than he was before his nap. It was like losing Heather all over again. The only thing that would help right now would be to leave, to run away once again. He had no reason to stay in this godforsaken place anymore and he could find a job easily wherever he would end up.

He reached for his phone on the nightstand to see the time and he activated the screen to see a picture of him with Rose and Charles, the boy clearly enjoying the piggyback ride Jack was giving him. He missed him already. That boy meant a lot to him, he came to love him like a son, and now he wouldn't see him anymore. Jack felt the tears well up in his eyes so he threw the phone across the bed. He needed to get up, this was getting ridiculous. He walked to the living room and realized he hadn't shut the TV off last night. He sat and stared with empty eyes at the talk-show that was on. He wondered what Rose was up to right now. Was she with him? Had they even talked about it? He tried not to think of them together but it seemed like it was the only thing he had in mind. His lips on hers, his _hands_ on her, all over her. Jack tasted the bile in the back of his throat, disgusted by the image of it all, then rested his face in his own hands before screaming in rage.

* * *

Cal had just gotten out of the shower when Rose walked in the bathroom wearing nothing but his shirt. A white towel was wrapped around his waist and his black hair fell on his face. She sat on the counter and looked at him trying to style his hair. It felt domestic, it felt like they made a jump three years in the past, but it felt _right_.

"I almost forgotten how beautiful you look in the morning," Cal told her, staring at her sleepy face.

Rose bit her lower lip and looked down, hiding a smile. Cal put his hand on the side of her thigh and slid her closer before capturing her lips with his.

"You're leaving your perfume all over my shirt," he whispered after the kiss, his lips still close to hers.

"So what?" she asked with a small laugh. "I thought you liked my perfume."

"I do. I'm not sure Audrey will though. I'm meeting her in an hour, remember?"

"That's right," she replied, pulling a small grimace. "Maybe I should cover these, then?" she asked, her fingers resting on his neck and Cal looked in the mirror.

"Christ," he exclaimed when he saw the red marks on his skin. "You didn't go easy on me, did you?"

"I didn't hear you complain about it last night," she said, her eyebrows rising. "I can try and hide them with makeup."

"Can you? You'd be a life saver."

Rose retrieved the makeup from the drawer and covered the hickeys she had left on his neck the night before. They talked about nothings and Cal realized he had a hard time keeping his hands or eyes off her. She told him at least five times to stop moving while she hid the red marks under foundation.

"What is taking you so long? I'm going to be late," he whined.

"We don't have exactly the same complexion, handsome," she stated and he frowned. "Since when you mind about being on time anyway?" she asked.

"Ha-ha," he forced a laugh. "I'm getting better and better on this case, actually."

"Well you should be on time to break up with your girlfriend then," she said, putting the bottle of foundation away. "Done."

"She won't be able to see?" he asked, looking at his neck in the mirror.

"Unless she stares at your neck all lunch she won't," she assured him and he kissed her.

"I've got to dress now, can I have my shirt back please?"

She took it off, gave it to him and walked naked to the bedroom. His eyes followed her until she was out of sight and he brought the shirt to his face, taking a deep breath. The shirt smelled faintly of her and he smiled. He knew he needed to go and break up with his girlfriend but he also wanted to stay here with Rose all day and do nothing. Just to be with her would be enough.

Twenty minutes later, they were both getting ready to leave the apartment, Cal to meet Audrey at the restaurant and Rose to help her mother bring her father home after his stay at the hospital. Cal stayed about five minutes in the parked car before walking into the restaurant. He was nervous and he suddenly felt like he couldn't do it. He cared about Audrey and the last thing he wanted was to break her heart, yet that was what he was about to do. At first, he wasn't totally sure about leaving Audrey to get back with Rose but after last night and this morning, there was no doubt anymore. He spotted Audrey at a table as he walked in, waving slightly at him and he forced a smile before making his way to her. She stood up when he arrived and reached for his lips to kiss him. He pecked her lips and sat across her. She sat back down and looked at him but he seemed to avoid her eyes.

"Is everything okay?" she asked him.

"Yes, why are you asking me that?"

"I don't know, you're acting strange and you barely kissed me just then," she replied.

"You know I don't like public displays of affection, can we move on to something else?"

"I - I just wanted to apologize about last night, I was horrible. I know you're stressed with work, I was being pushy."

"I'm sorry too, I was a jerk. I'm dealing with things right now."

"What things?"

"My past."

She nodded faintly and looked away. Cal sighed and apologized again. They ordered lunch and coffee was brought a minute later. Cal poured milk in his coffee and took a sip, making a face at how hot it was. He couldn't do this, he couldn't break up with her, he repeated to himself over and over again.

"So I'm not important enough for you that you can share those things with me?" she asked, hurt.

"It's not that, okay? I love you, Audrey, I just - I'm not ready to talk about it."

"Is there something else you want to tell me? Looks like something's on your mind."

"What makes you say that?" he demanded, taking another sip of coffee.

"You're acting weird," she simply said.

He shrugged and assured her everything was fine. Their meals arrived and Cal took advantage of it to delay the conversation a little longer. He tried to think of a smooth way to break the news. He was going back to his ex-wife. It seemed almost surreal to think about it. After all this time, to think it was finally happening.

"What did you do last night?" she asked.

"I went to my brother's. We had a couple of beers so I slept over, that's why I couldn't make breakfast," he lied so easily it actually scared him. "You?"

"Nothing, really. I went for a walk with the dog and then I cleaned my apartment. I was wondering if... maybe you'd like to come over afterwards?"

"I - I don't think that's such a good idea, Audrey."

"Why not?" she said, losing her smile. "What's wrong?"

"I don't think I'm ready to get into this with you, this relationship I mean."

"Are you breaking up with me?" she said, feeling like all the air left her lungs. "I said I was sorry for what I said."

"It's got nothing to do with that, believe me. It's just - I'm not ready to commit I suppose, it's got nothing to do with that, I swear."

"You're gonna go with all this 'it's not you, it's me' bullshit?"

Cal said nothing and simply looked down. He felt like a coward, he couldn't even tell her the truth.

"Oh my God," she gasped in sudden realization and her eyes filled with angry tears. "You were with her, weren't you?" she accused and he didn't respond so she knew she was right. "I'm out of here," she exclaimed before gathering her things and leave.

Cal dropped a fifty dollar bill on the table and followed her outside, finding her opening the door of her car.

"Audrey, wait!" he called out as he ran to her. He finally reached her just before she sat down. "Let me explain."

"Explain what? That while I was crying alone at home last night, you were out there fucking your ex-wife?"

"I wasn't -"

"You reek of her perfume, Cal!" she interrupted him. "Do you think I'm an idiot?"

"Please, Audrey, let me explain," he said again, holding her arm.

"Let go of me, I don't want to see your face for another second," she shouted, pulling her arm away from his grip. "Go back to her, that's what you always wanted anyway, wasn't it? I never stood a chance against her because no matter what I do, you'll never love me the way you love her. I was just an idiot who thought it was possible that a man like you could fall in love with a girl like me but you know what? I don't want a man like you in my life, you're nothing but a disgusting human being!"

"I did love you, I still do, I care about you. What happened between us, it was real, I swear."

"You have the nerve to stand there and tell me that you love me after you spent the night with another woman?"

"Can we just please talk about this?"

"I have nothing to say to you."

"Alright, just listen then. I never meant to hurt you, I never expected this to happen, baby, you have to believe that."

"Don't you 'baby' me or I'll spit in your face."

At the same instant, her eyes met his and he saw a tear falling down her cheek. It was as if somebody just punched him in the gut and suddenly, his heart broke for her. He took a step back, his right hand going through his hair.

"I'd like to know what's wrong with me because I'm tired of being dumped by every boyfriend I've ever had," she cried helplessly. "What have I done?" she asked him as if it was her fault. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing," he replied with a lump in his throat, taking her face delicately in his hands. Her back was against the car and Cal gazed into her eyes, their faces inches apart. "Nothing's wrong with you, you're perfect."

"Not as perfect as she is though," she whispered. "I don't think anything will ever stop you from loving her. I just hope that someday someone will love me as much as you love that woman."

"I'm sure someone will. And that man will be lucky to have you, you're an amazing woman and you deserve to be happy."

"I just wished it would have been with you," she said and Cal wiped the tear on her face with his thumb. "I love you," she mumbled.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Let me go now, okay?" she asked softly and he slowly stepped back with a small nod.

He looked at her get in her car and drive away then he stood in the street up until the car was out of sight. He sighed profoundly and looked up at the cloudless sky. How could such a perfect morning turn into one of the worst day of his life? Maybe he would regret this decision for the rest of his life. Somehow, the hole he felt in his heart at that exact time was so much bigger than he had expected.

* * *

When Rose walked inside her parents' house, it was so silent that she stopped and wondered if she was maybe in the wrong house but pictures of her in frames on the walls confirmed that she wasn't. She looked around and for a minute, she saw an eleven-year-old kid with red hair walk through the door with crutches, a cast on her left leg. Her father was right behind her, her school backpack on his shoulder, trying to help her to walk inside without falling to the ground.

"How's my war hero?" her mother asked with a small laugh.

"I have to wear a cast for two months," the girl complained.

"We've got to go back in two months and see if it's healed," her father corrected. "Maybe you'll think twice next time you want to jump over a fence, young lady," he warned his daughter.

Rose came back to the present with a small smile. How many times had she come home with a broken or fractured limb, scraped and muddy knees, and torn clothes exactly? And now it was her turn to bring her father back from the hospital into a wheelchair he'd stay in for the rest of his life. She sighed sadly and grabbed the car keys her mother had left on one of the small hooks in the vestibule before going back outside. She climbed into her father's car and drove to the hospital to pick up her parents. They were both waiting outside at the main entrance and Rose smiled when she saw them. She waved and walked to them.

"Hey dad," she said before crouching in front of him, his eyes somehow smiling at her. "Let's get you home, huh?"

She stood back up and kissed his head, just like he used to kiss hers every time she felt down. A kiss on the head from daddy was the best remedy. Sometimes, she'd still need it.

"Where's Charles?" Ruth asked Rose.

"He spent the night at his uncle's," she replied. "I didn't want him to see his grandfather getting out of the hospital. I'd prefer if he saw him at home for the first time."

Charles hadn't seen his grandfather yet since he came back from Florida. Henry was still in too bad a shape for Rose to add more stress in bringing his grandson into his hospital room. Rose struggled to sit her father on the passenger seat but a hospital employee saw her and came to help. He explained how to correctly move him from his chair to the seat then introduced himself as Dr. Andrew Samuels. Rose thanked him multiple times for his help and smiled like an idiot as he walked away.

"Handsome boy," Ruth said when she saw Rose's smile.

"He's cute," she replied. "I'm taking a break from men for a while, it will do me some good, I think," she lied.

"You and Jack broke up?" Ruth asked, surprised. "I didn't know."

"Didn't I tell you?" she asked innocently. "I thought I did."

"You didn't. How come?" Ruth continued as she sat in the backseat behind the driver seat.

"It's complicated," Rose said, trying to brush the subject away. "I told you I was taking a break from men."

"You think you can lie and that I won't notice? Who is he?"

"Who's who?"

"The guy you screwed last night," she said, taking her daughter off guard.

"Excuse me? First of all, my mother isn't supposed to ask such questions, I'd like to know who's that impostor looking like her in the backseat?" Rose declared, looking at her mother into the rear-view mirror. "Second, can we not talk about this in front of Dad, please? And third, I won't tell you his name because who I'm sleeping with is none of your business."

"Fine. But if I can say one more thing, maybe you should stick with him because you look radiant. I haven't seen you like that for a long time, sweetheart. When can I meet him?"

"I don't know, mom. We're trying to see if – if it's going to work out fo – first," Rose explained, hating herself for stuttering.

"Alright."

Ruth switched subjects immediately after finishing her sentence, asking when Charles was starting school. On Thursday, Charles was starting the second grade at Blue School. After having a long talk with his parents about his wanting to switch schools, the three of them settled on Blue School, a private school situated at a ten-minute drive from Cal's loft. Hopefully, he would be happier there and no one would be mean to him.

When she stopped in front of her childhood home, Rose retrieved the wheelchair in the trunk and sat her father in it with her mother's help. She knew they'd have to adapt the house to her father's condition and that it would take time and money. Once again, Rose knew she would have to set college aside for a while even if she had sent her winter semester application not even two weeks ago.

"Home sweet home, huh?" Rose said before brushing his hair out of his face. "Let's go," she continued, pushing the chair towards the front door.

Rose spent the afternoon with her parents and left around four so she would be home when William dropped Charles off. She told her mother to call her anytime they needed something and Ruth let her keep the car. It's what "daddy would've wanted".

"It will be easier to get Charles from school this way," Ruth said when Rose claimed she didn't need it. "And it's not like it's useful for us."

"You could sell it."

"Keep it," Ruth cut in.

Rose muttered an "okay" then kissed both her parents goodbye, taking care of letting them know she loved them. Ruth asked her to bring Charles around soon because they missed him, especially Henry. Rose nodded sadly and promised she would.

* * *

Charles walked in the apartment followed by William just as Rose was starting to cook dinner. William was surprised to see a totally different Rose from the day before. First, she hugged Charles as if her life depended on it despite the boy's protests at too much maternal affection.

"Mommyyyy, stoppppp!" he whined, trying to push her away.

"I missed you too much," she replied, hugging him tighter and kissing his cheek multiple times.

"I was only gone for a day. What's for dinner?"

"That's a man who asks the good questions," William laughed and Rose unwrapped her arms from around her son.

"Spaghetti," she answered Charles. "Are you staying?" she asked William.

"Nah, thanks anyway. I've got work tonight. See you soon, buddy," he told Charles.

"Bye Uncle Will, thank you," the boy said as he waved at his uncle.

"Yes, thank you," Rose repeated her son's words.

"You're welcome. I'm one call away if you need anything."

He left and Charles helped Rose with dinner, proudly checking on the pasta every two minutes or so, asking his mother if they were cooked already every time. After that, Charles took his bath, fed Ella, then cuddled with his mother in front of the TV. They watched Tangled and the boy fell asleep on his mother lap shortly before Mother Gothel became an ugly old lady again. Rose took her phone from the side table, being careful not to wake Charles. The clock showed 8:30.

'I miss you already,' she texted.

'I miss you too,' the reply came in ten seconds later. 'What are you doing?'

'Watching a Disney flick with Charles,' she answered, joining a picture of Charles sleeping deeply with his lead on her lap.

'I wish I was there.'

'Me too.'

'Can I come over later?'

'Yes. Let me just get Charles into bed and take a shower. Is 9:30 okay?'

'I'll be there at 9, don't start that shower without me.'

'Okay.'

* * *

Charles had been in bed for fifteen minutes when a soft knock came from the apartment's door. Rose opened it and Cal rushed to her the same second. Her back was against the wall, their lips locked in a passionate kiss. As if they hadn't seen each other in _years_. They made out like two horny teenagers then went into the shower. At 10 o'clock, Rose began yawning as they were watching TV in her bedroom.

"I'll go back home and let you sleep, okay?" he whispered near her ear.

"Noooo," she whined like a two-year-old.

"I can't stay, Charles will be suspicious to see me here in the morning."

"Stay a little longer, please."

"You're tired, you're battling sleep away right now."

"I was just resting my eyes," she said sleepily.

"I'll stay until you fall asleep, okay?" he suggested and she nodded against his chest.

Cal turned off the television and stroked Rose's arm until she was sleeping peacefully. He decided to stay a couple more minutes to enjoy the warmth of her body against his before leaving to sleep in his cold bed but he fell asleep as well. When he woke up, it was five thirty in the morning. He looked around, confused, and saw Rose lying next to him. He stood up to leave before Charles could wake up and see he spent the night over, sleeping in the same bed as his mother.

"Where are you going?" Rose asked, sleep in her voice.

"Home. I fell asleep last night. I have to go before Charles wakes up."

Rose groaned and Cal simply pecked her lips before walking outside the apartment as discreetly as possible.

When Charles woke up at seven, he went to the kitchen to get breakfast and saw a black wallet on the table. He frowned, almost sure he knew where he saw it before. When he opened it and saw his father's driver's license, he got even more confused as to what it was doing here while his father hadn't set foot in the apartment in three days.


	39. thirty-eight

**THIRTY-EIGHT.**

 _ **Christmas 2010.**_

It was Christmas and yet it felt like a funeral. Rose had to spend the holiday at her in-laws' with her own parents there and pretend like everything was okay. She suspected that their respective family had their doubts about their marriage but that they never said anything about it. She couldn't believe that the tension wasn't palpable even if they did their best to hide it.

Before dinner was served, Helen insisted on taking pictures. She wanted a new portrait of her oldest son's family since Charles was two years old on the last one. Rose rolled her eyes internally. She wondered if they all knew and were only pretending not to notice the elephant in the room. She walked in front of the Christmas tree with Cal and Charles, feeling like a fraud. Cal wrapped his arm around her waist, hesitating awkwardly before resting his hand on her hip. Rose picked up Charles in her arms, her left arm around her son's back with her hand on the side of his thigh. William picked up the camera and his eye caught Rose's left hand, naked of any jewelry. Their eyes met and Rose shook her head slightly, once, so he wouldn't say anything. With a quick glance, he realized his brother wasn't wearing his ring either.

"Alright, look this way," he said, ready to take the picture. "Charles, buddy, look here, say cheese."

The three of them smiled and William took the picture. For a quick moment, they looked like the perfect American family, except they weren't.

"Are you guys getting a divorce?" William asked his sister-in-law between his teeth as she walked past him.

"Shhh!"

"Are you?"

"Drop it, I don't want to talk about any of this," she said as she walked away from him. "It's Christmas."

"Rose!" he called, following her. "You cannot expect me to ignore the fact that neither of you is wearing your wedding ring. It's only a matter of time before they also notice it, I mean you had a rock on your finger and now you don't," he whispered, stopping her into a corner of the apartment.

"What do you want me to say, exactly?" she asked.

"The truth."

"Yes. We are."

"What?" he asked in disbelief.

"Your brother and I are getting a divorce. We're not even together anymore, we just live in the same house. It's only a matter of time before I move out."

"But - You can't do that," William said as he felt a wave of sadness coming over him.

Rose stared at him, trying to understand what he meant by that. He had to be kidding. He witnessed some of their arguments, some pretty nasty ones too. It was beyond the point of no return.

"It's over. There's nothing more than we can do..."

"No," he interrupted. "That's not true."

"No offense Will but I don't think this is any of your business. If Cal and I think it's the best thing for us then it is."

"I know for sure that my brother doesn't think that."

"He does. The book he threw at my head last night confirms that," she concluded and walked away.

Charles ran to his mother so William didn't follow her. He saw Cal looking at him, questioning him in silence. William ignored him, clearly showing he was a little disappointed in both of them then joined the rest of the family at the dinner table. He sat next to Sarah, Rose and Cal sitting in front of them with the boy. Since his mother was sitting on his right side, at the end of the table, he tried to ignore the conversation he just had with his sister-in-law and his discovery of the missing rings.

They began eating, also talking happily about nothing and everything. William noticed that both Rose and Cal were excellent actors hiding the tragedy that was becoming their marriage. Their smile didn't look fake at all and it didn't seem to have any cold between them.

"Why aren't you wearing your ring?" Helen asked in the middle of dinner when Cal reached for more potato salad in the bowl in front of his mother.

She took his left hand violently in hers and brought it closer, as if the ring would magically appear. She looked quickly at Rose's hands but the young woman was quicker than her mother-in-law and her hands were securely hidden under the table. Everybody else stared and also murmured between them.

"Sweetheart?" she asked her son but he didn't say anything. "Rose?"

Rose decided to meet Cal's eyes instead of Helen's. They looked at each other nervously and Cal finally broke the heavy silence by clearing his throat.

"We - hum - ," Cal began nervously. "Rose and I filed for divorce a week ago," he finally admitted, a huge burden being lifted off his shoulders.

"What?" Ruth jumped in, her voice barely audible.

"It's for the best, mom, you have to believe that," Rose assured her mother.

Nobody talked for a minute even though everybody knew the reason behind the procedure.

"What about the boy?" Nathan asked.

"Custody battle," Cal answered, heart-broken.

He looked at Rose quickly, a mix of sadness and anger flashing through his eyes. The same sight was in hers. This was probably the only thing they couldn't agree on and the reason of at least half of their fights.

"You mean you're gonna take this boy away from his father?" he almost yelled at Rose. "My son did everything for that boy, he's building him a secure future. What have you done?"

"Father!" William exclaimed. Nobody else was talking and the room was suffocating.

"No I'm asking! I don't see her working her ass off every single day for her family," he spat and Rose felt the tears burning at the back of her throat.

"She's doing plenty," Cal defended.

"Like what? Spend your money while you're at the office 14 hours a day?" he said and the tears fell down Rose's face.

"She's raising your grandson," Henry argued back. "Don't talk like that to my daughter," he warned.

"Hey, it's alright, okay?" Cal whispered to Rose, his hand rubbing the small of her back. "I do not think that about you."

"Being a parent isn't only about bringing money in, you know?" Rose said to her father-in-law, pushing Cal's hand away from her. "Who's going to care for him if your precious son is working 80 hours a week?"

"These two boys had nannies their entire childhood and they didn't turn out so bad," he answered.

"Charles doesn't need a nanny, he's got a mother," Henry chipped in.

"It was all a scam, I wouldn't be surprised if she got pregnant on purpose just so she could lure my son into this."

"Now you shut up!" Cal screamed. "You shut the hell up! I won't let you talk about my son's mother like that."

Charles began crying when Cal raised his voice. Rose sat him on her lap, stroking his back softly in reassurance.

"My daughter gave up on her education and her career to have that baby so don't you dare insinuate that she tricked your son into having that kid," Henry said.

"Nobody tricked anybody into having a baby," Cal retorted.

"Shhh, honey, it's okay," Rose whispered to Charles. "Can you please stop screaming?" she said, loud and clear, and everyone stopped.

The only sounds that could be heard were Cal's heavy breathing and Charles' sobs. Rose sighed in relief when Charles calmed down.

"You can disagree with our decision or our whole relationship for that matter but it won't change anything, this is over," Rose declared. "And for what it's worth, it was real," she said, looking up at her father-in-law before turning to Cal.

She held his gaze for a moment to make sure that he knew she meant it. Maybe she didn't have the same feelings towards him now but that didn't change the fact that he would always be a huge part of her life and that no matter what happened, he would always have a special place in her heart. They went through a lot together but now it was just too much and she couldn't do this anymore.

"I would like you to leave," Nathan said to Rose.

"Father, come on," Cal interrupted before he could say anything else.

Rose didn't wait for a reaction and stood up, seeing her parents do the same. She felt bad for taking Charles away from his paternal grandmother on Christmas so she sat him on his father's lap.

"You can bring him back home later," she said and Cal nodded. "Thank you, Mrs. Hockley, and I'm truly sorry for ruining Christmas dinner."

"Mommyyy," Charles whined before starting to cry again.

"Hey," Rose whispered, crouching down to be to his level. "You're going to stay here with daddy for a couple of hours and then you'll come back home, okay? Can you do that for mommy? Huh? Be a big boy?"

The boy nodded and Rose kissed his little nose, cradling his head. Nathan looked at the scene, a hint of disgust crossing his face as he realized how attached to his mother his grandson was. How he would've rather go home with her instead of staying here with his father.

"I'll see you later," Cal told her and she nodded before following her parents through the front door.

On the sidewalk, Rose burst into tears and her father took her into his embrace as she held onto him. He knew how much Rose cared about this family, at least about everyone but Nathan. Henry wasn't exactly a big fan of the man either but he respected him for his daughter's sake. He liked Cal though, at least until tonight. In his opinion, he could've defended Rose better and, maybe, hold on a little tighter to his daughter.

"I'm sorry, baby," Henry apologized as he hugged her tighter. "I never should've let him ask you."

"Don't say that," she said. "It was just too much, you know? And I can't do it anymore. I'm tired, I'm _exhausted_ and I'm suffocating. It's too much," Rose continued between sobs.

"Shh, it's okay," Ruth soothed, stroking her back. "These things happen. You're just both so young, sweetheart, and you've been through a lot of things."

"It's been months, mom, and I can't get through this," she sobbed louder and Ruth knew what she was referring to. "A piece of me is dying every single day I wake up and she's not there. I just want to kill myself all the time."

"Don't say things like that," her father whispered with a lump in his throat.

"Well I do so what am I supposed to say?"

"Let us help you, please," he pleaded. "What do you need?"

"I need my daughter back."

Ruth felt the tears prickle her eyes and looked at her husband. She had honestly never saw her daughter so devastated, not even on the day of the funeral. It seemed she still had enough strength on that day. She was too tired to be strong anymore. They put her in the car and drove to Long Island City. Once they got there, Ruth called Cal's cellphone and left a voicemail informing him that Rose was with them and that she'd sleep over so he wouldn't worry when he realized she wasn't at the loft.

It was barely 9:30 when Rose slipped between the sheets of her son's twin bed in her childhood bedroom. She cried herself to sleep, again, even though she knew her mother was on the other side of the door, listening to the helpless sounds of her crying.

* * *

 _ **Early February 2011**_.

Cal and Rose were sitting across each other at the table in the meeting room at Cal's lawyer's office, each of their lawyers sitting by their side. An ADR, that's what it was called. An Alternative Dispute Resolution. They could certainly try to resolve this outside of the court room like reasonable adults.

"My client asks for sole custody of the child with permission to visit, also he agrees to leave all material belongings to your client without any compensation," Cal's lawyer stated.

"Are you kidding me?" Rose said to Cal, already being on the defensive.

"Mrs. Hockley, please let me handle the situation, okay?" her lawyer asked.

"That's completely outrageous. I've been taking care of Charles 24/7 for the past four years and a half. You're never home, how are you supposed to care for him? And you know perfectly well I don't want any of the things you suggest to leave me. I just want my son, you can have the rest."

"Mrs. Hockley, please," her lawyer repeated, trying to calm her down.

"Don't call me that," she replied.

"That's legally still your name, you spoiled brat," Cal said, trying to provoke her.

"Shall we take a break?" Rose's lawyer suggested. "Breathe some fresh air and come back in 15 minutes?"

Rose wasn't asked twice and she left the room in a hurry, followed by her lawyer. They walked outside, making sure the other two weren't following. They remained sitting at the table. Outside, Rose breathed in and out, trying to get rid of all the rage inside her. She hated his guts, she hated how he smirked at her when his lawyer stated his conditions and most of all she hated how pretentious he was. Technically, in the world they were living in, he could easily win this custody battle with money. Even if Rose was the qualified one to take care of Charles on a daily basis, his money could let him get away with everything.

"We can prove that you're the most competent for full custody easily but you've got to let me speak, okay?" her lawyer reassured. "He knows he can break you, don't let him. This could play against us. Alright?" he explained and she nodded. "He doesn't stand a chance, believe me."

"He has money, a lot of it," Rose said. "And I don't."

"You signed a prenuptial agreement so technically half of his fortune is yours and that fortune is evaluated around 88 350 900 dollars. You are filthy rich."

"I don't want to have to buy my son. He's _mine_ , I carried him for nine months. He should be with me."

"I agree with you and that's why I'll do everything I can to get you custody."

They both walked back inside and joined Cal and his lawyer in the same room they were earlier. Rose sat down calmly and avoided looking at Cal. There was a moment of silence. Rose looked at her lawyer and he nodded his head to assure her he got this.

"My client does not agree to any of your client's demands, therefore we're gonna have to reach another understanding," Rose's lawyer said.

"You're doing this just so that you can hurt me even more than you already did," Cal spat and Rose only stared at him without saying anything. "He's my son, you cannot take him away from me," he continued loudly, punching the table for emphasis.

"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to please calm down," his lawyer said before turning back to the man sitting in front of him. "What is the Missus asking for then?"

"Legal custody of the child," his opponent replied. "And all other things that are rightfully hers."

"That is _never_ going to happen, do you hear me?" Cal asked Rose angrily.

"We'll see about that," she replied with the same smug look he had on earlier.

"I'll interrupt to say that what matters here is the child. We want what's the best for this child and I'm sure you do too," the mediator explained. "So let's stop arguing and work the case."

After what seemed hours, it was decided to bring the whole thing in a court of law as nobody was willing to compromise. When he left, Cal looked at Rose with knives in his eyes but that didn't scare her because she looked at him the same way. She hated how she felt so angry all the time, it wasn't like her and she wanted out of all this pain and anger.

* * *

That night, as Rose was putting away the dishes, Cal walked in from the office. She heard him take his coat off before hanging it in the closet and then he walked past her without saying anything before taking a bottle of water in the refrigerator.

"I cooked too much pasta so there's a plate for you in the microwave if you want it," Rose told him, not even looking at him.

"Okay, thanks," he said.

"Daddy!" Charles exclaimed when he saw his father.

"Hey bud," Cal said as he bent down to pick up the boy. "I missed you," he continued, showering his son's face with kisses until Charles was laughing hysterically.

Rose didn't even need to turn around to see the scene, she already knew what it looked like. Her eyes started to sting but she ran her hand on her face and it passed. The feelings of guilt didn't go away though so she tried to concentrate on something else than what was going on behind her. She stepped away when Cal stood behind her, his back facing hers, sitting Charles on the counter.

"Look at you, you're a mess," he told Charles. "You have meat sauce all over your face," he said and Charles giggled as his father wiped his face with a washcloth.

"I'm the meat monster," Charles explained.

"Is that so?" he asked. "Even monsters have to clean up sometimes and tonight's your lucky night. There," he said, finishing wiping the sauce from Charles' face.

He kissed his head then put him down to the floor. Charles ran to the living room to play with his trucks while Cal remained behind to heat his dinner.

"Thank you," he simply said once he was finished eating.

"You're welcome," Rose replied, taking the plate from him. "Do you mind giving Charles his bath? There's something I have to do and he has to be in bed by seven."

"Of course not," he assured her and walked to the other room to retrieve his 4-year-old.

As soon as she heard the bathroom door close, she walked to her bedroom. She took the phone and dialed a number she now knew by heart.

"Hello?" a male voice answered. "Mrs. Hockley, how can I help you?"

"What would need to be done for joint legal custody?" she asked, hoping she would not regret that decision later.

"Are you serious? Are you sure about this?" he demanded.

"Yes," she replied. "What needs to be done?" she repeated.

"You need a court order but it usually gets done by the same time the divorce is finalized."

"Okay, I understand."

"What made you change your mind?"

"I may not love him anymore but that doesn't mean he isn't a good father. Because he is, in his own way. And I know I couldn't live with myself if I ever take Charles away from him."

"Okay well I'll contact Mr. Hockley's lawyer and let him know you changed your mind."

"Thank you. I'm sorry I bothered you, have a good evening."

"You didn't bother me at all. I'll see you soon."

Rose hung up and sighed loudly, mostly relieved but still unsure. She hoped she didn't make the wrong choice. Somehow, she knew that Cal should be in Charles' life, no matter how much she loathed the sight of him. He was his dad and having your dad in your life was truly important, at least that's what she believed. Father issues were not something she wished to instill into her son. Cal wasn't perfect but no father needed to be. In Charles' eyes, his father was the best and that's what mattered.

* * *

 _ **Late February 2011.**_

"Where are you going?" Cal asked her when he saw the suitcase waiting by the door.

"Long Island City, for now," she replied. "Then we'll see."

"Don't bring Charles, he can stay here with me," he urged, trying to take Charles away from her arms.

"We're leaving," she said firmly. "You can see him when the court order is released, for now he has to stay with me," she replied, only repeating what both their lawyers explained that same afternoon.

"Rose, you can't do this to me, okay?" he said, the sorrow rising in his voice. "You can't leave, you can't just leave me here alone," he panicked.

"It's over, it has been over for almost three months."

"You know I love you," he said, tears welling in his eyes. "I would do anything for you, I would die for both of you, you know that, don't you?"

Rose avoided looking at him but was still taken aback by his words and mostly by his sudden realization that it was real life and that she was truly leaving him forever. She turned her back on him, opened the door and picked up her suitcase, holding Charles in her other arm. Without looking back she walked out of the loft and made her way down.

"ROSE!" she heard Cal yell and felt the tear slip down her cheek. "ROSE, PLEASE! COME BACK, DON'T GO!"

She walked out of the building, finding herself in the center of Tribeca with her whole life in pieces. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before hailing a cab. "I will not cry" she repeated to herself over and over.

The ride to her parents' house seemed endless but she finally walked to their front door, trying to collect the broken pieces of herself before knocking and allow her mother and father to see her like this. Charles' face was buried in her neck and he was silent. Rose knocked softly on the door and as she heard her father's steps approaching, the tears came to her eyes on their own and soft sobs escaped her lips. The door opened and Henry took in the sight of his distressed daughter holding his grandson.

"I left, daddy," she managed to say.

He stepped out and picked up Rose's suitcase before wrapping his strong arm around his daughter and grandson to take them inside without saying anything. There was nothing he could say that would change anything and he knew it.

Back at the loft, Cal was sitting on the couch, drinking what was probably his fourth glass of whiskey. He stopped counting after the second one. His phone was ringing over and over, displaying his brother's name on the caller ID, but he ignored every call. Surely his brother knew that Rose intended to leave tonight and he told him nothing about it so he had nothing to say to him. All he wanted right now was to drink himself into a coma and never wake up. After pouring himself a fifth glass, he stumbled to the en-suite bathroom holding his glass in one hand, the half-empty bottle in the other. He looked at himself in the mirror, disgusted by what he saw. Who was this man? Not Caledon James Hockley, that was for sure.

He opened the cabinet and fumbled with the bottles on the shelves, looking for his freshly prescribed Ambien. He finally found it and popped four of five tablets into his mouth before swallowing them with a mouthful of alcohol. Then he slammed the cabinet closed and stared at himself some more before throwing the almost empty glass against the wall in anger. The glass shattered and Cal let himself fall slowly to the ground and closed his eyes, taking one last gulp of whiskey directly from the bottle. Luckily, tomorrow would never come.

"Caledon?" William's voice called from the other side of the door fifteen minutes later. "Cal, are you in there?" he asked, earing no response.

He tried the door but it was locked. He could see the light under the door and assumed his brother was either ignoring him or was in trouble. He hesitated to knock down the door in case Cal was in its distance but did so anyway. The door collided with Cal's legs and William walked in the room to see his big brother unconscious on the ceramic floor, surrounded by shards of glass and some blood. The bottle of whiskey on the counter convinced him of his doubts and he immediately called 911, hoping it wouldn't be too late.


	40. thirty-nine

**THIRTY-NINE.**

"Mommy, wake up," came Charles' voice to her as he shook her shoulder. "I'm gonna be late for school."

"Honey," Rose mumbled, still half-asleep. "School doesn't start until tomorrow."

"No, it's Monday, school starts in one hour," he urged. "I don't want to be late for my first day."

Rose's eyes snapped open and she realized it was seven-thirty. She got up quickly and ran to her closet to get clothes. If Charles hadn't switched schools, she honestly wouldn't have made any effort to look presentable and probably would have worn sweatpants without shame but since it wasn't the case, she put on black skinny pants with a white blouse although giving up on her hair and tying it up in a messy bun.

"Mommy?" Charles asked when she entered the kitchen.

"What?"

"Was Daddy here? He forgot his wallet," he said, showing it to her.

"He stopped by last night when you were asleep to borrow something, he probably left it on the table and forgot about it," she lied to her son while she put Cal's wallet in her purse.

"Oh, okay," Charles said with a nod.

"Did you eat breakfast?" Rose asked and Charles nodded again. "Great, let's go."

Once Charles was buckled up in the back seat of the car, she drove to his new school, hoping she wouldn't get lost on the way. She felt her phone vibrate in the back pocket of her jean but ignored it since she was driving. She finally dropped Charles fifteen minutes before the bell rang, kissed him goodbye and wished him good luck.

"Mommmmmmmm," he whined. "No kissing in public, I told you a million times."

"But I love you, honey," she told him. "I have to kiss those sweet little cheeks of yours," she continued, kissing him again.

"I love you too," he said and hugged her.

"I'll pick you up after school and we'll go see Grandpa Henry, alright?"

Charles nodded and waved to her as she climbed back behind the steering wheel. He ran off, his new Spider-Man backpack on his shoulders, and entered the school with the other kids. Rose looked down at her phone and smiled when she saw who texted her.

'Is my wallet at your place? I can't find it anywhere.' it read.

'I have it with me. Office or loft?'

'Office.'

She put the phone back in her pocket and drove in direction of the Hockley & Sons Architecture office. There was a lot of traffic on Broadway so it took close to 45 minutes to get there but knowing she would see him at the end was motivation enough to stay calm and patient. She parked in the underground parking and entered the lobby of the building for the first time in three years. She climbed up to the 23rd floor in the elevator and got out to see Jenny at the reception desk with her hands full of manila folders, a younger woman by her side. A new receptionist, Rose thought. She looked twenty years old at the most and had pale blonde hair.

"Rose," Jenny said in surprise when she saw the redhead coming out of the elevator. "What are you doing here?" she asked and Rose saw the blonde girl look up at her as well.

"I have to drop something off to your boss," she replied with an amused smile.

"Katherine, this is Mr. Hockley's ex-wife," Jenny said, introducing Rose to the new employee. "Maybe you could take her to his office?"

The young woman got up quickly.

"Yes, hum, I'm so sorry," she stuttered, clearly terrified.

"Don't bother," Rose assured with a sincere smile. "I know the way," she added with a wink to relieve her of the stress before walking to Cal's office.

When she got there, the door was opened so she peeked inside and saw Cal reading a contract intently. She knocked softly so she wouldn't startle him and he looked up, a smile appearing on his face when he saw her. He got up and invited her in. He peeked outside the room, seeing no one in the corridor so he closed the door behind Rose.

"Hello there," he said before kissing her softly.

"Hi," she said after they parted.

"I'm sorry you had to come all the way here for this," he apologized as he took his wallet from her hand.

"I'm not," she replied with a smile.

"Well since you're around and a long way from home, how about I meet you for lunch? Club Quarters, 1 o'clock?"

"Club Quarters?" she feigned surprise. "Why, Mr. Hockley, I never go to hotels on the first lunch date."

"Too bad it isn't our first date," he laughed before kissing her again, his hands lowering from the small of her back to cup her ass.

"Alright well I'll see you then," she whispered close to his lips.

She waved to both girls as she got into the elevator and smiled like an idiot all the way down. She was seventeen years old and falling for him all over again. She felt so giddy right now, the same way she did all those years ago in Central Park, when they realized they were madly in love with each other. She walked to the nearest Starbucks, ordered a venti latte and read the newspaper for the next hour, constantly looking at the time. One o'clock couldn't come fast enough.

'The suite is ours at twelve, I'll meet you there xx,' Cal texted her.

She smiled big, oblivious to everyone around. Rose still had the deepest feelings for him and Cal obviously did as well but maybe sex was enough for right now. If she was being honest to herself, Rose was terrified of opening up completely to her ex-husband. She had her heart broken by him big time once, she wasn't sure she was ready for it to happen again. She knew, deep down, that he probably felt the same way.

At 12:30, she was walking in the lobby of the hotel, making her way to the front desk to have the key to their room. The young man welcomed her with a smile and asked what he could do to help her.

"My husband and I had a reservation," she began, feeling tingly at how she referred to Cal. "Hockley."

"Yes, absolutely," he said, seeming nervous at the mention of the name. "There you go, Mrs. Hockley," he continued, giving her the key before checking their names in the book. "Enjoy your stay."

It was barely 1:05 when she heard the door open and saw Cal enter the room. She walked to him and kissed him softly, their lips caressing each other's. Cal pushed the tip of his tongue over her lips and Rose parted them so their tongues met in her mouth. She moaned quietly and he pulled away after a few seconds.

"You smell so good," he muttered against her neck, his tongue slowly reaching the sensitive spot behind her ear.

He walked her to the queen-size bed and he lied on top of her. Rose felt like the 'other woman' but she liked it. The way they were hiding it from everyone like a secret that could never be told was almost exciting. It seemed wrong yet it felt so good. Suddenly, it was like all the pain was gone. From both sides.

"What time do you have to go back?" Rose asked as Cal unbuttoned the first button of her blouse.

"Are you in a hurry for me to leave?"

"Of course not, I was just wondering how long we could be here."

"I'm the boss so I get to stay here as long as I want," he said with a chuckle.

"That's right," she replied with a smile before running a hand through his hair, putting back the strand of hair that fell on his forehead.

He was so handsome, she thought. Much more handsome than before, it seemed. He was less cocky than when she first met him and more manly than she remembered. His hair was a bit longer and his smile brighter. This close to his face, she realized how much Charles was built exactly like his father. The strong jawline, his nose, the curve of his lips.

Cal continued unbuttoning her blouse, leaving butterfly kisses after each button up until he took it off her back. She was wearing a black lace bra and he simply breathed out before telling her how beautiful she was. His lips and tongue fondled the part of her breasts that was visible and Rose sighed at the warmness of his breath against her cold skin. He finally met her eyes and she stared into his while she got rid of his shirt and tie. Their lips joined again and they both breathed hard as their pelvis brushed against one another. Rose hands unfastened Cal's belt and she managed to take off his pants, bringing down his underwear with it. She could feel his erection on her still-clothed thigh and she helped him to discard her own pants as quickly as possible.

"Do you..."

"I'm on the pill," she interrupted him in a whisper.

"Okay," he whispered back.

She wondered why he asked now and didn't the last time they were intimate, on Saturday night after he showed up on her doorstep to get her back. They had been so eager for each other's touch that night, more than they were now, and it probably didn't even cross his mind. It sure as hell didn't cross hers.

Cal's hand slid down her stomach, leaving goosebumps on her flesh, and stopped between her legs. His finger slipped into her wetness and a soft moan escaped her lips. Beautiful, Cal thought when he saw her eyes close so she could truly appreciate what he was doing down there. She was nothing short of beautiful. Their eyes met again a few seconds later and lust lingered there.

"I want you," she told him and he positioned himself on top of her.

The first time was quick, both of them eager to reach the peak of their pleasure, also excited to finally be together like this again. It was _hot_ , they were both covered in a thin layer of sweat afterwards as they lay there on top of the covers. Cal took Rose into his arms and kissed her forehead as she relaxed into his embrace, her limbs heavy against the mattress.

"I'm hungry," Cal said.

"Me too."

"What do you want? I'll order something up."

"Mmm, pancakes," she replied with a tired smile.

Cal called the desk and asked for two plates of pancakes to be brought up. After he hung up, Rose cuddled closer, her head resting on his chest with his arm around her. They both stayed silent for a few minutes, simply keeping close. Cal almost told her 'I love you' but chickened out and kissed the top of her head instead. He didn't want to scare her away.

"I'm so happy right now," he mumbled against her head, a nervous chuckle escaping.

"I'm happy too," she told him at the same time someone knocked on the door.

"That must be our food," Cal said, getting up, wrapping a towel around his waist.

They ate in bed, Rose wearing Cal's shirt over her naked body while he wore nothing but his briefs. She caught herself staring at his strong arms more than once but he did the same with her thighs so they simply laughed about it. He pecked her lips, his hand in her ginger hair, and lay her down.

The second time was slow, caring and filled with whispered attentions. Rose shook softly into Cal's arms when he told her he never stopped loving her for one second, even when he said he didn't. A small sob was heard and Cal held her closer. He stopped rocking his hips into hers and looked into her eyes.

"It's okay," he whispered, knowing she was scared. "I know we'll be alright this time. I'm in, I'm all in with you."

"I'm terrified," she confided in a shaky breath, her hand resting on his upper arm.

"What about?" he asked although he already knew the answer.

"The walls are coming down and I'm so vulnerable right now. And it scares me."

"I just want you to know that I don't intend to precipitate this. We're having fun for now and if this is enough for you I respect that, okay? I've got you under my skin, Rose, and I will wait for you, _years_ if that's what you need."

"I can't deny my feelings for you, they're here, they're strong and they're here to stay."

"Okay," he breathed out with the hint of a smile.

He kissed her and their hips began rocking together again. A minute later, Rose was trembling into Cal's embrace as she rode her orgasm to the very end just as he came too. He was breathing heavily against her neck and he could still feel her body quivering under his. Then he realized he actually _made love_ with her for the first time since the day they buried their daughter.

* * *

Rose parked in front of Charles' school and waited for him to come out. He ran to the car and the smile she saw on his face told her he had spent a great day.

"Hi mommy," he said as he buckled up in the back seat.

"Hi, honey. How was your day?"

"Awesome!" the boy replied. "The kids in my class were very nice to me and I have homework to do."

"Homework already?"

"It's a fun homework. I have to draw my family tree. Do you know what a family tree is, mom?"

"I do, honey," she said, happy to see how enthusiastic he was.

"Can you help me do it?"

"Of course. Maybe we can start at grandma and grandpa's house, huh?"

"Okay," Charles said. "But I want to cuddle with grandpa first."

When they arrived in front of Rose's parents' home, Charles ran to the door with his backpack and went in without even knocking, calling out for his grandmother. Rose walked the path to the door asking Charles to calm down. She saw her mother walking toward her grandson who almost knocked her over with excitement. It had been almost a month since he saw his grandparents last. He babbled away about his trip to Florida with his father and his first day of school. Ruth listened intently to his stories, holding his hand in hers as they walked to the living room. Charles stopped talking when he saw his grandfather in front of the TV, sitting in a wheelchair. He looked at his mother with incomprehension in his eyes. Rose lowered herself so she could be at his level.

"Why is he in a wheelchair?" he asked.

"His brain was attacked and you know how your brain sends commands to your body?" she asked and Charles nodded. "Well grandpa's brain doesn't send all the commands anymore, just some of them. So he can't walk and he can't talk either," she explained and saw the tears welling in her son's eyes.

"Can he remember me, mommy? Can he remember me?" Charles demanded as he started to cry.

"Of course he does," Rose assured him. "Why don't you go and sit with him, huh?"

"Can you come too?"

Rose took his hand and they both joined Henry in the living room. The man's eyes lightened up when he saw his grandson and a whimper came out from his mouth in excitement.

"Grandpa!" Charles exclaimed when he realized his grandfather still knew who he was. "Can I sit on his lap, mommy?" he asked, turning to Rose.

"Why don't you ask him?" she told him and the boy did so.

"Why don't you sit in your recliner and Charles can sit with you?" Ruth said to her husband who nodded his head once.

Rose helped her mother to sit her father in his chair and Charles joined him, hugging his grandfather's mid-section, his head placed against his chest. Henry stroked Charles' hair with his left hand until the boy fell asleep listening to the comforting sound of his heartbeat. Rose looked at the scene, her heart fluttering at the sight. She remembered how she used to do this too. Usually before her bedtime, she would sit with her father and he would read her a story. She would fall asleep in his arms and he would carry her to bed.

Rose cooked dinner with Ruth while the two boys relaxed in the living room. Ruth explained how hard it was with Henry. She wasn't complaining at all but only mentioned the struggles he was facing and how we mostly take our health for granted. She told Rose she was thinking about hiring a caregiver to help with things such as bathing and making sure he took all the pills he was prescribed. She was scared she'd mix them up. Rose offered to prepare the pills for the week and to pay if there was to be a caregiver. As she thought she would, her mother argued about the money.

"Mom, if you need professional help for Daddy, it's the least I can do. He's my father," Rose told her. "For everything else I want you to call me."

"You have your life," Ruth said.

"You're part of my life too. I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you two so the least I can do is be grateful."

Ruth didn't say anything and continued chopping the vegetables. Rose knew she'd said what her mother needed to hear to shut up about them being burdens to her. It was the last thing they were.

* * *

That night, once Charles was safely tucked in bed, Rose sat at the kitchen table and opened her laptop. She typed in her password and looked online for caregivers, then for more information about her father's condition. It was most likely another stroke would occur in his life, just like the doctor already told her. She knew she'd lose her parents one day but now, after her father's stroke, she realized that life was short and that she needed to spend as much time as she could with them before it was too late. She needed to tell them she loved them and that she was thankful for everything they did for her, in good and bad times.

She typed in NYU's website and logged in to her student account to see if there was any update on her application but it was still in process. She navigated the website, looking if there was an alternative to the 4-year course she'd have to take. With Charles, her sick father and her shop, four years seemed like a lot. In four years, Charles would be eleven years old, putting him in 6th grade, on the verge of becoming a teenager. She didn't want to have to deal with a hormonal teen on top of everything college would demand of her. She'd see with the admissions if she could finish her degree with accelerated studies which would take at least three semesters off plus the one she'd already taken before she was pregnant with Charles. That would leave two years.

She looked around her apartment and sighed loudly, her face coming to a stop in her hands. She remembered the day the letter came in, announcing her she got in at NYU. She was _so_ happy. This was only the beginning of the life she had already planned out for herself. She would get her degree in literature while Cal also finish his studies. He would take over his father's company while she would work at a publisher in Manhattan. After she had a secure position, they could think about starting a family of their own. Instead the whole thing got turned upside down because they hadn't been safe and nine months later, Charles was born.

She shut her laptop screen closed and walked slowly to her son's room, filled with remorse. She stood by the door in the dark and stared at him, the pale moonlight lightening his face. No matter how much she gave up seven years ago, she knew that he was worth ten thousand times more. She walked silently to his bed, hoping that he wouldn't wake up, and bent over him. She kissed the side of his head and tucked him in, making sure he was comfortable.

"I love you _so much_ ," she whispered before leaving the room and going to bed.


	41. forty

**FORTY.**

When Cal woke up, around three in the morning, the first thing he saw was his brother asleep in a chair. He looked around, confused, and realized he was in the hospital. He remembered swallowing a mouthful of pills and drowning his pain with whiskey but obviously, his attempt at suicide had failed. Then the feeling he had tried to forget came back like a wave so he wept shamelessly. The sound of his brother's sobs woke William but he stayed in the chair, listening to Cal's liberation of sadness, pain and anger, feeling his own heart break as well. The cries became overwhelming and he heard his brother retching. William stood up and hurried to the hallway to notify a nurse that a patient needed tending. A young woman in her early twenties came running and turned the light on as she entered the room. What he saw shattered William into pieces and he stood there, in the middle of the doorway, staring. There was vomit on the floor, in the bed and on Cal's hospital gown. The stench made his eyes burn but he couldn't move his feet. His brother just lay there in his own puke, too distressed to even care. Loud sobs were the only thing he was able to express, so much that he had a hard time breathing.

"Alright, Mr. Hockley," the nurse said softly, taking his hand in hers. "How about we calm down together? I'll breathe slowly and I want you to do the same, okay? In," she began as she inhaled deeply. "Out," she continued before breathing out loudly.

Cal slowly joined in and took deep breaths. He finally calmed down after a few minutes. A janitor walked in at the same instant to clean up the floor while the young woman brought Cal to the bathroom. William watched as an older nurse came and stripped off the bed of its stained sheets. He hadn't moved from the spot he stood in when the light had been turned on.

"Thank you," William whispered to the nurse after she cleaned his brother up and put him back to bed.

"I did my job," she simply replied.

"His wife just left him," he said. "And he's devastated."

"I understand, it must be tough. If there is anything I can do..."

"Thank you," William repeated.

She forced a small smile and walked away. William walked into the room, the smell of cleaning product coming straight into his nostrils. Cal lay in bed, his back facing him. He turned the light off and sat back in his chair. He didn't say anything. He knew Cal wasn't sleeping and that he only pretended to. No wonder he didn't want to talk. William couldn't think of anything to say. What was he supposed to say? Was there anything comforting to say anyway? Broken hearts only needed time, not little brothers telling you it was going to be alright.

He heard sniffling coming from the bed and small hiccups but it was nothing compared to the deplorable breakdown that happened only a couple of minutes before.

"Cry it out," William whispered in the dark.

And he sat there listening to the whimpers, trying not to cry at such despair. If love ended like this, a crying mess in a hospital bed, why did people still believed in that crap? William had always thought their relationship was the definition of true love and now he realized that true love was nothing but a myth. Cal cried himself to sleep and William finally closed his eyes when the only sound he could hear was the faint snoring of his older sibling.

It was almost noon when Cal opened his eyes again. He was alone in the room even though he could hear the noises coming from the hallway. He wondered if his brother had left. He saw his coat on the chair and figured he went out for coffee or something. He stared at the ceiling, his whole body heavy like all of his muscles were giving up on him. There was an acid taste in his mouth and he remembered throwing up. Once again he had failed. He failed at marriage. He even failed at suicide. What a loser, he thought. William walked in at the same time, holding two cups of coffee.

"Hey," he said when he saw his brother was awake.

"Hey," he replied.

"I brought coffee if you want," he told him, holding out a cup for him. "How are you feeling?"

"As expected," Cal said. "I wished you'd never seen it," he admitted, looking up at William. It sounded almost like an apology.

"I'm just glad you're alive."

"That makes one of us," Cal mumbled and William stayed quiet for a while.

"What about your son?" he finally asked, a lump in his throat. "Don't you think he deserves to have a father?" he continued, not judging his brother's dark thoughts for a second.

He didn't need to feel judged on top of everything. William just wanted him to know he was there for him. If he was being honest, he was not surprised that Cal tried to kill himself the night before. That's why he stopped by the loft on his way back from work. Good thing he did too. Charles was four years old, which was still not old enough for him to remember his father if he died and Will didn't want that for his nephew.

"She was right, you know? I'm never at home with him. I just keep focusing on work because that's the only thing I'm good at. I'm not the father he deserves. Why do you think he's with her right now? She's scared of leaving him alone with me."

"That's bullshit and you know it. Rose doesn't think that - "

"Don't say her name," Cal interrupted, closing his eyes.

"Sorry," he apologized then kept quiet for a moment. "Why did she change her mind then?" he asked. "Why did she ask for joint custody if she thinks you're a bad father?"

A tear escaped Cal's eye and he wiped it away quickly with the palm of his hand. He remembered the moment his lawyer had called him to announce the good news. Rose had changed her mind about having full custody of the kid and was willing to share their time with Charles equally. Never would she have taken the risk of losing him completely while asking for legal custody. Cal had even taken the time to thank her personally afterwards, just after she had tucked Charles in for the night. She had said nothing, only forced a smile his way before locking herself into the master bedroom. It was the best thing she had thought of to avoid arguments. They fought over every little thing. Breathing too hard was good enough a reason to do so. That night, he had stared at the closed door for a while, hesitating between knocking or not, then decided it was better to let it go.

"I thought nothing could ever break us apart. I still love her so much and I don't think I'll ever be able to stop. It hurts s-" Cal said, a sob trapped in his throat preventing him from finishing his sentence.

"Did you tell her that?"

"She knows, Will, I don't have to tell her, she knows."

"Maybe she needed to hear it."

"She was a wreck after we lost Alice and she put this on me and I guess it was okay, you know? But she didn't realize that in addition to losing my daughter, I came this close of losing _her_ too. Five minutes later and she would've died along with her. And then the pain became too much and there was nothing but anger inside of me. I was angry at her, at me. I still am."

"You both lost yourselves in this," William muttered.

"We wanted a family but we kept failing and I always thought it was my fault because failure seems to tailgate me in everything I do. That's why I put everything on my shoulders."

William didn't know what to answer to that. Apparently, Cal had no idea how much his little brother looked up to him. The way he always protected him from their father even if they weren't the best of friends while growing up. How he took over a hundred-million-dollar-worth company at only 24 years old and ran it like he did this all his life. He had an amazing son and was a wonderful human being. He was far from being a failure. He needed to believe that.

"I think you're a great dad," William admitted. "And Charles is lucky to have you."

"I'm lucky to have him," Cal corrected.

* * *

"Mommy? Where's daddy?" Charles asked innocently from the cot in Rose's childhood bedroom.

"At home," she said, swallowing her sorrow.

"Can we go home?"

"We're going to stay here for a while, honey," Rose replied.

"Why?"

"Get some sleep, okay?" Rose said to avoid the subject. "It's late."

"Can I sleep in the bed with you? I'm scared," he confessed.

"Sure, come here," she said, helping him up. "Cuddle with me, come on," she whispered as Charles snuggled against her, draping his little leg over his mother's thigh.

Charles gripped Rose's tank top in his fist and rested his head in the crook of her shoulder. Rose kissed the top of his head and closed her eyes, listening to Charles' soft breathing as he fell into a deep sleep. For the past two months, at least three times a week, Charles ended up sleeping with her in the king-size bed she used to share with Cal. He was scared of the heavy silence of the loft and the dark his own room was plunged in. She couldn't blame him because she sometime felt afraid all alone in that cold bed.

Unconsciously, she wondered what Cal was doing right now. Was he at the loft? Was he alone? Maybe he was at the office, trying to work on blueprints to forget what happened tonight. Her mind drifted to what she would say to Charles to make him understand that they wouldn't go home, at least she wouldn't. That he would see his father only two weeks per month and the same would go for her. That he would have to live in two different homes. The more she was thinking about it, the more tired she became and soon, she fell asleep with her arm wrapped around her son.

A week passed and one morning, she woke to find that Charles wasn't in the room. She caught a glimpse of her in the mirror when she passed the bathroom and barely recognized herself. She had dark circles under her eyes which were both still red from all the crying. Her skin was so pale, she looked like a ghost. Her hair was a mess but she didn't even care anymore, they could be whatever they wanted because she simply gave up. When she walked into the kitchen, she saw her father and Charles at the table having breakfast and her mother was still at the stove, preparing her daughter's plate of eggs and bacon.

"Good morning," her father said even though he saw by her appearance that it wasn't.

"Hi," she replied, showing a tiny smile.

"Look mommy! Grandma made a smiley face with my breakfast, look!" Charles exclaimed, still oblivious to what was going on.

"She did?" Rose said, trying to sound enthusiast at her son's excitement. "Wow!" she continued, looking down at his plate.

"Should I make you one too?" her mother asked sympathetically.

"Yes mommy!" Charles declared before Rose could say anything.

She sat at the table across from her father and her mother set down the plate before her. Ruth stroked her daughter's back before sitting in her own chair across from Charles. Rose looked down at her breakfast and almost gagged. She wasn't hungry and the thought of putting food into her mouth was enough to make her stomach heave. Henry stared at her as she tried not to throw up.

"I'm not hungry," she finally said, pushing her plate away slightly.

"You have to eat, Rose," her mother told her softly. "It's been almost a week."

"I'm not hungry, mom," she repeated.

"Can I have your bacon?" Charles asked.

"Sure, honey, take it," Rose said, pushing her plate closer to him.

Ruth looked at her daughter's skinny frame and turned to her husband with worry in her eyes. Rose was getting thinner by the day and they were both very concerned about her. She wouldn't eat anything, no matter what they offered. Ruth tried preparing her favorite meals but she didn't eat those either. She saw her nibbling at a couple of granola bars in the afternoons but she never finished them. At least, she wasn't crying as much as she did when she first arrived one week ago. She hadn't talked about the divorce to Charles yet but the boy began asking a couple of questions, often demanding where his father was. Ruth and Henry knew Rose wasn't ready to explain but they also knew they couldn't do it for her. It was only after two weeks of incessant "can we go see daddy?" that Rose finally sat down with Charles in the living room while her parents were out running errands.

"Honey, there is something I need to talk to you about but I need you to promise me something first, okay?" she began and Charles nodded. "Just listen to everything mommy has to say and then you can ask all the questions you want. It's really hard for me to tell you those things so you gotta promise, okay?"

"Okay," Charles promised, looking up at her as she took a deep breath.

"Daddy and I aren't going to live together anymore. Daddy's going to have his house and I'll have mine somewhere else. We decided to get a divorce because it was better this way for all of us."

"What's a divorce?" Charles asked and Rose understood that too many questions were popping into his head and that he couldn't wait any longer.

"It just means that mommy and daddy don't love each other as much as they did before and because they argue too much and aren't happy together anymore, they decided to live apart and break up their marriage."

"Who's going to take care of me?" he asked, his tone nervous and worried.

"Both of us, honey," Rose explained. "You're gonna stay with me for a week and then with daddy the other. What is the most important think for you to know, Charles, is that we both love you very _very_ much. Nothing will ever change that."

"I don't want to," he said as he began crying. "I want to live with you and daddy together in our home."

"I know you do," Rose whispered, sitting Charles on her lap. "But we can't," she continued, stroking his hair as he cried against her chest.

"I wanna go see daddy," he whined between his sobs and it made Rose cry as well.

"You can't see him for a couple of weeks but I promise you'll see him again."

"Where are you gonna live, mommy?"

"I don't know yet. I'll find an apartment for us but in the meantime, we are going to stay here with grandma and grandpa until I land back on my feet."

"I like staying here," he admitted with enthusiasm.

"Of course you do, your grandparents spoil you rotten," she said with a small laugh before she kissed his cheek.

Her parents came back from the grocery store so she and Charles helped with the bags, at least Charles tried to but the bags were too heavy for him. He didn't mention the conversation he had with his mother to his grandparents, somehow thinking it was a secret he shouldn't tell anybody about.

Her parents came back from the grocery store so she and Charles helped with the bags, at least Charles tried to but the bags were too heavy for him. He didn't mention the conversation he had with his mother to his grandparents, somehow thinking it was a secret he shouldn't tell anybody about.

* * *

 _ **Two weeks later**_.

Henry was sitting in the living room, watching TV, when someone rang the doorbell. At first he let it go, assuming his wife would answer it but then he remembered she wasn't at home. He walked to the door and opened it to see his son-in-law on the doorstep. Cal looked as though he would've preferred it wasn't Henry who opened the door. He knew he was disappointed in him but mostly resentful and he felt bad enough as it was.

"What are you doing here?" Henry asked coldly.

"I was hoping I could talk to Rose for a minute?" he demanded, hope lingering in his voice.

"My daughter doesn't want to speak to you," he answered. "Anyway, she isn't here right now."

"She isn't?" Cal asked, trying to peek inside. "Is Charles in then?"

"No," Henry cut in. "They went house hunting."

"Oh... alright. Hum - Would you tell them I stopped by? Or have Rose call me, please?"

Henry kept silent and Cal looked down in shame. He could tell by the past two minutes that Rose's father hated his guts now. He had always felt nervous around the man, feeling like he was not good enough for his daughter and somehow he was completely right or else it wouldn't have ended this way.

"Listen, I know how you must feel about me," Cal began, still trying not to look him in the eye. "But I _really_ need to talk to her. I mean, we're going to have to talk to each other eventually with that joint custody business," he continued and Henry made a small grunt. "It probably won't be easy at first but I'm willing to make it work, if only for Charles's sake. So please, let her know I need to speak with her."

"Fine. I'll tell her to call you when she gets back."

"Thank you."

The older man closed the door before Cal could say anything else and went back to the living room. Cal stood there on the porch, too stunned to move. The past five minutes had been the scariest of his life. His hands were still shaking from the uneasiness of the visit. He drove back to the loft, somehow hoping that Rose would choose to live close from his place so it would be simpler to share Charles every week. He missed Charles dearly, he had not seen him at all in the past five weeks. But now that the court order had been released two hours ago, he could finally bring him home for at least a week. That's why he needed to talk to Rose this badly.

When Rose got back with Charles and Ruth, Henry took her to the next room to explain that Cal stopped by and that he asked for her to call him back, that it seemed important. Rose swallowed hard and nodded, feeling trapped. She didn't want to speak to him right now, she still wasn't ready to face him, but she knew it was also her own fault when she agreed to joint custody. He would stay in her life forever, at least until Charles turned eighteen years old. That was still 14 years away.

She waited until Charles was asleep to call him back. She locked herself in the bathroom so her parents wouldn't hear what she had to say either. They respected that she needed privacy and her father even turned up the volume on the TV. She suspected it was mostly for his own sake but still, she appreciated the gesture.

"Hello?" Cal finally answered after eight rings.

"Hi," she greeted back. "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Uh, yes," he replied awkwardly. "I guess you heard already but the court order has been released today."

"Yes, my lawyer called earlier."

"I heard you went house hunting today?" he asked to make conversation so it wouldn't be so fake and tense.

"Yes, I signed a lease for a two-bedroom apartment in Greenpoint, actually. I'm moving over there next month," she said softly.

"Brooklyn?" he said, beaten. "That's a long way."

"Yeah, I guess so. I think Manhattan lost its magic and I want out. At least for now."

"I understand," he sympathized. "I was thinking on keeping the loft so Charles wouldn't have too much change too fast, you know?"

"That's a nice thought," she confessed and truly meant it.

"I guess I was just calling to know when I could pick him up," he said, getting to the point.

"Well maybe he could finish the week here with me and you could pick him up on Sunday for dinner."

"Okay, that sounds good," he said, realizing that moment was not even 48 hours away. "I'll be there at 4 o'clock."

"Good... I guess that's it then. I'll see you on Sunday," she said, feeling the lump growing in her throat. "Bye."

"Bye," he muttered before she hung up and he listened to the dead line for at least a minute before hanging up too.

On Sunday afternoon, Rose prepared Charles' bag for the week he would spend at his father's while the boy played some board game with his grandparents. She was very nervous to see Cal in less than two hours. She didn't know how she would react at the sight of him. She had cried so much in the past couple of weeks that she didn't think it was possible to cry even more but it would surely stir up something inside of her. She always thought she'd love him forever. She could remember their first dates and how foolishly in love she was with him. It was young love. She would always remember the day he asked her to marry him, how she said yes, how they made tender love that night. She never had such feelings for any boy before. Even though all of this began with a silly crush, it would always remain the story of how she met the love of her life. How could she ever find love again after this?

At 4 o'clock on the dot, the doorbell rang and Rose opened the door to see Cal on the other side.

"Hey," he said with a small smile at the sight of her. She was still as beautiful as she had always been.

"Hey, hold on," she replied before turning around. "Charles, daddy's here," she called inside the house.

"Daddy!" Charles screamed, running into his father's arms.

"Hey buddy, daddy missed you," Cal said, hugging his son tightly into his arms and breathed him in. "I'm so happy to see you," he continued, cradling his head.

"Me too," Charles said, wrapping his little arms around Cal's neck.

"I'll have him back here next Sunday at four," Cal told Rose as he took the bag from her hand.

"Alright. Have a good time. Bye bye, honey," she said as the two boys walked to the car and Charles waved at her.

She looked as the car until it was out of sight and finally closed the door. She saw her parents look at her from the kitchen but she ignored them and locked herself into her room, the inside of her body shaking in an overflow of emotions. She couldn't feel like this every week and she hoped that time would help manage the mess of emotions she had piled up in the last four months. They were all coming back at the same time and it was complicating a lot of things. She wasn't even herself anymore. She wanted to go back to being the Rose she was before she even met him. The one that was carefree, that studied hard to excel at life, that was much happier that she thought she was. One thing was for sure, she wouldn't open her heart so easily anymore.


	42. forty-one

**FORTY-ONE.**

 _ **Six weeks later.**_

Rose walked in the Starbucks on 7th Street on her way to the bookstore. She had her purse on one shoulder, a travel bag in her hand. She ordered her daily latte and as she turned around to leave, she caught his eye. These deep blue eyes, as blue as the clearest of seas. He spotted her at the same time, her hair as red as a burning fire because of the sun shining through the windows. He waved at her and she smiled back, her hands full. She glanced at the clock on the wall behind the counter and saw that she still had time before she had to get to work. She walked to him and he stood up when he saw her approaching.

"Hi," he said nervously. She was still as beautiful as he remembered. More even.

"Hey," she replied with a bright smile.

"I see you still need that latte to get through the day," Jack noticed with a smile.

"Always," she laughed. "What's new with you?"

"Not much. I've been working like crazy for the past two weeks so I'm enjoying the day off. Other than that, not much. Every day stuff. I'm moving to New Jersey in a month or so."

"Really? How come?"

"Change of scenery. A new job, too. It's a higher position so I couldn't say no to that."

"That's great, I'm happy for you," she said.

"How's Charles? How's the new school?"

"He's good. Getting a bit bossy," she replied with a small laugh. "He's making friends so he's pretty cheery most of the time. I barely see him on weekends because he has play dates all the time."

"I'm glad he's fitting in, he's such an amazing kid."

"Thanks," Rose said.

"Are you going somewhere?" he asked, nodding towards the bag in her hand.

"For now I'm going to the store then we're going to Boston for the weekend."

Jack nodded, trying not to think of who "we" included. He wondered if she was back with _him_ or if she was simply going alone with Charles or maybe even her parents. He didn't want to ask and he didn't really want to know either. It wasn't any of his business anyway. Rose spotted on the table he was sitting at that he was working on some sketches. It wasn't work though, it was his personal drawing time. She could tell by the way the details were much more precise and less cartoon-ish.

"Well I should go, Cassie is probably waiting for me."

"It was really nice seeing you," Jack said. "You look beautiful, by the way, you're glowing," he added shamelessly.

"Thank you," she said, blushing. "It was nice seeing you too. Text me, sometimes. To let me know how the new job is going and everything. Maybe we can catch up over a cup of coffee one of these days if you'd like."

"Sure," he replied even though he was pretty sure the coffee date would most likely never happen. "Have a nice time in Boston."

Rose kissed his cheeks then left the building as Jack sat down. His gaze followed her until she was out of sight. He exhaled and tried going back to his drawing. He looked into his folder for a blank sheet and saw all the portraits he had done in the past seven weeks. Every time he sat down to sketch, all that came into his mind was Rose. Her face, her hands, her perfect hair. And so he drew her from memory. He couldn't quite capture her flawless features on paper but the drawings were still pretty well done. A little embarrassed, he hid the bunch of portraits under the stack of blank paper and took a sip of his now semi-warm coffee. He was a bit shaken up by the encounter, he wasn't quite ready to see her. He didn't think it'd be this quick before he'd see her again after he let her go in August. It was only early October and the wound still wasn't healed. He had a couple of blind dates since then but nothing worth pursuing into a lasting relationship. He felt lonely in this big city all by himself and that's why he took the job in Jersey. At least nothing would be reminding him of Rose there.

He had not left his apartment for a week after that fateful night where he practically threw her back into her ex-husband's arms. If she really went was another thing. The answer was keeping him up at night. He thought about checking her Facebook page but all he saw were pictures of her with Charles or some announcement of discounts at the store as well as a couple of funny videos that she had shared. He didn't have access to Cal's page because of the privacy settings and the fact that they weren't friends. On Facebook or in real life. He could only see his profile picture and the fact that he was single, which was a small consolation even though it might not be true, especially since he had a girlfriend when he was still with Rose. A lot could happen in two months though and that Facebook stalking was just becoming desperate. He should've took his courage and asked her. Maybe they were just trying to keep it a secret.

* * *

When Rose arrived in front of the shop, Cassie was sitting on the steps and reading a novel, a Starbucks cup next to her feet. Rose could see the steam coming out of the lid, informing her that her employee hadn't been waiting long.

"Hi boss," Cassie said, closing her book and getting up.

"Good morning. Have you been waiting long? It took longer at Starbucks."

"Nah, ten minutes at the most," she replied, following Rose inside, holding both coffees.

"You can just drop your things and then I'd like to talk to you in my office, alright?" Rose asked as she was about to go upstairs.

"Am I in some kind of trouble?" the younger woman demanded nervously.

"Not at all, don't worry."

"Alright. I'll be up in a minute."

Cassie took off her hoodie and baseball cap, put her lunch in the refrigerator in the employees small kitchen, dropped her bag under the cash register and walked upstairs to Rose's office, a little nervous nonetheless. She wondered what Rose wanted to tell her. It seemed important and serious business. She tried to think back on things she might had done wrong but nothing came to her mind. She couldn't lose her job, she had too much to pay for every month and there was no way she was going back to her mother's. Cassie knocked on the opened door of Rose's office.

"Come in, Cassie. You can sit down, I'll be with you in a minute," Rose said as she shuffled through some papers in her desk, clearly looking for something.

"Sure," Cassie replied, stress awakening inside of her.

"There it is," Rose declared, taking out a document and putting it face down on her desk. Cassie swallowed nervously. "Now don't worry," she continued when she saw how tensed the girl was. "You're doing an excellent job here and the last thing I want is for you to leave. I guess I was just wondering if you had any plans in the near future?"

"Like what?" Cassie asked, unsure of what she really meant.

"Well... Do you intend to go back to school, move away, look for something else?"

"Oh my God, are you closing down?!" she asked nervously.

"No," Rose assured. "Actually, I've been thinking about this for quite some time now and I'm supposed to go back to college. I'll be quite busy with my studies and Charles and my new relationship and I thought of you to take over. If you'd be interested in managing, of course."

"What?! Are you serious?" she exclaimed, a grin appearing on her face, the stress quickly replaced with excitement.

"I'll still own the place but you'll be the one taking care of the store. I've seen you work and you've proven to be competent to do it. Plus, your knowledge of books is amazing and the customers already love you. Would you be willing to take over?"

"Yes! Oh my God, I can't believe this is really happening. This is for real? I'm not dreaming?"

"You're not," Rose chuckled. "I'll train you for the next three weeks on management, paperwork and all other things that you need to know. You'll get your own key and this office will mostly be yours now."

"I can't tell you how much this means to me, boss. Thank you so _so_ much," Cassie said.

"You're very welcome. We'll take care of the paperwork later but I want you to have this," Rose explained, giving her the document she took out earlier. "You can read this when it's slow downstairs, it explains your new position and what tasks you're adding to your list. But for now, down to work," she told with a small chuckle as the girl hurried downstairs, a grin up to her ears.

Rose sighed as she realized what a big deal this just was. She was slowly letting go of the store. She felt like she needed to, though, to keep going forward. Her life had taken an unexpected turn and she knew she was doing the good thing. She looked down at her purse on the floor and saw the corner of the envelope. NYU admissions, it read. It had been waiting for her in the mailbox yesterday after she came home from work but she had not opened it yet. Just to look at it was enough to increase her heart rate.

* * *

At 4 o'clock, Rose left the store and walked to Charles' school. He was playing basketball with the other kids on the school's playground when he spotted her across the fence. He gathered his backpack and hoodie from the ground and ran to her. He waved to his teacher who waved back and wished her a good weekend. Rose smiled at her son's manners. He finally reached her, hopping around like a frantic bunny. At the same time, a black sedan stopped right next to the sidewalk they were standing on. Rose turned around as the driver walked out, staring right at her. He showed a smile that reached his eyes and she smiled back.

"Daddy!" Charles exclaimed, running to him before crashing into his legs.

"Hey buddy," Cal said, his attention now going to his son. "Why don't you help me put mommy's bags in the trunk, huh?" he suggested and Charles nodded.

"That's alright, I can do it," Rose assured as Cal took the bag from her hand.

He grazed her hand discretely so that Charles couldn't see. Seven weeks and they still managed to hide they relationship to the world. They had planned on announcing it to their son this weekend though, the secret becoming unbearable for the both of them. Sure, they wanted to take it slow but Charles deserved the truth about his own parents.

Charles took place on the backseat and buckled up his seat belt as his parents were still packing the trunk.

"I'm glad you're coming with us this time," Cal told her.

"Me too," Rose admitted.

"Come on, you guys! What's taking you so long?" Charles said, growing impatient. "We have to get there before dark."

"Jeez, this sounds _so_ familiar," Rose said as she looked up at Cal. "I wonder where I've heard that before," she continued, a smile appearing on her lips.

"Yeah, well that's what you get for having my kid," he replied with a playful tone, closing the trunk.

* * *

Halfway through the drive, Charles had fallen asleep. The radio was still playing softly in the background as Cal looked straight ahead, concentrating on the road, and Rose was fighting sleep even though it was barely eight o'clock. She didn't want to be a bad co-pilot and sleep the whole ride. She asked if they could stop for coffee, knowing Cal wouldn't say no to a dose of caffeine either, and he took the first exit announcing a Starbucks. Rose offered to get the drinks while he stayed behind with their sleeping son. A few minutes later, she came back with two Grande lattes and an apple juice for Charles when he'd wake up.

"We've got about 75 minutes left to go. Do you need anything else?" Cal asked, looking at her with tenderness in his eyes. She loved when he looked at her like that.

"I'm good," she replied, fighting back the urge to peck his lips.

He took a long swig of coffee and drove back to the highway. Rose reached inside her purse and took out her freshly printed copy of Dan Brown's _Inferno_. She saw the NYU envelope staring back at her from the bottom of the bag but once again, she ignored it. Later, she thought. She opened the book and started reading, immediately engulfed into the story. From the corner of her eye, she saw Cal glance into the rear-view mirror more than once and then he put his right hand on her thigh, sending butterflies to her stomach. She heard Charles' steady breathing and she knew he was still asleep so she reached for Cal's hand and laced her fingers with his. She was so ridiculously happy. He squeezed her hand and they continued holding hands over the console, suddenly oblivious to the fact that Charles might wake up and see the whole thing. The boy did, as a matter of fact, about fifteen minutes later, seeing his parents hands intertwined on his father's thigh. He was confused for a second, wondering if he was truly awake, but realized it was the real deal. What is going on? he thought. They never held hands before, not since his mother moved out of their home almost three years ago. Charles saw Rose shuffle in her seat and he closed his eyes quickly, pretending to be asleep. Were his parents back together? Was there something they weren't telling him? It was confusing already that Rose had accepted to come along with them to what was usually their yearly 'boys only' trip to Boston but now he was more than only puzzled about the situation.

An hour later, the car came to a stop and Charles opened his eyes. He had gone back to sleep after only pretending to. He looked out the window and saw their usual hotel. He looked at his parents in their respective seats, his father's hands on the steering wheel, his mother's on her lap. He must have dreamt the whole thing. This couldn't be happening anyway, it sounded ridiculous even to his own ears. He had thought about it for a long time, hoping they would realize they were made for each other and get back together but after hearing two or three nasty arguments between the two of them, he understood it was most likely impossible.

"Hey there, sleepy head," Cal said, seeing Charles awake.

"Hi," Charles replied, his voice heavy with sleep.

"Let's go inside. We can unpack and then go out to dinner. I'm hungry, aren't you?" Cal asked, his question aimed at his two passengers.

"Starving," Charles retorted, opening the door.

They got out of the car and walked in the hotel lobby. Cal went to the front desk to check in while Rose followed her exploring son around then they rode the elevator up to their room. Charles suspiciously kept his eyes on his parents. They couldn't be more normal which made him wonder even more if he was dreaming back in the car. Once in the room, Charles decided he'd share the bed with his mother one night and his father the next so they wouldn't fight over him, which made Cal and Rose laugh.

"That's very considerate of you, honey," Rose told him before kissing the top of his head. "Can I get the first night? I haven't seen you in a week."

"Yes!" Charles exclaimed.

"Fine, I can see who your favorite is," Cal said to his son, joking.

"You're not my favorite, Daddy," Charles stated, understanding his father's game.

"How nice," he said playfully, throwing his shrieking son over his shoulder. "I wonder where he got _that_ from," Cal repeated Rose's earlier remark, looking at her across the room.

"Pfff! I'd say _you_ , no doubt," she replied with an innocent smile.

After they came back from the restaurant and that Cal was putting Charles to bed, Rose went to the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed as well. This had been a long day and she was tired. As she walked out of the shower, a towel wrapped tightly around herself, Cal walked in. Rose froze and looked to her right as if she'd see if Charles was asleep even though there was a wall between the two rooms.

"He's sound asleep, don't you worry," Cal assured her and he saw her shoulders relax. He closed the door slowly to avoid noise as much as possible.

"Can we break the news tomorrow?" she asked. "I can't do this anymore, it stresses me out," she confessed, getting dressed in her pajamas.

"Sure. Over breakfast sounds nice, don't you think?"

"What if it goes wrong? Do you think he's going to react badly or something?" she continued, sounding worried.

"Of course not," Cal replied with confidence. "If there's one person on this entire planet who'll accept this, it's gonna be Charles. He will be happy about this, I'm sure."

"I hope you're right."

"There's something else," he pointed out.

"What?"

"There's something else... Something bothers you."

"It's nothing, it's..." Rose began, defeat apparent in her voice. "I got my NYU letter yesterday and..."

"You didn't get in?" he exclaimed. "There's got to be some mistake."

"I didn't open it yet."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I – I guess I didn't want to be alone," she explained as she began brushing her teeth.

"I'm sure you'll get in," Cal assured, kissing the back of her neck like he used to. Rose shivered in his arms. "Should we open it now? Did you bring it with you?"

Rose nodded slowly, still uncertain if she wanted to open it. _I didn't get in_ , she repeated herself over and over again. _Do I want to be a failure? Do I really want to spend the rest of my life the owner of a book store? If I don't open it, then there's no disappointment_. She retrieved the letter from the bottom of her bag and showed it to Cal who took it. She sat on the counter, her face the same level to his.

"Wow, hey, NYU again," he said, turning the envelope between his hands. "Can I open it?" he asked and Rose nodded, knowing perfectly well she couldn't bring herself to do it.

He ripped the envelope open and gave the folded letter to Rose. She was the one that needed to read it. It took a few minutes where he threw her encouraging looks, squeezing her thigh softly to let her know it'd be alright no matter what the answer was. She finally unfolded the sheet and looked down at it, reading greedily. Cal could see her hands shaking and she finally looked up at him, water rimming her eyes.

"I got in," she said, a wide smile appearing on her face. "I'm in."

"Oh my God!" Cal exclaimed, picking her up in his arms, feeling her arms wrapped around his neck, her hand clutching the letter. "I'm so proud of you," he whispered in her ear, his hand stroking her hair.

"I love you," she whispered back, feeling relieved as soon as the words came out.

Rose felt his embrace tighten. It wasn't the first time she said those words to him in her life, of course not. It was since they got back together though and it seemed more important than it ever was. She meant it, more than ever before. She wanted to say it again and _again_ and _again_ and never stop.

"I love you too," he said, pulling away so he could see her face.

He sat her back on the counter and she kissed him fiercely, his hands holding hers on their side. He was so happy that he was shaking inside, like the emotions were too much for his body to handle. Rose brought him closer, using her feet on the back of his thighs. She opened her eyes and stared into his, her lips in a soft smile.

"I wish I could sleep with you in my arms tonight," Cal whispered.

"Me too. Soon enough it's going to be okay," she assured him, squeezing his hand. "When Charles knows, you will be able to sleep over all the time if you want."

"How about you sleep at home, instead?" he asked softly, hoping it wasn't too fast for her.

"Can we get a new one? Away from this place."

"You want to move in with me? In a new place?" he said, not sure if he heard right.

"If you want me too, of course."

"I'd move to Australia if it meant to live with you," he admitted.

"Okay," she whispered with a small laugh. "But Connecticut would be fine," she added.

"You want a house in the suburbs?"

"Why not?"

"Well what about college?"

"I can go into the city every day, just like you would do."

"What about a penthouse in Manhattan instead?"

"When I'll be done with college, we'll need more space so I figured we could move right away."

"More space?" he asked, clueless.

"For the kids," she said. "But that's _after_ college."

Cal chuckled and agreed to the last comment.

"That sounds nice," he agreed. "Connecticut it is."

* * *

The next morning, they called for room service instead of having breakfast downstairs where other people could hear about the conversation they were about to have with Charles. They all sat on one of the bed, eating pancakes and waffles while listening to Charles talking about his weird dream. Cal suggested no more sugar before bed as they were laughing at how ridiculous the dream sounded.

"You know what, buddy?" Cal began and Charles looked up in his direction. "Your mom and I have to tell you something."

"Okay," the boy said. "But I think I know what it is."

"You do?" Rose asked and Charles nodded.

"I saw you holding hands yesterday and _you_ have been acting weird for weeks," he continued, looking straight into his mother's eyes. "Plus, I heard you talk from the bathroom last night, even though I didn't hear the words. You aren't supposed to go to the bathroom with certain people," he continued seriously and Cal had to stifle a laugh, earning a reproachful look from Rose. "Are you and daddy going to get married again?" he asked her.

"Well not now, if we ever do," she explained in a motherly tone. "But we're together, as a couple I mean."

"So you kiss and stuff?" he demanded with a grimace.

"We kiss and stuff," Cal repeated with amusement.

"Do you love her?" Charles asked his father and Cal stopped laughing.

"I do, buddy," he assured his son.

"Do you promise not to make her cry anymore?" he interrogated, taking his father by surprise. His son was smart.

"I promise."

"Okay," Charles simply said before returning his attention to his breakfast. Rose and Cal exchanged a glance.

"So that's okay with you, honey?" Rose asked Charles.

"Yes," he replied with a shrug. "Also, does this mean I get a brother?"

"What?" Cal laughed. "Where does that come from?"

"You said 'stuff'."

"Wait a minute!" he interrupted, looking at Rose. "Did you talk to him about this already?!"

"Why are you asking me that with such accusation? And no! I'm as surprised as you are."

"When you're holding hands with a girl for a long time, she can get pregnant you know?" Charles said, bringing relief to both his parents.

"It doesn't quite work this way, buddy, but this kind of talk will come later, okay? And by the way, you're not getting a brother."

The rest of the weekend went well, Rose and Cal finally relieved they could walk hand-in-hand with their son around like they used to do when he was still a toddler. They went sailing for the entire day on Saturday, finishing the evening at a baseball game in Fenway Park. On Sunday, they went shopping downtown and stopped to see a movie on their way back to the hotel. On Monday morning, they packed the car and drove back to New York. Since Charles was spending the week in Brooklyn, Cal decided to sleep over on Monday and then on Thursday, spending the evening helping his son with his homework, something that Rose never witnessed before. Her heart melted at the sight. He was supposed to be working late on Wednesday and sleep in Manhattan but surprised Rose at 11 o'clock when he knocked on the door. She loved having him over at night, feeling safe when he was in bed with her, his arms around her. She loved seeing him take care of Charles in the morning before driving him to school. She loved how he kissed her before walking out the door, wishing her a great day. But mostly how he told her 'I love you' every day.


End file.
